I was ready to take husband's side when I read the headline...but the wife actually has very good reason for her "demands". It's amazing that her company will help her with her legal fees. The husband calls her heartless and selfish, but it is actually him that is......in my opinion at least

Whoever wrote this title please fix it it's so misleading

And he snuck behind her back, even when she told him exactly how it would torpedo her entire career. Yuck.

He has prioritized his job over his wife and their financial stability. If it is more important for him take the "dream job" then splitting up is the only logical solution.

He's complaining that she is prioritizing her career over their relationship, what does he think he is doing, and he doesn't even have the job. If this is how he treats her she is better off without him. If it is not this situation it will be something worse in the future qnd by that point they could be 8n deeper, with children involved. Get out NOW!

It comes over as if he chooses his career over hers because she is a women/ wife and hers is not as important as his. Divorce seems the best option....

I would never apply for or accept a role for any position that would put my partners established job and career at risk. He knew what was at stake. He knew the awful position it would put his wife in and he did it anyway. He has made it very clear that his ego, or power trip or whatever the hell this behaviour is, is more important to him than her. NTA. Ditch the husband keep the job.

There’s no winners though the offer of her company paying all divorce legal fees does seem specious at best. Regardless, NTA because imo, once married, these decisions become a collective decision where all factors, not just one person’s happiness is taken into consideration. That’s what being partners means. Feels like there’s more issues to the marriage since he was willing to go behind her back on such a big decision.

Her husband knew exactly what he was doing. He deliberately applied to the job, maybe he was head-hunted. This is so passive aggressive and beyond selfish. It is obvious that he no longer cares about her or their marriage except for the advantage it gives him in his new job.

So he says "his career needs to take priority" whilst simultaneously saying that she only cares about money and is heartless. Big Yikes. Glad her company is offering to help her. They seem to have her back more than him. How sad.

Hmmm, i would really like to know what kind of jobs these two have.

NTA. She already had this job. He quit before corona. He got an offer from the competition of her company. He knows it will cause her to loose her job. He accuses her of being selfish and that she loves money more than him. But... it is exactly the other way around. He can get tons of jobs. If he deliberately accepts the offer, knowing it will cost her job, than HE is the selfisch narcissistic prick. She is right to set her boundaries. If he accepts the offer, and doing it behind her back, than he has shown her what kind of man he is. And she is damn right to leave him.

How about you get off social media and communicate face to face with the actual human that you took marriage vows with? Or is this a popular answer wins kind of thing?

If she was the man people would instantly side with him.

If her company is willing to fund her divorce over this, he needs to take a step back! He is the one being selfish, if he would jeopardize everything they have for his weird masculine sensitivities. And she may be better without him if he is that toxic. Plus he went behind her back, already proving he isn't beyond sabotaging her further!

I see her very valid point. I just think it's a shame that careers could break up a marriage, though I suspect the husband has some hidden agenda. Maybe he wanted to be the one in control of the finances; maybe he secretly wanted a divorce, but used the situation to get it, instead of just coming right out and saying so. Lots of layers here. Ironically, as companies go, they could both end up unemployed.

Incompatible dreams/goals will wreck any marriage. it wasn't okay of him to force a fait accompli, and it wasn't fair of her to make this all-or-nothing. I think a lot of resentment under the surface. ...

This to me is just another reason not to bind ties in such an outdated and pointless tradition, which really if we're being honest most the time is the woman's 'dream day' like half of marriages end in divorce anyway so it's no surprise it's happening. Anyway the story here is that the guy should have listened to his partner before he went ahead and did this behind her back, she's working a specific job that would be impacted upon by his actions of choosing the particular job he's going for, wouldn't do that to my partner and I hope she wouldn't do it to me either, if he wanted it that and knew it would ruin his relationship then he should have broke it off with her first if he thought it was more important than their relationship

I'm a little dubious about this whole story. It's a bit of a red flag to me that she claims her job is so highly secret and sensitive, yet she's posting about it on an internet site. Even if she's doing so anonymously, it feels a bit unprofessional. Also, I work in an industry where we have tight information security, and I've never heard of someone being fired because of who their spouse is. There might be extra security measures in place for that person, though. Like not allowing her to take work home, or requiring certain monitoring software on her work computer. She mentions the $65K salary as if she doesn't think that's very much, so I wonder if part of it is simply that she would be embarrassed for word to get around in her circle that her husband has a lower-level job making less money than her. The story just feels like maybe some details were left out.

Given that he has a wide variety of areas in which he can work and she only has this one, he was in the wrong to go behind her back and apply for this job. She told him that if he went for this job, it could get her fired and he didn't care, so this is the best recourse. It's not her fault that he chose to quit his job before the pandemic.

Unless she finds him an alternative job, he has every right to accept this job. Deactivate your social medias... LinkedIn and all that... and let him advance. Unless you open your mouth, nobody will know. I know this because my parents worked for rival companies in Denver for almost 30 years. Nobody had a clue because they were professionals. Sounds like this woman either cant keep her mouth shut or the husband cant. Thats the real issue.

Can't they both just sign non disclosure agreements at their respective companies?

They both sounds like idiots who shouldn’t have gotten married. He wants her to be a “supportive wife” and forego her dreams to let him shine, and she even said “even if I trusted him”... meaning she doesn’t.

In this case, I support her decision. This is not about trust, this has become a "power" issue. He knows that this is important and he knows that she has been involved/working for this company for years. I imagine he has always felt second. In this case she is doing the only thing possible because he has now made it "personal" aka "if you loved me you would not object." Her response is "you know that this is my career and it has always been like this, you can find another job path/career path, you can go back to school, you have a possible future, this is the future for me and always has been." In addition if his "company" is in direct competition with hers, I bet that is why they hired him.