I'm so glad I'm not 24 anymore. This sounds exhausting.

In my country, it is customary that the birthday person pays for dinner, and the guests give gifts. But usually this is a pre-selected menu with a specific budget. In any case, ordering the most expensive dishes without prior payment arrangements is rude and mean.

It’s always interesting seeing people address the cultural context in these sorts of posts. It’s obvious that depending on where you’re from you can be regarded as the innocent or the guilty person in the same situation. In Sweden I don’t think I ever had a situation where anyone assumed someone else was paying unless it was mentioned beforehand. Like there’s a difference between “should we go out for dinner to celebrate x birthday” and “I want to take you guys out for dinner to celebrate x birthday, my treat”

For me the big problems is that they ordered what they wanted... My parents taught me that if you are invited you order on the same price of the host order or less, no more.

She doesn't regard you as the MAN. She looks at you as the WALLET.

A few things the reddit comments did not specifically point out: - He pays the vast amount of their expenses. How dare she call him a broke boy with that fact? - She clearly is showing off my wealthy bf and is embarrassed when he didn't pay. That’s her losing face, but also her problem, not his. - He invited the others only per her request. His one mistake is not clarifying that they are paying themselves with this invitation. He is acting as organizer, not host. - The friends presented themselves as gold diggers by ordering the most expensive items. That's a reflection of the gf, too. A bad look. Overall, he dodged a bullet. She can find herself another guy to leech off.

Run, do not walk, away from this woman. The who pays question is minor considering the rest of the story. It would have been nice if everyone was clear on payment prior to the dinner, but that ship sailed. The real problem, the one that highlights your GF's personality, is her reaction. Her choice not to speak to you, not to voice her concern and then to be entrenched in her entitlement speaks volumes. The name calling at the end is just more evidence that she needs to do some serious growing up. Should you have paid for everyone? That really is not the point, but at least learn that, in the future, you clarify these things before the event. Meanwhile, do an honest self-inventory about what you really want in a partner. I don't think it is what this woman is capable of giving.

Dodged a bullet there, buddy.

If invited to something I cannot afford, I politely decline, and state why. Sometimes people offer to cover me, sometimes they don't. Either way is fine. What I would Never do is expect someone to pay, or give my partner the silent treatment. That is cruel and unproductive. You deserve better.

I accidentally woted "she is right". I hate these polls

There's a reason you broke up with her and I don't think it has to do with money. Send your ex these respones and see what she does.

The stuff she said afterwards is rank but the expectation that he would pay as he did the inviting is a grey area. I would always expect to pay as a guest and come prepared, but if I invite a small group of close friends out to a restaurant I choose for a special occasion, I would definitely expect to pay for my guests, or at the every least offer to.

Today I learned... Seems there are a lot of places where the invitee is expected to be host/pay unless stated otherwise. That's unheard of where I live. It's the opposite; everyone always pays for themselves (or in couples). You might split the guest of honour's cost... But even they'll argue with you not to. So if OP is somewhere like here, it would be absolutely expected that all guests pay for themselves unless it was made explicitly clear that it was his "treat". And even then the guests would still try their best to pay for themselves, or offer to cover something else in return.

I just celebrated my bday. My BF paid for the entire dinner. There were 8 people. He took care of it because he likes take care of me. This extends to the people that I care about. That being said, he does that out of the kindness of his heart. He is not obligated to do so. If you go out to eat, expect to pay your own bill. Order what you like but also what you can afford to pay for. The amount of people who start ordering high priced things when someone else is paying is just mind boggling to me. If I am paying, I LITERALLY stop them in their tracks and let them know how much they can spend. I've had to do it twice. Both of those people were takers/narcissists. I don't associate with them any longer. This could have been an innocent miscommunication. She could feel really bad because her friends are broke AF and asked her boyfriend to cover the check as a gift to her. They then could have implemented proper communication protocols to prevent this from happening again. Easy peasy.

The people who said YTA are delusional morons! Or they're just as entitled as the ex-GF and her friends.

It sounds like the girlfriend expects to be taken care of and receive a free ride. Get away now before it becomes too expensive.

I don't know the local customs, but where I come from, if the organiser hasn't told in advance that everyone pays for their own consumption, it means that everyone is his/her guest.

If OP had actually been the one to invite the friends then yeah he should have covered or explained but she decided to invite them which means covering them is on her

OP mentioned in a response he invited the friends because the ex-GF asked, otherwise it was just going to be the 2 of them. So really ex-GF should have paid for the friends if she is inviting them. OP is NTA but the ex is and a gold digger.

HIS birthday, HER friends? That started wrong already. I agree with those he could have said something about the check being split in advance, on the other hand, they tagged along to... celebrate his birthday? To eat on his dime? GF surely did care more about losing face to her friends than her BF. Time to re-evaluate the relationship.

How about ' Honey, my friends were under the impression we were paying. Will you please pay half of their bill and I'll pay half?"

NTA, however, simply saying to the GF's friends when the bill came "Why don't we just split it, I'll pay for GF and me" would have made THEM look like the cheap AHs if they refused.

okay i never thought i'd actually side with the girl here but both parties are wrong, saying 'the man' has to pay is as sexist as objectification gets - however the host who 'made reservations' at the place he apparently chose would yes as the person who organized it be expected to pick up the bill: if not explicitly stated that the party is going dutch, or that you would B.Y.O.B. (in this case buy your own booze but you get me) - like if someone has a party at Chuck-E-Cheeze, Olive Garden, hell at a Denny's being invited to a party assumes that you're a guest - and while it would be a good idea to check with the host as to exactly how 'open' the bar is, anything over 5 people you assume whoever planned the party has budgeted for X heads, probably already made a selection between 2-3 meal options, and is going to tip 20% blah blah blah - like when have you ever had to pay at a wedding? ***if she ASKED him to make reservations for her and friends it's on her

You are NTA! This c**p of the silence treatment is the oldest trick in the book. DO NO MARRY HER! She will continue to do this. The only thing I would say about this is that, maybe splitting the bill should have been mentioned when her friends were invited to join. But her behavior says it all. Some women believe that if they give the silent treatment long enough and make the guy suffer long enough, he will do whatever she wants when she finally speaks up. Seems like you had to get revved up to finally get her to talk which is exactly what she wanted. DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. She wasn't showing any signs of being a partner that wants to deal with things right away. Just wants to get her way. You just saved yourself a life time of heck with this gal.

I'm old (56) and if I invited some people out to a restaurant, I would expect to pay for everyone's food. If you don't want to pay for their meals you have to make that very clear upfront, and then people can decide if they can afford to tag along or not.

He did invite everyone. Usually, the person who does the inviting gets the check.

Ragebait turns into boring esh, as usual. Is this Reddit ?

You said you organize everything so it means you know the consequences that you pay their bill since you invited all of her friends. What do you want to expect them? Pay their own bill? For f sake they don't want extravagant you are the one choosing that resto