ADVERTISEMENT

When I think about comedy, the first thing that comes to mind is comedy shows, stand-ups, and the iconic SNL. But a lot of the time, comedy gold can be found in none other than social media posts, which are influenced by the greatest comedian - life itself.

A platform like Twitter, now referred to as X, is full of people sharing their humorous stories that inspired an Instagram page called reallydumbtweets to compile all of the best finds into one hilarious collection. From their 4000+ posts, we have selected the ones that stuck out the most to share with you, Pandas. So without further ado, let’s dive into this list, and let us know in the comments which tweet made you chuckle the most.

#1

Dumb-Funny-Tweets

reallydumbtweets Report

Thee8thsense
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your talents are wasted there. They are robin you blind.

Mycroft1967
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He Gotham mixed up. Now he just wants to es-cape.

Load More Replies...
Fish Fingers
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Manbat's name was Robert Langstrom.

Ozymandias73
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hopefully you're earning your....Pennyworth

Zephyr
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You don't say such things of the Bat, you'll seem like a Joker

JL
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They all got it, but they all know that ManBat is Dr. Kirk Langstrom.

Frostfirefox919
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With great responsibility comes great power.

View more comments
RELATED:
    #2

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Remi (He/Him)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd take chem physics or math over effing dodgeball any day

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My elementary gym teachers were sadistic d bags that ran PE like the military and kids that would rather be in Chem or the library (me!) Were special dodgeball targets so I can relate.

    Load More Replies...
    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's smart to know what job you're best cut out for.

    Stardust she/her
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve seen my sports teachers play with each other during free time while the other teachers are constantly doing some work or the other

    Fiona Parky
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My entire school was put into detention once because a piece of graffiti was found in the locker room loos. It said “raise the world’s average IQ. Kill a PE teacher”.

    Zephyr
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ladies and gentlemen, I give you selective incompetence

    H Smith
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym

    Mmm K
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I immediately thought of this quote! Jack Black said it in the movie "School of Rock" 😄

    Load More Replies...
    Leaf
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ah yes. I forgot that a person's intelligence was determined by their salary.

    Holly Stevens
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At my high school, all the PE teachers were also teachers of something else, like two were English teachers etc. No one was just "PE teacher"

    Meridia
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Fr. My P.E teacher got paid like $3k-$4k per month and seems like he got the easiest job out of all the teachers there. One time, he was lazy to do the physical fitness test so he gave everyone a perfect evaluation score.

    View more comments
    #3

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Divado
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Welcome to Bored Panda.

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is the definition we didn't know we needed

    cerinamroth
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I found the definition of my brother-in-law! Thank you, BP!

    ThatBlackNightingale
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You don't know how many times I'm gonna use this now- *intensely stares at that one particular "friend" we all know

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ahhh reading the room via racism temp... nobody likes a Schroe-bag.

    Tom Sanders
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Schroe-bag has many faces, racism is but one.

    Load More Replies...
    Melissa
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've had this happen multiple times by guys not getting the response they wanted. One started talking to me on a game after guessing I was female and then asked my bra size. When I wasn't happy with that he claimed it was a joke. Jokes are supposed to have some element of humor 🙄

    Suede
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    still better than completely oblivious offensive

    View more comments

    Social media has become the modern-day stage for the world's comedic geniuses. From regular people who just had a funny story to share to actual comedians, we can encounter some of the funniest content online.

    Humor, often regarded as a lighthearted and entertaining aspect of life, is paradoxically a very serious business. Beneath the surface of any good joke lies a complex interplay of psychology, culture, and communication. While jokes and comedic performances aim to provoke amusement, their impact extends far beyond mere laughter.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #4

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Mistiekim
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The 7 stages of grief: shock, denial, guilt, anger, depression, reconstruction, acceptance. That should cover it.

    ThatBlackNightingale
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is low-key the best way to find out you failed your midterms, become an online celebrity lol

    Id row
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You should feel incentive to study harder.

    Steph
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😂be smart and use your new won fame for failing 😉👍🏻

    Paul Pienkowski
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Taiwan just doesn't know whether to be flattered or upset...

    Queen Mab
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is that true? I don't know if it's irony, coincidental or what.

    Mmm K
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well there's nothing really ironic about it. He was just made aware through social media because of the virality since people find it funny.

    Load More Replies...
    View more comments
    #5

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I actually like being an adult, other than all the stupid paperwork.

    Deeelite
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Agreed - my time, money, schedule, decisions are all mine!

    Load More Replies...
    Mistiekim
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing worse than a smug 90’s alternative band…..

    Jo Jones
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    could be worse .. like smug 00's happy-hardcore-disco-polo band..

    Load More Replies...
    Id row
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll take adulthood over my childhood any day of the week.

    tee-lena
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Right? As bad as it is, and it's very bad, at least I don't have my religious nut of an adoptive parent up my butt.

    Load More Replies...
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...16 just held such better days

    RajunCajun
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    an old mentor told me; your 40's are the best, now you can afford all the things you wanted to do in your 20's.

    Steph
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish I had body, mind and life optimism back of when I was 36. Best age. Not a tween anymore and not yet a MILF, career peak, all doors open, healthy and good looking, no aching age pains, being respected and taken serious by older people and yet young enough to identify with the youngsters. House paid off, no depths, most of the more luxurious dreams about to being fulfilled. Perfect time of life.

    Dasha
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tried to sharpen my finger to make it pointy lol

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #6

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Lexekon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You don't need a boyfriend for that, just get a Golden Retriever...

    tee-lena
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or my cat. She is nonjudgemental and eats everything

    Load More Replies...
    Miss Revelle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bring snacks with you so you can find him when he gets lost again. Shake the snack bag, he comes running!

    TW69
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Stop losing boyfriends lol

    Just another idiot
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know it's not the point but, you should probably keep better track of your boyfriends at parties. LOL

    BarBeeGirl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    when I lost my boyfriend at a party I found his cuddling with the host's dog. I knew he was the one for me lol

    TheGoodBoi
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gotta get one of those leashes

    Abel
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you get old priorities change.

    just a lazy witch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guys, thanks for the laughs, these comments crack me up more than the tweet lmao

    View more comments

    Comedians are skilled artists and it can take months or years to craft a perfect joke, story, and routines that connect with their audiences. Comedy is a form of creative expression that requires originality, timing, and an understanding of human nature.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    However, the world of comedy is not without its challenges, and one of the most contentious issues is the act of joke stealing. This problem in an age of social media and influencers is continuing to escalate and is especially discouraging for the creators, when their work shared on their original accounts gets less interaction than when it's reposted without credit by larger accounts or individuals with a larger following. This not only undermines the hard work and creativity of the original comedians but also highlights the complexities of intellectual property and digital ethics in the modern age.

    #7

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , oksheesh Report

    Paul C.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When my dad died his brother came to the funeral and I hadn't seen him for about twenty years.....frightened the hell out of me.

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother arrived for my father in law's funeral, let's just say she nearly fainted when she saw his brother

    Load More Replies...
    Amy
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband's dad has an identical twin brother. Apparently I never mentioned this to my family, who had never met either of them before my wedding. My dad thought my husband's dad just kept changing clothes.

    Biofish23
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My Aunt and my soon to be mother in law met at several family functions before my wedding and were fairly friendly. As people were checking into the hotel the day before my wedding my Aunt thought she saw my MIL and went up to her to chat. She was very surprised when she got a polite but somewhat dismissive greeting, and wondered if she had done something to offend my mother in law. Meanwhile my mother in laws's identical twin was somewhat confused by the overenthusiastically friendly stranger in the hotel lobby. The confusion was cleared up at the rehearsal dinner that night.

    Load More Replies...
    Kirsten Kerkhof
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Last year one of our students died. Turned out he had an identical twin brother. Seeing a guy at the funeral and later at school (they came to clean out the student’s locker) who looked just like our student was very unnerving.

    martymcmatrix
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At my beloved grandpa's funeral, one of his cousins was also a guest. My fellow pandas...the scene was almost surreal because at first glance that WAS my grandpa. The resemblance was unsettling and startling at the same time and I felt like I was the only one who even noticed at all...Let me tell you, this was one of the strangest days of my entire life...

    Bob La Capra
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I met my father's older sister (my aunt) for the first time at their mother's (my grandmother) funeral. She looked exactly the same as nani only 20 years younger. You could've knocked me over with a fender.

    Leesa Anderson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes fenders can definitely knock you over, but I think you meant "feather".

    Load More Replies...
    Alethea Fletcher
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My headmaster died when I was in middle school. The whole school was invited to attend his funeral..........where we discovered he had an identical twin. Yeah, that was a fun funeral! ............. High five to anyone from Oakdale Middle School 1981-85.

    CJ Bovee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same. Didn't know my GMA had a sister that looked just like her. We walked in the day before the funeral, and being 5, said look, GMA isn't dead...

    Andrew Arons
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If the only difference was that the twin had a goatee, you might be in trouble...

    View more comments
    #8

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , missmulrooney Report

    LooseSeal's $10 Banana
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One the other hand, my 3 year old wakes up at 5:00 and, with more glee than any human should have at that hour, annouces to the house, "ITS MORNING TIME EVERYBODY!!"

    Sapient Mulch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd be inclined to record that and turn it into an alarm clock for when they're teenagers.

    Load More Replies...
    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I wake up my first thought is usually "oh no" followed by, on this particular morning, "maybe I should just stay here and finish that dream about being turned into an animatronic and sent on a quest to find the Golden Twix Bar".

    Edward Treen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am almost always woken up by one of my girls (felines) with gentle but insistent patting on the cheek when she thinks she's waited long enough for breakfast. This can occur anytime between 04:15 and 06:00. Yup! I get up and they all get their breakfast. I know my place.

    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good soft can-opener. You may have a cookie (that we'll sniff and paw at first).

    Load More Replies...
    TheGoodBoi
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of my 3 year old that says "It's a nice day out!" every morning. Doesn't matter if it's raining cats and dogs, It shall be a nice day out.

    Silly-Rabbit
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sun's Up, I'm Up! Said every toddler everywhere..

    AngelWingsYT
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A kid tried to do that to me....after i had stayed up to 2am for a meteor shower.....i was woken at like 5-6am....put on a movie for "us" n went back to sleep on the couch xD

    Load More Replies...
    AngelWingsYT
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorta but at 28 its more like "f*ck i woke up"

    Gigi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dog wakes me up by dancing jumping off of the bed then dancing in circles

    Ms.GB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm 43 and I'm going to try this...will help come? I guess we'll see.

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How are these “Really dumb tweets”? I know English isn’t the first language at BP, but still … while assembling these, they HAD to realize these are great! (Right?) (Or does “dumb” mean something else in Swedish?)

    Mmm K
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Right. Most of these don't seem dumb to me at all so far. There's a little humor.

    Load More Replies...
    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #9

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , Shaydozer Report

    Zephyr
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The hunter is now the hunted

    Caffeinated Hedgehog
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your therapist now needs an emotional support therapist.

    Laughing otter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All therapists are supposed to have an emotional support therapist. It's actually in the Code of Ethics.

    Load More Replies...
    VonBlade
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Too late, I've already won. My therapist stopped seeing me because I was 'beyond their ability to help'. Go me!

    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Welp, I hope you found another therapist a few levels higher up?

    Load More Replies...
    TheAmericanAmerican
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me to my therapist: let me, someone with a Bachelor degree in environmental science, explain to you the existential dread that is climate change.

    SkekVi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    lol this happened to me while i was LOOKING for a therapist. just interviewing on the phone 'do you have experience with x?' 'oh no i do not wow. no.' like i laugh but also that's frustrating as h3ll. but you gotta make jokes yk

    Mary Peace
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe you've discovered a new 'problem'. Stop looking for a therapist, write a book, make a few million and come back and tell us!

    Load More Replies...
    Kel_how
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The therapized has surpassed the therapist

    I heart Boo-BI-es
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How exactly does one win at therapy? Others with unbalanced minds would like to know.

    tee-lena
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When they threaten to take away your pain meds. Cuz yeah, that'll help with the suicidal ideation. 🙄

    Load More Replies...
    Chris D'Asta
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pandas, look Shayne Smith up. He does standup gigs in a Mormon comedy series called Dry Bar. One of the funniest humans on the planet.

    Mmm K
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've listened to a couple if Shayne's clips over the years. He's not bad. One of those clean comics that the whole family can listen to.

    Load More Replies...
    View more comments

    However, not all is bad when it comes to sharing your work online. The internet allows comedians to be exposed to a global pool of talent which provides opportunities for collaboration and growth. So whether these people who are featured in this list are sharing their craft as comedians or just as everyday people, their talent has not gone unnoticed, and we are glad that we were able to share their hilarious jokes with you today.

    #10

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    MacToast
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of a guy I know named Jay who named his son Jayson...

    Danielle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This has been forwarded to my dad, Ian, to chastise him for his failure to capitalise on this opportunity three times.

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omg I'm an idiot... I was sitting here saying "Ian Lilian...Ian Lilian...Ianlilian?" And glad I'm not the first commenter cause it would have been "Ian Lilian I don't get it"

    TheGoodBoi
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The ultimate dad joke type of thing! "Dad what's your best dad joke?" Lilian "What? I asked what your best dad joke is?" You...You are my best dad joke Lil-Ian...

    Kristi Wozniak
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And just like vol-canoes. I'll never say it the same in my head again!

    Emma Goransdottir
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is such a cute idéa 😄! Also Lilian is a beautiful name 💕

    View more comments
    #11

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , STOPFLEXIN Report

    ThatCapybara
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Respect for not killing it 🫡

    Barong
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bad luck to kill spiders supposedly.

    Load More Replies...
    François Carré
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do that a lot in our library. Even escorted a baby lizard outside once.

    Fly_Agaric_Frog (They/Them)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shout-out to the cashier for not lighting the car on fire like I would!

    TheGoodBoi
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Don't worry mam we got you. BRING FORTH THY FLAMETHROWER!"

    Load More Replies...
    Son of Philosoraptor
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was on a break hanging outside and there's these two nice middle eastern guys and two large male turkeys have their delivery truck hostage. They are not familiar with how huge and aggressive a wild turkey can be and they are legit scared to go near. I am familiar with wild turkeys so I just walk up to the bird boys and lecture them like bad dogs and they move on. Guys were so happy with me! Good times.

    The Deez
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, how I wish I could have seen you lecturing the turkeys!! LOL!

    Load More Replies...
    Maytheblahaj
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not to be that person, but here's your reminder that chick fil a as a company sucks and they donate to anti gay charities.

    Shannon Hawks
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    the apron becomes a cape after dark.

    Mike Fitzpatrick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Then, he calmly walked into the back and had a nervous breakdown.

    BPisaddictive
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I usually put upturned insects back on their legs, so I relate

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #12

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Grace Smith
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope they’re going to give him his money back

    Yayheterogeneity (her/she) het
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The way Op wrote that and going by his cheeky reply I am most certain they did. Lol

    Load More Replies...
    Shannon Hawks
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    now that's how you turn a negative into a positive

    SkekVi
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this is how i lost my college money as a kid. all of it. never got it back. Didn't inherit any houses either. 🙃

    ILoveMySon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am so sorry for you. I hope all is well now.

    Load More Replies...
    Jaclyn Steinmacher
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    you'd have to click five things to accidentally do that.

    Ben
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wouldn't let somebody do something as important as pay a mortgage if you "accidentally" pay out of someone else's account.

    Tiffany Wilson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought the account was predetermined when the whole thing was set up? Did they not have enough in their account to cover it and it automatically defaulted to the next available?

    Nicola Roberts
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I share an Amazon account with my daughter. Occasionally something will go through on the wrong bank card. She also uses it for work and so I have addresses and people card details that I don't even know. Thankfully never put anything through on their card!

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT

    If you feel like this list was not enough for you today, we have found a few previous posts shared on Bored Panda containing hilarious tweets. From funny and questionable Tweets to the best and worst of Twitter, you are bound to find the entertainment you were looking for.

    #13

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well excuse me but this thirtysomething doesn't like wearing a raincoat because it gets all gross and sweaty inside.

    Dela Bee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They keep telling us the raincoats are "breathable" - they keep not being breathable

    Load More Replies...
    iBlank
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We're all born waterproof. The more sensible thing to do as an adult is to put all your stuff in a waterproof bag and walk around town naked

    Moosy Girl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    FINALLY someone else who has the right idea about this!!

    Load More Replies...
    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a pink umbrella with flamingo handle, and I'm not afraid to use it

    sturmwesen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love kids umbrellas with ears. I got a lion one

    Load More Replies...
    Christof Irran
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's how we Seattleites can tell who is a tourist: Umbrella = tourist; no umbrella = native.

    Kim Steffen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I moved to Seattle, I was told that If you're going to live here you need a good hat.

    Load More Replies...
    Philly Bobcat
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I rarely use an umbrella. Not because I find any negativity in using one. It's just that by the time I find the SOB and manage to get it unwrapped ond open, it stops raining! LOL!

    Cassie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was growing up, kids wore raincoats and grownups used umbrellas.

    PjandBolt
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The first tweet was probably made by a pacific-north-western, speaking from experience, ig none of us like umbrellas

    Jessica Shookhoff
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, dark colored umbrellas can be used as portable sunshades.

    Faith Arnold
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Any colour umbrella will give you shade, doesn’t have to be black to stop the sun.

    Load More Replies...
    Katy McMouse
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought we were supposed to develop a magical force field.

    Son of Philosoraptor
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I started using an umbrella when I grew up.

    View more comments
    #14

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Grace Smith
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s a very important question

    Son of Philosoraptor
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Back when I worked for AAA, apparently I shook my ex awake and yelled "Do you want to renew your policy?!" and went right back to sleep, leaving her wide awake in the dark, thinking WTF just happened?

    Deanna Crichley
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was a telephone operator, I used to wake up, hitting the button on the alarm clock, and saying "One moment, please.".

    Load More Replies...
    DC
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ... so ... will there? Be a buffet, now?

    Fiona Parky
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    According to my husband, I once sat bolt upright in bed and shouted “Catch that cuttlefish, it’s glowing”. He swears he’s never laughed so much in his life. I have absolutely no idea what that dream was about.

    Julia Mckinney
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When we were teenagers, my youngest sister used to lead cheers in her sleep and guess who she shared a room with? Yeah, me.

    Load More Replies...
    Thom Serveaux
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The other day my sleeping husband threw open the curtains at 5am, blasting me with sunlight. When I yelled at him he just said "I had to let the squirrel out"

    Chirp
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where is there sunlight at 5am? Unless you live in the Arctic?

    Load More Replies...
    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, and all the lobster will be taken by the time you get there and some kid will be sticking his fingers in the mashed potatoes!

    Kazza
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have night terrors, full on wake up screaming. One night I jumped up and shouted WANKER at the top of my voice. Felt sorry for my husband 😂

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The first time I slept in the same bed with my now-husband he sat bolt upright and said "crouching tiger hidden dragon!!"

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Didn't mean to copy that nearly word for word oops

    Load More Replies...
    Shannon Hawks
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    got to have your priorities in order and buffet is near the top

    View more comments
    #15

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , _RobertSchultz Report

    ThatCapybara
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lmao this is the best possible outcome

    Monday
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He went looking for fun and found love xD Task failed successfully?

    Load More Replies...
    Reenzy Bennington
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would've asked where them girls at bro

    JP Purves
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would have been tremendously disappointed.

    Jeremy Bolanos
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You start out with such hopes and dreams...

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #16

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , IG: @_NoFaceCase @ShopNoFaceCase •STREET•HEAT•CHIC• Shop NoFaceCa$e IG: @_nofacecase Shop: http://nofacecase.com 0 Following 31 Followers Post See new Tweets Conversation IG: @_NoFaceCase @ShopNoFaceCase Report

    Capybara With a Cat
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or a mysterious lady dressed all in black with a black umbrella who smokes a cigarette a bit in the distance

    Adam Zad
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was young, I was late for everything. My best friend would joke that I'd be late to my own funeral. In my will, I want to include a $100 tip for the driver of the hearse to be late. Take the long route, stop by a drive-through, whatever... just be late!

    BPisaddictive
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Actually, Liz Taylor did exactly that! https://nypost.com/2011/03/25/elizabeth-taylor-fashionably-late-to-own-funeral-service-at-her-request/

    Load More Replies...
    Midoribird Aoi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you know a potential Mafia boss having a slow day, he might think this is a fun diversion for your relative. Lol jkjk

    Poison Ivy/Boo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want someone to dress up as the Grim Reaper, scythe and all.

    Sonja
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I want someone coming to my funeral, staring at the urn unmoving, scream loudly all out of nothing, throwing a few seedbombs at the urn and run away.

    DP Nerill
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, I like the mob guys thing, but to make it even more sinister, have them all surround the coffin, have one guy pull out a mirror and put it under my nose and wait for about a minute or so, and then pull the mirror away and say "dammit" or something. Then he turns around and looks at the family right in the eyes really closely, with a sinister look like he's memorizing all the faces. Then grunts and waves to his posse to walk away: dark suits with bulges in their jackets all wearing the same dark glasses. OMG, I would tape it and have it played a year later on the anniversary of my death with an explanation. Now that's how you stay immortal.

    Reemerger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll hire a couple of weirdos to sing "don't be suspicious" and prance out of sight from the funeral in a ridiculous manner.

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #17

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , redwhitendfree Report

    T5n
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Definitely couple goals. I’d personally love to be in a relationship with a girl who can have fun like that boyfriend can

    Load More Replies...
    Jeremy James
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you tie a balloon to their wrist, you can spot where they are pretty easily.

    BPisaddictive
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thanks, now I can't unsee a pterodactyl with a fancy balloon on its wrist

    Load More Replies...
    Miss Mali
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nobody actually KNOWS what a pterodactyl actually sounded like.

    Lexekon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am told they had a British accent...

    Load More Replies...
    Son of Philosoraptor
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wife or I will yell Marco! if we lose each other in a big store. And yes, shout back Polo!!

    XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My SO will yell "CA-CAW!" like the loudest damn crow in the universe. So embarrassing...but I secretly love it. Shhhh!🤫

    Load More Replies...
    J White
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My 20-something daughter just yells 'Marco!'

    Florence O'Grady
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Marry him, marry him fast! The man that has that good of a sense of humor is worth keeping. No matter what happens in your life, he will be able to keep a sense of humor about him and help you keep yours.

    View more comments
    #18

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , ItsDanSheehan Report

    Sca Caca
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    😂 my name has been Caca for over 20 years! Recently it's been upgraded to Cacky!

    Katy McMouse
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've been "Aunt Gay-gie" for almost 20 years now. They're all grown up and can properly pronounce words, but "Gay-gie" never died.

    Load More Replies...
    Kate Kyffin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Queen Elizabeth II was called 'Gary' as Prince William (as a toddler) could not say Granny. hehehe

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My paternal grandfather was called Adda, because I tried to call everyone Dadda. He's been dead half a century, but he's still referred to as Adda in the family

    JinxBox
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Grandpa (vaari) and baby (vaavi, slang) is one letter away so my son has no grandpa, just Vaavi.

    Billy Harrelson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Went to school with a girl that everyone called Dee. Every now and then we'd have to do a thing were we told everyone our full names. Turns out her name is Cynthia and there's nothing in her name that begins with a D. Everyone asked the obvious. Turns out her older brother who was learning to speak when she was a baby couldn't pronounce her name (or the shortened form of Cindy) and kept calling her Dee so the name stuck. For myself, I could not pronounce my aunt's name when I was learning to speak. Her name was Geraldine and, given the good ol' North Carolina accents we have, I kept calling her Gerdine. Finally she said "just call me Aunt (pronounced like ain't)" so for forty years until she passed in 2021 that's what everyone called her.

    Benita Valdez
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My family is notorious for nick names that are just regular names. Majority of the revelations of relatives real names were in my adulthood. I am nearly 40 and just found out in July that my one aunts name wasn't her real name; I really thought I knew it l by now.

    Load More Replies...
    Wheelchair athlete
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My friends (siblings) call their grandparents gummy and bumpy because the oldest kid couldn't say grandma and grandpa, but tbh Gummy and Bumpy is pretty iconic

    Mary Hiers
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When my daughter was expecting my first grandchild, there was tremendous discussion about what they would call ME. Grandma and granny were right out because I always view a grandma or granny sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair with a shotgun across her lap and that ain't me. I suggested "Mimi," which is cute and is also a diminutive of my actual name, but my kids knew a Mimi that they hated so they nixed that. We finally settled on Gigi, which even sounds cute when toddlers are learning to talk.

    Whitefox
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol, I was Ani-Kin for a few years until my nephew could pronounce Auntie Kim.. lol. Then I had to mess with him and change my first name completely.

    Just me, myself, and I
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Beep = grandfather in my husband's family. We have a great friend called Bim. I didn't find out till years later his name is really George.

    Otto Katz
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We had an aunt we called Aunty Leenie. Turns out her name was Arline, I didn't know this til after she passed away.

    View more comments
    #19

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Marco Richter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and then complain and demand a refund if he takes longer than 30 min

    Marleina Hershberg
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    These places may want to not offer delivery in extreme weather, putting their employees at risk.

    Cassie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband managed a franchise pizza store for a family member who owned it. We got hit with a hurricane. A stat of emergency was declared and the governor stated nobody should be on the roads other than emergency vehicles. The owner insisted my husband keep the store open or he'd fire everybody. My husband wouldn't let the kids drive in the hurricane, so he made their deliveries and gave them their tips until a tree fell on his car and he got a head injury. Owner still said keep it open. They argued, but the power went out, solving the problem. Husband wanted to go to the hospital for his head injury. Owner said he had to stay in the store since there was no security system with the power out. My husband had a mental breakdown that year, realizing his family member wasn't the person he thought he was looking up to.

    Load More Replies...
    Colin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If i wouldn't drive in it, I'm not ordering too make someone else drive

    Jeanie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dad ordered pizza during the May tornados in Oklahoma (movie Twister anyone?). Tipped the guy 20 bucks for delivering on a like 30 dollar order. Guy was so happy for the tip he asked my dad if we needed anything else "cuz he'd be happy to run to the store to grab us sodas or something". My dad laughed, said we were food, and gave the dude another 8 bucks.

    Apple Jakes
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If that kid is working during a snowstorm he probably needs those tips.

    Brian Leahy
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My thought too. What's worse, driving in a storm or working all night for no tips? The answer would vary based on the driver's circumstances

    Load More Replies...
    Katy McMouse
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I refuse to do that in any storm, rain or snow. I'm even a little leary during meteor showers.

    Kraneia The Dancing Dryad
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My favorites are the ones who go get fast food on a holiday (like, do you really need those nuggets on Christmas??) And then comment how bad they feel that you're having to work on a holiday..... 😡

    Shane S
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m guilty of ordering on a holiday if it’s a religious holiday and I’m ordering from an immigrant-owned business. Like I’ve ordered Indian food from a restaurant on Christmas that has a Ganesh statue in the dining area.

    Load More Replies...
    J White
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had to deliver chinese food in a serious snowfall to a limo driver's house who had just gotten off work. :/. Good tip, though! But... yeah.

    Robert Trebor
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd tip the kid 200% for getting there.

    Spittnimage
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow risking a life for pizza. So funny.

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #20

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , Livey_ Report

    Lynzi Lou
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I laughed hard at this. Mostly because even after 16years together I'm pretty sure this is how my fella feels.

    BSteel13
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    oooh had us in the beginning there ha

    Trophy Husband
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That took an unexpected turn...

    AngelWingsYT
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well that took a unexpected turn

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #21

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , molly7anne Report

    Mistiekim
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is he only vacuuming because he is chewing sunflower seeds?

    Steph
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good question. What was first: egg or hen? Maybe he‘s been chewing and vacuuming for so long, he doesn’t even know himself what he did first…

    Load More Replies...
    Shannon Hawks
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honey why is it taking you 3hrs to vacuum. Still got seeds babe

    Zephyr
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is a lesson in there somewhere, deep down so deep I don't see it

    Thorsten M. Weisner
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    well the vaccuum is not that good with liquids so he was covering the whole floor with his spit.

    Mikey Kliss
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I usually eat them all. shell and all

    CORGI QUEEN
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    you're not supposed to swallow sunflower seeds?????? I thought they were edible

    Christina Collins
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good way to skip all the bitchin' about never helping out AND seeds on the floor

    View more comments
    #22

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , ratch_jax Report

    JB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everybody did this

    Isaac Nemo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nope, they didn't. Congratulations you are one of us anxious people! (:D)

    Load More Replies...
    Mycroft1967
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would do voices and mess everything up. Teacher loved how I read with fake accents and make me keep going.

    Billy Harrelson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hated reading out loud. I'm an avid reader but got bullied relentlessly in the early grades. Fifth grade was the worst year. We were doing our reading one day. It was my turn to read and as soon as I started, someone starts going "wrong! You're reading the wrong part." I kept going regardless, reading perfectly, but the same person kept saying "wrong" after ever sentence. The teacher didn't bother to correct this student. Those early days did not shape my life well, but as I got older, people realized I was actually pretty smart and would seek me for help on something like history or geography.

    Scout Finch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same. I felt that whole paragraph come to life.

    Kiki Boomboom
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, either this or I would get through reading it great but then have no idea what I'd just said when the teacher asked. Can't do both when reading to an audience!

    Suby
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would put my finger in between the pages we were on, then read ahead. A couple of kids before it was my turn, I'd go back and find where we were. Most of us did that. By the time the class was reading the second chapter out loud, most of us had already read the whole book. And the teacher wondered why we were not excited. Talk about oblivious.

    Jude Laskowski
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just like in law school - you'd count who would be called to brief a case, so you could prepare.

    View more comments
    #23

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Snorkeldorf
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Went to Hershey Park with my then husband, now ex, and my daughter. Got one of those chocolate bars where you can have your photo put on the wrapper and gave one to my mom. After she died I was going thru her things and found the wrapper. She kept it all those years but cut my ex out of the picture.

    supertall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Grandma Li is the champion we all need.

    Trish
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll bet grandma never even liked your ex.

    Mr.Li
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When i will become a old dude, I do that too.

    Shiva Ho
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She never liked him in the first place

    Hokuloa
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do not mess with G’ma Li. I bet she’d chase baddies with a slippah!!

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #24

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Hawkmoon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A doggo who has adopted the "cat's way of life".

    Ti Al
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Only if you wake up your human 45 mins before the alarm, get fed and then go back to the humans' bed yourself while the human is questioning his life.

    Load More Replies...
    sturmwesen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    sleep, short walky, food, sleep for mine. He even "tells" me to start work so he knows where to sleep (bed or desk)

    Rosie Red
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My cat like to meow-scream at 5am. As soon as I get up, she goes to bed.

    Mama Penguin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You guys ever looked at your pet and thought how good their life is compared to yours?

    Evolbeky
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All the time. I like to tell my oldest dog "get a job!" Or "you think chicken jerky grows on trees?" Lol

    Load More Replies...
    Isabel Care
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have to wake twice a day for food to have with medication. Sometimes I fail

    Bleau
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's the life of all 4 of my cats, breakfast, kitty TV-AKA bird feeder, lunch, nap,dinner, time to watch racoons, sleep on mom's head. start over

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #25

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , molly7anne Report

    Lisa H
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mom totally stole it for years🤣

    The Mediterranean Fruit
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whenever my great grandma would go out with her husband for dinner or a fancy night out they would stop at the department store. Great grandma would walk into the perfume section try a sample say “No thanks. I don’t like it.” She would then leave and have nice smelling perfume on for the evening.

    Load More Replies...
    afia kooma
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone says she stole it, but I belive he could have been standing next to her in the shop watching her try it on and even shoving him the bottle and still come away with the name of "tester ", because thats whats the bottle says anyhow.

    Libby King
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Apparently you and I are the only ones with that interpretation.

    Load More Replies...
    down quark
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t get this one. Anybody care to explain?

    TiNaBoNiNa
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In department stores, they will sometimes have "tester" bottles out so you can try the product before you commit to buying it. They are always labeled "tester" or sometimes "sampler." Apparently, his wife had been acquiring her favorite perfume by stealing the "tester" bottles.

    Load More Replies...
    Nicola Koh
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i know this person! one degree from famous im moving up in the world

    Rizzo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Every time my wife goes into the city, she stops at the perfume shop first and then she "tests". ;)

    Amberlie Mikelsen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They don't make my favorite perfume anymore...

    Niki A
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I guess he wore "Old Spouse" then.

    View more comments
    #26

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Andy Cran
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    triangle is more sandwich

    Brocken Blue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And yet also somehow more crust 🤢 Give me squares or give me sensory death, lol

    Load More Replies...
    ConstantlyJon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    the most amount of sandwich is eating the whole thing, crust and all, without cutting it. like a true psychopath.

    PlatinumThe8-BitCat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am a true psychopath then, because that is exactly what I do

    Load More Replies...
    Dammian
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That square cut makes me uncomfortable!

    PlatinumThe8-BitCat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t know why, but after reading your comment and looking at it again it started to make me feel uncomfortable for some reason

    Load More Replies...
    JB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Triangle enhances the flavour, too

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Floppy sandwich needs to be squares, quarter even. Anything that's liable to slide out shouldn't be triangle

    Evolbeky
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This may be controversial, but I like squares for cold sandwiches and triangles for hot

    Load More Replies...
    Robert T
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't have this problem. I use round bread. (And I don't mean a bun)

    Zephyr
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But the square has more even bites

    Brocken Blue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes!! Thank you! Square also results in a better crust-to-center ratio for more bites.

    Load More Replies...
    Rosemary Booth
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When my husband makes sandwiches he cuts them half way between vertical and diagonal (22.5°) because they taste the best that way.

    SkekVi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've stopped cutting mine at all tbh.

    View more comments
    #27

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Sergio Bicerra
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I 5hought Pytagoras solved that problem years go...

    HF
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pythagoras only got one of the angles right, so it is still not solved

    Load More Replies...
    Robert T
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was more concerned about spontaneous human combustion TBH.

    VonBlade
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also quicksand and piranhas are much less of a problem than I was led to believe.

    Bron
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes! So many movies with quicksand!

    Load More Replies...
    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I couldn't sleep for 2 years after I heard all the glaciers would melt and the world would be underwater by the year 2000... Terrifying

    David A Paterson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a house near the sea and sold it off cheap for this reason.

    Load More Replies...
    Mitchell
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes! Bermuda Triangle and also quicksand!

    John Carr
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For a while as a kid I was scared to cut anything in case I split an atom and caused a nuclear explosion

    Bobby
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone makes a big deal out of going to explore the titanic but not many seem to be as interested in exploring the bermuda triangle, & its more rich in oceanic history. Weird.

    Dan Flo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a phase where I was terrifide that a volcano would suddenly form close to my home - in Sweden that havnt had any volcanic activities since the Mesozoic era...

    SkekVi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YEAH WHAT WAS THAT *ABOUT*. THIS AND QUICKSAND AND BEAR ATTACKS FR.

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #28

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , madisonbosil Report

    Mary Hiers
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me to my partner earlier today at Aldi: "Remember, you can't swipe mine, you have to stick it in the hole!" Him: "That's what she said." -_-

    meow point1
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Would they call my pets a woofy woof and a meowy meow?

    Hokuloa
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    DJs barky bark and meowie meow. Tripping the fur fantastic!

    Load More Replies...
    Shannon Hawks
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    mine is, sir do you have another card . this one is expired

    Christina Collins
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I asked a grown man, "can you tap it?" He smiled and nodded. I didn't get it at first.

    Gypsy Lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine goes “cha-Chingity-ching!”

    Mel Schmidt
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    (back in the 70ies) it would have been a slidey slidey.

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #29

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , danadonnelly Report

    Zephyr
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The world becomes a better place a smidgen when you help the helper

    Demongrrrrl
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a therapist who talked about his other clients' problems. No one was named, but I still wonder what he said about me. I saw him twice and then found a different therapist.

    Tess
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't think that is how therapy is supposed to work. I personally would much rather discuss other people's issues than my own, although I doubt that it would be very helpful.

    Load More Replies...
    Rosie Red
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why does she know her therapist's personal business? I've been seeing a therapist for years and don't even know if she's married and has kids.

    Melissa
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    the last therapist I saw would talk about herself all the time. She let me know she was lesbian, married to a woman, that women are the next evolutionary step and men would be phased out and that I "just haven't found the right woman yet." Also she decided to comment about my personal life when I brought my boyfriend in and asked him what he thought about polyamory. Absolutely unprofessional.

    Load More Replies...
    Mr. Ping Pong
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you go to the therapist for therapy and leave the therapist needing therapy!

    P R
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Get a therapist who doesn't do instagram

    Jude Laskowski
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But, did you have to pay for the session?

    View more comments
    #30

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Hawkmoon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The top management of Blockbuster?

    James Frail
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    After I left Blockbuster, the next job I had was for 6 years. In that time, they further shrank, declared bankruptcy, sold to Dish, and then disappeared. I was job searching, and had the thought "who would they even contact to verify my employment? Does The Work Number do that for defunct companies that used to use them for that?"

    Load More Replies...
    Benita Valdez
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I left my job for 2 years (covid bs) and went back. I had to fill out all the paperwork and as I'm writing my last 3 jobs I couldn't help but giggle because my last job was there and the two previous went out of business. My only viable reference was them

    tuzdayschild
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I managed Radio Shack, K-Mart & the Titanic.

    Zephyr
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You solve modern problems with modern problems

    Julie S
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Apart from my last job everywhere I have ever worked doesn't exist anymore.

    Stardust she/her
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is it shut down in the US?

    FABULOUS1
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They are actually reopening new locations in the US, so this person may want to pick another company to use.

    Load More Replies...
    JP Purves
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    CEO of the Reliable Buggy whip Corporation.

    Duane Johnston
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    2 of my last 3 employers are dead and the third sold his biz and retired

    View more comments
    #31

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Robert T
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The commute. It takes several cups of coffee before I can force myself to walk from the bedroom to the office, which is literally the next room!

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My home office is roughly 5 steps from my bed. The one day a week when I go to the actual office now feels like an expedition to climb Mount Everest.

    Load More Replies...
    Reenzy Bennington
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Peopleing. Edit: as an introvert with mood swings from "GTFO how dare you breathe in my presence" to "what can I do for you on this beautiful day"

    Shannon Hawks
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    showing up isn't bad, its staying more than 5 minutes that gets me

    John Dilligaf
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    showing up once isn't s bad - but the fuqqers insist that I keep showing up, at the same time, every day.

    Mommy Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hearing your alarm going off early in the morning knowing you have to get out of bed to get to work

    Tess
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Getting phone calls every three weeks at 3AM to tell you that your store has been broken into again is also fun. The company was too cheap to put proper security measures in place after the first one. So I had to make my own break in tool kit and camp out in my car to watch the store until the detectives got there at 11am, then deal with the aftermath. If I randomly woke up in the middle of the night I'd be dressed before the phone even rang. Not once was I wrong about it.

    Load More Replies...
    My O My
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For me: goimg home most days

    SillyPandaBunny
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People, it’s definitely the people

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #32

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    John Dilligaf
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and worse, now everyone thinks you're the darned cheapskate

    Mitch Lord
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How exactly would they know how much the tip was when it's only the total that would appear on their statement?

    Abi Griggs
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My bank sometimes shows them as separate purchases

    Load More Replies...
    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That way he gets to rip off two people.

    Jane W.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They didn't want to take advantage too much of your "kindness."

    Christina Collins
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just hope you don't go to that same restaurant in the future. They might remember you. "Did someone order a spit sandwich?"

    Naomi Cline
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This thief has stooped to a whole new level of creep

    Vicki Perizzolo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    that's not what the guy who stole my Valero card did - too bad he didn't notice my Prius is a plug in... I couldn't use that much gas if I filled the hatchback with it.... he only got to use it about 24 hrs before I got a Notification that some suspicious activity showed up. What a maroon

    Elchinero
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I tipped the UPS guy $10 for bringing a case of wine up to my 3rd floor on Friday. In cash, not a stolen card.

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #33

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Mohsie Supposie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    FREE PIZZA* when you buy our mini table and chairs set!

    JL
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But now I feel like there should be a second, tinier pizza on the table.

    Danielle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've seen one where they put a dough ball in the middle. THAT is the dream. No plastic, all dough ball.

    L
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it's super cute and clever... do we really need more single use plastic in the world?

    Marissa Taylor
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Great now i have to get tiny dolls or mice for this set =_=

    Diana Lucas
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would so want those for my dolls!

    View more comments
    #34

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , metayamarkley Report

    I'm.Just.A.Girl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always thought college would be a bigger version of misery like high school was for me. But then I realized these people are paying to be here and actually want this, it is completely different from high school.

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I loved college. It's all been downhill since then. ;) The real world sucks.

    Load More Replies...
    Moo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My Junior English teacher always said, "I'm grading you to prepare for college, you know they aren't gonna grade easy in college!" And I was like okay so why am I doing better in my college English class then in yours (I was taking college classes in high school)

    Daycare Attendant Sun
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One of my professors was a surfer dude that called everyone "brother" and "sister", but was the most chill, most engaging professor I've ever had when it came to college history.

    Alexej Dvorak
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She shouldn't be throwing Professor Andy under the bus like that. Sounds like he did her good.

    Java Addict
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a psych professor who used to regale us with tales of his youthful drinking and LSD exploits.

    AngelWingsYT
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My drug and the nervous system professor was same! He was also a head of the psych department. Chill af dude

    Load More Replies...
    tuzdayschild
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some are like that. Some are like Trunchbowl.

    TheGoodBoi
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In highschool, we couldn't have cell phones, facial hair, wear certain clothes, etc... In college, hell be on your phone, come in looking like Gandalf (the Grey), Pajamas? Sure!

    Holy Shimmering Sheeps541t
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine were all relatively sane, electronics lecturer would lock you out if you were late, little Germanic looking physics lecturer (female) who would smoke cigars at the front of the lecture hall and a little Indian quantum physics lecturer who referred to anything outside of his realm as "Noddy physics".

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #35

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Bobby
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Over sleeping only makes our bodies over tired. It’s hard to find that perfect balance.

    Panda Boi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    'Over sleeping', now that is an acivity I haven't done in a long, long time.

    Load More Replies...
    kansasmagic
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's afternoon naps for me. Forget 15 minute power naps. I can't even fall asleep that fast, especially if I'm trying to. Instead I conk out for 3 hours then wake up feeling like I just got over the flu.

    Stardust she/her
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your sleep includes 90 minute cycles of going through all the stages of sleep. Waking up in the middle of a cycle results in you being very tired. This is why I started calculating when I should sleep to ensure that I don’t wake up in the middle of a cycle

    Hobby Hopper
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    After years of chronically not sleeping enough, I think my cycles have compressed down to less than 90 minutes.

    Load More Replies...
    Reenzy Bennington
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For the weird a*s dreams I have. I need something to record them so I can scare the hell out of a therapist and get a nice padded room for myself in some mental facility.

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The human body is like a computer. When you first start it up, everything is fast, vibrant and powerful. A few years later, It's starting to slow down and needs a bit of servicing. A few more years later and it has become a bit cumbersome and can't really keep up with the latest updates. Then it comes to the point where it takes some time just to boot up because it has so much work to do on what was once a massive sea of power, which is now such a small amount it would only pass as a puddle on a sunny day. Your only option if you want to keep it is to add upgrades and hope they work

    Zephyr
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To pay of the interest of the sleep you didn't get which you must do so as not to ruin your sleep credit score

    DC
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, you need at least a chance to wet the bed, knock stuff from the wall, ... gotta be asleep to have that one running!

    Anikulapo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was wondering about that myself about 45 seconds ago.

    Inclusion2020
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Welcome to the world of autoimmune diseases.

    The Darkest Timeline
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I could wake up naturally at the exact right time every time, I’d be fine. It’s the damn alarm that ruins it.

    View more comments
    #36

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Miss Revelle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Strong with the Force of God, this one is.

    Jennifer Humbert-Hallin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I once called a Nativity scene "Jesus, Mary, and that other guy." No joke...

    Cloakred_Is_Bored
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    MmmmMMMmm! Strong baby Jesus will grow up to be!

    Jon Steensen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    took me way to long to spot, and I was even looking for it.

    Lady Luna
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My brother Alber put a hippo in ours when he was like 4, and our mum love it so much that is part of the Nativity till this day.

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #37

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Jaya
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The A in LGBTQIA stands for Ambidextrous, everyone knows that.

    Anne Jones
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He’s so lucky! I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

    Rob(erta) Roy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate to break it to you... you need both hands to be ambidextrous....

    Load More Replies...
    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm ambisinister. I'm useless with both hands

    Tiddlez
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Are you bi?" "No, I'm Ambisextrous"

    Daycare Attendant Sun
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's a little confused, but he's got the spirit.

    Sue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wellllll, do you love your right hand or left hand better?

    Thorsten M. Weisner
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    love your right or your left hand or both bro!

    Angela C
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He a little confused but he's got the spirit

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #38

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , blackprints Report

    Carbonel
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He’s a government agent and was following a target he’d tracked the the airport only minutes before. They’ve been trying to find this person so long, they couldn’t risk letting them leave the country without going after them. Eyes on.

    VonBlade
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Clearly I inhabit different corners of the internet. "Rawdogging for ten hours" doesn't make me imagine someone staring out a window..

    madbakes
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a new use for "rawdogging "

    Dave Nalesnik
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, but if you think of it as “engaging in an activity without proper protection “, it kinda makes sense…🤔

    Load More Replies...
    Zephyr
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he has ADHD he's all the fun he needs

    Raumpfleger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As an introvert father I can relate to this guy. Are you ok? Yes, for the first time in a few years!

    Two_rolling_black_eyes
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good chance he's an air marshal working a 10 hour shift.

    Anikulapo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Brave man. That would normal get you a deep cavity search by TSA.

    View more comments
    #39

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Kiss Army
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just curious, what is Nab?

    Load More Replies...
    The Mediterranean Fruit
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    “The best way out is always through.” Robert Frost

    Red PANda (she/they)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish ! I start my morning with a bowl of cereal if I don’t wake up late, throw some clothes on and walk to school with a back-breaking backpack. The learning about the Pythagorean theorem and all that stuff is still pretty accurate though

    Min
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Coffee and cigarettes and then ran the mile in the first class of the day.

    tee-lena
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, school during gen X was a trip. Hit that last smoke right as you walk in. Also excessive eyeliner as well.

    Load More Replies...
    Anya Beboop
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That one silly time I ate flamin hot cheetos at the beginning of the day and ran that mile 😂

    Sue User
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sprite and spaghetti-os.

    Leslie Stembridge
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also you eat lunch at 10:30 am and can't drink water, eat or use the bathroom except on your 5 minute break between classes, but you also have to go to your locker and then across the school through crowded hallways during that time and they yell at you if you are late

    The Darkest Timeline
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And millions of kids doing their best to get A’s while not learning a damn thing as if the point of school is to waste the investment society makes in you.

    View more comments
    #40

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a friend who's autistic and last time I visited her, when she got sick of me she just straight up said something like "okay I want you to leave now". I appreciated the honesty and went home!

    Jan Wilhelm
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you want your visitors to go in Germany, you say "So.", slap on your tighs and look at them expectantly.

    Ti Al
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nope, German here, that doesn't exist. Either local to a certain town or just within one very special social circle somewhere. Edit: Fellow germans, we could make something up, though. But is has to be only one word. How about "ausbesucht"?

    Sonja
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm all for "besuchsmüde" it has an Umlaut, that confuses people and I like that.

    Load More Replies...
    Marco Richter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    no, there is no such phrase in german. It is at best a regional thing.

    Otto Katz
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We used to let people know it was time for them to leave when one after the other my husband and I would excuse ourselves to put on our pajamas.

    Jaqui Martin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In our house it's called "BOAT" time. Bugger Off At Ten.

    zak
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was a kid, my dad told me the German word for "constipation" was "farfrompoopin"

    UpQuarkDownQuark
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It should be illegal to post “there’s a crazy phrase in [insert language] that means [insert hilarious/amazing thing]”…and then not post the phrase in either the original language or translated! It’s like, “Today I learned a cool science fact! Did you know that protons are a really interesting size?!”

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #41

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Josh
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The trick is to listen when she says she's not in the mood for your jokes right now. What you do after that point is on you.

    Sue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Refer back to Schrodinger's Douchebag.

    Alexej Dvorak
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ever wondered how they all want a guy with a good sense of humor, but only for a serious relationship?

    Reenzy Bennington
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd prefer a mature guy with a dark/nerdy/sarcastic sense of humor like mine.

    Elchinero
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When they stop laughin' at yer jokes it's time to leave

    Jane W.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And every guy wants to date the HOT girl until 6 months into the relationship he says, "have you been with every guy in town?" or the like.

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #42

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My high school started at 7:30 am. By 8 we were ready for lunch. I took an 8am math class in college and it felt like the middle of the night. :) Now that I work from home I roll out of bed 2 minutes before my start time. I haven't even seen 8am in years now.

    Awesome At Being Autistic
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In high school I had 0 period, that started at 6:30 am. Also had 8th period classes. High school day was a loooonngg day.

    Load More Replies...
    ThatCapybara
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    8AM in high school<<<<<

    The Chocolate Gecko
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well it's 8 am now and I'm in high school, what's the rest like?

    AnonymousApple
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My life changed completely when I started working remotely full-time for an employer in a different time zone. I sleep in every single day. As a chronic insomniac, this has been PRICELESS for me and my mental healh. Forcing people to wake up before dawn is a crime against humanity.

    Nathan Pogorzala
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my workday is more than half over at 8am, so it is always looking pretty good.

    Roe Rainrunner
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not to forget the 8am on a day off!

    Gypsy Lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But all 8 a.m.s hit like a ton of bricks.

    Jude Laskowski
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Work in healthcare where 11pm is "good morning" to us night shifters.

    Sportsgal
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not sure which is worse...8am in college hung over and learning about the Byzantine Empire, or 8am at work being just old and TIRED!!!

    View more comments
    #43

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    JB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, there *were* several of them. There was the yellow power ranger, the blue power ranger, the red power ranger, the green power ranger and the white...the power ranger that wore white!

    Amy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There was a story about a kid getting laughed at at school because he kept telling people his Uncle was Superman. Henry Cavill’s sister asked him to take his nephew to school to stop the laughter :)

    Rosie!
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a kid in school that claimed his dad was John Cena

    Realistic_Lemons (any)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had one who claimed his dad was Adam Levine because they had the same last name

    Load More Replies...
    quinn (they/them)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my sister told this kid she was in kidzbop and he f*****g believed her

    LovingKnuckle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shît I had kids in 5th grade telling me they got laid.

    Cloakred_Is_Bored
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A kid in my 3rd grade class said his dad was Tom Brady and that he drove a Ferrari to school, like I watched you get off the bus

    M.Kay (He/They)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well my dad can lift a house! ...Is what I told all the other kids.

    Fakeus nameus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This kid claimed he had a private jet that landed on his driveway and delivered Pokémon cards. Oh and hero Brian came to his world but his dad made a forcefield to stop him

    Molly M
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I often think how amazed the teachers must have been overhearing those conversations

    AzzyIsHere
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One kid told me that he killed the purple guy (from fnaf, William Afton) because I was so afraid he was going to get me. It was sweet, but very untrue. If I had known then that he always came back--

    View more comments
    #44

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Juan Something(downvotevictim)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I explained to my kids that the "light up headphones" and "sparkly jump rope" can be bought for a few dollars at the store down the street. I just donate $50 to the school and go buy their prizes 😆.

    Pink Princess
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I never thought it was a good deal even when I was 8

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did anyone else obsess over getting "Weebles"? The puffy balls with eyes glued to them and paper feet as a prize?

    Maria
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I never knew they were called Weebles!

    Load More Replies...
    Billy Harrelson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll give my son credit on this one. He wanted to sell the most chocolate bars one year so he could win me a PS5. I told him that was sweet of him, but there was no way we could sell that many bars and it turned out those who did were entered into a raffle to win the PS5.

    Adam S
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    …why are kids raising funds for school???

    Marissa Taylor
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Its a usa thing and honest ..i dunno why we did either ^^;

    Load More Replies...
    Sue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Like the claw machine - I tell my granddaughter we can just go to the Dollar Tree & buy all of those toys for less than the game. No go.

    Gourdeous
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    School fairs involve paying out £10 on the tombola just to win back the bottle of awful wine you have donated the last 3 years

    V Martinez
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents never let us sell when we were kids. They didn't want the school pimpin' us out for cheap, over priced junk. Lol!

    Shaun Coleman
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, American be happy with a 0.50/hr wage increase while the CEO gets a multi-million dollar bonus and they be OK with that....

    Cloakred_Is_Bored
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nah I would’ve taken that $500 to gamestop. Like bro, it’s cash do you really think I’m about to take it back to the school

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #45

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , kennedymkangwa Report

    Dammian
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Leonid Rogozov... if you thing you know what tough means... check him out!

    Dragons Exist
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love how bp censors a*s but not gore

    Allison B
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah. I really wish they would gore too. I can't handle it well. Fine with butts but not blood

    Load More Replies...
    Benita Valdez
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This dude is the reason that doctors going to Antarctica must get their appendix removed before going. Pretty badass removing your own appendix though.

    Pheonixvatoreii
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have had my appendix removed, not for going to Antarctica, but because it ruptured. It was not a fun time... I can't imagine having to do that to yourself!

    Load More Replies...
    AnnaB
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How about the isolated mexican woman who had to perform her own C-section? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-inflicted_caesarean_section#:~:text=Notable%20case-,In%C3%A9s%20Ram%C3%ADrez%20P%C3%A9rez,she%20and%20her%20baby%20survived.

    RedMarbles
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow. Unlike the self-appendectomy above, she had no anesthetic and no medical training. Drank 3 small glasses of hard liquor and used a kitchen knife. She needed some surgeries later, but both she and her baby survived. Unbelievable.

    Load More Replies...
    Telepathetic
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well there went my breakfast ! BP censors "Kill" --"Suicide"--"Boobs" ETC BUT NOT THIS ! ?

    Roe Rainrunner
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me, after being told I shouldn't be a control addict :-D

    Jonathan English
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or you live in America and can't afford surgery so you do it yoursef

    Errrm..wot?
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So someone getting 'killed' is renamed 'unalive' by BP, yet open surgery blood and guts pics get the green light?

    ._.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It might be my screen but to me it looks pretty much just like a red spot; no detail. Maybe they didn't censor it bc it's not that graphic? Idk

    Load More Replies...
    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #46

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , primawesome Report

    James016
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well to be fair those 5000 calories wont stay in you very long.

    Colleen Glim
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You only really gain 1000 calories. The other 4000 end up in the toilet an hour later

    Load More Replies...
    marianne eliza
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Way back in my early 20's (early 80's) nightclubbing days, Taco Bell crunchy tacos were the go to food to settle a hungover stomach. First thing in the morning. Was probably the grease, but it was yummy at 730a.

    Demongrrrrl
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I worked at TB and I still crave their food, except for the nachos - that "cheese" is just nasty.

    zak
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Say what you want about the quality of their food, but, when it's late at night after a party, a grilled-stuffed burrito or a double-decker taco with some Fire Sauce tastes just as good as a $50 steak.

    Chris D'Asta
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Ahh, the internet. Glorifying bad behaviour since 1994.

    #47

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've worked in food, I would NOT work in retail. I'd probably last a week before getting either fired or arrested.

    Sonja
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Phone customer service is a mystery horror where at the end no one knows what it was about

    Eva Kašu
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lars von Trier movie. You don´t know what´s going on, but you feel anxious about it.

    Load More Replies...
    Marilyn Holt
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've done both and liked them both--the wowrk and the people. It was the bosses that ruined everything.

    Lexekon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So, if you ever worked these in Wal*mart, that make you some kind of retail veteran?

    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I went to KFC the other day, which I hadn't done in some time, and when the bored kid behind the counter asked what drink I wanted I was lazy and asked "what have you got?" He gave me this look like a lizard who had just decided this particular insect wasn't worth eating and said "...the stuff that's in the fridge." I went with the orange juice and he officially won that round.

    J. Maxx
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Retail is worse. MUCH worse. Now keep in mind I haven't worked retail in 30 years and if I did work retail today, I would be fired within 15 mins. Oh, did I mention I hate humans.

    Rebekah
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've done both. 100% would go back to food service over retail.

    tee-lena
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    With no hesitation. I'd even do fast food before retail. Not that it matters as Im now fully disabled and no one would hire me.

    Load More Replies...
    Andy C
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was in retail, try a wee scottish ned too wasted on buckfast and pills arguing with you they're not too wasted to buy more alcohol then spewing all over the checkout, this was at 11am. Man I love scotland

    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Done both, would still take either over telemarketing

    cuteroxylynn
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Call center is like the Saw movies where sometimes I'd rather cut off my own hand in order to get away.

    View more comments
    #48

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , martiniposting Report

    Hawkmoon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Plot twist: the next day, they will look like twins.

    Octopus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    double plot twist: They're long lost brothers.

    Load More Replies...
    Zephyr
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Old employee: how long do you intend to be here New hire: about a year or so Old employee: that'll be 7 - 8 years company years

    Shannon Hawks
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    that's actually the same person on 1st day and 1st month

    Petra Schaap
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    33 years old and already lost his hair

    Jean Jacket
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oof... i used to be the little newbie but now i'm the elderly co-worker in their 30s. it happened fast.

    Cat_Goddess
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember being 16 and surrounded by middle-aged women complaining about how annoying their kids and/or husbands were. It was weird but entertaining to say the least.

    pineapple87
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol, so true. Which is what now makes me scared to think how ancient my 21-year-old subordinate must think I am at 36

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #49

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , madamife Report

    Hobby Hopper
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't speed, and I definitely don't race. It's stupid and dangerous. Buuut, I do like to get where I'm going efficiently, so I may accelerate up to the speed limit just a smidge faster than most people. There have been a few times some idiot thought I was trying to race them (in my stock family sedan for some reason). This is pretty much my reaction.

    Pie
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The other day I narrowly avoided a serious accident with some j hole college kid in a brand new sports car who didn't know how to work a roundabout. Plot twist. We end up next to each other at the next light. I'm spitting mad. Kid calls out "I'm sorry." I just yelled back "Not ok. Learn to drive." And then stared ahead till the light turned green. He didn't try and talk to me again.

    DetongLhamo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guy in the car looks like Lee Mack…

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    After causing it with no damage to you

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #50

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Trish
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Water feels colder from these cups.

    zak
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Until they crack from *barely* squeezing it, and leak out all the water 😫

    David Henry
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Left tastes like hospital water, the right kindergarten.

    Cloakred_Is_Bored
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was eatin these mfs whenever I got my hands on em

    _mentally_insane_(she/her)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For a minute, my brain didn’t brain and I thought you meant you straight up ate the plastic. Unless you do and my brain brained correctly the first time?

    Load More Replies...
    View more comments
    #51

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , primawesome Report

    Fay Louise
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Before my epilepsy was controlled I had several ambulances called (unnecessarily, but not unreasonably) for me when I had tonic-clonic (formerly grand mal) seizures in public when I was on my own. I'm in the UK so it was just horribly embarrassing and guilt inducing (for wasting their time/resources) but I was acutely aware of the debt I'd be racking up were I in the US. Brutal.

    Lynzi Lou
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Similar here. I have non epileptic seizures and have a plastic card I wear around my neck in public which helps prevent them calling an ambulance unless I injure myself. When I carried it in my wallet no one would check so an ambulance was called before I could tell them it wasn't necessary.

    Load More Replies...
    troufaki13
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless you're in Europe, then you kicked their a*s and be their hero at the same time

    Mr.Li
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mma trainer works also as a dental technician. When he has to punch a guy on the street, he aims for his teeths. And after he punched the other KO he will leave him his business card. This is, what he would do, he told us.

    Gavin Johnson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can you imagine actually going to see him though? You’ve punched each other and now, a day later, you are going to lie down next to the guy and he’s got anaesthetic, tooth extractors and a drill right by his side. You are placing a huge amount of trust in a guy you tried to beat up!

    Load More Replies...
    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And you go to jail when the cops are in tow dumbass

    Almost sunny
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, why not just be a bigger person and walk away. If possible

    Load More Replies...
    Christof Irran
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is it really $5,000 now? Used to be *only* $800 back in 2006... I hate their guts!

    Xenon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's still about the same, at least where I live.

    Load More Replies...
    View more comments
    #52

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    David A Paterson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I prefer to use kids shampoo because it doesn't sting my eyes as much.

    Lynzi Lou
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What not to like? Theres no sting and the conditioners are great for long hair as it detangles it without the pain. Plus you get the added benefit of smelling like a fruit cocktail. Win win.

    Load More Replies...
    Vicky Phenny
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm assuming it's a shorthanded/corruption of "For sure."

    Load More Replies...
    Goose of the Ahonkalypse
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because it strips the hair of moisture usually. Or it makes long full hair both dry and somehow heavy. I haven't tried a 2 in 1 in years though so maybe they've improved.

    Load More Replies...
    Spirited7Wolf
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Look for the platypus! It works great, and smells like a jolly rancher 😋

    Duck
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry I'm dumb, but what id wrong with 2 in 1? I don't use it myself but never understood why people don't like it??

    Lynzi Lou
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I only know from a long hair perspective but it doesn't condition. The shampoo breaks down the conditioner so it's not helpful at all for detangling which is mainly why I need to use conditioner at all.

    Load More Replies...
    Chris Miller
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He wants your hair to smell nice.

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #53

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Emerald Joanna
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's some pretty impressive printing & spelling for a 5 year old...Imma call BS on this

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    True, I was six before my writing was that neat

    Load More Replies...
    Phase
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm calling some bs on this, most 5 yo kids are still learning to spell their name

    mr_sarcastic
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My 7 year old niece cant write this nice. I also call BS

    Duck
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a little brother that's 5 there's no way he could write this neat. He knows how to spell his name and a few other small words but thats all. And his printing could never be that neat. I don't think this is real.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #54

    Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Grace Smith
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    “No worries! :D” - I am very worried

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All good = clusterfuck and I don't know where to even start please go away so that I can have my meltdown in private

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Okie dokie matey blokey means I'm so sick of your sh*t every time you are late or let me down