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Raising kids is a tough job. In fact, 41% of American parents say it is tiring, and 29% say it is stressful all or most of the time.
Unfortunately, the many misconceptions surrounding this challenging endeavor add even more confusion. For first-time moms and dads, listening to all the contradictory philosophies telling them what to say and what to do can be especially frustrating.
So when Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT made a post on the platform, asking people to share the parenting myths that they would like to see disappear, the replies came rushing in.
Image credits: BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Dads are more than babysitters.
It's been 20+ years since I was a single father, but the attitudes towards men and parenthood haven't changed as much as they should have.
Don't ask a dad if he is giving mom a break today.
Don't assume dad doesn't know how to settle down their child.
Don't stare at dad at the park when dad is there with his kid(s).
And for god sake can businesses install a change table in the men's washroom!
Thrillion 1 year ago
ALLL of this. The last one is especially annoying. I have been a single dad with 100% custody. Fed kids healthy food and clothed the kids with fresh clothes everyday. I met their emotional needs for two parents worth. Worked full time. I was present and we had some fun times too. The Father's Day shtick about dads being useless needs to go. Its 2023, a Dad's role has changed. I'm not saying we should be appreciated like single mothers or even mothers who do all the work, I'm just asking for less ridicule.
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#2
That there's a "right" way to parent. (Clearly, I'm not talking about things that qualify as abuse.) Breast feed? Great! Bottle feed? Great! If your baby is fed, that's awesome. Let the baby set the schedule? Great! Worked to get your baby on a schedule that works better for you and your family? Great! If your baby is healthy and cared for, that's awesome. And on and on. Every stage of parenting has some dichotomy of "do it this way to be a perfect parent." Kids are all different. Families are all different. Do what works to develop an amazing human and keep your own humanness intact.
#3
Picking up your baby too much will spoil them. Ffs… pick up a crying child and meet their needs - sometimes which is a just a need for comfort and bonding with their caretaker.
#4
You should finish your plate because "kids in Africa are starving."
No. If I'm not hungry don't force me to eat.
Happy Homemaker 1 year ago
My dad had a rule that you had to try three bites and if you still didn’t like it, you didn’t have to eat it ever again. Then the poor guy got remarried and the new rule was to finish your plate or sit at that table until the next meal and you don’t get the next meal. They quickly learned that I’m way more stubborn than they ever will be and I’m perfectly fine skipping a meal.
#5
Kids are resilient and will get over stuff without it correctly being addressed.
No, we remember everything In our tiny and impressionable brains.
BrownTabby 1 year ago
The “correctly addressed” part is SO important and SO many adults blow it off.
#6
To prevent allergies, avoid giving your child these foods until they are much older…
It has been proven over and over again that exposing your child to traditionally allergy prone foods in very small amounts when they are younger drastically reduces allergy potential. Even to the point of doing so in utero ….
JLS 1 year ago
My FIL was forced to eat everything, even things he was severely allergic to. His parents thought he was just being dramatic if he broke out in hives or became nauseous and threw up. He never outgrew his allergies to certain foods. He doesn't go near those foods now as an adult. Having to continually ate what he was allergic to did not make him non allergic.
#7
This destructive myth that we are OWED respect and love from our kids - NOPE! They are attached to us, yes, but love and respect are earned. Fear is not respect; guilt is not love; we chose to have kids, they had no say in the matter. It is incumbent upon us to reach them by mirroring the behaviors we value.
#8
I'm sure it's in here somewhere, but there's a lot of evidence that corporal punishment is contraindicated in disciplining a child for a multitude of reasons. One of my friends is a PhD psychologist who researched this and even when she presents people evidence about this they just say "well I got spanked and I turned out fine" and it's like well did you really though?
#9
That nonverbal kids don’t understand what you say. This one is common in the autism community.
#10
If you give your children medication you're a lazy parent who doesn't want to "deal" with your child's behaviours.
Hear this a lot in adhd circles. Truth is in most cases not medicating can do more harm than good.
Also why would knowingly force your teenager to go through severe depression, anxiety and hallucinations when you can ease all of that with medication and therapy? Some kids need medications to get by in life just like some adults do.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 year ago
Anti-anxiety meds were a lifesaver for me. I had no idea how bad my baseline anxiety actually was until it was removed… it was amazing. Like being able to breathe for the first time. If your kids need it, you should medicate them!
#11
Don't tiptoe in silence around your baby when they're asleep.
Yeah, sure you'll wake up them once or twice, but teaching the baby to only really sleep in absolute silence is setting yourself up for many years of problems, not to mention what it does for them (insomnia, etc.).
Same for darkness, etc.
You want your kid to be able to sleep through you having some friends over without having to all whisper to each other. Trust me.
#12
Having a kid will cause someone to step up/straighten out/grow up/mature/etc
#13
That you only have to put up with them for 18 years, and can kick them out as an adult. Maybe millennial parents forgot how traumatic that was. Kids today can't survive without financial support at least.
Parents, listen up: KIDS ARE A LIFETIME COMMITMENT. YOU NEVER GET TO CUT OFF YOUR CHILD UNLESS YOUR ACTUAL LIFE DEPENDS UPON IT!!!!!
BrownTabby 1 year ago (edited)
It’s the “I turned out fine” crowd. As someone who’s lived in conservative communities all my life, conservative philosophy effectively says that shít must always flow downhill, and if you catch that shìt then you’re supposed to be fine or else you’re a lazy whiner. And then once you’ve climbed up the hill a little, you get to shït downhill too.
#14
Daughters are nightmares and sons are so easy to raise.
The really disturbing part is women seem to believe this more than men.
Ima Manimal 1 year ago
As a dad of a son and a daughter, I think neither is more difficult than the other.
#15
Forcing a child to share an item that they don't want to when it belongs to them is somehow a good idea.
Seven Soda 1 year ago
But why is it bad? Why shouldn't children be taught or strongly encouraged to share?
#16
Your motherly instincts will just kick in and suddenly you'll love the baby and be an amazing mom.
I'm sure that happens for some people. I have ASPD and have never felt that way towards the kid I gave birth to.
Brendan 1 year ago (edited)
I thought I would fall in love with our baby as soon as I found out my wife was pregnant. It didn't happen. I then thought I would feel like a Dad as soon as he was born. Again (to my disappointment), that didn't happen. Fortunately, it wasn't long before I felt like a Dad, but I can confirm the instincts aren't always there.
#17
You can not spoil a newborn.
Their brain is still quite underdeveloped, and actually, by refusing to answer their calls, you can give them self-regulation issues as they develop without that safety in processing new stimuli.
Edit - I guess the myth would be that you *can* spoil a newborn. Sorry if I wasn't clear.
Second edit due to replies - I said newborn because I meant newborns. Not babies that need to be practicing lifting their head, etc. There are people who start fussing at parents about this as soon as they bring their newborn home, forgetting that this baby is experiencing everything BRAND NEW, and needs a safety system.
And also I did raise two humans, and I very much remember being a new mom.
Lisa 1 year ago
Up until age 3 there brain is creating many new brain waves and developing (like 25-75%), a lot of the damage is done (when parents neglect and don’t respond to their children) before then and connections can never be reformed. The book the nurture revolution explains it best, so it’s beyond newborn forth trimester too!
#18
That all parents, specifically mothers, have an instinct that will kick in eventually and your child will be your world.
Mine told me from a very early age that I wasn't the kid she'd wanted, I was ugly, fat, whatever - I finally ended things completely this year when she told me she's always hated me and never wanted me. I needed the closure.
She made my life hell, especially since she had two kids after me that she loves.
My daughter hasn't ever been shouted at (by that I mean raising my voice) hurt, or made to feel like less than the wonderful person she is. I suppose I can thank my mother for showing me how not to be.
VioletHunter 1 year ago
I've seen it happen that some people just cannot really love one child but love another. Those people did their utmost to never let that child know or find out. OP's mother was a jerk.
#20
Throwing a cup of cold water in the face of a child who is having a tantrum will end it. My mother did it to us as children and it only ever escalated the situation. The kid is still screaming, now also scared, crying and soaked. Who TF thought this was a good idea?
#21
That love, respect and fear are the same thing. They're f*****g not.
#22
That a child shouldn’t be exposed to a second (or third) language until having mastered their native language. I’ve heard this so many times from people who have no idea about multilingualism.
#23
That children don't understand and they are just exaggerating when they say they feel sick, depressed, etc. If your child feels sick, take them to the doctor, if your child is mentally unwell, try to get them help. And I say this as a child that everyone thought was just "weird", "too energetic" etc..
Jared Robinson 1 year ago
"you're too young to be depressed" Is something teens here all too often.
#24
"Nobody regrets the kids they have only the ones they don't".
#25
People who say "My parents whipped my a*s when I misbehaved and I turned out fine" typically didn't turn out fine.
BrownTabby 1 year ago
They got told they’re supposed to be fine and they don’t want to look like whiners. I want to hire Maggie Gyllenhaal to reprise her character from Mona Lisa Smile https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RtxJV3zszaE&t=135s&pp=ygUVbW9uYSBsaXNhIHNtaWxlIGZpZ2h0
#26
Staying together for the kids is healthy.
All it does is model unhealthy relationships for the child(ren) and they'll grow up thinking it's normal for spouses to hate each other, fight, yell, etc...
EDIT: Yes, thank you, I am aware that divorce is also difficult for children and not a walk in the park and that a divorce may not be financially possible for everyone. And that it's possible to have a healthy coparenting situation in a marriage that's broken down. What I'm talking about here is marriages that are really dysfunctional / toxic / abusive and getting a divorce is an economic option. The parents who are horribly unsuited to each other and are f*****g their kids up by convincing themselves that their own s****y relationship is somehow okay to demonstrate. Lesser of two evils.
Kare Deter 1 year ago
My parents were in a bad marriage they were staying in for "the sake of the kids". My brother and I finally had enough and at 10 & 15 WE told them to just end it because WE couldn't take it anymore. They did and tho it wasn't a bed of roses for either of us afterward it was CALMER and more stable.
#27
Keep peanut products away from them until older.
Giving them smooth peanut butter when they are on solids not only adds a good source nutrition but reduces the chances peanut allergy.
Levi Gordon 1 year ago
My 12 year old sister is allergic to eggs, peanuts, turkey, and chicken. Like, carry an epi pen allergic.
#29
That there is anything even remotely approaching a consensus on best practices when it comes to raising a child. I've only been a parent for five months and the sheer volume of confident, authoritative, and completely contradictory advice I've received has been staggering. As best as I can tell, just work on keeping them healthy, secure, and loved, and try to muddle your way through as best you can on rest.
ETA: Folks, if you think you're the first to point out that everyone agrees that corporal punishment is, in fact, bad...you're not. I'd been including "don't beat your child" in the "keep them healthy, secure, and loved" directive, but thanks anyway.
#30
That kids throw tantrums. Nope. Kids are overwhelmed and have never learned how to process their emotions. When an adult dismisses the child as trying to be manipulative, tired , or just punishing them/giving into them does not solve the problem. Kids need to learn how to regulate their feelings, deal with disappointment, recognize when they are overwhelmed, etc. Unfortunately, most adults don't even know how to do that and the cycle continues.
What do you think ?
Roxy222uk 1 year ago
When my eldest was a baby I let slip in a shop that she slept in bed with me. "Oh no," I was confidently told "You'll never get her out again". She is now 20 and I can confirm has no great need to sleep in bed with me, LMAO. No one takes an orangutang mum's baby away and says she's doing it wrong and wrecking the child when they curl up together to sleep, do they? If someone doesn't want to sleep with their baby, fair does, it's your child, but the idea that it's 'wrong' and will have negative consequences is so illogical.
Statinanis 1 year ago
I hate parents who abuse their children and then years later wonder why their kids won’t speak to them. This kind of abuse needs to stop.
Roxy222uk 1 year ago
When my eldest was a baby I let slip in a shop that she slept in bed with me. "Oh no," I was confidently told "You'll never get her out again". She is now 20 and I can confirm has no great need to sleep in bed with me, LMAO. No one takes an orangutang mum's baby away and says she's doing it wrong and wrecking the child when they curl up together to sleep, do they? If someone doesn't want to sleep with their baby, fair does, it's your child, but the idea that it's 'wrong' and will have negative consequences is so illogical.
Statinanis 1 year ago
I hate parents who abuse their children and then years later wonder why their kids won’t speak to them. This kind of abuse needs to stop.
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