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Weedhopper24 , Karolina Grabowska Report

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth "My chiropractor can cure autism with his bare hands and some essential oils." Too bad her chiropractor couldn't cure stupid.

Final score:

280points

POST

Mycroft1967 1 year ago

Is it snake oil? Cause I hear that cures everything.

85points

highfivesforgod , Tina Witherspoon Report

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth This involves a conversation with a guy I used to work with who was trying to lose weight so he was cutting down on pasta.

Him : I've been doing pretty good, haven't had pasta in 2 weeks.

Me : That's awesome, what's that you got in your hand there?

Him : Mac and Cheese.

Me : I thought you said you haven't had pasta in 2 weeks?

Him : I haven't, this is Mac and cheese.

Final score:

267points

POST

MJ 1 year ago

Ah the good ol’ Mac n cheese diet. Wonder how it’s working for him.

69points

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth I was microwaving some food, I hit the 1 so it would automatically cook it for a minute. My friend asked “Why did you put it in for a minute? I usually put mine in for 60 seconds”. I had to explain to him that it’s the same thing. We were in high school.

Gambit_Finale , Erik Mclean Report

Final score:

234points

POST

Robert T 1 year ago

Dumb, but I can understand the pack saying 60 seconds, and I can understand that some microwaves will let you enter 60 seconds, or 1 minute. The one that knows it is a minute is being more efficient in the number of buttons they have to press. Not knowing that 1 minute is the same as 60 seconds though....

19points

Physical-Song-3898 , philippe spitalier Report

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth I was talking with a man from Pakistan and he asked me what my core beliefs were. I said my core beliefs were rooted in science and he responded with ‘OH SCIENCE, so all you care about is plastic surgery boob jobs.’ He took the entire field of science and labeled it as ‘boob jobs’.

Final score:

232points

POST

Tiramisu 1 year ago

The dumb hurts…

100points

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth Was on the bus headed to class in Honolulu, a Southerner got on and asked the driver,

"Do y'all take American Dollars?"

The driver pointed at the American flag sticker on the window and with extreme exasperation said,

"You're in America."

revjor , Ant Rozetsky Report

Final score:

229points

POST

Noname 1 year ago

Years ago, I lived in Hawaii and when I moved back to the mainland, it took me a couple of months to get the plates on my car changed to the state I had moved too. More than once, people would see my Hawaii license plates on my car and ask me how I got the car to the mainland, to which I'd explain that I'd taken the toll bridge, and that it was a b*****h to do because it took 8 hours, there's a toll booth every 30 miles that required exact change, and only 2 rest stops along the way. The looks on their faces was priceless! (of course, I had the car shipped, but that's not a fun story, is it?)

194points

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth “How long does it take the meat to grow back on a cow when you shave it off?”

Bright_Ad_2848 Report

Final score:

224points

POST

Lord Voldedork 1 year ago (edited)

"Jimmy, it's time to have the talk"

167points

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth *a new hire at the cotton mill that had dropped out of school to go to work*

"How long do we get off for spring break?"

TrailerParkPrepper , Wendy Wei Report

Final score:

213points

POST

ShyWahine 1 year ago

Welcome to adulthood, kiddo

147points

herpaderp_maplesyrup , david ortega Report

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth Someone in our group lost a flip flop in a river, we watched it float down stream.

Another person in our group said to be patient because it’ll eventually do a full loop and come back.

Final score:

210points

POST

Bored Retsuko 1 year ago

Ah yes, the famous boomerang river.

92points

#10

"Salmonella is only caused by salmon. You're a chef you should know that"

JoyIsDumb Report

Final score:

207points

POST

Holy Shimmering Sheeps541t 1 year ago

Campylobacter is caused by tents. Listeria is caused by people making lists or leaning sideways.Norovirus is caused by people in boats not rowing.

176points

Content_Pool_1391 , Ömürden Cengiz Report

#11

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth You can't get pregnant if you are on top

Final score:

201points

POST

User# 6 1 year ago

That does work, if you're male.

206points

#12

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth I dated a girl who thought sea horses were the size of regular horses. She was so disappointed at the aquarium

hdycta-weddingcake , naomi tamar Report

Final score:

198points

POST

Moomin from Denmark 1 year ago

To be honest: when you see pictures of seahorses, there's never a banana for scale

280points

#13

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth "I'm allergic to oxygen."

I asked if they meant to say 'oxycodone' and they insisted, no, they were allergic to oxygen.

dragonfeet1 , Eli DeFaria Report

Final score:

194points

POST

JoyfulZebra 1 year ago

They seem to be allergic to intelligence as well.

139points

#14

When I was working a customer service job a lady was verifying her serial number and said Z as in xylophone. My brain literally shut off for about 10 seconds.

TerrTheSilent Report

Final score:

193points

POST

Anne Jones 1 year ago

N for knowledge.

140points

WindySwede 1 year ago

T for Pterodactylus

33points

Angrypineapple 1 year ago

S for tsunami

21points

PowellSkier 1 year ago

or knight...

7points

Steve 1 year ago

That's why the Nebraska football team has the N on their helmets.

5points

Jon Steensen 3 months ago

Hey that is not the usual N-word (that is a joke)

0points

PrettyJoyBird 1 year ago

C for Smart

0points

Mycroft1967 1 year ago

Was working retail in electronics department. Lady asked if we had a remote for the V1210. I said we universal remotes that work on nearly everything but didn't know about that model. I tried looking it up. Nope no V1210 models. I asked her what her brand of TV was? She said "I don't know but it says V1210 on the front." Then it dawned on me. Do you mean VIZIO?

9points

Me myself and I 1 year ago

Q for cucumber

7points

Kazza 1 year ago

Beat me to it!

2points

Spencer's slave 1 year ago (edited)

Z in English is pronounced as "zed" not "zee". Only the USA says "zee".

7points

HungryPanda 1 year ago

Isn't H different as well? "haitch" vs "aitch" (US)

3points

Duckie Measles 1 year ago

Oh man, that throws off the rhyming scheme of the alphabet song.

0points

AR 1 year ago

And we speak a dialect of English. 🤷🏼‍♀️

0points

Holy Shimmering Sheeps541t 1 year ago

E for ignorant.

6points

Carlos Bergade 1 year ago

My ID number has an X in it. I always say X as in porn movie

3points

RamiRudolph 1 year ago

Not X as in "Christmas"?

5points

Lotekguy 1 year ago

I like using p as in pneumonia.

2points

Snazzy Smurf 1 year ago

F for Phonics.

1point

geezeronthehill 1 year ago

English isn't a real language, we just made it up as we went along.

1point

Jared Robinson 1 year ago

S as in psycho

1point

ShaZam Beaubien 1 year ago

N for knife.

1point

ShyWahine 1 year ago

"B" as in victory, "L" as in elephant , "Q" as in cucumber.....

1point

James016 1 year ago

T for pterodactyl

1point

Natty Tempest 1 year ago

S for psychiatrist. Or stoopid

0points

Cristi nah 1 year ago

Zylophone

0points

Pepperoni Pizza 1 year ago

Her brain= a black hole

0points

Erica Cochrane 1 year ago

overheard a guy at the train station spelling phonetically and he said 'X as in ecstasty'

0points

Vera Rios 1 year ago

D for D'jango

0points

Ken Beattie 1 year ago

I must admit I deliberately say this to friends at times and laugh about it.

0points

AR 1 year ago

F as in phone

0points

Sue Young 1 year ago

But seriously… who decided to spell that word like that?

0points

jdtimid123 1 year ago

Eh, I get it. Especially if you feel rushed or on the spot and are just picturing the sound to find a word.

0points

Jude Corrigan 1 year ago

I had one say C for Catherine K for....Katherine. 🤦🏻‍♀️

0points

Id row 1 year ago

homer-lets...d5a00c.jpg

0points

Bob Brooce 1 year ago

Not a great speller, but you knew she didn't say C or T, right?

0points

Sabs 1 year ago

M as in Mancy…

0points

#15

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth “Well she never got pregnant before” after his gf got pregnant and after asking my friend why didn’t he use protection.

tuotone75 , cottonbro studio Report

Final score:

184points

POST

ShyWahine 1 year ago

Said the soon-to-be-parents....

72points

#16

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth "Its forbidden to smoke indoors now, but immigrants are allowed to live!"

She was dead serious.

I am hardly ever speechless, but that was one of these rare occasions.

Moedrynk , Kristaps Solims Report

Final score:

176points

POST

Em 1 year ago

That's not stupid, that's hateful.

199points

#17

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth A manager at my old job thought Alaska was an island next to Hawaii, because that's what it looks like on a map.

Also asked me one day if you could get an std from breathing the same air as someone with an std.

There were more but I can't remember the rest.

And this person was in charge...

DaveBelmont , Pixabay Report

Final score:

176points

POST

Tim Fawcett 1 year ago

Have you never heard the expression "promoted out of harm's way"

102points

#18

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth “You have your facts and I’ll have my facts”

anon12xyz , Peter Miranda Report

Final score:

173points

POST

JoyfulZebra 1 year ago

They have alternative facts

93points

EmotionalMycologist9 , Yiran Yang Report

#19

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth These fireworks are wet. I'm gonna dry them off in the microwave.

Final score:

170points

POST

Jihana 1 year ago

I wanna hear what happened next

208points

#20

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth “I don’t have a girlfriend because females are too intimidated because of my career.”

He was an assistant manager at Outback Steakhouse.

DauxRaeMeMeMe , Max Nayman Report

Final score:

164points

POST

Harley 1 year ago (edited)

Maybe females are actually inviting him out on dates but since he works at outback it’s all just a giant missed steak

20points

#21

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth “What year did this happen?”
We were watching the Lord of the Rings

OverTheCandlestik Report

Final score:

164points

POST

cugel. 1 year ago

TA 3019

78points

#22

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth "This steak tastes just like beef"

DigiDee , Justus Menke Report

Final score:

159points

POST

Caroline Kimber 1 year ago

I'm happy about that lol!

51points

#23

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth If you drink a coke & then a diet coke, the sugar cancels out.

ScribblingOff87 , Ayesha Ch Report

Final score:

158points

POST

Lydsylou 1 year ago

I am quite happy with that theory

70points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

See Also on Bored Panda

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#24

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth I knew someone who thought the sun and the moon were the same thing. She was 18 and just graduated high school.

AaronD1986 , Matt Nelson Report

Final score:

150points

POST

JoyfulZebra 1 year ago

The moon is just the night sun

61points

#25

I didn't take the promotion, because I would be paying too much in taxes.

dwightsrus Report

Final score:

141points

POST

Snorkeldorf 1 year ago

Many people don't realize that if a raise puts you in a higher tax bracket you will only pay the higher rate on the money earned that pushes you into the higher tax bracket. You owe in your original tax bracket on what you're paid before you hit the higher tax bracket. Taxes get so flipping complicated. If this person didn't understand that it would have been advantageous for them to talk to someone who did.

14points

whatsnewadisposable Report

#26

“People in England knew about the Queen’s passing before we did (Americans) because of the time difference!”
Meaning that because of the time difference, English people are somehow 6-8 hours AHEAD in the future??

Final score:

140points

POST

StrangeOne 1 year ago

I always make that joke, and thinking about time is a brain f**k. Once you realize that we're all living on this big rock and that everyone's position in relation to the sun is just that, the where you are. And Earth isn't a time machine. I actually confused myself thinking about it.

44points

#27

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth Years ago, I found myself watching MTV “Street Smarts” with a man I had recently met. The question asked on the show was to put these events in chronological order from oldest to most recent, the events were: Civil War, Man on the Moon, Ice Age. I laughed, I joked what a ridiculous question it was, he didn’t seem the least amused, so I asked him, you know this, right? He replied, “I’m not good with dates”

bigshotz76 Report

Final score:

138points

POST

T. 1 year ago

Ice Age, Civil War, Man on the moon, Ice Age (Pixar)

156points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

See Also on Bored Panda

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#28

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth Asked for diet water on a plane

Icy_mane , Jonathan Chng Report

Final score:

133points

POST

PlatinumThe8-BitCat 1 year ago

…diet..water?

68points

MrLambNugget , Olav Ahrens Røtne Report

#29

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth I was solving a Rubik's cube and a guy asked me how many sides it has and if I can make them all blue

Final score:

123points

POST

ShyWahine 1 year ago

Sure, pass me a blue sharpie....

14points

#30

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth I dated a girl who thought “the hole in the ozone layer are where the space shuttle come through to land.”

Father_Bones , NASA Report

Final score:

123points

POST

Lavender Myst 1 year ago

I know this move.... spaceballs right? Lol.

33points

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#31

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth "Am I going to be accountable for everything I say?!"

-Overheard my old boss berating the rest of the staff in a shop I used to work at

savedbytheblood72 , Dylan Gillis Report

Final score:

51points

POST

Ge Po 1 year ago

Yes, unless you are delirious (but only because of infection, poisoning or brain damage as voluntary substance abuse does not count), hypnotized (preferably not of your own volition) or seriously misquoted.

11points

#32

Rep Hank Johnson (D-GA) who thought the island of Guam might tip over if too many people got on one side.

drawnnquarter Report

Final score:

50points

POST

I’ve Seen Things 1 year ago

This explains a lot about American politicians

41points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

See Also on Bored Panda

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#33

“Anyone else not able to sleep at night? Yeah, I don’t think I’m turnal” took me a few to realize she thought the term was “not turnal”

eWhiskey Report

Final score:

44points

POST

Bored Retsuko 1 year ago (edited)

I like going to the toilet at dawn because I'm cräp-uscular.

29points

#34

Somewhat recently a girl told me me there is a conspiracy between big milk and big electric in the united states. That you don't actually have to refrigerate milk but they tell us we have to so they can make more money on electric bills.

I tried to explain what pasteurization was, but goddamn its disturbing that she was just like “yehp this makes the most sense”

xiirri Report

Final score:

42points

POST

Noname 1 year ago

Uht milk doesn't need to be refrigerated until opened, and has a shelf life of about 8 months.

26points

#35

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth Hmmm.... Got a couple from my days working in tourism in Hawaii. One of my favorites was "what's the difference between your mushroom and Swiss burger and your bacon guacamole burger? ". Next one, for context for those that don't know Maui, you can see two different islands from multiple vantage points on the island. Anyway, we had stopped at a lookout for some tourists to take a picture and a guy being completely serious asked, "So which one is Japan?". I was like, Japan is about 3k miles to the northwest. If you can see it, you have superpowers, sir.

boardjock , Eiliv Aceron Report

Final score:

37points

POST

Em 1 year ago

Reminds me of my all-time favorite customer question: "Does the vanilla iced coffee have coffee in it?"

20points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

See Also on Bored Panda

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#36

I was talking to a patient and I asked them which arm was injured.

They said “my left your right”

I was talking to them on the phone.

phantasybm Report

Final score:

37points

POST

Vasana Phong 1 year ago

One time a new patient had to fill out a packet of his demographics/medical history ect. in the section for what form of protection he uses, he wrote down, ugly

18points

#37

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth When I worked at Starbucks it was frequent question from customers to explain the difference between a hot and an iced drink…

Real_Pea5921 , Jiawei Zhao Report

Final score:

35points

POST

Maikku 1 year ago (edited)

I might understand this as in are there other differences than that. Like is the iced product the same stuff as the hot stuff, but just with ice (and obviously not hot). (I don't go to coffee shops and don't get the idea of adding ice to coffee, I think it would be gross) :D

11points

#38

Birds aren’t animals.

oatsteoperosis Report

Final score:

33points

POST

Jeff (He/They) 1 year ago

People who say this unjokingly... they need help

13points

#39

30 People Share The Absolute Dumbest Things They've Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth I once heard someone say they believe the old lady from the Titanic movie is an actual titanic survivor. When I told them she's an actress, they tried to call me bluff

GaryLooiCW Report

Final score:

30points

POST

Monday 1 year ago

I've met a couple of people who thought Jack and Rose were real people too.

12points