Personally i talk to my thermos but sometimes it does whatever it wants!

"yes" *whoosh*

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“THE LAWS OF PHYSICS HAVE NOTHING ON ME”

THIS MADE ME START LAUGHING IN MY BIOLOGY CLASS LMAOOOOAOOOO

L O N E L Y A N D S T U P I D (the bully not the person)

If I have kids, this is what I want to be signing up for.

I hate that I have done this around twice a year

Like a vegan going to a BBQ

seven-box-...e-jpeg.jpg

Friendly piece of advice: don’t call me at 3 am if you want to keep those legs of yours

74

Why not a camel at least? Why lion? 🤔

Could happen if born before and after midnight

I apologize on my country's behalf.

To be fair I often mix the words for elevator and bus in my language.

Reminds me of that XKCD comic where completing Mavis Beacon unlocks capital numbers.

Lucky guess

"No, this is a copy of my latest screenplay. What do you think?"

A friend of mine could just pop one out and have a gander at it. Rather alarming when you find it out the first time.

What a dumb question. Everyone knows they don’t have birthdays in Korea. They just sort of slowly appear and it’s hard to tell the beginning date

Many people say that to be polite. Still annoying, though

I had a coworker whose religion banned tattoos. Every two weeks she went to someone and had a new henna design drawn on because she loved body art. They were often multicolored because she loved flowers. Depending where the question was asked, it may have been a legitimate query.

You’re imagining it, now go back to sleep

"No, I just drink A LOT of beer."

Trying to start a conversation... Small talk and stuff...

She knew you were having a baby and was just using that as an icebreaker to say hello.

Ope, but if you stick around you will be witness to an epic fart, strap yourself in

It was obviously meant as a kind small-talk opener. Nothing to do with stupidity. It's mean to assume otherwise.

rhetorical, to be nice.. try it some time

"You're Killin me Smalls" is a famous movie quote jic

Well, we were trying for a polar bear but this thing just happened...

I had a doctor ask me if I was trying to get pregnant because I was off my birth control. I was 8 months pregnant. She just assumed I was fat.

I had a "don't eat watermelon seeds" t-shirt 😂 Not everyone got it though...

No, it's the oddest thing. I gain all my weight right here under this novelty shirt.

No, in a few weeks an alien is going to burst out of me and start killing people who ask stupid questions.

To be fair, I get assumed to be pregnant all the time, despite never having been in my life. Asking is far better. Never assume someone is pregnant with unless you see a head emerging.

NEVER ASSUME A WOMAN IS PREG!!! Unless you see a baby actually coming OUT OF HER BODY and even then, tread lightly

No dear, it's just a bun I put in the oven for when my husband comes home.

while it's offensive to ask a woman if she's pregnant when she might not be, this was in an OB's office, as in the doctor who follows pregnancies and births. Plus the t-shirt says there's a baby in there, and she's rubbing her 8-MONTHS SWOLLEN belly

There was a strange phase in the early 2000s where girls who could see fine would buy non-prescription glasses from Claire's to look smart.

pAiNtInG oN oNe SiDe Is So TaCkY

Not fast enough, obviously.

I dunno. Coincidence, I guess