COVID isn't real. Damnit, I worked in a hospital during COVID. DO NOT TELL ME COVID IS NOT REAL. And especially when I am sick for 10 days with.

Pianowman Report

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I'm sure I've heard something more dumb but someone once said to me, "Snakes aren't animals. They're lizards."

When I told him that snakes and lizards are both reptiles and reptiles are animals he said, "Clearly you haven't done your research."

I have a degree in biology.

EmergencySriracha , Pixabay / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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My aunt (who was pushing 40) wondered if she needed to worry about prostate cancer, since her grandfather had it.

This is the same aunt who insisted that the Dutch are from Denmark. When I told her the Dutch come from the Netherlands she was like "no, sweetie, those are Neanderthals!".

bittyberry , ALINA MATVEYCHEVA / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Visited a historic site with a friend, when the guide told us it was Neolithic, older than Christ, she was shocked that people existed before Christ. She’s a nurse.

My_Name_Is_Amos , Mehmet Şimşek/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Lad I used to know when we were 17 or so once said he knew someone who could run a mile in one minute. When I called b******t, he said "how tf would you know?", so I said he'd have to be running at 60mph. He then asked me how I knew that, so I said well if he could run a mile in one minute, that means 60 miles in 60 minutes, therefore 60 miles per hour. He then said "that's not how it works". Bless him.

giraffeboy77 , RUN 4 FFWPU / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I went to see a Dr. for my neck issues. She was asking me questions. She asked about my commute to work. I said I did have a long commute. My neck would bother me while driving. The Dr. told me, in all seriousness, when traffic is stopped on the freeway get out of the car and walk around the car as many times as possible to stretch. 🤔 walk around the car while stopped in freeway traffic. I never had another appointment with her again.

Szaborovich9 , Oleksandr P / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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"Okay well if the earth is round, then how come Australians don't fall of?"

Then she looked at me with a sufficient smirk like she just debunked centuries of science.

Greenie1O2 , Catarina Sousa / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Old co-worker of mine:

"Nowadays 12 year old girls get abortions because they think it will make them popular!"

He was a f*****g idiot.

ElboDelbo , Mikhail Nilov / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Knew a girl in high school who thought chipmunks were baby squirrels. While not the most outrageous thing to think, when we all told her that wasn't the case, the teacher told her that wasn't the case, the internet told her that wasn't the case and an encyclopedia from the library told her that wasn't the case, she refused to believe it. She even went so far as to lie about having a pet chipmunk that grew into a squirrel. I wonder how she's doing these days. Oh yea she's in the United States House of Representatives. Figures.

justaguy826 , Gowtham R/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Worked on an animated movie as a group project, had this discussion;

“Can you take a look at the credits and check that it’s correct?”

“Yeah it looks good except you put me and Dave on character design. I did character design and Dave did the backgrounds. If you can fix that it’s all good.”

“So credit Dave for the backgrounds? Like this?”

“Yes, and remove him from character design”

“Why?”

“Because he didn’t design any characters, I designed every character on screen.”

“But he drew a boat.”

“Yes, but it wasn’t a sentient boat, and it was in the background. So it’s part of background design.”

“But he drew a plane.”

“It was also not a sentient plane. Characters are the things that are alive.”

“I seriously don’t understand what you want me to do.”

“Remove Dave from character design, since he didn’t design any.”

“That doesn’t sound fair.”

“Hi Dave, did you design any characters?”

(Dave) “No, you did all of them, remember?”

“See, Dave didn’t design any characters can you please remove him from character design”

“Ok, if it’s that important to you🙄”.

WebBorn2622 , Jonathan Borba / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I had a roommate once who was, to put it nicely, not the brightest. Once we were ordering from a takeout place and she asked, "what is goat meat?"

My friend and I stared at her, confused by her question. "It's goat" we answered.

"No, but like what animal does it come from?"

"Goat."

"But like, pork is from pigs, beef is from cows, what is goat meat from?"

" A GOAT"

"no, but like..."

You can imagine the rest of the conversation. My friend and I still laugh about this, years later. Not the stupidest thing she ever said, but definitely my favorite.

Silent_Dragonfly_751 Report

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I used to work at a CONCRETE dam. I've been asked 3 different times if it is a man-made dam while looking at the dam.

anon , Andy Chen/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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"You're not really disabled tho"
Just cause you can't see my disability right away, I can function fine day to day and am not in excruciating pain 90% of the time, doesn't mean I'm not physically disabled.
Like the bones in my arm are fused together since I was born, I was never able to turn my wrist and it affects about 90% of movements I make with my hand ... Sounds pretty physically disabled to me 🤷‍♀️.

Fantastic_Step8417 Report

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“I didn’t think you’d really leave. You don’t just divorce someone because they are a bad husband.”

- My ex. I got tons of dumb one liners from him!

Silent-Language-2217 , Keira Burton / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I work at my husband’s auto repair shop. After discussing next steps with a customer, I told them their gas light was on. They sighed and said, “great… how do we fix that?”

My response was dead silence. I was trying to determine if they were messing with me or not. They realized during my silence with the look on my face that they just needed to put gas in the car. They are one of my favorite customers now and they certainly keep me on my toes!

chaos_punk , Erik Mclean / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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When I was still in the restaurant industry, someone ordered a turkey burger, medium rare. I explained that we have to serve the turkey burger fully cooked, due to it being poultry.

“But it’s a burger.”

“Yes, but it’s a patty made out of poultry.”

“So why is it on the burger menu?”

“Well, it even says on the menu that our turkey burgers are cooked well done.”

“But your burgers are cooked to order.”

“Yes, our beef patties are cooked to order. Turkey burgers need to be fully cooked.”

She begrudgingly relented. Then complained to my then-manager that I’m an idiot.

GreenChorizo , Pixabay / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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An old ex, when I confronted him about his clashing outfit, told me he doesn’t know because he isn’t a fascist… I asked him what he meant, and he said “you know, someone who is into fashion”.

My dad couldn’t stand him and thought this was the funniest joke ever.

bitysis , MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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A woman told me: "I understand boys better than you do because I have 2 sons and you don't."

I'm a man.

Objectivevoter80 Report

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During the peak of the Covid pandemic, one of my parents set me aside to express how "concerned" they were about me at work because I might get brain damage from wearing a face mask.

One of my siblings works at a dental office, and they've been wearing face masks at work for years.

KatakanaTsu Report

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*Don't ever do that again! If you blow your nose while on the toilet and while on your period, your organs will fall out of your b******e and vagina and you'll die.*

Said to me by my mother the first time I got my period. I had the flu at the same time. Ripped TP off the roll and blew my nose. She wagged her finger in my face and told me the above statement.

I'm 29 now. Still waiting for my organs to fall out of my b******e or lady bits. I figure it's gotta be any day now, right?

disjointed_chameleon Report

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When my oldest step daughter was 15, I picked her up after her sport practice. I asked if she felt good after such good exercise. She said yes but then complained that she should've got a shower before I picked her up. I didn't understand. She said "well now that my sweat dried on me, my workout won't make a difference."

I drove in confused silence for a minute and then started giggling.

"Wait, do you think that your body reabsorbs fat through your sweat if you don't shower quickly enough?" I finally managed to ask.

She also started to laugh and admitted that's what she thought and that now that she heard it out loud, it made no sense.

We talked about biology the whole trip home. She's in her 2nd year of nursing school now and acing her classes. 🥰.

WeAreInTheBadPlace42 Report

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My gf once asked me why I believed in reindeers. She thought they were magical creatures like dragons or unicorns.

GustavoAlex7789 , Barnabas Davoti / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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A coworker (a morbidly obese fellow) said that he didn't need to do cardio because he drank coffee and energy drinks. Because those things made his heart beat faster, and that's all that cardio is, he doesn't need to exercise.

Completely and totally serious to the point that he absolutely could not understand why people waste their time running, bc energy drinks exist.

WatchTheBoom , Andrew Neel / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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My cousin once asked “where do astronauts land when it’s only half a moon?”.

Hollychanel , Pixabay/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Atheists worship the devil.

theRightiseffenWrong Report

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My great uncle continually says "Gay people will raise gay children."

Last time he said it, I said "Oh absolutely! Because straight people ONLY raise straight children right?"

He stopped talking about it now.

The best part?

He has no idea my Mum is gay, and she raised myself and my brothers alone. My father is a POS. 🤷‍♀️.

LadyBladeWarAngel Report

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“how was i supposed to know the strawberry açaí had strawberries in it” after giving it to somebody allergic to strawberries.

oh-fish-ial , ROMAN ODINTSOV / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Working in the meat department of a large grocery chain:

"What's the difference between a fresh and a frozen turkey?"

"Is......is this a trick question?".

chizzle91 , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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That he didn't believe Africa was real.

Sea_Lingonberry3865 , Nothing Ahead / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Mom once told teenage me that getting an internal ultrasound meant that a robot took my virginity. I think she cried over this, IIRC.

anon , Pavel Danilyuk/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Someone told me that drones were an extreme security threat, which is a fine argument to make (as long as you have the evidence to back it up), but then he instantly followed up with the comment: "But how do the spies *fit* inside the drones? These drones have to be pretty big to fit the people inside." This had me dumbfounded.

Guilty-Scale-1079 , Flo Dnd/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Pointing at a photo of a cave in the distance I took in Israel. "In that cave they found the 2000 year old Dead Sea Scrolls."

My friend "Were they still alive?"

Me befuddled, "Were who still alive?"

"The squirrels. The Dead Sea Squirrels. ".

BigGrayBeast Report

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You should give every guy that approaches you a chance even if you aren't attracted to them because you might learn to love them. As a woman that is the right thing for you to do.

This was said to me on Reddit when I stated that I won't date Conservative/Republican men. I was accused of bullying and hate speech and a bunch of butthurt men reported me. I almost lost my account. 😡🤬😤.

shrapnel2176 Report

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I had a female co-worker who got really upset when Prince Harry got engaged to Meghan Markle. When I asked why, she said it was because she wanted to be a princess. I laughed, because that's a very silly thing for an adult to say and I genuinely thought she was joking. She just looked at me dead in the eyes, super serious, and said again "I wanted... to be... a princess!"

We all lived in a country very far away from the UK, and she had almost a 0% chance of ever meeting Prince Harry.

ImInJeopardy , Marvin Malmis Ponce / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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"No need to worry about lead contamination in our drinking water - we boil it before we drink it." - my boss at an office based in an old Victorian school building in the UK

😬🫤.

penguinsfrommars , PS Photography / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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"People are not mammals. Dogs are mammals and I am not a dog. I don't walk on four legs or have a tail. Therefore I cannot be a mammal."
She was serious. I couldn't convince her otherwise.

Sunshine_Girl300 Report

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"Oh, it's like winning the lottery"


After she find out i got a widow's pension after my husband died.

RealisticWillingness , Pavel Danilyuk/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I had a tooth crack in Afghanistan. Dentist f****d up the patchwork, 2 months later my root abcessed into my sinus. Incredible, unique pain. Emergency flight to a base with a dentist. They pull the tooth, which caused a hole from my mouth directly into my sinus. Took 3 weeks to heal. Dentist didnt give me a single post op painkiller. I spent all night sobbing in pain bleeding all over my shirt. Before going in the next day, the dentist stopped at my billet, sees me in a blood soaked shirt, eyes sunken and red from crying and pain and asks in complete seriousness "howre you feeling."

Bad, captain. I feel bad.

Slamjamorrisan Report

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Mom heard on the news that Mars was going to be close enough to Earth to see with the naked eye.

A couple of evenings later she pointed up at the sky and said, 'Is that Mars?'

'That's the moon, Mom.'

'Are you sure?'

'Very much so.'

She's not suffering from dementia. She's just oblivious.

anon Report

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"Alcohol is so toxic to teenagers that, even a sip, gives them Toxic Shock Syndrome" - driving instructor.

That's the mildest dumb thing that was said.

Dick_of_Doom Report

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Well, Jennifer, you're Black but you're not "Black." You're educated and you have class.

JenniFrmTheBlock81 Report

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I used to have a friend that was convinced that if he stretched his a*****e enough he'd develop the ability to photosynthesize. He claimed thats how original humans survived since there's no food in Africa.

Apparently it's a whole thing some people believe. People are wild.

Wizard_of_Claus Report

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A family member ordered lobster at a non-chain non-seafood restaurant in Southwest Ohio. She didn't enjoy it because it "didn't seem fresh."

"Yeah... This was probably trucked in from somewhere near the ocean."

No s**t, Sherlock. Those Ohio River lobsters are hard to come by. We have to outsource.

King_Everything Report

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I had a high school student, in an honors level class, once ask a question (I don't remember the exact context) "...so is that why you stop, drop, and roll when there is a fire?" She was legitimately surprised when I told her that "stop, drop, and roll" was for when YOU are on fire, not just when there is a fire.

AnAtomSmasher , Vlad Bagacian / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I am adopted. I had a co-worker who expressed surprise that I have contact and a relationship with my adoptive brother because “you’re not natural brother and sister.”.

SororitySue Report

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After I got sexually assaulted- ‘okay but if the roles were reversed, what would you think?’ Or ‘okay but why did you let it happen?’ Like- HUH?

RezeTheGreat Report

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A co-worker was bitching about the government helping people with healthcare, asking why they couldn't work for it like he does.

When I asked what about disabled people, or unemployed people who couldn't find work, or people already working 2 jobs but couldn't afford their meds, he replied, "Why do they have to live?".

HoshiJones Report

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I tried to plan a festival with someone.

I said we had to follow the alcohol laws in our country if we wanted to sell alcohol. She said that was stupid and unnecessary because who would shut us down. Turned out the venue refused to rent to us unless we followed the law. Who would have guessed?

I also tried to explain to her that we couldn’t take money we were given to use on equipment and use it for a pizza party. She asked why not. I said because it’s embezzlement and illegal. I had to explain that to her 5 times.

WebBorn2622 Report

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“A major in psychology is so smart for job interviews because you can read the minds of people interviewing you.”.

Beth_Harmons_Bulova , Anna Shvets/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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I asked someone how tall he was & he said, “5 foot 12 inches”. I chuckled but he didn’t mean it as a joke.

Altruistic-Brick-510 , Kampus Production / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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