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Aunt Ignores Nephew’s Pleas For A Drink Until He Asks For It “Correctly”, Mom Starts Treating Her The Same Way
Knowing more than one language is a huge advantage, especially for an adult. But a lot of us know how hard it is to learn a new language. This is why a lot of people start learning it as soon as possible and very often introduce their kids to a second language from an early age. And for those who were born in a bilingual environment, knowing two languages is quite a natural thing. However, being able to communicate in multiple languages comes with its own challenges. Forgetting words or mixing them up is quite a common occurrence. But as the saying goes, we can’t judge those who make mistakes while talking a certain language because it means that they know more than one. Having this in mind, Reddit user @UnderstandingOk1255 shared her story, wanting to know whether she was too harsh to her sister-in-law who made her 4-year-old son cry by punishing him for his incorrect language usage.
More Info: Reddit
There aren’t a lot of people who would deny the advantage of mastering multiple languages, especially knowing how hard it is to learn one
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
The 32-year-old woman started her story by revealing that she, her husband, and their two kids, 4-year-old Louis and 3-month-old Misha, live in Belgium and are often guests in England as they like to visit her family. Because of their living situation, the family communicates in two languages: English and French. Because of this, her son Louis sometimes mixes up words, for example, using a French word in an English sentence. While the family is sure that this is a normal and temporary occurrence, the woman’s sister-in-law Sarah thinks this is a speech issue. This is why she would correct him in a rude manner every time he says something incorrectly.
Woman decided to ask people online if she was too harsh to her sister-in-law who kept picking on her 4-year-old bilingual son
Image credits: UnderstandingOk1255
The author of the post continued with her story by stating that they were once again visiting their family in England. And during this visit, they spent some time with her parents, her brother Dave, and his wife Sarah. This time Sarah decided not to correct her nephew anymore and just ignore his mistakes. So the story took a turn when OP was feeding her daughter and her husband was talking to her dad, so their son was left with Dave and Sarah. After the woman came back from feeding her daughter, she saw her 4-year-old crying. The mom soon found out that the boy came to ask his aunt for a drink but couldn’t say it in proper English, so she ignored him the whole time even though she knew what he wanted.
Despite OP being okay with her son sometimes mixing up words, her sister-in-law found this to be a language issue that the mom needed to take care of
Image credits: UnderstandingOk1255
This situation made the mom really mad, but she took some time to calm herself and her son down. Later the whole family sat down at the dinner table and Sarah asked OP to pass her something but made a mistake by doing so, so the woman ignored her. When her sister-in-law repeated her request and she ignored it again, Dave asked her why she did that. The woman explained that Sarah wasn’t talking to her in proper English and that he should look into it instead of ignoring it. Of course, this made some of the family members mad but the woman was quick to reveal that she wasn’t going to apologize for this.
Sister-in-law soon started using her own tactics to “improve” the boy’s language skills that made him cry
Image credits: UnderstandingOk1255
Bored Panda contacted Dr Dean D’Souza, Lecturer in Developmental Psychology at City, University of London, to find out more about kids who grow up in bilingual backgrounds and to debunk some myths about them having language issues. The specialist explained why parents shouldn’t be worried about their kids mixing languages: “Kids are adaptive systems. Kids are not pre-programmed to learn language(s) perfectly well; they will learn whatever gets them by in the playground, etc. If their peers can’t understand them when they mix languages, then they simply won’t mix their languages.”
The woman decided to teach her nephew a lesson by ignoring his request to give him a drink until he asked for it correctly
Image credits: Douglas Muth (not the actual photo)
But how, then, can moms and dads help their kids in this case? “A lot of this is about motivation. Parents should always scaffold their kids’ learning by speaking clearly and slowly; but they need not worry if their kid mixes up languages. Languages are not dictionaries or style guides; they’re communication systems,” shared Dr D’Souza.
The situation made the boy’s mom furious but she soon managed to calm down until an opportunity for her to teach her sister-in-law a lesson appeared
Image credits: UnderstandingOk1255
The lecturer also revealed a possible risk that parents might face when raising their kids in a multilingual environment. It’s important to know that “maybe some family members will be more fluent in some languages and less fluent in others. It should be simpler (and thus easier) to learn one language than multiple languages. But the kids will figure it out.” This thought might encourage some parents to first teach their kids one language and then the other, but Dr D’Souza revealed that it’s still better to introduce them to both languages as early as possible.
When SIL asked the woman to pass her something at the table, OP ignored her request the same way she did her son’s
Image credits: UnderstandingOk1255
The situation shared by the author of the post encouraged other people online to share their thoughts on the matter as well as their experiences. A lot of them agreed that OP’s sister-in-law needed to be stopped and shown how foolish and even toxic her behavior was. Those who also raise bilingual kids shared that sometimes their son or daughter likes to use words from another language just because it sounds better to them, but there is no need to worry about it.
After this situation, family drama ensued, making the author of the post doubt whether she was right to act this way
Image credits: Sarah Stierch (not the actual photo)
Such demeaning comments and actions could discourage the little boy from wanting to communicate and thus improve his language skills. According to the lecturer, “adults should not stress out kids about their speech. It could result in a negative psychological outcome for the child. The child just wants to learn and communicate. They should be encouraged to learn and communicate. They should not be pressurized into worrying about how well they speak. If anything, this will put the kid off from speaking!”
What are your thoughts on the matter? Don’t forget to share your opinion in the comments down below!
The woman shared an update where she was sure that she won’t be apologizing to her sister-in-law
Image credits: UnderstandingOk1255
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What do you think ?
Nilsen 2 years ago (edited)
This is a classical "problem" in bilingualism. Most children who learn two (or more) languages at once tend to mix them up for some time, but that sorts itself out. If they speak with someone they know are also fluent in the same languages as themselves they may switch mid sentence if the setting is right- This is called "code switching" and is a typical sign of being _truly_ bilingual rather than one who has just learnt the language in school.
Monday 2 years ago
Absolutely. I'm bilingual and often I will forget a word in one language for a moment and will substitute it with the other language to still get my point across. If I can't keep my languages perfectly straight how the hell is a 4 year old supposed to do it?
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Tiffany Tesla 2 years ago
"Never" is wrong, "in almost all cases" is better. If involving death and dismemberment, stress and embarrassment is better. I also had to use stress and embarrassment to work on a child's refusal to stop playing and use bathroom, instead of hold until wetting oneself, because she was on her 2nd UTI and Yeast infection at 5(that /I/ knew of)... And that can effect one's ability to have normal life(kidney damage, failure, dialysis, transplant, drugs for rest of one's life, immunosuppressed.. then reproductive later, but also antibiotics and antibiotic resistance, etc etc)
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Aldhissla VargTimmen 2 years ago (edited)
I'm a speech language pathologist (from Belgium) and this is very normal in the language development of a child that is raised bilingual. It's not necessary to correct it, just make sure each of you speaks your own language correctly when talking to him. That way he will grow up bilingual without any problems. As to the ignoring your SIL? She deserved that. Your kid probably didn't understand why she ignored him either.
Marilyn Russell 2 years ago
Was it childish? Sure a little. Was it deserved? Hell yeah! Will she get the point? No probably not but it was worth it.
TheAquarius1978 2 years ago
Dude Im 44 i speak 3 languages and understand 4 ( i don't speak Spanish because i don't want to insult Spanish people, but i understand 99% of their vocabuláry ), my English is not perfect, but i think everyone can understand it, and my French is a joke, i forgot most of the vocabuláry, and everytime i try speaking French i end up speaking either Frentuguese, or Frenglish, só give a 4year old kid a break lol, ESPECIALLY if you can barelly speak your own language ( as it apears according to what the OP Said )
Talitha Jansen 2 years ago
He's four years old, the fact that he speaks two languages when a lot of English adults can't even write proper grammar, say a lot. The sister in law has unrealistic expectations and I don't understand the family for taking her side. He's four!
UpupaEpops 2 years ago (edited)
Monolingual, potentially xenophobic c**t doesn't understand the mechanics of language acquisition. That's about it. Completely normal, ( dated a monolingual foreigner just once. Never again!) but insanely irritating and often quite humiliating.
TheAquarius1978 2 years ago
from a Latin base languages ( French ) to Germanic based language ( English), there is a brutal Change in grammer, its not just the vocabuláry, i remember once i was talking with 2 British costumers, and we had an ATM in the store, one of them asked me where was the machine and i told him " she's Over there ", and they both started mocking me, asking me how did i knew it was a She, to which i respond " because in Portuguese we don't have the " it " every single word is either masculine or feminine, and machine ( máquina ) is a feminine word, there for the ATM was a She lol ".
Load More Replies...
Isolde Leeuwen 2 years ago
This is not only an incredibly shitty way to handle your child, but also just unacceptable. I try to avoid any correction of my nieces or nephew that I know my sisters would handle differently. It is basic respect for the parenting of others. If I think the parenting needs correcting I will discuss that with the parent, not experiment with the child. Absurd!
Marleinah Smith 2 years ago (edited)
Mother was doing what her son couldn't. She fought back against ignorance. Nobody should be mistreating a child in any way, shape, or form, ever. Faulting a child for what they can't help themselves. The parents don't ignore, they teach the way they should, without hate and judgement.
SirWriteALot 2 years ago
Holy c**p ... this is bordering on child abuse. If a kid asks for water, it means they're thirsty. Not giving them what they need can be a real issue. I'm not sure I could have prevented getting physical with my in law if that happened to my kid.
deanna woods 2 years ago
My mother would have laid this SIL out with one punch if that had been our situation. You don't ignore children because they are talking in the way that you would like. This aunt is an a-hole and the mom was right to treat her that way. If you want to be respected, you have to show respect. This child is four years old and knows two different languages, of course he is going to mix them up on occasion.
Amused panda 2 years ago
Wow. Actually, the fact that the SIL refers to this as a "speech issue" makes things worse, because it suggests that she is likening his bilingual speech to a speech impediment, apraxia or language disorder where there is an inability to retrieve the right words, and yet SIL is punishing the child for not using the 'correct' words.
Ricky Namara 2 years ago
This feels like when a young student says, "Can I go to the bathroom?" and the teacher replied, "I don't know, CAN you?": unhelpful and incredibly petty. And before everybody overreacts, relax, I'm a K-to-6 teacher. I don't hold my students' needs to relieve themselves hostage just to teach them a lesson in good grammar. Hell, I'm even thankful they mind their manners and still remember to ask for permission to excuse themselves.
Paddling Panda 2 years ago
When we moved to the country where i live now, I knew little English and we spoke Dutch at home. I learned English in NZ so when we came here, I had a strong Dutch-Kiwi accent when I spoke my broken English. My Grade 1 teacher refused to let me go to the washroom until I could pronounce my words "properly". So yeah, I peed my pants in class when I was five years old. F**k you, Ms Jacklin.
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Shelby Moonheart 2 years ago
My dad used to say that many people, in the USA, have monolingual myopia.
Lyone Fein 2 years ago
OMG. As a 59 year old woman, I know multiple languages. And I am always making sentences that are a mix of 2 , 3, or, sometimes even 4 of them! Certain concepts can only be expressed in a specific language. . . . This sounds like a situation where the least educated person is saying that her way is better than being more educated! Unfortunately, such a common problem.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
This is hilarious! I love that mother and I would have totally done the same! My kids are bilingual too, so I understand her standpoint. Even if children only speak one language, you just do not do that to a toddler! I hope she will soften up, if she ever decides to have a kid of her own.
Seedy Vine 2 years ago
Why do so many people who speak only one language try to punish those who speak more? OP you're NTA. Your SIL abused your child and your parents let her. They are AHs. Don't subject your kid to them anymore.
Laura Lett 2 years ago
Speak only in French from now on to each other in her presence. Ignore her unless she speak French. Petty , yes ,but,she is a b****, & only speaks English.
Jennifer Germain 2 years ago
ok I spoke 3 languages as a child, now only fluent in two, my parents both fluent in French and English but all my friends spoke French and Italian. It happened more than a few times but after the first time I said something to my dad in Italian and then realized he didn't understand correct to French. Happens, hell still to this day I will forget a word in English and can only think of the French word, I'm 58. Monolingual people just don't understand it some times.
Deborah B 2 years ago
Ignoring a child or giving the silent treatment when they don't preform to your standards is classic emotional abuse. I'd regard this as a red flag, especially as she continued to ignore the kid when he became visibly distressed. That's more than just a badly-thought-out teaching method, it shows a concerning lack of empathy. I would be on the look out for other red flags, and make sure she doesn't get left with your kids unsupervised. She's already shown that she won't abide by your parenting and discipline decisions, and her own methods are inappropriate.
Florence O'Grady 2 years ago
You are Not the a**h***e. You are being the parent your child needs. Keep sticking up for your child. The aunt needs some lessons in manners, most definitely!
Sean Andreu 2 years ago
That woman needs a wake up call. The kid is 4 years old. Grow up lady. I would've had to leave so I didn't embarrass her in front of everyone
Sean Andreu 2 years ago
The sister in law is an a*s. The boy is 4 years old for Christ sakes! And they say Americans are dumb! It's a child! I would've had to leave to keep from hurting that woman's feelings!
Trillian 2 years ago
Pretending concern when she is really just being a massive a-hole. OP was right and actually a very fitting way to get back at her. If the SIL was so worried about it, she could have just corrected the sentence like "Oh you want me to get you some water" and then fill the cup. Not make a little kid cry.
Briana Landers 2 years ago
A 4 year old knowing 2 languages? I'd be impressed not a b***h! I know 5 year olds who can barely speak and sometimes 6-8 year olds have trouble speaking bc of issues ignoring or correcting aren't gonna fix. (Speech therapy needs, mental health, mental/physical/emotional disabilities, lisps, etc)
Joel A Harker Sr. 2 years ago
Great job sticking up for your little guy. Most parents ask the child to accept an adult acting rudely "to keep the peace". However an adult should should address their own rudeness. It would have been funny if you said that to your brother as well. I love how you handled it. I think she will always be the b***h she is though.
Annie Steele 2 years ago
I live in a country where 95% speak 3 languages as children, some words don't translate and they switch between the three. Personally, I would never allow her to set foot over the doorstep, if she wants to see her brother, she can go elsewhere
Robyn Ward 2 years ago
NTA, kids are kids and it's amazing he is learning another language. My grandson use to watch Dora the explorer so his first words were in Spanish ( for reference his sperm donor is part Spanish part Philippine). I stopped him watching that show until he learn't English. I regret doing that now because that is his heritage and he should know his grass roots.
The Disabled Mom 2 years ago
You don't give parenting advise if you don't have children yourself - full stop.
Csilla Nelli Gyöngyösi 1 year ago (edited)
I speak five languages, and also teach them and still mix them up sometimes. Nobody, especially family members, has no reason to insult a small kid like this. I'd definitely protect my child from this, against family or the idea of keeping peace. There is no peace when someone insults a kid who cannot stand up for himself yet.
Sam Woodward 1 year ago
I absolutely LOVE mom’s response to SIL! No better way to teach than by example (which is one way SIL *could* have chosen to do with nephew although there was NO reason for her to do anything but give him the drink he was asking for). Good for mom here! I think it was handled perfectly and SIL OWES the apology, she is not owed one!
Lorna Lay 2 years ago
One of my inlaws moved to Belgium for work and had a child with a woman there, and their adorable son vastly preferred French and was known to code switch around American family until as late as seven or eight. It’s totally normal and I don’t know why anybody would have such a giant problem with it. If SIL nitpicks this adamantly with a 4 yo, I can only imagine the level of pedantism with adults!
Meh 2 years ago
As a childminder in the uk who has had lots of children who speak 2+ languages, it's completely normal to mix up the languages sometimes. I only speak English but it's pretty obvious what the child is trying to say most of the time. If I don't understand I ask them ( nicely) to say it again, if I still don't understand I ask them ( nicely) to show me. I can't imagine being an a**e h**e about it. Poor child :0(
Carol Emory 2 years ago
My son's autism prevented him from communicating in full sentences until he was four. Before that, it would be single words or pointing. We got what he was saying and we'd gently correct him from time to time, but we'd never ignore him. He's now an adult and still sometimes mixes up words in sentences (He used to say "You're mad at me" when he meant to say "I'm mad at you." We knew what he meant.) Here's hoping the SIL never has kids.
Jan Gardner 2 years ago
SIL ita. Anyone who supports SIL would never see my family again. I would tell them why and then goodbye.
Laura Bedwell 2 years ago
Ignoring a child can cause serious emotional issues. My son is 3 and can’t pronounce some words I know what he means and I will repeat back until he says yes mummy he’s going through the cute using Scottish slang stage as I’m from Glasgow but I do not correct him as he is Scottish.
Izzy Curer 2 years ago
I wonder why the aunt would do this. Do you think maybe she tried to coach him the right way to say it, and he refused? Maybe she thought he was being willfully belligerent?
Cathleen Day 2 years ago
I wonder of the entitled SIL would stand on her high horse merits if the 4 year old asked for the bathroom? Happy outcome for me would be the little fella taking a giant dump in her loungeroom! 🤣🤣🤣 Oh, NTA
Anna Stephenson 2 years ago
Ridiculous- I am technically monolingual, although I learned Mandarin in my early 20's because my partner and the majority of our friends spoke it as a first language. For a while I would accidentally use mandarin around my monolingual, English speaking family- it would irritate my sister sometimes so she'd get frustrated and say "OP- I DON'T Speak CHINESE!!!!" All this to say- it's easy for an adult to forget- let alone a small child. I completely understand debt the Mum did what she did!- the Aunt/SIL should NOT have done what she did to a child who couldn't understand what he was doing "wrong"
Radek Suski 2 years ago
Holy guacamole I obviously have also serious speech issues with 44. What a Karen?!
Mick Dundee 2 years ago
You don't torture kids because you're a control freak A*s clown.. He's 4, the British have had a stick up their a**e for 500 years, to what end? Bad teeth and Food.
Hey! 2 years ago
I find it completely hilarious that most of you would say "it will pass". My three adult children, my husband and myself all speak at least 2 languages (some speak 3-4 other ones). When we talk together we all talk different languages in the same sentence OR one person will ask a Q in one and the other person will A in another OR mix-up words with a duet. One time we were in a restaurant and someone commented on it (we think they were trying to follow our convos but couldn't). When we went to my mother's funerals earlier this year, my brother came to our table and asked "exactly which languages do you all speak?" It will not pass at this point, it's been at least 35 years.
Nilsen 2 years ago (edited)
This is a classical "problem" in bilingualism. Most children who learn two (or more) languages at once tend to mix them up for some time, but that sorts itself out. If they speak with someone they know are also fluent in the same languages as themselves they may switch mid sentence if the setting is right- This is called "code switching" and is a typical sign of being _truly_ bilingual rather than one who has just learnt the language in school.
Monday 2 years ago
Absolutely. I'm bilingual and often I will forget a word in one language for a moment and will substitute it with the other language to still get my point across. If I can't keep my languages perfectly straight how the hell is a 4 year old supposed to do it?
Load More Replies... Tiffany Tesla 2 years ago
"Never" is wrong, "in almost all cases" is better. If involving death and dismemberment, stress and embarrassment is better. I also had to use stress and embarrassment to work on a child's refusal to stop playing and use bathroom, instead of hold until wetting oneself, because she was on her 2nd UTI and Yeast infection at 5(that /I/ knew of)... And that can effect one's ability to have normal life(kidney damage, failure, dialysis, transplant, drugs for rest of one's life, immunosuppressed.. then reproductive later, but also antibiotics and antibiotic resistance, etc etc)
Load More Replies... Aldhissla VargTimmen 2 years ago (edited)
I'm a speech language pathologist (from Belgium) and this is very normal in the language development of a child that is raised bilingual. It's not necessary to correct it, just make sure each of you speaks your own language correctly when talking to him. That way he will grow up bilingual without any problems. As to the ignoring your SIL? She deserved that. Your kid probably didn't understand why she ignored him either.
Marilyn Russell 2 years ago
Was it childish? Sure a little. Was it deserved? Hell yeah! Will she get the point? No probably not but it was worth it.
TheAquarius1978 2 years ago
Dude Im 44 i speak 3 languages and understand 4 ( i don't speak Spanish because i don't want to insult Spanish people, but i understand 99% of their vocabuláry ), my English is not perfect, but i think everyone can understand it, and my French is a joke, i forgot most of the vocabuláry, and everytime i try speaking French i end up speaking either Frentuguese, or Frenglish, só give a 4year old kid a break lol, ESPECIALLY if you can barelly speak your own language ( as it apears according to what the OP Said )
Talitha Jansen 2 years ago
He's four years old, the fact that he speaks two languages when a lot of English adults can't even write proper grammar, say a lot. The sister in law has unrealistic expectations and I don't understand the family for taking her side. He's four!
UpupaEpops 2 years ago (edited)
Monolingual, potentially xenophobic c**t doesn't understand the mechanics of language acquisition. That's about it. Completely normal, ( dated a monolingual foreigner just once. Never again!) but insanely irritating and often quite humiliating.
TheAquarius1978 2 years ago
from a Latin base languages ( French ) to Germanic based language ( English), there is a brutal Change in grammer, its not just the vocabuláry, i remember once i was talking with 2 British costumers, and we had an ATM in the store, one of them asked me where was the machine and i told him " she's Over there ", and they both started mocking me, asking me how did i knew it was a She, to which i respond " because in Portuguese we don't have the " it " every single word is either masculine or feminine, and machine ( máquina ) is a feminine word, there for the ATM was a She lol ".
Load More Replies... Isolde Leeuwen 2 years ago
This is not only an incredibly shitty way to handle your child, but also just unacceptable. I try to avoid any correction of my nieces or nephew that I know my sisters would handle differently. It is basic respect for the parenting of others. If I think the parenting needs correcting I will discuss that with the parent, not experiment with the child. Absurd!
Marleinah Smith 2 years ago (edited)
Mother was doing what her son couldn't. She fought back against ignorance. Nobody should be mistreating a child in any way, shape, or form, ever. Faulting a child for what they can't help themselves. The parents don't ignore, they teach the way they should, without hate and judgement.
SirWriteALot 2 years ago
Holy c**p ... this is bordering on child abuse. If a kid asks for water, it means they're thirsty. Not giving them what they need can be a real issue. I'm not sure I could have prevented getting physical with my in law if that happened to my kid.
deanna woods 2 years ago
My mother would have laid this SIL out with one punch if that had been our situation. You don't ignore children because they are talking in the way that you would like. This aunt is an a-hole and the mom was right to treat her that way. If you want to be respected, you have to show respect. This child is four years old and knows two different languages, of course he is going to mix them up on occasion.
Amused panda 2 years ago
Wow. Actually, the fact that the SIL refers to this as a "speech issue" makes things worse, because it suggests that she is likening his bilingual speech to a speech impediment, apraxia or language disorder where there is an inability to retrieve the right words, and yet SIL is punishing the child for not using the 'correct' words.
Ricky Namara 2 years ago
This feels like when a young student says, "Can I go to the bathroom?" and the teacher replied, "I don't know, CAN you?": unhelpful and incredibly petty. And before everybody overreacts, relax, I'm a K-to-6 teacher. I don't hold my students' needs to relieve themselves hostage just to teach them a lesson in good grammar. Hell, I'm even thankful they mind their manners and still remember to ask for permission to excuse themselves.
Paddling Panda 2 years ago
When we moved to the country where i live now, I knew little English and we spoke Dutch at home. I learned English in NZ so when we came here, I had a strong Dutch-Kiwi accent when I spoke my broken English. My Grade 1 teacher refused to let me go to the washroom until I could pronounce my words "properly". So yeah, I peed my pants in class when I was five years old. F**k you, Ms Jacklin.
Load More Replies... Shelby Moonheart 2 years ago
My dad used to say that many people, in the USA, have monolingual myopia.
Lyone Fein 2 years ago
OMG. As a 59 year old woman, I know multiple languages. And I am always making sentences that are a mix of 2 , 3, or, sometimes even 4 of them! Certain concepts can only be expressed in a specific language. . . . This sounds like a situation where the least educated person is saying that her way is better than being more educated! Unfortunately, such a common problem.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
This is hilarious! I love that mother and I would have totally done the same! My kids are bilingual too, so I understand her standpoint. Even if children only speak one language, you just do not do that to a toddler! I hope she will soften up, if she ever decides to have a kid of her own.
Seedy Vine 2 years ago
Why do so many people who speak only one language try to punish those who speak more? OP you're NTA. Your SIL abused your child and your parents let her. They are AHs. Don't subject your kid to them anymore.
Laura Lett 2 years ago
Speak only in French from now on to each other in her presence. Ignore her unless she speak French. Petty , yes ,but,she is a b****, & only speaks English.
Jennifer Germain 2 years ago
ok I spoke 3 languages as a child, now only fluent in two, my parents both fluent in French and English but all my friends spoke French and Italian. It happened more than a few times but after the first time I said something to my dad in Italian and then realized he didn't understand correct to French. Happens, hell still to this day I will forget a word in English and can only think of the French word, I'm 58. Monolingual people just don't understand it some times.
Deborah B 2 years ago
Ignoring a child or giving the silent treatment when they don't preform to your standards is classic emotional abuse. I'd regard this as a red flag, especially as she continued to ignore the kid when he became visibly distressed. That's more than just a badly-thought-out teaching method, it shows a concerning lack of empathy. I would be on the look out for other red flags, and make sure she doesn't get left with your kids unsupervised. She's already shown that she won't abide by your parenting and discipline decisions, and her own methods are inappropriate.
Florence O'Grady 2 years ago
You are Not the a**h***e. You are being the parent your child needs. Keep sticking up for your child. The aunt needs some lessons in manners, most definitely!
Sean Andreu 2 years ago
That woman needs a wake up call. The kid is 4 years old. Grow up lady. I would've had to leave so I didn't embarrass her in front of everyone
Sean Andreu 2 years ago
The sister in law is an a*s. The boy is 4 years old for Christ sakes! And they say Americans are dumb! It's a child! I would've had to leave to keep from hurting that woman's feelings!
Trillian 2 years ago
Pretending concern when she is really just being a massive a-hole. OP was right and actually a very fitting way to get back at her. If the SIL was so worried about it, she could have just corrected the sentence like "Oh you want me to get you some water" and then fill the cup. Not make a little kid cry.
Briana Landers 2 years ago
A 4 year old knowing 2 languages? I'd be impressed not a b***h! I know 5 year olds who can barely speak and sometimes 6-8 year olds have trouble speaking bc of issues ignoring or correcting aren't gonna fix. (Speech therapy needs, mental health, mental/physical/emotional disabilities, lisps, etc)
Joel A Harker Sr. 2 years ago
Great job sticking up for your little guy. Most parents ask the child to accept an adult acting rudely "to keep the peace". However an adult should should address their own rudeness. It would have been funny if you said that to your brother as well. I love how you handled it. I think she will always be the b***h she is though.
Annie Steele 2 years ago
I live in a country where 95% speak 3 languages as children, some words don't translate and they switch between the three. Personally, I would never allow her to set foot over the doorstep, if she wants to see her brother, she can go elsewhere
Robyn Ward 2 years ago
NTA, kids are kids and it's amazing he is learning another language. My grandson use to watch Dora the explorer so his first words were in Spanish ( for reference his sperm donor is part Spanish part Philippine). I stopped him watching that show until he learn't English. I regret doing that now because that is his heritage and he should know his grass roots.
The Disabled Mom 2 years ago
You don't give parenting advise if you don't have children yourself - full stop.
Csilla Nelli Gyöngyösi 1 year ago (edited)
I speak five languages, and also teach them and still mix them up sometimes. Nobody, especially family members, has no reason to insult a small kid like this. I'd definitely protect my child from this, against family or the idea of keeping peace. There is no peace when someone insults a kid who cannot stand up for himself yet.
Sam Woodward 1 year ago
I absolutely LOVE mom’s response to SIL! No better way to teach than by example (which is one way SIL *could* have chosen to do with nephew although there was NO reason for her to do anything but give him the drink he was asking for). Good for mom here! I think it was handled perfectly and SIL OWES the apology, she is not owed one!
Lorna Lay 2 years ago
One of my inlaws moved to Belgium for work and had a child with a woman there, and their adorable son vastly preferred French and was known to code switch around American family until as late as seven or eight. It’s totally normal and I don’t know why anybody would have such a giant problem with it. If SIL nitpicks this adamantly with a 4 yo, I can only imagine the level of pedantism with adults!
Meh 2 years ago
As a childminder in the uk who has had lots of children who speak 2+ languages, it's completely normal to mix up the languages sometimes. I only speak English but it's pretty obvious what the child is trying to say most of the time. If I don't understand I ask them ( nicely) to say it again, if I still don't understand I ask them ( nicely) to show me. I can't imagine being an a**e h**e about it. Poor child :0(
Carol Emory 2 years ago
My son's autism prevented him from communicating in full sentences until he was four. Before that, it would be single words or pointing. We got what he was saying and we'd gently correct him from time to time, but we'd never ignore him. He's now an adult and still sometimes mixes up words in sentences (He used to say "You're mad at me" when he meant to say "I'm mad at you." We knew what he meant.) Here's hoping the SIL never has kids.
Jan Gardner 2 years ago
SIL ita. Anyone who supports SIL would never see my family again. I would tell them why and then goodbye.
Laura Bedwell 2 years ago
Ignoring a child can cause serious emotional issues. My son is 3 and can’t pronounce some words I know what he means and I will repeat back until he says yes mummy he’s going through the cute using Scottish slang stage as I’m from Glasgow but I do not correct him as he is Scottish.
Izzy Curer 2 years ago
I wonder why the aunt would do this. Do you think maybe she tried to coach him the right way to say it, and he refused? Maybe she thought he was being willfully belligerent?
Cathleen Day 2 years ago
I wonder of the entitled SIL would stand on her high horse merits if the 4 year old asked for the bathroom? Happy outcome for me would be the little fella taking a giant dump in her loungeroom! 🤣🤣🤣 Oh, NTA
Anna Stephenson 2 years ago
Ridiculous- I am technically monolingual, although I learned Mandarin in my early 20's because my partner and the majority of our friends spoke it as a first language. For a while I would accidentally use mandarin around my monolingual, English speaking family- it would irritate my sister sometimes so she'd get frustrated and say "OP- I DON'T Speak CHINESE!!!!" All this to say- it's easy for an adult to forget- let alone a small child. I completely understand debt the Mum did what she did!- the Aunt/SIL should NOT have done what she did to a child who couldn't understand what he was doing "wrong"
Radek Suski 2 years ago
Holy guacamole I obviously have also serious speech issues with 44. What a Karen?!
Mick Dundee 2 years ago
You don't torture kids because you're a control freak A*s clown.. He's 4, the British have had a stick up their a**e for 500 years, to what end? Bad teeth and Food.
Hey! 2 years ago
I find it completely hilarious that most of you would say "it will pass". My three adult children, my husband and myself all speak at least 2 languages (some speak 3-4 other ones). When we talk together we all talk different languages in the same sentence OR one person will ask a Q in one and the other person will A in another OR mix-up words with a duet. One time we were in a restaurant and someone commented on it (we think they were trying to follow our convos but couldn't). When we went to my mother's funerals earlier this year, my brother came to our table and asked "exactly which languages do you all speak?" It will not pass at this point, it's been at least 35 years.
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