30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They’ve Heard From Patients

Lying seems to come naturally to some people. They’re not bothered by the outcomes, even if it’s their health that might be affected. For example, when people think it’s a good idea to lie to their doctor. They also ignore the fact that even if the medic buys it, their test results might end up revealing the truth. And still, some people stick to their untruthful ways.

Medical professionals revealed some of the most foolish things patients have lied to them about to the ‘Ask Reddit’ community. Redditor u/KyeLindsay asked them to share their stories and they didn’t hold back from doing so. Their examples discussed everything from lying about one’s age to trying to cover up stab wounds as the most bizarre of incidents. Scroll down to find the stories in their own words.

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30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Woman comes to emerg with complaints of vaginal discharge and discomfort.
Pelvic exam initially reveals significant yeast infection, but there appears to be a foreign body in her vagina.
“Is there something stuck inside?”
“No, I don’t know what’s in there…”
Speculum examination reveals a very soft mandarin orange, peel still on.
“Oh, that! We heard it would improve our fertility…”

You can’t make this s**t up.

Drilmagus , Frédérique Voisin-Demery Report

Final score:

336points

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Sad Quokka 1 year ago

'Oh that!!'

158points

Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago

Gross... and also bad for her reproductive health

30points

Vic 1 year ago

Won't the acidic nature of the mandrin burn in there?

10points

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Leo Domitrix 1 year ago

People have forgotten diaphragms, sponges, tampons, etc, until the agony hits. I won't go into what is found in male rectums, it's too early in the AM for that.

27points

Jessica Bertram 1 year ago

there's no lost and found box...but there's an äšş box! 😅 Scrubs got that right.

14points

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Ese 1 year ago

No longer cucumbers but oranges now? Omg!!!

13points

Pieter LeGrande 1 year ago

It's a big couch.

10points

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Cosmologist wannabe 1 year ago

actually, it would decrease fertility. citric acid is a spermicide, due to being acidic. And the sugar could increase risks of infection. Don't ask how I know this.

8points

Aisling Raye 1 year ago

The list of wild things people will try when they are struggling to conceive is impressively long. I've seen very smart people, well grounded in reality, (some of them that work in the medical field themselves) do absolutely ridiculous stuff in the name of fertility. I really feel like it comes from a deep desperation to succeed in getting pregnant. "I'll try anything at this point" can take over rational thought for (what seems like) most people in that situation and my heart does go out to those that go through that struggle. (I say people because men have done all sorts of crazy stuff in the name of fertility as well - I don't want you all thinking I've only encountered baby crazy women trying everybody the wall nonsense thing they've heard about in the name of having a child) Source: I worked in a fertility clinic for a bit when I was in undergrad. You get some wild answers to "what have you tried in the past"

6points

A P 1 year ago

Yeah, people get really weird about conception. It took us several months, but less than a year, but after 1 or 2 months of trying, my wife was trying to convince me we needed to go see a half dozen doctors for fertility tests and all that. I was like, let's maybe just keep trying for a bit first. My good friend and his wife had to try for over a year on their first one. It's pretty tame compared to some, but yeah, baby fever is real.

1point

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IDidntChooseReality 1 year ago

Oh yeah guys sorry I didn't remember I put something there this week!

5points

Brenda 1 year ago

😳🙄😲

5points

Robert T 1 year ago

Maybe she got her animals mixed up. The book is called "The Very Hungry Caterpillar", not "The Very Hungry [Cat]"! (Please feel free to substitute cat, with a word of similar meaning which BP will almost certainly censor!).

2points

Seamus Crumley 1 year ago

I know someone whose child had a very minor disability that wasn't noticed for several years. Upon visiting the doctor, she was told, "It's nothing to worry about - it's genetic" She said 'Does that mean I shouldn't wear my husbands jeans?'

2points

Ai-Li Mae Sarvis 1 year ago

Ew! How do you stick that up there!

1point

Andy Parker 1 year ago

Making cider...Incider

1point

Tee Rat 1 year ago

If he Sunkist it first that may help with fertility.

1point

JL 1 year ago

She had major scurvy concerns.

1point

Lotekguy 1 year ago

Orange you glad you went to med school now?

1point

Molly Mitchell 1 year ago

it wont work and thats just.. messed up in my opion

1point

Liv 1 year ago

Why would you ever stick any fruit up there?-

1point

Marcellus II 1 year ago

Because the other orifice already has a vegetable stuck in them?

4points

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Vicki Perizzolo 1 year ago

ODG

0points

Kathy 1 year ago (edited)

"Oh, so THAT'S where I put it! Yes, I remember now... Someone told us that high levels of vitamin "C" would significantly increase our chances of conception, but that it needed to be from a natural source and not ingested... And we thought: what's a more natural source of vitamin "C" then fresh, ripe citrus fruit? Well, the smallest citrus fruit we had on hand was this mandarin... Ah, but then... how to get it into my body, and straight to my reproductive organs, without eating it? So then hubby suggests that I could just practice giving birth, but with the mandarin and in reverse... No wonder it felt uncomfortable up there... Just imagine if we had used a grapefruit, instead..."

0points

Jeremy James 1 year ago

Poppycock! The only way to ensure pregnancy is with a slurry of walnuts, comfrey, feverfew, mint, and the blood of a doe's kitten.

0points

leetokofi 1 year ago

maybe they should not be reproducing

0points

Epona 1 year ago

Maybe this is just my Highly Sensitive Person-ness talking but wouldn't you feel the orange in there? Especially as you moved around during the day. I can sort of understand forgetting that you had put it up there, but feeling it would remind you, I would think. Can you tell I don't use tampons? I know that if I put anything up there, I would very likely be hyper-aware that it was there and feel self-conscious about it. Not that it would be visible, but still

0points

CIA 1 year ago

Dang

0points

Cerridwn d'Wyse 1 year ago

Potatoes

0points

Mav Mav 1 year ago

let's be honest, it was a sex toy, but good story :)

0points

Rebekah Krause 1 year ago

Yes you can make that s**t up

0points

Peppy 1 year ago

Surely you’re meant to eat it?, how’s it supposed to work? My brain hurts I don’t understand

0points

Delta Dawn 1 year ago

ewwwwwwwwwww

0points

Timbob 1 year ago

Then she asked, Doctor, what should I do with this rectal thermometer?”

-1point

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30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Not a surgeon or doctor, but an Anesthesia Nurse/ OR Nurse...
But a mom directly lied to us about her 12 year old pre ENT surgery.

We always confirm with the pacient and legal guardians all the pre surgery check up:
Name
Age/date of birth
Any past medical history
Common medication, and medication took in the last 24h
Surgery proposed
Last time you eat or drink anything

The thing is in the last item of the check list the mom lied... Her answer "no he doesn't eat anything since yesterday", the kid confirmed. Note that it was 4 PM.

Outcome:

Surgery went well, no problems. When comes the time to remove the tube... The kid starts vomiting tons of rice and beans... When I say tons I mean at least 1kg of said food.
The kid aspirates part of the food against our best efforts... We aspirate do everything we can including a broncofibroscopy.

Everything ends up ok, the kid survived, no further complications and recovered to full health in only 2 days.

When confronted about the lie, and explained how her son could have died, the "Karen" mom said "what could I do?! He was ungry and eats like a bull! Who am I to say he can't" We all lost our pacience and just said "HIS MOM!!! , he could and was close to dieing because of this"

Conclusion: Please take the fasting period, and pre surgery recommendations seriously, any doubt be honest with your health team.

Togarriapa , Vidal Balielo Jr. Report

Final score:

332points

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30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients "Do you have any medical problems?"

"No"

"So no diabetes?"

"No diabetes"

"What medications are you taking?"

"Metformin. For my diabetes."

I facepalm every time

Retinator99 , JESHOOTS.com Report

Final score:

327points

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30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients In the ER, 4 am, teenage girl and her parents arrive, she's been constipated for days and no poop has come out at all. I was busy so I ask the nurse to check if the patient indeed has poop and needs an enema. So a rectal exam is needed. A few minutes later the nurse urgently called me. When we uncovered the girl (she had tons of clothes) we just saw this cute little head popping out. A baby on the way.
' why didn't you tell us that you were pregnant?' I asked
"I'm not pregnant" she kept saying while I was cutting the umbilical cord
She lied to her parents (don't know how to this day) the whole pregnancy. She lived with them. I had to explain everything to the parents. They didn't have a clue and judging by their face, I believed them.

drneck , Pavel Danilyuk Report

Final score:

295points

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30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients I fell down onto my couch and a cucumber was sticking up between the cushions. It went right in.

B1Turb0 , Karolina Grabowska Report

Final score:

291points

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30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Had a patient show up the ER with a wound to the back of her head.

I say, “Hey Ms. X, what happened?”

“I don’t know, I picked up chicken from the gas station and went to bed. And this morning I noticed I was bleeding”

I start inspecting the wound. Looks like it tracks pretty far, and there’s this strange cotton-like material sticking out that is also tracking too deep to visualize. I press her some more about the circumstances because my ER Doc spider sense starts going off.

Me: “Were you assaulted? Did someone harm you? Were you in a car accident? Did something fall on you”

Patient: “No. I just went to bed. Maybe I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom”

Finally I decide to send her through the Donut Of Truth (aka get a CT scan) of her head before me and my trusty scalpel start seeing where this trail of mystery cotton leads.

The lady had a bullet lodged up against her skull bone.

Still don’t have an answer to the cotton, but I’m guessing the gun fired through some cloth.

When I told her she had a bullet in her head her response was “Oh. weird” and then she went back to playing candy crush on her phone.

HoopsyDaisy , Karolina Grabowska Report

Final score:

266points

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30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Once I asked a patient if he had done any surgeries in the past and he said no. When we did a CT abdomen he had one kidney and signs of scarring, so I went back to ask what happened to the kidney. He said he has no idea and started winking at me and sweating. I took the hint and came back later when he was alone, turns out he sold his kidney because he lost a lot of money gambling.

Karakiali , cottonbro studio Report

Final score:

259points

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30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients One dude lied about being paralyzed after a lumbar puncture. Get a call from nurse patient says he can’t move legs following a lumbar puncture (spinal tap). I called the team that did the procedure and they assured me there was no indication of this sort of injury happening during the procedure but agreed with my plan to get an urgent MRI. I go to examine him and nurse says she thinks he moved one of his feet. Next thing I know he says he can actually move his legs again but they are feeling weird. Then this weird feeling turns into intense pain and he asks for intravenous narcotics (dilaudid). I tell him no because this story makes no sense.

By god it was a miracle I tell you when this man walked himself right out of the hospital after I refused the iv narcotics.

Also, the MRI was normal.

materiamasta , Tima Miroshnichenko Report

Final score:

256points

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30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients “I haven’t had sex in five years”

-woman who was actively in labor in the ED.

Soulja_Boy_Yellen , Jonathan Borba Report

Final score:

245points

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#10

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Honestly the "dumbest" lies are the one people who lie about how much alcohol or other drugs they use. Alcohol and benzodiazepine withdrawal can kill you, and if you use opioids from the street than you likely have a higher tolerance and may need more medications in the hospital so be honest, I truly don't care how much you drink/ use, I just don't want you to get worse for something we can plan for and prevent.

Shazamshazam2 , Isabella Mendes Report

Final score:

239points

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#11

When I was a Peds nurse, I had a super trashy lady come in with a 2 year old. She said the baby wasn’t eating or drinking anything. We admit the baby and legitimately start getting concerned because the food trays aren’t touched, no wet diapers, not drinking her juice, etc. Weigh is staying the same though.

The pediatrician asked me to sit outside the room and watch through a cracked window shade (that looked into the room). So I watch and this mother is shoving pizza and soda down this baby’s throat, the baby obviously has no interest for the mashed potato’s/chicken on her tray because she’s stuffed on junk food. The mom would change the diaper and hide it instead of leaving it to be weighed.

It was so bizarre and she completely denied doing it even though I saw her. Poor baby.

Immajustbrowse19 Report

Final score:

236points

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#12

Nurse here. The absolute dumbest thing patients have said...and to be fair this was the patients parents since I was in Pedi but still dumb AF and caused no end of grief trying to unspin it.

I was rooming patients and I went to the full lobby and called the next one in by last name. They stand up and mom and dad bring the little girl back. I'm rooming them, take the vitals, review purpose of visit, make some adjustments to the chart, update their pharmacy and allergies and go out and let the pediatrician know they are ready.

The pediatrician goes into the room and come out like 3 minutes later and says...that's not my patient, where is my patient? I'm like wtf? I go in and ask the parents and no in fact they were not the patient. I'm like why did you say you were someone you were not? They simply said they didn't want to wait so they just came back.

We had to completely unspin all the changes to the chart and had to get legal involved to make sure there were no HIPAA violations, which fortunately, there weren't. I'm fascinated that people can collectively think...yeah, let's do this, no one will know. Like, how does that even play out in their minds?

NedTaggart Report

Final score:

233points

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#13

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Dad is a physician and has a million funny stories. He told me this one from a few decades ago:

Had a patient come into the ER with a towel over his groin, covered in blood. Claimed he was cutting vegetables in his kitchen and the knife slipped. Dad takes a look and the guy is butchered down there. Had to call a urologist in the middle of the night to consult.

Guy eventually confesses to trying to give himself a circumcision because he didn't want to pay the $200 it would have cost. Urologist was able to help save... 'him', but it cost a helluva lot more than $200 for emergency penis surgery.

southernmayd , MART PRODUCTION Report

Final score:

232points

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#14

I have one right now.

60 year old male hospitalized for an infection following a spinal fusion. He had surgery to remove the infected hardware, and has a cervical collar (neck brace) to stabilize his spine and a treatment plan that says to keep it on 24/7 for 4 weeks. It’s been 16 days and he removed it Sunday night. When confronted he told me that he had cleared it with his surgeon and told them he had removed it. He had not. I explained that he has an extremely unstable spine and the wrong move could result in irreversible quadriplegia, to which he responded, “I don’t think that’s going to happen. Even if there’s an explosion I’ll hold real still.”

On the phone with his sister, shouting into the speaker, he said, “well I took it off because it was so uncomfortable, at first my neck was real stiff but I shook my head a few times and something in there broke loose. It feels much better now.” While his nurse and I stared at each other in silent horror.

desperatevintage Report

Final score:

228points

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#15

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients I'm just a med student but a doctor shared this with us, she's a gynecologist and this women came to her complaining about how she hasn't gotten her periods in few months and well she was showing menopausal symptoms and in fact she looked almost 50 but she kept saying she's only 30 and she can't have menopause. It has a funny ending, when the doctor asked if the women had a kid and she said yes he's 27 y/o. Idk why people lie about their age but this was a funny story for the whole class

doctorbanns , Sergey Makashin Report

Final score:

227points

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#16

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Dude came in asking for a second vasectomy. It’s been 10 years since his first vasectomy with numerous sperm counts all being zero throughout the years. He now has a new baby. His sperm count is still zero and wants the vasectomy “fixed”. Didn’t know if he was lying to himself or not.

mrsuicideduck , Dominika Roseclay Report

Final score:

226points

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#17

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients “Do you smoke cigarettes?”

“No, I quit!”

“When did you quit?”

“This morning”

BagelAmpersandLox , Maksim Goncharenok Report

Final score:

210points

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#18

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Part of my job is dealing with medical records- my favorite part is when you are reading the doctors notes and you can tell they are fed up with the patients b******t from their tone.

“Patient in for routine colonoscopy, asked if solids consumed in 24 hrs prior, patient confirms no. In process of procedure, several dozen kernels of corn are discovered in colon and cannot continue. Patient specifically instructed not to consume corn beforehand as this happened prior visit.”

YourStolenCharizard , Cats Coming Report

Final score:

210points

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#19

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Their age. Had a woman say shes 30 when she clearly didn’t look it. Oh well I move on to other questions. Look at her files and lab reports have her real age on them. 41. Like y tho? What difference does it make lying to healthcare staff? This is health related, not ur tinder profile. Nobody gon see this n go I aint dating an old lady. Btw she was married with children.

BariumBromide2 , MART PRODUCTION Report

Final score:

206points

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#20

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Occupational physical.

Have you ever had surgery?
No
Reveal chest. Ziper scar from a CABG.
Oh, yeah forgot about that.
(Forgot about a heart bypass)

WH1PL4SH180 , Vidal Balielo Jr. Report

Final score:

198points

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#21

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients 1. Patient says to me; I was outside gardening while naked and I slipped. That’s how a massive potato ended up in my a*s.
Anybody want fries while he is waiting to get it removed?

2. How did you get that stab wound in your abdomen? I put a knife on the kitchen counter and forgot it was there. Then I walked into it.

3. Me - Have you had anything to eat or drink today prior to your surgery?
Patient- No (…with a half eaten candy bar in front of them).
Me - Are you sure? Because if you have, you could vomit upon going to sleep and it could enter your lungs, causing you to die.
Patient - then yes I have, I had half that candy bar.

4. This one guy repeatedly used to come in saying he hadn’t s**t in 7 days. This would usually necessitate a rectal examination with a finger. Thats why he kept saying it. Patient used to come in every time the new doctors rotated in, who wouldn’t be wise to his tricks.

5. One guy came in feigning unconsciousness. Did not respond to even the most painful of stimuli (some of these were pretty painful). Did not budge. We were talking amongst ourselves about intubating him. He then opened his eyes and said “they did that last time, I didn’t like it”.

Muted-Application-27 , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Final score:

191points

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#22

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients I spilled all my adderall down the sink…again…twice in one week…of finals week at uni…

Oojin , Charles Williams Report

Final score:

180points

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#23

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients My little brother was a nurse for about a decade. He has said many times that people stick anything up their butts. From lightbulbs to hairbrushs to a golf shoe. And at first it's hilarious. Then after a year or so it's not funny because you've seen way too many distended buttholes.

Then after a decade or so it starts to get funny again because you think you've seen everything and then one day a 45 year old man is driven to the hospital by his wife and he has a golf shoe up his a*s and he told his wife that he and the boys were golfing and he slipped in the locker room and it got rammed up there completely disregarding the fact that the part of the shoe that is inside him is covered in Vaseline...

Jasole37 , Kawê Rodrigues Report

Final score:

178points

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#24

1) A patient arrived with a bandage on his head saying he had fallen from his bed and injured it. After 1h in the waiting room, after removing the bandage, I could see part of his brain. Dude was in debt with drug dealers and was dragged through a highway tied to a car.

2) A middle aged man who lied about not taking viagra during a heart attack. This is a big problem because the medication we use may interact with the blue pill and worsen the condition. A high price to pay in order to defend some dumb idea of masculinity.

victorwillian Report

Final score:

177points

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#25

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Paramedic but this is a good one. We got called for “a man running down the street covered in blood.” While waiting to see if the cops found him, an off duty cop stopped by us and said he was looking for a guy who was breaking into an RV storage lot, and said he pumped 2 rounds of bird shot after him as he ran away. Nobody was found, so we headed back to station.

5 hours later we were called to a man who said he was in a car accident and had 80 pieces of bird shot in his back and legs.

bradorsomething , Wikidudeman Report

Final score:

164points

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#26

Anything, to be honest. I honestly don't care what you do or don't do. Usually if I'm asking it's because it matters for your health care and if you lie about it all you're doing is putting yourself in danger.

As a more real example, I've had a post transition transgender patient lie about the sex they were born with. I understand it's hard to deal with a lot of the medical community that can be judgemental, but this patient ended up having prostate cancer. Only found out after we scanned them.

Another one lied about having prior back surgery before I was about to send them for an MRI. Did a physical exam and saw the scar. Asked again and they just said they didn't feel it was important and didn't want me to assume it was related to previous surgery. They were there for back and abdominal pain.

ArgentWren Report

Final score:

150points

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#27

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Patient: “I haven’t drank alcohol in months!”

Patients family: “It’s true I’ve been with her the whole time.”

Me: “Ma’am your alcohol level is 325.”

Patient: “Impossible! I would never lie to you!”

jorgeojungle , Elina Sazonova Report

Final score:

144points

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#28

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Adherence to medical treatment when I have literally pulled their pharmacy records and know they haven't picked up their medications in over a year...

DDmikeyDD , Mike Mozart Report

Final score:

144points

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#29

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Guy came in for a wound on his lower leg that he said came from a biking accident. X-ray revealed a bullet inside his ankle joint. The wound was from shooting himself by accident while holding a gun. Still don’t know how he didn’t fracture anything.

Cybariss , Caleb Oquendo Report

Final score:

139points

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#30

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients A common one is about their smoking. Smoking is an enormous risk factor for fracture nonunion, meaning a fracture that doesn’t heal. When I walk into a nonunion patient’s exam room and it smells like a cigar den, I know they smoke. But they’ll tell me they don’t right to my face. Before signing them up for revision surgery I’ll commonly order a urine test for nicotine metabolites. Often it’ll turn out positive and suddenly surprised pikachu face.
.

Anthrotekkk , Denx arman Report

Final score:

137points

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#31

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients Med student atm but when I was shadowing a surgeon in college he told me about the time he had to remove a power rangers megazord from a dude’s r****m cause he was “cleaning” his sons toys with his clothes off. Apparently everything was so dirty he decided to strip and just “”slipped”” onto it

Popular_Roof9602 , Del N Report

Final score:

40points

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#32

One my favorite things I wrote my first year out of medical school:

“Please note patient has stated multiple times that he wants to leave and would leave AMA(against medical advice). He asked multiple times whether he could eat and stating he is hungry. Explained to patient that we would like to start a full liquid diet first and if he tolerated it well, would transition to regular foods. However, pt ordered chinese food delivery instead. Then, patient was complaining of a headache. Was given Tylenol for the headache. Patient stated that this did not help him. His sister at bedside went to the nearby pharmacy and bought Goody powder (aspirin). Sister did ask whether she could give him Goody powder. She was told not to give patient the Goody powder. She supposedly did not.”

For context, the patient had a catastrophic GI bleed from taking too much aspirin.

grantcapps Report

Final score:

38points

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#33

Former ER nurse: not a “lie” but a very very vague explanation. I’m taking a brief history on a patient with shortness of breath, I ask about any cardiac conditions. She says “I have a thing in my heart”. Despite all kinds of follow-up questions I couldn’t get any answers out of her about WHAT was in her heart. Did you have a surgery or procedure to put something in it? Is the “thing” something you were born with, like a hole in your heart? Are you on any medications for it? Was it a clot, does that sound familiar? I listen to her heart, no murmurs or clicking of a mechanical valve. I take a look at her chest, no surgical scar or pacemaker battery. I never did find out WHAT WAS IN HER HEART because my shift ended.

It was a fun conversation with the ER physician, “soooo…she has ‘something’ in her heart and I have no clue what. Have fun figuring this one out”

BabaTheBlackSheep Report

Final score:

34points

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#34

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients My dad neglected to mention he had no teeth... since 1976. We found out in the ICU. In 2022.

mommagolly , Marcus Aurelius Report

Final score:

33points

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#35

Retired Paramedic here. The dumbest thing I saw patients lie about and think we'd fall for?

Hmm, that's tough. It'd be either the unconscious fakers or the drug seekers. The way to quickly check if a patient is conscious or not is I touched my gloved finger to their eye. If you blink, I got ya! That's when I'd get down in the floor and say, I know you're faking. Here's what we're gonna do, I'm gonna help you up and you're going to get up, act your age and stop freaking your family out.

The seekers were always, I'm allergic to most pain killers, but I'm not allergic to the, how ya say it, laudid stuff?

Straight to triage you go!!

SniffinLippy Report

Final score:

33points

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#36

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients I had a lady tell me she had no idea how she got a rash she had on her face. I left the room, gave report to the MD and when I walked back in with the doctor she looked at me and said “I didn’t think you’d be coming back in the room” and then proceeded to confess that she’d been cheating on her husband and thought she had herpes. She did not have herpes.

Physical_Witness_922 , Cup of Couple Report

Final score:

30points

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#37

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients I work in ophthalmology. I see patients nearly every week that are faking vision loss. Most often, it's to try to get disability. Sometimes it's just attention seeking or extreme stress/anxiety. In rare cases, patients truly believe they cannot see or have convinced themselves they cannot see, when all exam findings and testing are normal. It's called "non-organic vision loss."

Fotographyraptor , Ksenia Chernaya Report

Final score:

30points

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#38

High speed MVA, unrestrained passenger in the front seat with both feet on the dash. Fractured her pelvis pretty badly. Consult from orthopedics to identify an odd structure in the region of the soft tissue of the vagina before they try to fix the pelvis. Pt adamantly denies anything is in there. Finally consents to an exam when she’s starting to decompensate from a slowly expanding hematoma. Performed under anesthesia in OR. Roll of cash in a baggie the size of a Campbell’s soup can.

CBow63 Report

Final score:

30points

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#39

Not a surgeon/Dr but my ex husband tried telling a doctor he broke all his knuckles and some of the bones in his hand by closing it in a car door.

He very obviously had boxing fractures. The nurse snorted and laughed when he told his elaborate story about the car door.

Eyfordsucks Report

Final score:

27points

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#40

30 Doctors Share The Dumbest Lies They've Heard From Patients My son is now a radiologist. When he was an intern, had a guy come into get an MRI. They ask the normal questions about metal and told him to remove all metal and put it in a locker. The dude rolls in and lays down. Machine goes on and removes the knife from his boot. F****d him up slicing up his body.

Jayhawker_Pilot , MART PRODUCTION Report

Final score:

25points

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#41

I used to work in physical therapy. An extremely sedentary patient in her mid-50s who had a body type out of a Tim Burton film. Think like an apple on two toothpicks. She told me that when she was in the military in her 20s she was the strongest person on her post. She said she could bench press 500 lbs. She said she was 135 lbs when she could do this. After I told her the bench press record for that weight class for women was 300, which is incredibly impressive, I offered that maybe she forgot and was thinking 225-250, which would still be incredible. No, she doubled down. She proceeded to tell me that she could leg press 900 lbs and overhead press two men sitting on a 2x4. For the record, this lady didn't even know how to perform a body weight squat in a pool with correct form.

wrongbutt_longbutt Report

Final score:

23points

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#42

My wife is an SLP that does the evals at her hospital. She said it’s really common to have people come in faking a stroke, and to pretend they can’t speak.

brantmacga Report

Final score:

20points

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A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.

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What do you think ?

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Lord Mysticlaw 1 year ago

Just don't lie to your medical professionals, OK? It's for your own good.

25points

Leo Domitrix 1 year ago

I can't pick a dumbest from anyone, but possibly anyone coming in with bloody froth in their cough in 2020 and saying it wasn't Covid?

16points

Aisling Raye 1 year ago

Exactly why you ask when they last took a Covid test and not if they've had a positive Covid test. They figured out pretty quick that saying you haven't had a positive test is technically not a lie if you've never taken one. TBH I didn't think any Covid deniers were smart enough to put that together, so I guess good on the ones that tried it for having more than two brain cells. ¯\(°_o)/¯

2points

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Jon Steensen 1 year ago

I guess those guys who keep asking the doctor/nurse over and over again what is wrong with them, as they cannot breathe, because they refuse to believe it when they are told that they are currently dying of Covid, is a really sad example of what the combination of stupidity, misinformation misunderstanding and conspiritoral thinking can do a human... and the worst part is that somebody knows how strong this mechanism can be and exploit it for personal gain. It could for example be a poletician who has spotted that critising the vaccines gets him a crowd of followers, while he secretely has had them himself.

11points

talliloo 1 year ago

people need to live by one rule: never lie to your priest/rabbi, attorney, or doctor. to do so only hurts yourself.

8points

Louise Clarke 1 year ago

My mom's friend worked is a doctor and worked there in the 80's and the amount of guys coming in with pain from wearing pants that were too tight and a lot of them had socks in their crotch area. The funniest one was a guy with a banana in his pants like 🍌

8points

Greenmantle 1 year ago

The probably just wanted someone, ANYONE to look at it

4points

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Austin Sauce 1 year ago

Was the banana in the front or back of his pants?

2points

The Doom Song 1 year ago

Banana for scale?

1point

Jon Steensen 1 year ago

I once heard a story (I know, hearsay, but this is not an important forum anyway) about a doctor panicking when a patient said "yes" to being allergic to latex when going in for an operation. Latex is commonly used in operationg rooms for stuff like gloves, tubes, etc. and dealing with patients allergic to that stuff requires a lot of extra proceedures and another operation room especially dedicated to that to be used, as it can potentially be life threatening. When chatting with the patient afterwards she said "I really hate the feeling of latex gloves"

6points

Austin Sauce 1 year ago

I had a patient in the middle of the covid epidemic that needed to go down for a CT. “I’m here to take you for your CT.” “Great, let’s go!” “Alright, I’ll just have you put on this mask for the trip.” “Oh no, no mask.” “You have to, everyone does.” “I ain’t wearing no mask, I ain’t a sheep, I’ll die on this hill.” “Why do feel you deserve special treatment?” “This isn’t special treatment.” “Literally everybody in this hospital has to wear a mask except you? By definition that’s special treatment.” “Like I said, I’ll die on this hill.” “Ok, well I’ll let your doctor know you’re refusing treatment and delaying your own care, bye.” 30 minutes later I’m called back to the room. “Ready to put that mask on” *grumble grumble* He kept pulling it down past his mouth just to be a jerk. Oh well, Darwin has probably already caught up with him.

5points

Mary Rogers 1 year ago

When covid hit, I was really amazed and disappointed to see how many of my fellow citizens were just totally selfish a******s.

3points

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bluegal 1 year ago

Please, people, don't lie to your doctors. They're there to help you.

3points

Lauren W. 1 year ago

Had a patient who smeared his feces all over the walls of his room and then looked me dead in the eye and said he honestly had no idea where it came from and that it was probably already there and that I just hadn't noticed before. Note: He did have a psychiatric illness, but he was still very much aware of what he did. Had a slender, 65+ yr old woman complaining of chest pain try to deny over and over that she'd ever had a boob job. She obviously had these old silicone implants that had become rock hard and the skin of her breasts, nipples included, were just loosely sagging off of this matched pair of softball size lumps. This was discovered to be the source of her pain, yet she continued to deny that she had implants and was convinced her breasts looked totally normal.

3points

Josey Griffin 1 year ago

I find it very difficult to believe how stupid people are and continue to be so stupid. How they continuosly put things up inside their bodies, for sexual gratification. These people breed and duplicate more stupid people.

2points

John Beck 1 year ago

Whenever I have a new Doctor I tell a joke to see if we will be able to communicate: When they ask if I smoke I reply: No, but I am thinking of starting "Why would you want to start smoking?" "I hear I can add ten years to my life when I quit!" (pause, then chuckle so they know I'm joking and not simply a moron). If they laugh, too, I know we can have a working relationship - if they give me an "Old Fashioned Look" I know I have to shop around for another Doctor.

2points

Mary Peace 1 year ago

John, I think you should be grateful you have the chance to 'shop around'. Some people are very grateful to get to see a Dr. Any doctor.

2points

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Pizza Lover 1 year ago

I actually saw this post on reddit, but for some reason it's funnier when I read it on BP

1point

ggus44 1 year ago

Ok, the stories about the people with stuff up their bütts are always funny! Don't lie to the doctors, they know how the stuff got in there!

1point

Cerridwn d'Wyse 1 year ago

In sometimes it's for even stupid or reasons then you think

0points

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The Starsong Princess 1 year ago

Hospitals and doctor visits are stressful and people aren’t at their best when stressed. Also, doctors aren’t always as clear as they think they are when they ask questions.

0points

HelluvaHedgehogAlien 1 year ago

Wow damn

0points

Marnie 1 year ago

Why do they wait until the patient lies? Why not hand them a laminated card that explains in plain terms why they shouldn't lie? I remember when people in the right position felt it their duty to find effective ways to educate the public.

-2points

David Paterson 1 year ago

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Leo Domitrix 1 year ago

So, lie away, but don't yell about doctors if it has consequences. I admit freely your doc was out of line, but from a medical perspective, so are you for thinking it's irrelevant. Do you know how many things can be ruled out if we know about allergies or medication use? ....

5points

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Ronnie Cutshall 1 year ago

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POST

Lord Mysticlaw 1 year ago

Just don't lie to your medical professionals, OK? It's for your own good.

25points

Leo Domitrix 1 year ago

I can't pick a dumbest from anyone, but possibly anyone coming in with bloody froth in their cough in 2020 and saying it wasn't Covid?

16points

Aisling Raye 1 year ago

2points

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Jon Steensen 1 year ago

11points

talliloo 1 year ago

people need to live by one rule: never lie to your priest/rabbi, attorney, or doctor. to do so only hurts yourself.

8points

Louise Clarke 1 year ago

8points

Greenmantle 1 year ago

The probably just wanted someone, ANYONE to look at it

4points

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Austin Sauce 1 year ago

Was the banana in the front or back of his pants?

2points

The Doom Song 1 year ago

Banana for scale?

1point

Jon Steensen 1 year ago

6points

Austin Sauce 1 year ago

5points

Mary Rogers 1 year ago

When covid hit, I was really amazed and disappointed to see how many of my fellow citizens were just totally selfish a******s.

3points

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bluegal 1 year ago

Please, people, don't lie to your doctors. They're there to help you.

3points

Lauren W. 1 year ago

3points

Josey Griffin 1 year ago

2points

John Beck 1 year ago

2points

Mary Peace 1 year ago

John, I think you should be grateful you have the chance to 'shop around'. Some people are very grateful to get to see a Dr. Any doctor.

2points

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Pizza Lover 1 year ago

I actually saw this post on reddit, but for some reason it's funnier when I read it on BP

1point

ggus44 1 year ago

Ok, the stories about the people with stuff up their bütts are always funny! Don't lie to the doctors, they know how the stuff got in there!

1point

Cerridwn d'Wyse 1 year ago

In sometimes it's for even stupid or reasons then you think

0points

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The Starsong Princess 1 year ago

Hospitals and doctor visits are stressful and people aren’t at their best when stressed. Also, doctors aren’t always as clear as they think they are when they ask questions.

0points

HelluvaHedgehogAlien 1 year ago

Wow damn

0points

Marnie 1 year ago

-2points

David Paterson 1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Leo Domitrix 1 year ago

5points

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Ronnie Cutshall 1 year ago

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