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Family and drama go together like oxygen and fire—one fuels the other, and while they can create warmth and light, they can just as easily spark chaos and destruction. So when Reddit user Rentinghappiness asked everyone on the platform to share the biggest secrets they discovered about their relatives, people used the opportunity to use the anonymous nature of the internet to vent their frustrations, confusions, and other kinds of emotional turmoil that they've experienced after unraveling the hidden layers of their relationships.

#1

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak I discovered that my siblings and I grew up in foster care since no family members were willing to help my aunt and uncle get custody of us. We were in Missouri while they lived in Michigan. They fought the courts with what means they had but couldn’t afford the legal battle. The system thought our mentally ill mother was the best choice even though we would only be home with her for a few months before going back into the system. Rinse repeat until my sister and I at 15&16 were homeless. Luckily we had an older brother that was adopted by a great family and found us. Sent some bus tickets to Detroit to come stay with him and showed us f****d up kids what unconditional love was.

paperjockie , Jessica West / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Gatorraid
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was nice of him. I'm glad to read that y'all still had people trying to give you a family unlike some

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#2

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak Grandma had a younger sister who she was told had died in infancy but was actually sent away to other family members because she was severely mentally disabled and the family was embarrassed to have an "abnormal" child around. We found her living with some of Grandma's cousins where she was regularly beaten up and even doused with boiling water when she misbehaved and was in her mid 50s then but had the mental capacity of an 8-year old. She eventually got out and ended up in a special needs nursing home where she was fortunately treated better, but the damage was apparent and she'd scream and throw a fit whenever the caregivers filled up a hot bath or made coffee or had anything to do with hot water.

Heroic-Forger , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

In addition to the personal stories we see in the thread, we also have some quantitative data to go along with it. According to a 2020 survey that looked at secrets that Brits discover, the most common ones about family were:

An affair (29%);

A secret family (22%);

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A secret revelation (22%);

Unknown friends (18%);

More money than expected (17%);

More debt than expected (13%);

A secret job (6%).


#3

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My mom always told me my father had died in Vietnam during the war.

Imagine my surprise when he showed up to my High School graduation because he'd seen my name in the local paper (I graduated valedictorian and I'm a Junior). Turns out my mom had kidnapped me when I was a baby to keep my father from trying to get custody when they split up. He lived about an hour away from me the whole time I was growing up and neither of us knew it.

stootchmaster2 , RDNE Stock projecter / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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E.V.
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He never reported it the police? I figured it would've been easy to solve since she kept her name and was able to find her years later.

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#4

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak That we weren't really poor; rather, I wore ratty clothes, never got any toys, and would frequently go hungry simply because my mom just didn't give a s**t about me. I was 18 when my mom told me that she started to panic when she had less than 50K in savings, this was in the early 2000s

Bright side, it taught me not to buy stupid s**t.
Darkside, nostalgia for games/toys/movies/trips etc. doesn't exist.

UnemployedRacoon , محمد عزام الشيخ يوسف / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#5

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak For years we laughed about how, one night, when my dad was little, his parents got drunk and played Russian roulette pointing the gun at themselves and firing. My grandmother’s turn, and she shot herself in the throat, and she lived. Both passed away years ago, and my dad inherited the gun. One night he was re-telling the story to my mom, made sure the gun was unloaded, and realized that even he couldn’t pull the trigger back with the weapon facing himself. There is no way his mom accidentally shot herself, but there is a very high probability that my grandfather shot her.

Dad then remembered that he was sent to foster care for several months after the incident, while the police investigated what happened.

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Susie Elle
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We're not gonna mention that these people apparently play Russian roulette when drunk, instead of cherades or trivial pursuit?

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Most of us would rather find out about these things before our family members pass away—almost 4 in 5 respondents said they wanted to discuss these matters face-to-face.

But when it comes to opening up to family, the study also found some subjects are considered far more taboo than others.

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Sex is the most divisive topic, with less than half (48%) of us willing to disclose information about our sex lives to those closest to us. Compared to this, far more of us (59%) would be comfortable talking about our experiences with drugs, and 90% have no qualms about disclosing our finances with family.


#7

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak The one vacation I went on with my Dad, which I cherished as one of the few father-son bonding experiences of my childhood, was actually my Mom telling him “Take your son and GTFO for a few weeks while you decide if you want to be married or not”. Apparently there was a “work wife” situation brewing and my Mom was not having it. .

ghostprawn , Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Andrew Keir
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm glad you had the good experiences when you were young, and that the problems were kept from you until you were old enough to be able to handle them

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#8

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My father was on his death bed and I ran to the train station and hopped on a 5 hour train to see him in the hospital. When I walked in the room, there was two women (older than me by 20 years) holding him and calling him dad. A huge WTF, who are these people?!!!! went through my head and realized he had another family my entire life. He passed away the next day. I still am shocked.

Krazaykare , Kampus Production / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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When looking at age demographics, the older generations were consistently more open. For example, 50% of over-65s are happy to discuss drugs compared to just 21% of those aged 18-24 and 20% of those aged 25-35. This trend of elderly honesty and youthful discreetness continues among topics like alcohol, money, and religious beliefs.

Maybe that's why we discover more things when we get older—others become more willing to admit them.


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#10

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak Helluva lot lighter than 99% of this thread but I didn't find out until like 15 years after the fact that when my uncle divorced his wife and got with another woman was because they were swingers and the husbands decided to just swap wives. Now they're hardcore Bible thumpers.

EDIT: Yes, the swap was consensual by all parties.

JCStensland , Alena Darmel / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#11

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak I was a single child my whole life, then my dad died and I learned in my 30s, that my cousin was my brother, I had a half sister who lived across the country, had a sister down the street and another half sister who was like in her late 50s.

Louisville82 , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#12

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My half-sisters were kidnapped by their (undiagnosed at the time) clinically insane mother who kept them from my dad for two years. He came home one day and they were all gone. He spent those years looking for them, but since it was the mother who took them, he didn’t receive much help from authorities. During those years, my sisters suffered at the hands of their mother and her numerous male companions. One day, their mother just got tired of them and sent them back to their dad.

I didn’t know any of this until a few weeks ago. It explains so much.

WeigherofProsandCons , Mădălina Vlăduță / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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ShaZam
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's so sad. I'm glad your father found them. Hopefully, with therapy, they will have a loving future.

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#13

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My mom and dad were real brother and sister but they didn't know it too until they had 2 kids.

Sickdoctor07 , Anna Frolova / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Wang Zhuang
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I suspect more similar cases like this will emerge as more people take advantage of DNA testing.

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#14

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My father, a man of questionable morals, set my shy brother up with one of his mistresses. This woman, desperate to escape poverty, agreed to the arrangement.

Tragically, my father continued his affair with her even after she married my brother. This left my brother in a deeply troubled and painful situation.

My brother passed away at the young age of 50, leaving behind a complicated legacy. I'm unsure if the child he had with this woman is my sister or my niece, given my father's involvement.

My brother's life was marked by sadness and turmoil, a direct result of my father's selfish actions.

deepblue225 , Jeremy Wong / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#15

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My parents always told us kids that my mom lost her front teeth because as babies we’d accidentally head butted her so often we knocked them out.
The truth of it was that when my parents drank (which was, and I assume is still, all the time) they would argue a lot. When my dad got sick of my mom’s voice he’d pop her in the mouth with the back of his hand.
He’s the one that knocked out her teeth, and then blamed it on us as babies.

i_just_read_a_lot , Nicola Barts / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#16

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak I knew that my biological father had a sister that died when she was 6-yrs-old. It wasn’t until I was grown that I heard the full story. My Dad was 10 and Helen 6. He was supposed to be looking out for her while they were outside playing. They had walked to a neighbors house and Helen wanted to go home. Dad wanted to stay and told Hellen to walk back home by herself. She was hit by a car and died. My grand-parents blamed my Dad and he carried that guilt his entire life.

Fernet59 , Leah Newhouse / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#17

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My mom's side of the family owned a couple family members from my dad's side of the family during the slave times.

Tacos4Texans , Cameron Casey / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#18

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My grandma's sister died when she was 15, hit by a car right in front of the family house, well my uncle bought the house years ago and found her hidden journal, turns out great grandpa was abusing her and she [unalived] herself...

purpsoli , Andrew Patrick Photo / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Agat
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone else thinks that these euphemisms somehow remove the heaviness of such stories, and the experience of the people? [Unalive] my a*s... This girl deserves her awful experiences to be called as they were.

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#19

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak Apparently my dad tried to strangle his ex wife and the only reason she survived is because she cut his arm with a kitchen knife. My mom and I got to find out that little fun fact together, because his ex called her to warn her that he was crazy when she found out he’d remarried. 🙂 so there’s that.

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#20

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak On of my moms sisters died of SIDS in the 50s. Years later it came out that my grandfather got tired of hearing her cry and frustratingly shook the s**t out of her. She actually died of shaken baby syndrome. I don’t know how authorities didn’t know (?).

tatkat , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Multa Nocte
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because information on both these phenomenon were not well known at the time.

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#21

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak I knew Mum was sick… I had no idea how many times she tried to [unalive] herself.

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ABC no seven FCK CENSORING
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3 days ago

This comment has been deleted.

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#22

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My family fought in WWII


on both sides.

No-Necessary-8333 , Dan Cristian Pădurețt / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Ace
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sadly all too common around here (Alsace) where the villages and their occupants switched between being German and French several times over the course of the last 150 years. War memorials, of which there are a lot, never mention one country or the other, it's understood that the fallen sons had no choice in who they were forced to fight for, or against.

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#23

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My dad had a whole separate family with a daughter a year older than me. He ran the family business, and the lady that lived next door to the business had been his girlfriend since before my parents got married. When my parents got divorced I was about 11 or 12 and I didn't really know why. My dad and I barely talked all through high school but for some reason I talked him into letting me move in with him between my senior year and college to get to know him better.

What I found out about him was that he was d**k, a womanizer and alcoholic. The verbal and physical abuse i took as a kid was even worse now that I was older, resulting in actual fist fights a couple of times. I worked at his business and made friends with the lady next door who we'll call Wendy. She made me dinner all the time and really took care of me while my dad was too drunk to cook or do any parenting at all most of the time. I was 18 and the lady next door had a daughter about my age and we became friends. This is the daughter, we'll call her Dianne.

We hit it off that summer and neither of us knew that we were half siblings, and there was strangely something about her that made me really like her. Dianne was pretty but not crazy beautiful, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Something about her just drew me to her. I think she felt the same way, because we spent a lot of time together getting to know each other that summer. I couldn't get enough of her nor her me. We watched movies on VCR at night after work every night (I'm that old), and smoked a lot grass out on my porch. One night I took Dianne to a house party at a friends house and after a few drinks I was getting up the nerve to make a move when she kissed me. We ended up hooking up that night and messed around pretty good, but thankfully didn't have sex. I was kissing her good night on her door step when her mom came out screaming and yelling and told us we weren't allowed to see each other, and I never saw her again she wasn't around for the next few days. When my dad found out he flipped his lid too huge fist fight that night. It got so weird around there I just went back to my mom's for the few weeks left before college.

I mentioned to my mom, that Wendy was really nice and I really liked her, but I had screwed up somehow and pissed her off and I wasn't sure why. I never told my mom about messing around with Dianne, but I don't think she knew about her. She has dementia now so I have no chance of knowing if she did. Over the next few years, my dad and I drifted apart again, I had real hatred for him for a long time, and we didn't speak for almost 30 years.

Found out he was dying and I went to see him to bury the hatchet. It actually wasn't too bad. While we were catching up on the events of our lives, my dad told me the whole story. My dad had two girls Wendy and my Mom that he was dating. He chose my mom and broke it off with the other woman, and asked my mom to marry him. A few months later right before the wedding Wendy shows up very pregnant and tells him its his. My dad who was running his dad's business at the time, put her up in the property next to the business and took care of Wendy and Dianne. Eventually things rekindled with Wendy and he ended up in a relationship with her the most of the time he was married to my mom. He admitted the guilt was too much and he started drinking and over time the drink was all that was left, both my Mom and Wendy had eventually kicked him to the curb and moved on with their lives, so did I and so did my young sister and Dianne. It was a terribly sad story. For the first time the verbally and physically abusive monster had his mask pulled back and was human after all. I didn't completely forgive him, but I definitely understood him for the first time in my life.

CaptJackHarkness5064 , Caleb Oquendo / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Brandie Litchfield
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's hard to have compassion for someone that has caused such harm and damage, that says a lot about your integrity. I'm glad you had that chance to let go of the resentment and pain.

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#24

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak I have an uncle who went to prison for [unaliving] a homeless man in the street with a few of his friends. They let him out early and he goes to family gatherings. He’s fairly close with a lot of the family and as kids we would have sleepovers at his house. At one of the sleepovers we overheard him abusing his wife thankfully they divorced but the family still invites him. But she’s the crazy one according to the family.

Hot-Panic9100 , ahmet öktem / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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whodunnitfan2013
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My relatives treat me how this family treats the now-ex-wife. I'm the crazy narcissist, meanwhile the real narcissists and abusers are such saints.

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#25

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My grandfather was greatly displeased with his son Roland, who was mentally handicapped after an infection. So one day he gathered his 8 children in the yard, took out his hunting rifle and staged a mock execution of Roland to "teach him to be right".

My mom was maybe 10 years old when this happened.

heffla , Japheth Mast / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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misfittrixx
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All the kids should have been taken away right then and there that's just cruel

LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP says it happened in rural Sweden. I imagine a lot of rural places (especially decades ago) didn't have a lot of agencies to protect children :(

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Joshua David
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My father did similar "drills" to me in the 90s. Except it was for my feminine nature. Out proud gay man today.

Brandie Litchfield
Community Member
3 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It horrifies me how normalized it was when men terrorized their entire family, and abuse of women and children happened in every family. This is why generational trauma is a huge issue still. Each generation has suffered greatly...it explained a lot once I learned about generational trauma and the cycles of suffering and poor coping skills it's caused. I'd like to believe that as a society, we will eventually learn to invest in all children equally, as they are the future. How can we know this fact yet allow so many children to suffer still?

Brandie Litchfield
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For example, my grandfather dragged my grandmother out of the house by her hair, in front of their 6 kids, and repeatedly punched her in the face. My mom and aunts discuss it as if it was totally normal for their mom to have bloody nose.

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Skogsrået
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fake executions are used as torture in several countries, incredibly cruel.

Brazen
Community Member
2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then there is my grandfather who cut off his son's thumb with an axe, just because he felt like it. Did it in front of my uncle's friends when he was a kid. Some people don't deserve children.

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#26

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak Grandma didn't just disappear. Grandpa put her into an institution for what would probably be baby blues/ depression and irritation with a 5 year, 3 year, and a few month old kids, he was a trucker, so he was gone the majority of the time.
They gave her enough brain zap zaps that it turned her into a shell of a person, and she didn't even remember her kids. They visited only once when the youngest turned 18. She stayed there for 40 years completely alone, and no one knew or cared she died. She's just a random number in a mess of a graveyard they toss the wards of state in. She's less than two hours away in Minneapolis, but I won't drive in The Cities. I much prefer my small Wisconsin town.

trauma4everyone , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#27

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My great grandfather got his wife’s sister pregnant and f****d off leaving both women humiliated. With their mother and children the two women made a new life in Canada where no one knew of their shame.

phoenixAPB , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#28

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak That my father's arrest at a rodeo in his teens (that led to his mom kicking him out, complete estrangement from his mom and siblings and his eventual adoption by his best friend's family) was not just a little dustup. He beat another person so badly the victim almost died. He was fifteen.

lurkeylurk123 , coldbeer / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#29

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak Great grandparents living in Europe lost all their kids in the Spanish flu epidemic; immigrated to the US and just popped out 5 more kids. Wild.

Pitiful-Cancel-1437 , dilara irem / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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MellonCollie
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why is that wild? If the great grandparents had sex, that would likely result in babies back in the day. The fact that did lost their children apparently did not mean they never had sex anymore ... Perhaps they even had more children on purpose. I can imagine many reasons, ranging from grim to loving.

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#30

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak My great aunt was a nurse at a mental hospital and fell in love with a guy being evaluated to stand trial for [ending people]. She helped him escape and they ran off to Florida. But the police tracked them down and her lover was sentenced to the electric chair. She got off easy, though.
Before all of that craziness, her younger sister had come to live with her and then [unalived] herself. My aunt worked in a distant city and promised her father that she would get her sister a job at the hospital and look after her. But the sister got pregnant by a married man who dumped her, so she jumped off a bridge.
I found all this out like 80 years after it happened while doing family research. My 90 year old mom reluctantly confirmed it.

p38-lightning , Pixabay / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#31

Folks Are Spitting Out Family Secrets That Aren’t For The Weak So this isn’t as traumatic as most of the posts in this thread but it is still kind of disturbing.

Okay, here goes I found out a few years ago that the real reason my parents stopped playing Pictionary wasn’t that they didn’t like it. It’s that it caused multiple arguments where my parents ended up not speaking to each other for weeks at a time.

The first argument that was a big thing was that my mom did not know that Zimbabwe was a country.

The second was about whether goose pimples and goose bumps were the same thing.

And the third one was about whether a pig’s tail curls clockwise or counterclockwise. Apparently that argument led to my parents only saying “clockwise” or “counterclockwise” to each other for about two weeks.

My siblings and I all found out about this about ten years ago when my uncle came for a visit and reminded my parents of some of their legendary arguments (including the goose bumps/goose pimples one). Apparently my mom and dad used to play my aunt and uncle in different are games a lot and my parents had to stop playing Pictionary and a couple of other games because they got too heated. LOL.

The_Real_dubbedbass , Mikhail Nilov / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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DC
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That sounds not that dark, but rather stupid. I know less severe cases of similar argument-seeking couples, but they usually end up laughing at it within less than an hour. Maybe it's because they're, like, sane...

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