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Relationships are built on trust, so it can be destabilizing or even devastating when our significant other keeps secrets from us - even if they aren’t all that bad. Not all secrets were created equal, however. When one user on Reddit asked divorce lawyers to share some of the worst secrets and transgressions that they’d discovered throughout their careers, they did not disappoint.
Some of the answers are downright shocking, while others are hilarious. Most go far beyond some of the worst secrets we could imagine, like infidelity, and go into some wild territory.
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#1
Not a lawyer, but a story I got to learn about over a couple years of being a gas station attendant.
A regular customer of mine (father), and his two children (younger son like 10ish, older daughter like 12ish) came into the store I worked at very regularly, like clock work on the way to drop said children off at school during the school year, and to a baby sitter during the summer. Over the couple years I greeted this trio Monday through Friday and was able to hear about activities they were in, and got to get to know all three of them on a some what personal level. In this learning, at some point, I did learn from the father that he had full custody of his children because his ex-wife didn't want them, and he traded almost every single one of his assets he accrued over the years, to make sure his kids had the love and stability they needed. Ex-wife got the more expensive car, the house, the boat, and half of their bulk savings. When I learned of this, all he did was smile and said "For my kids, that b***h can have all the wealth. They're all that matter to me."
And all I wanted to do was cry.
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago (edited)
The kids will remember this treasure of a man for many years to come while their poor excuse of a mother will just be another faceless void that they won't even recall later.
RELATED:
#2
I will just jump in and let everyone know that not all divorces end in one of the parties getting screwed over.
My ex and I married way too young and when we realized it was all falling apart (for various reasons) we agreed that our daughter would be our priority. Nether of us ever used our daughter against the other. Neither of us bad-mouthed the other in front of her and we were both very fair with holidays and time spent with her. Our daughter grew up into an awesome person that has a great relationship with both of us.
Financially, my ex did not want to bleed me dry, and I wanted to make sure that she had enough child support to really help. In the short term it probably cost me more but over the long term I probably ended up better off financially.
So not all divorces end up up with bitter f****d up people.
lenka 1 year ago
It's good to remember this :-) We do have a lot of clients who reach agreement by consent. Who have a solid co-parenting relationship and work together for the children and who divide the assets between them. If you can do this... do it. The only person who wins in an acrimonious divorce are the lawyers.
#3
Not a lawyer, but part of my previous job was reviewing the details of divorce decrees for people trying to get money to start businesses. They are usually pretty generic, especially in no fault states. About ten years ago I get this one where it was an at fault state at the time of the divorce, and it laid out the whole backstory.
The husband was a physician and the wife was a hair stylist. The husband lied about being having a long term disease to the wife and her family. He used this lie to leave his job and stayed home for years while the wife took on multiple jobs and tried to support him on her income alone.
They found out he was lying and she filed for divorce. He was ordered by the judge to immediately seek employment as a doctor and pay the wife alimony based on his theoretical salary.
Lakota Wolf (she/her) 1 year ago
The judge ordered him to seek employment as a doctor again?! I wouldn't trust this man to EVER be a doctor again! He's a proven liar and cheat!
#4
I am an attorney. A few years back, I practiced primarily as a financial consultant specializing in forensic accounting. I was the expert the attorneys would hire to compile income and financial resources and then testify in court,
I worked within an accounting firm who had a sports agent as a client. I worked on a high profile divorce case for them working with attorneys in two states on the husband's case.
In any city, if you do the high end divorce cases as an expert witness, you end up working with only a few select attorneys or law firms. As a person who has worked both sides of a case, you figure out that there is a system of things.
My post is not so much about the client's secret in this case, it's more about how I broke the system of things in this case.
Let's get something straight. In a perfect world, the husband and wife could sit down on their own and knock out a reasonable settlement. If necessary, they could use an advisor or a mediator. The bigger cases may have valuation issues regarding closely held stock, stock options, professional goodwill, etc.
But not so fast there grasshopper, tax must be paid, the system must be greased, the professionals need paid. The client's interests aren't in perfect alignment with the professionals.
Billable hours must be obtained! Sure the attorneys on both sides know each other and could work toward a smooth resolution. That's not going to happen. It is more advantageous to the law firms to communicate through depositions, summons, pleadings, etc.
My fees are dependent on the case going forward. If the case settles, I ordinarily receive funds representing the time I incurred. I never had an issue with that. This was not my only source of income. Some of my cases dragged on for years with a trail of billable attorney hours.
So that brings us to the case in question.. I had traveled across the country to meet with my client, Mr. X, and his attorneys. So we sat in the conference room high above the city discussing the issues. Mr. X was good man as far as I knew. Nothing too crazy had happened in the case.
In any event, it came time for lunch. Mr. X passed as he didn't feel like interacting with fans. The attorneys left to eat and I stepped out to make calls on my other cases.
I came back rather quickly. There I sat with Mr. X. After some deliberation, he looked at me and said, "You're not an attorney, you're my valuation expert. You've seen a lot of cases. What should I do?"
Now here was a question I had been hopeful would never be asked of me. I've had female clients spread their legs in conference rooms with no panties. That was child's play. Christ, I was going to be truthful.
"You've asked me a direct question, you are the one who engaged me. I would be grateful if you would keep my advice between us. If you and your wife can generally agree upon what the marital assets are worth and how they can be split, work the details out and have a law firm write up an agreement. At the end of the day, your wife is the mother of your children, and those children need you two to work together. Any funds you use to pay professional fees are better spent on you and your family."
He thought about it rather quickly. Grabbed a spreadsheet I had prepared, asked a couple questions, and we both talked over a proposed number that would work for him, and hopefully his wife. The spreadsheet went away, the attorneys returned, blah blah blah, and I flew home.
A week later Mr.X called to say the case settled. All good in the neighborhood. I felt better about this case more than any other. I was a child of divorce. If the fight can be stopped, so be it. The law firms in question never did learn of our conversation. It would have been uncomfortable as it stopped the billing train.
#5
Not a lawyer, but a bartender. And this ends in divorce.
Married couple, let's say their names are Joe and Susan, are regulars at my bar. Friday, Saturday and Sunday they come in with each other, they are very touchy feely and often are making out with each other while they drink some beers. Monday and Tuesday Susan comes in with an always changing cast of men, and is very touchy feely on them, making out, et cetera. Wednesday and Thursday Joe comes in with an ever changing cast of ladies, and is very touchy feely on them, making out, et cetera.
I figure that they must be in an open relationship in their marriage, I don't really care, and then proceed to let the next 7 years behind the bar wash over me.
Then, Susan comes in and tells me that she is divorcing Joe, because he is a piece of s**t, who cheated on her! I act surprised, and console her, and in doing such she explains that she is very virtuous and has never cheated on Joe, or anyone else.
A while later I see Joe at another bar, and he explains to me that Susan is divorcing him, but he is going to win the divorce (Is there a win in divorce, I dunno) because he had a private detective follow her, and she is a cheating b***h! I act surprised, console Joe, and in doing such he explains that he is a virtuous person, and has never cheated on Susan, or anyone else.
I shortly afterwards stopped working at that bar, and grew a beard so less people would recognize me when I go out.
#6
Large amounts of debt, affairs, substance abuse, and p**n are all fairly common in terms of secrets that pop up in my cases. So much so, it's almost expected. However, this one was my favorite...
Client is an elderly gentleman, some type of retired professional. His son is a pastor. Everything about his situation seemed very normal in terms of income, property, etc. However, it turns out he had a pretty serious p**n hobby and he was concerned his wife might find out and use it against him in the divorce. However, as I mentioned above, I assured him that was pretty run-of-the-mill these days and unlikely to affect anything. He then asks if I feel the same knowing the p**n is not "mainstream." I asked what he means and he looks very nervous. I pushed him on it.
The guy was into goats.
#7
I got a buddy who practices divorce law and he told me this doozy.
- So this guy comes into his office saying he needed representation and my buddy who was fresh from law school was willing to take on any paying case. At this point the guy states that he is the victim and his wife blindsided him with divorce paperwork less than a year into their marriage. I guess the dude's wife had some serious cash and would be flexing some muscle.After a few weeks he gets a call from an arbitrator from the wife's attorney who set up a meeting and thinking that they were interested in settling in the best interest of the husband. The dude and my buddy show up and I guess things went completely side ways; come to find out the dude had a bunch of nasty secrets he failed to mention which included;
1) A nasty online p**n habit that cost him a couple of decent jobs
2) Two kids with another woman that he failed to mention to his wife about and was in the hole for back child support.
3) The biggest one that was the nail in the coffin; wife suspects that the husband was cheating so she checks his phone one night while he is sleeping. Guy was definitely talking to another woman...who happened to be the 15 year old daughter of one of his ex co-workers.
At this point the husband goes pale white and begins to sweat and the lawyer asks for a minute to speak to him. My buddy asks if any of these are true and the dude is just stammering clearly figuring out that he is screwed. My buddy tells him it is in best interest to just settle and not pursue his wanted settlement. After this is said and done the guy ends up rolling over and admitting defeat. My buddy ended up hiring debt collectors because the dude refused to pay through normal means.
#8
Not a lawyer, but my husband's uncle (they're close to the same age) was going through a divorce. His wife had just packed up her stuff and their kids and moved out one day while he was at work. Come to find out, a few weeks before she left, she'd won a $5000 a week for life lottery ticket. And thought she could divorce him without splitting her winnings. That didn't work out very well for her.
lenka 1 year ago
I had a case similar to this except I acted for the wife. The issue here was not that she didn't want to share the money but that after years of him managing the money, she had never had any financial independence and was unable to financially leave - particularly with primary care of the three very young children. He was, by all accounts, a useless husband but she was trapped. She had a small but meaningful windfall that enabled her to leave. He claimed the whole amount in the divorce. The judge ruled in favor of my client.
#9
In Australia a divorcing husband hid 10+ million by making an over payment to the tax office, auditors thought it was a tax payment but 6 months later it was refunded with base interest rate.
Since then auditors have caught on to this.
Edit: grammar is not my strong point
#10
East coast Husband had a listed income of $1.5 MM.
Cheated on wife 10 times.
Almost at the end of the divorce process it was learned that Husband had another family in Seattle, a different name and another $14 MM salary in tech.
His vested stock options under the 2nd identity were worth $214 MM.
How was he discovered living the double life?
Seattle wife posted a picture on Facebook and tagged him with his west coast name. East coast wife similarly posted a photograph of him- the facial recognition assigned him a possible name- his west coast name.
The two wives got in touch.
But wait, there's more!
He has a wife and family in the Czech Republic and moved there to avoid family court- and is currently being pursued for extradition.
#11
In my dad's last divorce, it came out that his wife had been having an affair. Throughout her last THREE marriages. It was with her first boyfriend. Who was also her step-brother.
Neither of them wanted to settle, and it ended up coming out in a hearing or trial in front of the court.
But my dad was no angel, so they both played themselves.
#12
Not a lawyer but I found out about a best kept secret deal. A married couple got their gas utility account turned on at their house back in 1972 but the gas company never finished the paperwork properly and they were never billed. They got free gas service forever because their account was properly 'On' but the billing was never set up. Later they divorce and the husband gets the house with the free gas service. The gas company finally caught the problem sometime around 2014. The company could legally back-bill the customer for only a limited time amounting to a few years of use but the guy told the company to send the bill to his ex-wife. There was a clause in the divorce settlement that said that if the gas company ever was notified or discovered the free gas deal, the ex-wife would have to pay any past bill payments. The arrangement was made so that the wife could never alert the company to their error without having to pay herself. What was amazing was that two lawyers and a judge signed off on this while fulling knowing that the guy was getting away with it.
#13
For a while she concealed that she'd accidentally burned down the kitchen (he was no longer living there). After he found out, which only happened because he happened to drive past the house, she accused me of telling him and otherwise colluding with him to ruin her. She also threatened to strangle my secretary. She's in my top five crazy client list.
#14
Really late to the party, but my friend's dad was a divorce lawyer.
He told us a story about a couple who fought over beanie babies and hid the "rare" ones from each other.
Ricardo Ferreira 1 year ago
Geek couples fighting over action figures. I just seeing this happening in the not so distant future...
#15
Divorce lawyer here. A man gambled away $70,000 of their marital savings. Wife didn't know until she filed for divorce. She hit him in the head with a hammer and was arrested.
#16
Not a divorce lawyer but my friend told me about a secret that came up during her divorce, for years they had trouble with the trash pick up just skipping their house and a lot of times she would call and complain, then she filed for divorce and they were going through some type of mediation and it came out that he was just to lazy to take the trash cans to the curb and she would believe him when he said he had done it.
#17
Don't know if this counts and I am not a lawyer.
Buddy of mine got divorced, he has a contracting business and was doing quite well. During the divorce proceedings they decided to sell the business and divide the proceeds. They sold it for over $2 million dollars , she got 60% in lieu of alimony.
Well, the selling of the business triggered a tax audit and when all was said and done they owed over $700,000 in back taxes and penalties.
So, now we have a $700,000 debt and back to court they go. She is claiming "It was his business so he should pay all the debt", He is claiming "Since she took 60% off the business she should take 60% of the debt".
Well, the judge agreed with him, She ended up with 60% of the debt and unfortunately for her she had pretty much spent all the proceeds from the divorce and now owes 420,000 to the government plus accumulating interest. He had used the money he got from the divorce to start a new business and paid his debt off right away.
#18
Not exactly the answer you were looking for, but...
My parents' divorce took an ungodly amount of time (and, therefore, money). My mom found out about 10 years after the fact that her lawyer and my dad's lawyer were colluding to drag the case out as long as possible. Mom didn't want to have to deal with Dad so she never went after the lawyer. Too bad in hindsight.
#19
TIL: If you win the lotto, don't hide it from your partner and get a divorce.
Christmas love 1 year ago (edited)
And that’s why I put the winning ticket in my mothers name!! I trust her not to steal the money! I’m only kidding. I would only do this if said husband was a wife beater/child abuser etc
#20
If someone is determined to keep something a secret from their spouse/ former spouse they will also keep it a secret from their lawyer.
#21
I do not practice in family law, but early in my career my then boss would take a divorce case from time to time to help out a friend or acquaintance. I would assist on occasion. For any type of litigation, the parties exchange written questions as part of discovery. I was reviewing the wife's answers to her discovery requests, and assisting the husband with answering his questions.
We get to the part where it asks about engaging in extramarital sexual relations. Husband tells me that he recently saw a prostitute, "but don't worry, it was in Canada, so it's okay." I just nodded and took notes.
In going over the wife's answers, she listed "b*********y" as a factor that lead to the breakdown of the relationship. I asked Husband about this (because I have to know what other issues may come to light), and tells me he got really drunk one night after they separated, called her up and told her he "f****d a goat," but he swore he didn't *actually* do that. I was really professional and kept a straight face during the meeting, but my boss and I laughed about that for ages.
#22
Couple is getting divorced, guy gets worried that she won't return the engagement ring so he tells his attorney that he switched it for a fake without telling her. Attorney checks in with client a while later who then asks her to stop proceeding because "we're laughing again". Then she asks her client "did you tell her about the ring? Was she laughing then?"
This other one though... Guy doesn't want to break up with his girlfriend, she keeps nagging him about marriage but he doesn't want to marry her. So he tells her they'll have a 'destination wedding' on a tropical island with a local ceremony and it will be very romantic. And they do. Except he just hired some resort staff to pretend to officiate a marriage ceremony and no marriage contract was ever drawn up. Guy dies years later, 'wife' finds out she was never married and is not in the will.
But really, it's not the secrets, its the mundane b******t. Attorney gets a fax from his client's ex-wife's attorney, "so and so *promised* to buy and build beds for the children for when they came over to visit one weekend but he didn't and they had to sleep on couches. Please ensure that your client does XYZ..." Ok, that's a valid complaint, but not one that needs to be communicated between two attorneys who charge $450/hr.
#23
Not a lawyer but my parents;
Divorced when I was born. Over the next 5 years dad proceeds to take mom to court to pay less and less in child support. He had us for about 30 hrs/wk, school days were almost entirely on her. When I was about 12 he starts bringing her back to court, according to her he was paying about $100/mo for the four of us. Finally she got sick of hit, had her lawyer look into his finances. His (now deceased) parents gave him $200,000 for our college educations, he put it into stocks, and had ~$40,000 left. Judge heard this, case ended.
Edit; He got that money in roughly 1985, before we were born, and was forced to take out the remainder and put it in a savings account by the judge in... 2010? roughly
#24
My aunt was a divorce attorney for decades before becoming a judge. The biggest whammo was a guy who was stealing his wife's undergarments and wearing them. She thought he was just having an affair.
Pattie B 1 year ago (edited)
This might be controversial but I wish he'd felt he could be honest with his wife about his interest in wearing women's clothes. It's really a harmless thing to do (unless of course he's stretching out an expensive pair of underwear lol). Maybe she would have been understanding 🤷
#25
So, not a lawyer, but let me tell you a very sad story that happened to a friend of mine.
Wife was married before to "Rich Guy" and they get into a bad car accident, and Rich Guy dies. Wife keeps HIS last name and has some money. She shacks up with my friend, who had a drinking problem. He owned a small business that made a boatload of cash.
Flash forward to when I know him, 12 years later.
He tells me that his wife is divorcing him, and that he put everything in her name. They have a child who is 10 (which was an accident). She admits to cheating, and says she conned him into the house and everything being in her name and that she still loves her deceased husband, and that (my friend) was nothing like her ex. She then said he has to move out, and that she wants half of his business and is going to suck him dry of whatever money he has left.
My buddy was borderline suicidal, and was prescribed some drugs which he became moderately addicted to, in addition to the massive additional amount he now drank (remember, alcoholism).
I couldn't believe she basically used him and got him to put the (now paid off) house in her name, the car, everything. She was WAY hot and he was not, so maybe that has something to do with it.
It was completely devastating, especially after all that time...
#26
My father in law said "20 grand to leave my daughter". I thought about it for a moment then said "yeah, fair enough", packed my bags, paid him the money and left....
#27
Not a divorce lawyer, but a friend of mine went through a tragic divorce:
He owned part of a small business, and he was good with his money so he sold his shares and moved to florida, basically semi-retired but still doing an occasional gig to support his two kids and get a little spending money.
A few months into "retirement" his wife goes to him and tells him that she would like to experiment having sex with a women. He says that is fine probably assuming he would get a threesome. Instead his wife started having a full on affair with this other women. A few months into this their marriage has fallen apart and they get divorced. For some reason the wife got custody of the kids.
He is doing his thing, rebuilding his life, and got a job, and making his payments to his kids. Suddenly their quality of life is clearly starting to deteriote, and they moved from a nicer house to a trailer park. Turns out the other women was using the money that was supposed to be going to the kids to get gender change surgery, as the story goes to buy herself a penis but I'm sure it was more than that.
Luckily the guy got his custody back, and there are all sorts of shenanigans at parent teacher conferences and stuff like that. I suppose they are also contributing to the florida man stereotype.
#28
ITT: Stay away from marriage and onvert your assets into gold bars and hide them somewhere in the remote wilderness.
#29
This couple were going through proceedings, she gets full custody while the divorce plays out, he gets to see his kids once in awhile. Bastard was disguising himself as the kids' nanny, ya know, full old lady make up, wig and dress. Weird.
#30
My buddy named Walter kept that he was a drug dealer from his b***h of a wife.
TheStormIRide 1 year ago
this pretty much sums up how reliable the stories on boredpanda are :D
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