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Woman Wonders If She's Wrong For Refusing To Babysit Grandkids Unless Other Baby Stays Behind Too
Being a grandparent is supposed to be the sweet spot of parenting. I mean, you get the cuddles, the cute crafts, and none of the 3 a.m. diaper disasters. But what happens when a grandparent starts questioning how her grandchildren are being raised? More importantly, what happens when she voices those concerns just a little too loudly?
That’s exactly the situation today’s Original Poster (OP) found herself in when she was asked to babysit two of her grandkids for the weekend. What was supposed to be a simple favor quickly turned into a standoff about parenting styles and favoritism. And now, she’s not just missing a weekend with the kids, she’s wondering if she may have hurt her relationship with the whole family.
More info: Reddit
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It’s easy to jump to conclusions about someone’s actions, especially when their choices don’t align with our own
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author had always believed her daughter-in-law favored her youngest child more than her other two kids
Image credits: grandchildfavoritism
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her son was hoping to relocate with the family, so he and the daughter-in-law had to go and check out a house, but she couldn’t go with all three kids
Image credits: grandchildfavoritism
Image credits: milanmarkovic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Due to this, she asked the author if she could help watch the two kids while she went with the baby, but she refused
Image credits: grandchildfavoritism
She insisted that the daughter-in-law was only taking the baby with her because she was playing favorites and demanded that all the kids stay with her
The OP shared that her daughter-in-law’s parenting approach drastically changed with the birth of the third child. Unlike her first two kids, who were in daycare at 12 weeks and were formula-fed, this baby has become the center of an attachment-parenting universe. The daughter-in-law even quit her job, refuses to leave the baby, and won’t even entertain the idea of using formula.
These raised red flags for the OP, who suspected the baby was getting special treatment from the get-go. It felt personal, especially since she was more hands-off with the first two. However, the real drama kicked off when the daughter-in-law and her husband planned a weekend trip to scope out new housing for his job relocation.
The daughter-in-law asked if the OP could watch the older kids, but clarified that the baby would be going with them. Her reasoning was that the baby was easier to manage, had never been apart from her, and could be strolled or carried around without much fuss. However, the OP pushed back as she felt it was wrong to take one kid on what could feel like a fun vacation while the others stayed behind.
She then said she’d either watch all the kids or none, so the daughter-in-law found a friend to watch the kids and told the OP that she was banned from seeing them that weekend. While her son agreed that his wife may have overreacted, he also reminded his mom that she had suffered postpartum depression with the first two kids, and that guilt might be fueling her bond with the third.
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Mayo Clinic explains that postpartum depression (PPD) is more severe and longer-lasting than the typical “baby blues.” While the baby blues fade in a couple of weeks, PPD can seriously affect a parent’s ability to care for their baby and manage daily responsibilities. It often begins within the first few weeks after childbirth, but it can also start during pregnancy or even months later.
WebMD affirms that a lot of women who have had to go through postpartum depression often develop an attachment parenting style with their next child. They explain that this type of parenting centers on building a deep, nurturing bond between parent and child. It emphasizes emotional closeness through practices like breastfeeding, skin-to-skin contact, and consistently responding to a baby’s needs.
According to The Gottman Institute, setting boundaries with family, especially grandparents, can be emotionally challenging but is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. They acknowledge that it’s not uncommon for grandparents to offer unsolicited parenting advice, often coming from a place of concern or personal experience.
However, their recommended approach includes acknowledging the intention behind their behavior, expressing your own boundaries using gentle, respectful communication, and being open to hearing their feelings and limits as well.
Netizens insisted that the OP was in the wrong, not for declining to babysit, but for the judgmental reasoning behind it. They pointed out that house-hunting with a breastfeeding infant is not a vacation, and that evolving parenting choices don’t automatically mean favoritism, especially when earlier experiences involved postpartum depression.
What do you think about this situation? Was the OP being protective of the older kids or just stirring the pot? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens were on the side of the daughter-in-law as they insisted that the author was being unreasonable
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What do you think ?
Lee Gilliland 8 months ago (edited)
I've been house hunting with a kid. A SINGULAR kid, and it was a nightmare. I would be hard pressed to think of a worse "vacation" than house hunting with two and a child at breast. This woman needs to check her judgemental a*s at the door.
GlitterPanda 8 months ago
Love how MIL casually slips in the fact that mom had PPD with the first two right at the end of her post, like that doesn't have any bearing on why she is parenting differently with the third.
K Barnes 8 months ago
Right? It's not favouritism when you are more engaged because you don't have freaking PPD- emphasis on depression! Poor DIL.
Load More Replies...
Dori 8 months ago
PPD is nasty. My grandmother dealt with it after my father was born, and his aunt practically raised him for several months, living in house with my grands. (Dad's a Boomer, for information.) Maybe DIL was able to take more time - her job had built in maternal leave after so long working for them, or she had a different job, or the family were more financially stable. Several comments suggested she was a problem in other ways and that's been what helped prompt the move. I would not be surprised if that were the case.
OpheliaPoe 8 months ago (edited)
You can't just leave a nursing baby. The baby aside, Mom is going to have to pump or she'll become engorged to the point of pain, leak like a fountain, and risk mastitis. She'll have to keep a pumping schedule that matches the baby's nursing schedule or risk her supply dropping. With breastfeeding your body will adapt to changes over a few days. If she's never pumped before there's that whole learning curve. Plus she'd have to carry a cooler around all day or toss the milk. And if you've never been a pumping mom let me just say, you ABSOLUTELY do cry over spilled milk. That stuff is called liquid gold for a reason.
Paula Glasscoe 8 months ago
I’m not sure why you were downvoted, you’re only pointing out another reason why mum is making the best decision! I’ve cancelled the downvote out.
Load More Replies...
Royal Stray 7 months ago
I could sort of see OP's angle (she was still wrong but I could see it) then she mentioned that the DIL had PPD with the first two. Like lady no s**t she was distant with them wtf is wrong with you? PPD can be everything from light depression and feeling uneasy around the kids and uncomfortable with yourself, to trying to commit s****de and hurt the kids. Being a bit distant, having them in daycare, and going back to work is luckily a milder (and more common) case. I completely get OP not wanting MIL around she's judging her for a temporary mental disorder she can't help. The kids loving to go on this trip is probably part of the issue, it's not a fun vacation, they won't have time for a bunch of fun stuff for the kids, they're looking at houses, and obviously the dil doesn't want her not even 1yo to sleep alone at grandma's or a friend's house for two whole nights.
Lee Gilliland 8 months ago (edited)
I've been house hunting with a kid. A SINGULAR kid, and it was a nightmare. I would be hard pressed to think of a worse "vacation" than house hunting with two and a child at breast. This woman needs to check her judgemental a*s at the door.
GlitterPanda 8 months ago
Love how MIL casually slips in the fact that mom had PPD with the first two right at the end of her post, like that doesn't have any bearing on why she is parenting differently with the third.
K Barnes 8 months ago
Right? It's not favouritism when you are more engaged because you don't have freaking PPD- emphasis on depression! Poor DIL.
Load More Replies... Dori 8 months ago
PPD is nasty. My grandmother dealt with it after my father was born, and his aunt practically raised him for several months, living in house with my grands. (Dad's a Boomer, for information.) Maybe DIL was able to take more time - her job had built in maternal leave after so long working for them, or she had a different job, or the family were more financially stable. Several comments suggested she was a problem in other ways and that's been what helped prompt the move. I would not be surprised if that were the case.
OpheliaPoe 8 months ago (edited)
You can't just leave a nursing baby. The baby aside, Mom is going to have to pump or she'll become engorged to the point of pain, leak like a fountain, and risk mastitis. She'll have to keep a pumping schedule that matches the baby's nursing schedule or risk her supply dropping. With breastfeeding your body will adapt to changes over a few days. If she's never pumped before there's that whole learning curve. Plus she'd have to carry a cooler around all day or toss the milk. And if you've never been a pumping mom let me just say, you ABSOLUTELY do cry over spilled milk. That stuff is called liquid gold for a reason.
Paula Glasscoe 8 months ago
I’m not sure why you were downvoted, you’re only pointing out another reason why mum is making the best decision! I’ve cancelled the downvote out.
Load More Replies... Royal Stray 7 months ago
I could sort of see OP's angle (she was still wrong but I could see it) then she mentioned that the DIL had PPD with the first two. Like lady no s**t she was distant with them wtf is wrong with you? PPD can be everything from light depression and feeling uneasy around the kids and uncomfortable with yourself, to trying to commit s****de and hurt the kids. Being a bit distant, having them in daycare, and going back to work is luckily a milder (and more common) case. I completely get OP not wanting MIL around she's judging her for a temporary mental disorder she can't help. The kids loving to go on this trip is probably part of the issue, it's not a fun vacation, they won't have time for a bunch of fun stuff for the kids, they're looking at houses, and obviously the dil doesn't want her not even 1yo to sleep alone at grandma's or a friend's house for two whole nights.
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