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Accepting the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel, is the quickest way to grow. When you no longer cling to delusions and illusions, you can work through a lot of your problems incredibly quickly. Your reward? A life well-lived!
Inspired by u/Rare_Can_5418, the members of the world-famous r/AskReddit community opened up about the most difficult truths about life they know that make your life much better. Well, once you’ve accepted them, that is. Scroll down for a bitter but eye-opening dose of wisdom.
We wanted to learn more about facing uncomfortable truths, so we reached out to Jodi Wellman, MAPP, the founder of 'Four Thousand Mondays' and the author of the book 'You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets.' Wellman shed some light on the so-called 'Big Five existential concerns' human beings have. Read on for the insights she shared with Bored Panda.
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#1
No celebrity or politician deserves your worship.
According to Wellman, it's natural to be uncomfortable about our temporariness. "Most healthy humans have a strong will to be alive and to stay alive. Knowing we won't be around forever is an admittedly dispiriting notion, even if we aren't consciously aware of this discomfort," she told Bored Panda in an email.
"Researchers have identified the 'Big Five existential concerns' we typically encounter: death, meaninglessness, isolation, freedom, and identity. Many anxieties stem from these hotspots, and being willing to face them—rather than avoid them—can help us live more fully."
#2
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.”
- Jean-Luc Picard.
#3
You can do your best with someone and still be the villain in their story.
Liz The Biz 3 months ago
Don't I know it! There are some people who, the more you do for them the worse they treat you.
Chelsea McKee 3 months ago
I didn't recognize it at first. This is, however, very true!
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Freya the Wanderer 3 months ago
TBH, there are certain creeps to whom I hope I am the villain. Serves 'em right.
Joseph Dixon 3 months ago
I'm usually the villain in other people's stories and I'm not sure what I did. I try to stay out of the way and let people make their own mistakes.
Nadine Debard 3 months ago
If you look at them failing and go 'bwahahaha' maybe they don't take it very well /s
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albernistuff 4sale 3 months ago
We are all the protagonist in our own story. Except me.. I am the NPC in my own game.
Bored Panda asked Wellman what we can all do to be more open and accepting of the world as it actually is, rather than what we'd prefer it to be like. She explained to us that it's believed that in order for us to reach our full potential, we need to come to terms with those five inescapable parts of the human condition.
"Death awareness can create even deeper meaning and gratitude for the lives we’re fortunate to get to live... even if we'd really rather bury our heads in the sand and not talk about or think about our 'limited time only' situation," she said.
#4
There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or wealthier than you. Do your best, live without regret, have empathy and kindness, give when you can, expecting nothing in return.Focus on your heart value more than what others have.
#5
Before i graduated high school I thought, thank god, I finally won’t have to deal with annoying obnoxious kids and I’ll be treated like an adult, I come to find out 95% of adults are worse then the actual kids, nobody knows what they’re actually doing and life is actually a big joke.
iseefractals 3 months ago
Plenty of people know what they're doing....but those around them don't know, understand or care, and because they either don't know, or are simply afraid that they don't know what they're doing, they tell themselves that no one else does either. That said, yes the vast majority of people are functionally stupid, but you can't paint everyone with the same brush.
#6
1. Life is unfair. (Once you accept this, you will feel better.)
2. Good deeds usually go unrewarded. (If you are doing a good deed for a reward, you are doing it for the wrong reason.)
3. You will never be able to explain anything to someone who is unwilling or unable to listen. (If you try, you will, at minimum, be frustrated and waste your time.).
Joseph Dixon 3 months ago
#3 is useful when you read idiots comments on news stories and health related articles on Facebook or other social media.
"Research shows we’re better equipped to handle anxiety and appreciate life by 'trying death on for size' in even these subtle ways; some call it 'practicing death.' How do we do this, this subtle act of dipping our toes into the idea of our mortality? This often looks like:
- Interacting with people who are grieving;
- Pulling over for a funeral procession and imagining our own;
- Coming to terms with smaller losses in our lives—like lost jobs, friendships that fade, fizzled romances, great ideas that died on the vine at work, lost pets, even your basil plant that didn't make it through the season."
#7
Learn to say, "I don't know." You'll learn a whole lot more.
Virgil Blue 3 months ago
This needs to be higher I feel. Too many people are afraid to say this. Or admit they were mistaking.
#9
No one is coming to save you, so you have to do it all yourself.
Virgil Blue 3 months ago
Nah, no need to save myself. World is going to carp anyway. I'm just going to find a good seat and watch while it all burns around me.
Wellman said that these are gentle ways to accept our mortality. These don't involve having to personalize the experience. "We might not 'warm up' to the idea of our finitude, but we can definitely take the chill off the unfortunate truth of it all."
Being aware of our mortality can help us appreciate life more and live courageously. You can use the calculator on the 'Four Thousand Mondays' website to see how many Mondays you probably have left to enjoy. (Trust us, it's a good jolt to get us doing what we've always wanted to do.) Meanwhile, be sure to also take a peek at Wellman's book, 'You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets.'
#10
You can only help people who actually want it. If they’re not ready to change or put in the effort, there’s not much you can do. Realizing this can save you a lot of frustration and help you focus on people who actually appreciate your help.
#11
Nobody cares.
This is the best and worst news of all time.
Nobody, outside a few close people, is thinking about you other than in passing. They’re all the main character in their movie. A few years after you die, the world will mostly forget you. This is bad news.
It’s also very freeing. Throw off your worry and your shame. Live life to the fullest! You’re free from the judgement of people who don’t have time to care. This is amazing news.
The sooner you accept it, the better your life will be.
Joseph Dixon 3 months ago
Once you realize this, you start to dress the way you want and do the things you want without feeling judged. If you want to dress like a slob, which I do, then do so! No one cares in the end about any of this.
#12
Happiness isn’t a constant state, and that’s normal.
A definite bolt from the blue for some is the fact that exercise and nutritious dieting—while absolutely essential—are far from enough to live a long, happy, and healthy life. To put it bluntly, if you ignore your relationships and your social life is in tatters, your physical, mental, and emotional health is at risk.
Social fitness is just as (and arguably even more) important than physical fitness.
The CDC reports that a third of adults in the United States report feeling lonely. Meanwhile, a quarter of American adults report not having social and emotional support. There’s a social isolation and loneliness epidemic in the US, and it’s a problem that’s very worth solving.
#14
Good people get tired of spreading kindness to ungrateful, angry people.
Joseph Dixon 3 months ago
I keep quiet. It seems the more you try to help some people, the more angry they get with you. Not worth it.
The impact of social isolation and loneliness is massive. To be very blunt, it greatly reduces the quality of your life and increases the chance of an earlier death.
Socially isolated and lonely individuals have a greater chance of getting heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, and dementia, among other illnesses and conditions.
#16
In general, people *in the real world* are oblivious to you. You're not even a blip in their radar. If you're insecure about something you wear or how you look, remember: nobody cares.
#17
Once you're an adult, there really isn't anyone you can 100% depend on except yourself.
There will still be people in your life to lean on, but everyone has their limits in how they can help you. .
Susie Elle 3 months ago (edited)
Depending on someone and expecting people to help you always beyond their limits are two different things. You can depend on a person, but it's still your life, your issues, your celebrations and your responsibility to manage yourself. Which is very normal and healthy, by the way.
#18
Death comes for everyone, eventually; it's a sobering reminder to hold your loved ones tight. .
The people most at risk of social isolation and loneliness tend to have chronic diseases, psychiatric conditions, or long-term disabilities. Other at-risk groups include the marginalized and discriminated against, people who live in rural areas, those with limited transportation, and anyone who can’t speak the local language.
Other folks affected by social isolation include those who have lost a loved one, are unemployed, or are facing a divorce. Older adults, people living alone, and low-income individuals are also at risk.
#20
Not everything you don't like is "trauma" or "toxic". Maybe sometimes you're actually the problem. Self-reflection is a lost art.
iseefractals 3 months ago
The same for racist/sexist/phobic. That you are ______ and you dislike something that was said or an outcome that has befallen you, doesn't mean it's the result of hatred, bigotry or discrimination. YOU DO NOT HAVE A RIGHT TO NEVER BE OFFENDED. That you are offended doesn't mean you've been wronged, your feelings are your own to deal with.
#21
Your lack of planning doesn't constitute an emergency for others. It sucks but seriously, always have a back up plan for everything and be as well organised as you can.
Colleen Glim 3 months ago
If the store is closed when you get there, accept that you messed up and retail workers have lives too
A decades-long study from Harvard found that our positive relationships make us more resilient. We recover from stress more easily, and we end up living longer, healthier, and happier lives.
So, with that in mind, it’s not just enough to get your 10,000 daily steps in or avoid processed food. You have to consistently put in focused effort to strengthen the connection between you and the people you care about the most. The difficult truth is that without a flourishing real-life social circle, your life won’t be as great, no matter how big your muscles, bank account, and follower count might be.
#22
You can suddenly lose anything and anyone at any time...and maybe all at once or in quick succession without so much warning.
Freya the Wanderer 3 months ago
A long-time friend of mine suddenly lost everything, and couch-surfed with his many friends for a few years before I let him stay at the townhouse where I lived - I had an extra room. He stayed with me the last 2 1/2 years of his life.
#23
You don't have to floss all of your teeth
Just the ones you want to keep.
#24
That some people won't like you. And sometimes for no reason.
troufaki13 3 months ago
We also don't like some people sometimes for no reason. When we realize that it will be easier.
What are the hardest and most uncomfortable truths you’ve ever had to face? How has accepting them improved your lives, dear Pandas?
What advice would you give someone who’s feeling overwhelmed with everything at the moment?
We’d love to hear what you think, so if you have a spare minute, drop by the comments section to share your opinions.
#25
This is more of a saying, but I feel it helps shed light on a few things: "we judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions."
IOW people are going to look at you for what you do and your intentions are mostly irrelevant.
#26
That you have to put in hours and hours of work to get better at something, but it’s worth it. Life is long and it’s worth it to develop skills.
Susie Elle 3 months ago
Enjoy the development of the skill, not just having the skill. It's so cool to do something, first kinda suck at it and then eventually see yourself become pretty good at it.
#27
You can’t change the past, but you can decide what to do next.
Joseph Dixon 3 months ago
The past will stick on you like pine tar though. You can only change the present and therefore your future.
#28
Karma isn't real. Bad people will succeed.
Virgil Blue 3 months ago
And being always nice, good and helpful just gets you misused and guilted by others.
#29
Don’t “just be yourself”. No one has ever succeeded without putting in a level of effort that makes them uncomfortable.
#30
You have to go to the DMV. You just do.
What do you think ?
wowbagger 3 months ago
One that's been hard for me to accept: I have to get out of my comfort zone and do things I'm afraid of on a regular basis. If I don't, my anxiety will expand and my life will shrink. It sucks.
nottheactualphoto 3 months ago
That's the definition of courage. You're afraid of the thing, but you do it anyway.
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wowbagger 3 months ago
One that's been hard for me to accept: I have to get out of my comfort zone and do things I'm afraid of on a regular basis. If I don't, my anxiety will expand and my life will shrink. It sucks.
nottheactualphoto 3 months ago
That's the definition of courage. You're afraid of the thing, but you do it anyway.
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