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30 Married Men Share The Dumbest Things They Did While Dating That Their Future Wives Could’ve Left Them For
The wonderful thing about love is that it lets us accept a person even with all their flaws. And mistakes. And all the other sub-optimal things that go along with being human. The clueless, yet sweet man is a staple of sitcoms, a reflection of so many real people who act similarly. So when you find a partner who still loves you after you did a cosmically dumb series of actions, that’s how you know it’s real.
A netizen wanted to know what moronic things men have done while dating that their partners still overlooked and even decided to marry them. So scroll through these tales with a happy ending and upvote the dumbest choices these men made and comment your own stories.
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
For our second date I had invited her out with myself and some friends to celebrate a friend getting a job. I drank. Heavily. She was my DD. She drove me home and as she pulled up to the curb I threw open the door, rolled out of the car, and vomited into the gutter. She then offered to help me cross the street, to which I responded by yelling "I'M DISGUSTING" and sprinting across the street. Once inside, I brushed my teeth aggressively. She asked what I was doing and I told her I needed to clean my mouth so I could kiss her. After I was done, I walked to my room, laid down, and immediately fell asleep. She spent the night to make sure I was okay.
I'm now holding our baby girl who was born just last week. I asked her at one point why she stayed with me through that and she said it was because even though I was p**s drunk, the whole time I was still gentle and kind, asked her if she was having fun, and introduced her to everyone I knew. I'm a lucky guy.
EDIT: TIL that brushing your teeth after vomiting is bad.
Grace Smith 1 year ago
Okay team, I was curious as to why brushing your teeth after vomiting is bad and here’s what I found: “It is best to rinse your mouth out after vomiting That's because throwing up leaves stomach acid in your mouth, and when you brush immediately after, you are actually rubbing that highly destructive acid into your teeth.”
#2
We was sitting at movie theater when movie got over she said wanna mess around said sure was winter took her to old parking lot and proceeded to do donuts with car. She was pure white as a ghost and her eyes almost poped out of her head. She then screams you f*****g idiot I meant fool around sexually lol. Will be married 18 years in few months. Now she specifically spells out when she want to fool around and not car wise.
#3
Not my story, but my parents:
Some backstory - My dad has a brother who’s only a couple years older. Growing up, they’d commonly try to steal food off each other’s plates just to be a******s to each other. This was remedied by plate guarding and defensive maneuvers with utensils if hands got too close.
On my parent’s first date, my mom reached for something to try off my dad’s plate and he instinctively stabbed her hand with his fork - drew blood and everything. He was obviously mortified
Glad my mom was crazy enough to keep dating, marry, and procreate with the fork stabber.
One advantage of there being less pressure to get married these days is that people can take their time with a partner, get to know them, and see how they work together. Some of these dumb decisions are truly inspired, but the silver lining is that their partner can see them at their worst before making a commitment. The average time from the first date to the wedding in the US is around two years, though this number, like most averages, is skewed by those who take nearly a decade and the few who think they can reach a decision in a few weeks. To each their own I guess.
Dumb actions can even be a way to stress-test a relationship. Couples get to see each other in uncomfortable positions, deal with resolving disagreements, and understand what the other thinks is a normal date. It’s also a testament to how much each party likes or dislikes the other. If you are willing to give a person another chance after some of these events, you must really like them.
#4
I made myself a burger for dinner before heading over to her place to hang out. Unfortunately I'm not the best cook and left a little too much pink in that burger. While we were at her house I bet her I could fit through the doggy door and crawled right through. Then she immediately closed it behind me and we raced to the front door, she won and she locked it. Now at this exact moment my bowels decided they had enough of that burger from earlier and I felt my stomach cramp. Luckily I held it all in and ran back to the back door with my cheeks clenched and starting knocking desperately in the door. She was laughing at first but when she saw my face go suddenly serious and I said very calmly "I need you to open the door.... Now please." She unlocked the door and asked if I was okay, I told her to stay downstairs and turn the TV up loud. She agreed but was very confused. So I ran upstairs and then had one of the most violent s***s of my whole life. I thought the worst was behind me until I went to wipe.... And of course no TP. So she took my instructions really well and when I yelled to her, texted her, and called her I got no answer. After probably like 10 missed calls she finally answered and I asked her to bring me some TP and leave outside the door and try not to breathe on the way upstairs. She was great about it and immediately started making fun of me when I came back downstairs. Now quite a few years later a couple kids and cat, she's still making fun of me.
#5
I get very nervous around women that are into me and especially when I know she's watching me do something. Even something trivial.
On an early date, we went to the local shop to pick up some things for a picnic, including some gum. I was thinking really hard and aware that I was being watched.
I had this. Money on the counter, gum in your mouth. Money on the counter, gum in your mouth. Easy.
Suffice to say when I put the gum on the counter and the €2 coin in my mouth, the cashier was baffled and my girlfriend (now wife) was crying with laughter.
#6
I once spear-tackled my then-girlfriend out of misplaced enthusiasm in high school. I was excited to see her and handled it as badly as was possible. It was in front of a bunch of our friends and I ended up knocking the wind out of her and making her cry. That was about 17 years ago, and we're still together.
I also licked my plate at a fancy restaurant because the salad dressing was so good. She still brings that one up every few years.
Edit: My most-upvoted comment ever is me recounting my most shameful relationship fails. The internet is weird. Plate-lickers unite!
Sometimes even a bad situation can strengthen an experience in the long term. Solidarity, after all, is a good social bond. It might be a bit weaker when your partner is also the one that causes the problem, but I digress. Still, there is a reason “through thick and thin” is a common marriage vow. Plus dumb dating stories always make great jokes on some social occasions, something to laugh about together.
#7
She was about to sneeze and she was sitting half on my lap so I kinda thought she was gonna sneeze on me and idk what I was thinking but I put my hand up to block her sneeze except I had a glass in my hand and I blocked her own hand from covering her sneeze and instead she slammed her face into my glass.
Married 6 years now. She still has all her teeth.
#8
We drank a lot on our second date, Ubered home. Next day went back to get his car, and it wasn't there. He was so devastated. He just bought it recently and it was stolen. We filed a police report. Took forever and just generally sucked. We walked to his friend's house nearby, and there was his car, perfectly un-stolen. He drank so much he forgot he moved it before our date. Now, once in a while when we're trying to find our car in the grocery store parking lot or wherever, one of us will say "It's stolen. Call the police."
#9
Turned her down when she suggested we go on a date. Read as: I'm super awkward
I was working for Starbucks, she was a regular customer. I was new in town and noticed her a couple times, she was a regular customer and we got to some small talk, chatting about places to eat. She said there's an amazing taco place down the road, we should go sometime. I misheard her, thinking she said "you should go sometime". I replied with "I'll definitely check it out!" I handed her a drink and she left very awkwardly.
She was back in the next day and, against all odds, I was able to clear up the misunderstanding and I wrote my number on her Starbucks cup.
We went to that taco place for our first date and she was right, it was amazing.
3 years married and 2 kids later... Really glad she saw through my awkwardness.
Now, there might even be a method to most respondents’ madness, or dumbness, as it were. A happy, positive, and optimistic person is generally more likable than someone who is perpetually a sad-sack, all other variables being equal. Well, while this might be a bit of a conjuncture, there is some evidence that people with lower IQ scores report overall better social lives and higher rates of happiness. There are other variables that affect this, from urban density to the number of friends, but at the end of the day, a somewhat dumb but cheerful person makes for a better time than a grouch that happens to be smart. Problem-solving skills do not necessarily translate to a fun time.
#10
Little late to the party but here's my story: when we had only been dating a month or so my then boyfriend went to pick me up (I assume) and accidentally threw my head through the ceiling and gave me a concussion. He's 6'8" and just really misjudged the distance. I also had a hard time getting used to his height and very regularly kneed him in the balls for about two years while cuddling so I think we're even. We've been together six years now and proud to say we haven't injured each other in about four.
#11
The night I met my husband, he stared at me while I was sleeping. For 4 hours straight. It's been 3 years. He still stares at me until I scold him for it. Then he waits until he thinks I won't notice and starts staring again. 🤦
I love him to the moon and back, even though he'd sure as hell stare at me the entire trip.
#12
Not me, but my first door neighbors story. I didn't know their story untill one day another friend told me what happened, and she confirmed it.
She was at a party, and caught him looking at her every now and then, she kinda liked him so she decided to make the first move. She took a few shots for courage and went in. As time passed by she continued to drink while talking to him, and got pissed drunk, like not being able to walk drunk. He was a type of guy that didnt drink that much at all, and presumed she can drink a lot, but when she stood up from couch after few hours the alcohol swept her to the ground. So as a gentleman he offered to carry her home. Note that was when we were late teens, no car, no money. So he started pigy back her home, that was like 30-45mins walk, like normal sober walk. He managed to carry her on his back about 500meters from her home, and stoped to take a brake for a moment, his back hurt him AF, so he decided to carry her in his arms. A few steps away, and he notices very unpleasant smell, since he isnt from our "parts" and it was rural area, he asked barely conscious her what is that f*****g stink.
She just mumbeled, I shat my pants, than proceeded to pass out in his arms. Only coming back to mumble, f**k sorry, and passing out again. So what guy does? He brings her home and lies her on floor, since he was afraid of messing up her bed or couch, and left home. BUT, few moments after he comes ,back, wakes her up and asks would she mind if he helped her shower, since she cant sleep 8h al shat up, mostly because its not hygenc, safe, and her whole house and everything would smell, she agreed, and after he bathe her she asked him to sleep in her bed, in case she needed him.
So one time I asked guy how the f**k did he got over that, he said they clicked at the first glance, and he just felt that he needs to take care of her because he took responsibility to bring her home all allright. And if she said no to bathing he would back off, but then wouldnt be with her, cuz s******g yourself while dead drunk is still understandable, but sleeping whole day like that would be too nasty. He laid besides her untill she fell asleep, and then watched TV untill she woke up.
They were inseparable since then. Since that first "date" I have never seen them apart. It's been almost 15yrs since then, and just recently they got beautifull little daughter.
On top of that, while many of these actions were by most standards pretty dumb, particularly on a date, they were memorable. In a crowded dating market, if you don’t have the cash for an extra fancy event, you need to do something unexpected. Something that shows you are vulnerable. If you know you are a dumb person, first off, congratulations, it’s important to know thyself. Secondly, you are likely to do something dumb again. So you need a partner, like the ones here, who is willing to put up with it. So a dumb action is just the sieve you use to find your soul mate.
#13
Flicked a dime at her head. We were playing table football. Not sure what I was thinking. She has a scar. I kiss it every night before we go to bed. We are married and have three kids.
Edit: Thanks for the silver and all the upvotes! First time!
#14
When I kneeled to propose I landed on a sharp rock and we had to go to the ER because it lodged in my kneecap.
Edit:
Wow. Did not expect this to get so many upvotes!
My wife demands I make a minor correction to adequately embarrass myself... She said that I can’t tell the story and leave out her absolute favorite detail: because of the kneecap situation, I forgot to actually ask. She thought I got nervous and froze up and decided to save me by just saying yes. She also stopped me from pulling the rock out of my kneecap with my trusty leatherman which turned out to be the correct decision. She was a little bummed that I wasn’t simply choked with emotion, but the situation as a whole is (now) a very fond memory.
Sidenote: driving a manual transmission with a rock sticking out of ones kneecap is not super fun.
#15
My husband kept calling me by the name of his previous girl friend on our first date. I finally told him to give her a call because they clearly had unfinished business to talk about. He did and she reminded him why he was happy to have her out of his life. And he never called me by her name again. 40 years later and it seems to have worked out in my favor.
#16
On our second date, I arrived 1h late. When I went to greet her with a little hug (yep, that's how we greet people around here) I accidentally knocked her phone off her hand. It hit the ground and cracked the screen, but I wasn't sure if it was already cracked. I apologized, she said it was ok and that the screen was already like that before.
Almost a year later she confessed that I actually broke her phone that day. She had just gotten it from her mom (all phones she ever had were second hand, very simple ones) and she couldn't afford a new one at the time, but still she lied and kept using the broken phone so I wouldn't feel bad. My heart sank.
We've been married for two years now and I've given her a brand new flagship phone every year ever since.
#17
Played Weird Al CDs non-stop for a 6-hour car trip to the beach.
She didn’t ditch me but haven’t been allowed to play Weird Al in her presence for the past 24 years. Got tickets to see him this year on our anniversary and knew better than to ask her to join me so I took a couple of my kids that appreciate the finer things in life. Best anniversary gift ever. Great show.
#18
Insisted that everything in San Francisco was walking distance from everything else, and decided we should walk from Pier 39 to Golden Gate Park. It IS walkable, but not third-date walkable, or whatever-shoes-she-happened-to-be-wearing-that-day walkable.
#19
Accidentally set her hair on fire with a match while lighting a cigarette. Not good. We are still married 29 years later. I dont smoke anymore.
#20
Transitioning from that uncomfortable to the comfortable phase. I was sitting across the room while she did homework. I farted pretty loudly and she looked me in the eyes and fired back. Luckily I had another in the chamber and asserted my dominance, to my surprise which she matched for a second time, but even louder. Having this all happen in a span of ~2 seconds and thinking it was pretty funny, I tried to top her by forcing one more out to reign supreme. Well.... let’s just say it wasn’t a fart I forced out.... one of her favorite stories to tell close friends and family. We’ve been married for going on 4 years though, so l guess it all worked out for me.
TLDR: s**t yourself in front of potential mates if you wanna get married
#21
I know what my husband would say, because I still tease him to this day.
We had been dating for two weeks and were spooning on his futon, watching a movie. Out of nowhere he says, "I'm really sorry, I can't hold it in anymore." And rips a HUGE fart.
My husband was a very clean, tight knit, prudish kind of guy, so I couldn't help but let out the biggest laugh while he turned about as red as his beard.
#22
My husband broke my thumb one night when we were slightly tipsy. Horse play got too rough and I think (drunk memory) he slammed my hand against something. we both heard the pop and I went to tears.
Xandra 1 year ago
Mine slammed my head on a table (nothing broke, head or furniture...) at a party at a friend's place. We were dancing with him holding me up and my legs around his waist, he leaned me back while spinning... It wasn't fun at the moment, but it is now, it still comes up sometimes when we meet our friends, some 25 years later. P.S. We were about 20, I was lighter and his back was better...
#23
Wife was a devout animal lover and activist. Planned proposal at a fancy Tokyo restaurant that only takes 3 tables a night and has 11 courses, which was filled with all sorts of innovative things so you’re never quite sure what’s coming next.
In between one of the courses the chef brings out a cute little glass bowl for us to play with some squid. The chef informs us these are firefly squid that’s local to the bay. My wife is delighted and practically named them.
Two courses later they reappeared... as entrees, floating on a glass plate lit up from below and arranged to look like they’re swimming.
She still said yes but have never let me forgot that I took her on literally the worst dining experience she had, and I had paid the most ever for.
Lea Panthera 1 year ago
Who on earth thought it was a good idea to let customers get personally attached to animals they're about to eat?
#24
Wife here! About 3 weeks into dating, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and spin me around in his driveway. Unfortunately, it was not his most brilliant idea and he tripped and we fell right on to the concrete next to my car.
Reader, he landed on top of me.
KimB 1 year ago
Ooooof! Owie! I've been there OP lol my hubby slipped on some ice I instinctively grabbed his hand and he took us both down. Hard. I still don't know how I ended up on the bottom it happened too fast. I do however remember the pain in both the back of my head and my butt! : D (married 22 years this past February)
#25
I was sitting on the couch as we were playing Wii bowling. She was standing behind the couch, lovingly holding me. I draw back the Wii mote and WHAM! I wack her in the face with the Wii mote at full strength. Her mom was also in the room.
#26
My uncle didn't call his now-wife for over a year after they first met and he got her number. He kept the paper she wrote it on and ended up finding it and calling her asking if she still remembered him and was still interested in going on a date.
Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
"Hi, it's been a year, wanna date?" would get this resopnse from me: "Wait, who are you?", LOL
#27
It wasn't until after we were married that my wife told me that I almost didn't get a second date because I talked waaaaaaaaaaaay too much during the movie. I don't really remember it but apparently I was leaning over every 30 seconds or so to tell her what I was thinking. Also, "Valkyrie", with Tom Cruise probably wasn't that great of a date movie, but it all worked out in the end.
ETA: Please forgive me my movie-talking sins, everybody. I was a dumb teenager and she's really pretty. I was just quite anxious for things to go well.
#28
I got fairly intoxicated and decided to tie a towel around my shoulders while completely naked and run in front of her on FaceTime screaming look at my dangle.
Edit: she has informed me I am mistaken. I was wearing a shirt but no pants or underwear and it was a blanket, not a towel.
happiness go brrrrrr 1 year ago
imagine calling your boyfriend and you get this- 'lOoK aT mY dOnGlE!'
#29
My husband told me on our first date “just so you know, if we ever have a son, he needs to be named after me. I’m the fifth and I could never break the tradition.”
I thought it was a suuuuuuper weird thing to say on a first date, but thankfully I decided to overlook that red flag.
14 years later our son, named after him, just turned 3.
#30
In college I got a pretty severe bronchial infection. I had a fever of 103 and felt pretty useless. My boyfriend (now husband of 12 years) says he is going to go rent some movies from blockbuster and come back so we can just chill for the weekend while I'm resting. Blockbuster was a 5 minute drive from our apartment. An hour goes by and he's not back. I call his cell phone and he doesn't answer. Another hour goes by and I call again, no answer. Two more hours go by, I'm blowing up his cell phone and terrified that he got in an accident and I have no way of going out to look for him. An hour later (5 hours after he left) he calls me and says he's on his way home. He went to a friend's house to help him rebuild the engine in his car. It took a long a long time for me to not be pissed at him. And I still get mad thinking about it.
What do you think ?
Mari 1 year ago
When we first met my husband had stalker vibes. He saw me going to work and he waited my whole shift at the door. He asked me to drink a coffee together and afterwards he wanted to bring me to my place. I refused because I was afraid he would stalk me. He explained he was just afraid to never see me again. Now we are married for 19years and we are still in love.
BookFanatic 1 year ago
I love my parents' story. Three guys, three girls. Guys are in the house, girls pull up in the car and observe their quarry through the window. First two girls immediately dismiss the skinny guy (aka Dad) as being much too tall. Mom says "I'll take him!" and marches right inside. Dad's first words to her? "My last name is (long German name). Bet you can't spell it." Mom fires it back letter-perfect. Dad says, "Wanna go out some time?" The rest, my friends, is history.
digitalin 1 year ago
On the second date with my now-husband, he asked me what my major had been in college. Turns out it was a complicated answer because it took me several hours to answer it. (we were walking around the zoo, not like sitting at a table.) I still cringe, but he laughs and said it was great because we could talk but he didn't have to stress about making conversation. To this day, I take about a billion words to say what he can cover with one sentence.
ThisIsMe 1 year ago
We had mutual friends so knew each other a little. Our first official date was to be new year's eve when he got back in town from a wedding. This is back before everyone had cell phones. His car broke down 2 hours from our town, he never called - he stood me up. Next morning when car working he drove straight to my house. In about 9 weeks we'll have been married 30 years.
Will Cable 1 year ago
Strange how you get all these heavily photoshopped and filtered images as people try and look 'perfect' and yet here we have stories that show it doesn't have to be perfect for love to blossom.
the gay they 1 year ago
my parents met at a small theater. she was the ticket seller, he had to pick up tickets for his radio show. he was in his 40s, had been divorced twice, and had three kids. she was in her 20s, the youngest of 8 girls, and fresh out of college. he fell in love at first sight. finally he asked her out on a date. another, younger guy had asked her out on a date for the same day earlier, and she had said yes. she ended up marrying the younger guy. one year later, she had divorced him and was ready to move on. my dad asked her out again, and my mom eventually proposed. they've been married over 20 years. true love is real.
Bored Trash Panda 1 year ago
On me and my husbands first date we went to an arcade then to sushi for dinner. Second date, sushi again. Come to find out on our wedding day, he absolutely HATES seafood. Did it to impress me. lol
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
On our first date my wife and I talked for 3 hours. We talked about a ton of different things, but all she remembers are my poop stories. I had just gotten back from a trip overseas that left my stomach in shambles and she was nervous-laughing about it. My idiot brain took that as validation that "hey, she thinks poop is funny. Keep that going." So I just kept telling her about all my weird bowel issues I've had in the past. She kept laughing. I somehow scored a second date despite this and did not find out until we were engaged that she didn't actually think I was that funny.
Mari 1 year ago
When we first met my husband had stalker vibes. He saw me going to work and he waited my whole shift at the door. He asked me to drink a coffee together and afterwards he wanted to bring me to my place. I refused because I was afraid he would stalk me. He explained he was just afraid to never see me again. Now we are married for 19years and we are still in love.
BookFanatic 1 year ago
I love my parents' story. Three guys, three girls. Guys are in the house, girls pull up in the car and observe their quarry through the window. First two girls immediately dismiss the skinny guy (aka Dad) as being much too tall. Mom says "I'll take him!" and marches right inside. Dad's first words to her? "My last name is (long German name). Bet you can't spell it." Mom fires it back letter-perfect. Dad says, "Wanna go out some time?" The rest, my friends, is history.
digitalin 1 year ago
On the second date with my now-husband, he asked me what my major had been in college. Turns out it was a complicated answer because it took me several hours to answer it. (we were walking around the zoo, not like sitting at a table.) I still cringe, but he laughs and said it was great because we could talk but he didn't have to stress about making conversation. To this day, I take about a billion words to say what he can cover with one sentence.
ThisIsMe 1 year ago
We had mutual friends so knew each other a little. Our first official date was to be new year's eve when he got back in town from a wedding. This is back before everyone had cell phones. His car broke down 2 hours from our town, he never called - he stood me up. Next morning when car working he drove straight to my house. In about 9 weeks we'll have been married 30 years.
Will Cable 1 year ago
Strange how you get all these heavily photoshopped and filtered images as people try and look 'perfect' and yet here we have stories that show it doesn't have to be perfect for love to blossom.
the gay they 1 year ago
my parents met at a small theater. she was the ticket seller, he had to pick up tickets for his radio show. he was in his 40s, had been divorced twice, and had three kids. she was in her 20s, the youngest of 8 girls, and fresh out of college. he fell in love at first sight. finally he asked her out on a date. another, younger guy had asked her out on a date for the same day earlier, and she had said yes. she ended up marrying the younger guy. one year later, she had divorced him and was ready to move on. my dad asked her out again, and my mom eventually proposed. they've been married over 20 years. true love is real.
Bored Trash Panda 1 year ago
On me and my husbands first date we went to an arcade then to sushi for dinner. Second date, sushi again. Come to find out on our wedding day, he absolutely HATES seafood. Did it to impress me. lol
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
On our first date my wife and I talked for 3 hours. We talked about a ton of different things, but all she remembers are my poop stories. I had just gotten back from a trip overseas that left my stomach in shambles and she was nervous-laughing about it. My idiot brain took that as validation that "hey, she thinks poop is funny. Keep that going." So I just kept telling her about all my weird bowel issues I've had in the past. She kept laughing. I somehow scored a second date despite this and did not find out until we were engaged that she didn't actually think I was that funny.
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