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Someone Wanted To Know: “When Did You Realize Your Family Wasn’t Like Other Families?“, And 30 Delivered
Our world is remarkably diverse; different cultures, beliefs, religions and unique personalities. Every one of us has an individual life goal, and we enjoy things that some might not even dare to try.
Nearly 8 billion individuals are currently walking on the same earth, yet you won't find a person identical to you. The same goes for families – they all come in different sizes, structures and environments.
"When did you realize your family wasn’t like other families?" – this online user turned to one of the most informative subreddits to find out how others discovered that their family was, perhaps, a little atypical. The question has managed to receive just over 2K upvotes and 1.4K worth of comments discussing their relatives.
More info: Reddit
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#1
When all of my friends wanted to hangout at my house. It was something that I came to appreciate too late in life and with my family I am killing myself to replicate. I may have grown up poor in a wealthy area, but my home was always filled with love and attention from my parents who were good parents. All of my friends spent their teenage years as latch key kids, and always wanted to hangout at my place. I never understood it, and always wanted to get out of the house, but sure enough I was always hanging out with people at my place.
It really struck home for me in my mid twenties when I ran into someone from high school I would hang out with. They almost immediately checked on how my family, made sure my parents were doing good, and stuff like that. I asked about his family and he gave me a brief update and kind of explained how his family was more like friends and my family was more like family. Many of my high school friends found my parents of Facebook and still keep in touch with them. My parents have helped save multiple marriages, give a lot of parenting advice to my old friends, and are god parents to basically a small army.
#2
In 9th grade, my friends held an intervention for me after I came into school crying again. They made me go to the counselor.
They told me to just give some recent examples of stuff my parents said to me.
After 30 minutes of this, I was crying, of course. But what boggled my mind was that *everyone else* in the room was sobbing too. A half dozen other 15 year old girls, and the 30something school counselor.
That was the first time I realized that maybe I didn't deserve it when my parents were mean to me.
Jude Last 2 years ago
I remember sitting with a friend at her kitchen table when we were about 16. We were quietly discussing what we were going to do when we got to go on Senior Skip Day. Her mom came into the kitchen and she asked her mom what she thought about our plans for the day. Her mom gave her opinion on the choices and turned and left the kitchen. I can still remember the look on my face and how wide my mouth dropped open. It wouldn't have mattered one iota that it was a tradition done every year and the staff turned a blind eye to it, there was no way I could discuss anything like that with my parents without severe emotional and/or physical repercussions. Good people but strictly, spare the rod spoil the child; children are to be seen and not heard; do as I say do not as I do; don't talk back to me; I'll give you something to cry about; parents. That someone could talk that openly and trustingly with their parents without fear of reprisal shocked me to my core.
#3
My dad was a stay at home dad and my mom was the breadwinner. At school whenever I was sick/needed to be picked up/any other issue, they would tell me they would “call Mom” but I would insist they not bother her at work and call my dad who was at home and available to get me. Stay at home dads are rare I guess
#4
I remember me and my little sister would have been about 6 and 8. We sat at the top of the stairs, listening to our parents argue, made ourselves dinner and put ourselves to bed.
And she said ‘it’s like we’re their mummy and daddy’ and that memory breaks my heart a bit.
#5
When my husband told me his mom was the only person that cleaned up while her “boys” went outside after meals.
I was raised by my parents to do the dishes but also to expect help from everybody in the house. My reproductive parts don’t dictate who cleans. My parents raised three women to say “FU to misogyny”. I have 2 girls and a son now and I made it painfully clear that our children will all know they are more than what his parents raised him to believe.
#6
When my friends wouldn't hide when their parents came home - in fact they'd go greet them.
To say I was shocked after years of isolation without being in any house but my own is an understatement.
#7
When I was at a friend's house and his mother told me to not say the "N" word because it was a bad word to say.
I didn't know, I had heard it all my life. this was in the late 70's.
Nadine Bamberger 2 years ago
I'm glad you were calmly educated, not shamed or yelled at and really took it to heart. Not always possible, but maybe the best way to work against prejudices.
#8
Our parents would give my brother and me "the silent treatment":
They wouldn't speak to us for hours or days at a time, and *never* tell us what they were upset about.
Their goal was to make us feel guilty and ashamed without ever actually making clear what we had supposedly done wrong.
#9
All of the arguing. My parents would have all-out screaming matches in front of us, complete with my dad throwing s**t or breaking things (most infamously, an ornate vase that my mom was given by her late grandmother). I was too young to know anything else, and would always end up hiding in my closet with my baby brother until things had cooled off. In hindsight it makes my heart hurt to remember how scared we were.
#10
My family shows each other love through playful mockery, sarcasm, and arguing loudly about things that don't matter.
Try doing that as your default when you meet new people.
#11
I was born to a strong, independent single mom. My father passed away of ALS when I was infant. My mom never remarried. I realized from a pretty young age my family situation was not like most. Like my mom treated me more like a friend than a son. She gave serious credence to my opinions and let me do basically whatever I wanted so long as it wasn't illegal or cruel.
June’s Very Own 2 years ago
Major kudos to all those single parents out there. Your job is hard and tiresome but so many of you do such an amazing job!
#12
When I realized some kids are excited to see their
Dad come home from work. As opposed to me and my brother going to our rooms and shutting our doors when we heard the garage open
CrazyDogLady 2 years ago (edited)
Same as in my husband's family. MIL told me how she loved the weekend her husband was gone fishing and drinking with friends and how as the end of the weekend was getting closer, her and her sons' mood was getting worse. And the moment they heard him in the corridor, their hearts sunk. He is a really abusive man and a drunk. I am really happy I could help my MIL leave him. She has gained some weight, she finally looks healthy and she is a very happy person now. However, she, my husband and his brother will all carry some serious scars with them for the rest of their lives. I can sometimes see it.
Official_Blink️ 2 years ago (edited)
I relate- Like even if my dad doesn't hit me I still get scared of him and quickly pretend to do some work when he comes in my room because he is a very controlling person.. He shouts at me for doing litreally ANYTHING except studying
D Larntz Case 2 years ago
I was terrified when I’d hear the door to his car slam. I knew if I wasn’t at the door to open it as he approached it would be kicked in. I would make his “late” dinner of steak and eggs, around 10:30 pm. I would sit quietly and wait for instruction. If he needed nothing else I was sent to bed. I was 10.
Alexis minnix 2 years ago
My dad comes home and screams at me and my mom if the house is a little messy. He won’t do it to my brothers tho. I also get in trouble if my brothers don’t do their chores so I have to do theme
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
My dad would come home on his motorbike and stick his cold hands down the back of our necks to make us giggle!
Marydhale Colico 2 years ago
Before I was excited when my father come home from work, but now its just meh.
Quinn Avery 2 years ago
I was similar to this. Wouldn't exactly run into my room, but would always dread him coming home.
Heather W 2 years ago
I went through a phase when I heard the garage door I would hide and wait. Then I would jump out and yell Boo! Then run shrieking and laughing down the hall and slam the door to my room. My poor Dad was terrified of coming home until they finally convinced me I shouldn't do that. I think I was about 4. Mom would joke and tell him I was after his insurance money.
Janice Bontrager 2 years ago
Always amazed me when my kids would be so happy to see me even when it was only a couple of hours since w last saw them.
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
Trust me, it hurts more when it stops. My sister and I were always excited to see our dad and he us, no matter how his day went, he always was happy to see us and spend time with us. And then one day it was like a switch was flipped, suddenly our presence annoyed him. He still had days when he wanted to do things with us, but they became rare, and definitely wanted to be left alone after work.
Mary Rogers 2 years ago
I wasn't afraid of my Dad, but he always wanted it perfectly quiet when he got home. Mom told me to not bother him when he got home. I took that to mean I was a bother and stopped even saying hello when he got home. So basically my father was just someone who ate and slept there to me, but I had no relationship with him at all.
Nikole 2 years ago
That's sad. As much of an a*s that my dad could be to my mom, he's not a bad person and I love him. His mom was a piece of work though, which I think he synthesized.
Nikole 2 years ago (edited)
Oddly though, she was my favorite grandmother by leaps and bounds.
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#13
My Mom was a hoarder. I hated for my friends and boyfriends to come in my house but her and my step dad insisted. I was treated like trash because everyone knew what a filthy place I lived in. People would say why don’t y’all clean that place up? Well, because hoarders won’t let you clean it up. Every time, we tried, she would throw a huge fit, so we stopped trying.
Jude Last 2 years ago
I remember many many times being woke up in the early wee hours of the morning, and being outside, regardless of the weather, digging through garbage bags because I made the mistake of trying to clean the house and threw out some minuscule, ridiculous piece of paper that she just HAD TO HAVE IMMEDIATELY! Or her scissors were missing. Or either parent couldn't find something in the hoard and I had to find it for them because I was the oldest and they couldn't find it because I must have touched it. Did I mention I still had to go to school later that day?
#14
when I realized that other families tell each other they love each other lmao.
#15
When I stopped homeschooling and I met other kids that weren't afraid of their parents.
#16
As a kid my friends used to tell me my mom (adopted single no A father) hated me. I never really understood why until I processed the trauma she caused me as an adult. That it wasn't normal to always be blamed for everything, told how much she wished she never adopted me, never being hug loved on or any affection, or A home cooked meal. I thank every day for my Pappaw as he was the only one I felt truly believed in me. I left home at 13 an haven't looked back.
June’s Very Own 2 years ago
I’m genuinely so mad and confused. It’s such a massive process to adopt. Like it’s not a last minute decision that you made, you are made completely aware of the responsibilities that fall on you as a parent. If you can live up to that standard, why have kids? Why adopt?
#17
The first time was when I heard my friend in college tell his dad he loved him at the end of a phone call. My dad has said it to me maybe three times in my life.
Real eye-opener was in therapy when I realized I never felt true love or even support or compassion from them. Cutting them off was easy because I was never made to feel like I was allowed to need help from either of my parents after the age of maybe twelve.
I wish I could empathize with how my wife feels about missing her dad (he died very young). I'm as supportive and helpful as I can be, but I have no strong feelings about the idea of never seeing my parents again.
June’s Very Own 2 years ago
It’s very lovely of you to be so supportive to your wife even though you don’t truly understand her feelings, so good on you for that! Hopefully your new family can provide you with lots of love and your cared for
#18
My friend talked back to his mom so casually and I thought that she was gonna do something but she didn’t.
If I talked back to my mom I would’ve gotten the belt
#19
When a guest or whoever it is joins us for an evening and at some point through the night you look over to them and they're sitting in their seat just staring around the room, a look of confusion and shock on their face while trying to figure out wtf is going on and attempting to make sense of things.
For context when I say my family I'm including aunties, uncles and cousins. We get together once a week at my grandmother's house and it can get pretty overwhelming if you're not used to it. There's about 30 of us in total. The youngest person is 2 y.o and the eldest is 82
#20
When I got to college and most of my friends parents were divorced. That was an eye opener. A lot of people were astounded my parents were still married and a lot assumed they were divorced around the holidays. It was wild coming from my parents who have been together for 40 years and my grandparents who were together for 73.
#21
We never eat at the dinner table ever
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Yeah it was so rare for me that I still don't eat at the table. Kinda makes me sad
#22
When my friend’s mom talked to him about something he did wrong instead of smacking him around and getting yelled at.
June’s Very Own 2 years ago
Growing up I thought every family had “the naughty corner” lol. Still better than be hit
#23
When I found out that it was not normal that all parents drive around their kids, take them to soccer practice, to friends' houses, fetch them at the bus stop when it's cold outside and the next bus takes over 30 minutes to arrive, fetch them at 3 am from a party, things like that. Made me appreciate my parents even more.
June’s Very Own 2 years ago
My parents are like this…..except I’m a introvert and barely go anywhere lmao so I’m easy for them. My siblings however…..
#24
When I started my own family. My girlfriends family are all so close ,they always have big birthdays and everyone's there, they call each other and show concern when somethings wrong , they help us out even when we don't ask , even ask me how everything's going in my life and how's work and what not. I never got that from anyone in my family not even a simple" I love you"
#25
i can’t remember what he was talking about but when a teacher in middle school said “it’s not like they’re going to announce over the intercom “so and do’s dad is drunk on school premises please send them down to the office” and all the other kids laughed like it was a joke but it was an actual fear of mine
#26
Around the age of 11. My mother passed away when i was 9 and i found out she had cheated on her husband(my dad)and than she was pregnant with me. (She already had other kids with him) When i was around 4-5 she left him for my biological father(just that kind of selfish jerk with anger issues..) and after she died we had to do DNA test and it turned out the person i loved the most wasn't even my "real" dad.. i can't even imagine how he had to feel. And from that time i wasn't able to see him that much, but the side of family, of my biological father hate me so much(mainly his mother) we had to live here for 2 years and she really did let me know that no one wanted me to be alive and i just ruined everything by being born..
#27
Family dinners last no longer than 10 minutes, including holidays.
Conversations don't really sound genuine and insightful. More like, just acknowledging eachother's existences.
No natural bonding over anything, everything feels forced.
Not very inclusive in any degree, just feels like we don't want eachother in our businesses.
The ever present tension between members that suggests anything could break down in a minute's notice. And they will.
#28
My parents are exactly like George Costanza’s parents. It’s impossible for either one of them to make it through any story if there is a date, time, location or anything that they might disagree upon and bicker about mid story. When I hear other peoples parents communicate I feel like my brain is getting a massage.
#29
When I started socializing with other kids, about kindergarten and forward, I realized that not everyone lives the same way I and my family do. Some had it better. Some were about the same. Some had it worse. Also, when the family gossip and secrets started coming out as I got into my teens, I realized that my family has a lot of skeletons in the closet that I refuse to inherit.
#30
When my friends would meet my family for the first time and go "Okay, your family actually IS weird, you weren't kidding!"
What do you think ?
NsG 2 years ago
This article could be retitled "The moment children realised they were in an abusive home environment". Some of these were harrowing!
Your Neighborhood Alien 2 years ago
Yeah, this whole post is depressing. :(
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Littlemiss 2 years ago
I recognize my family in far too many of these. It astounded me how many are sensitive to it. Be grateful you didn't grow up with this as your norm.
Elea Bell 2 years ago
I've always known my family was weird, but I think our crowning moment was when I went home for a visit. The dogs started barking and howling (usual), I joined in (also not unusual), and then both my parents came in for the chorus. Our neighbours must be real greatful that we don't live any closer.
DUCKYWUCKY 2 years ago
Im actually getting worried....I can relate to everything written above
UpQuarkDownQuark 2 years ago
It was strange to me to meet other kids who lived in the same house they were born in. I moved ten times by age 18, though thankfully the last nine years of that was in the same city. Went to three different schools in first grade, mother married and divorced three times by the time I was twelve, couple of a**hole boyfriends after that. I didn’t realize growing up that what I was missing was stability.
Terka Červeňáková 2 years ago (edited)
When i was in college i realized how "weird" my family was. My friend was surprised how i am more friends with my parents then the typical parents/Kid relationship. I got away with making fun of them, using jokes with profanities (as long as they weren't meant to insult them, but used in/as a punchline)... At my 18 birthday (drinking age in my country) my parents threw an amazing garden party for me, and they promised to spend the night in the house, not bothering us at all. They were up till 3 am, got drunk as f**k with us, And my friends regulerly asked my parents to party with us after that. 13 years later, everytime i run into some od those friends, they alwaystalk about how awesome that party was And how my parents were cool 😂😂😂😂
Kiwii Stone 2 years ago
I was one of the few children at my school with parents that were happily married. My best friend and I bonded over that for many years before his parents broke up and I struggle now to talk about my family life to most people without worrying that I will make it awkward
Tenacious Squirrel 2 years ago
I feel this in the contrast between my family and my partner’s family. I thought all parents were loving, curious, warm, enthusiastic, positive. My partner’s family, despite not seeing him/us for 2 years and lots of things going on in our life, don’t ask any questions and seem totally disinterested in even talking to him. If we try and tell them things they look bored and start talking over us about something irrelevant. They’ve never praised him or encouraged him. They use emotional blackmail and blame constantly. It’s all horrible. I remember earlier on in our (long!) relationship him saying that he looked forward to my parents calling, but never wanted to call his. At the time I thought that was weird. But now I totally get it. Unfortunately he isn’t ready/able to cut them out so he’s stuck in this situation.
RafCo 2 years ago
Not really me, but i have a half brother. The only one of us born in America, his father, my step father, is an Amerian. My little brother more than a decade younger. He had a very difficult time through grade school with the rest of us speaking a foreign language. Was embarrassed to bring friends to the house. My step dad quickly learned to understand, if not speak the language. But my brother would get angry if we spoke to him in Portuguese. He would yell that "I don't speak Spanish". He knew it wasn't Spanish. Now in his thirties he regrets not learning the language. But it was hard for him as a kid.
Terka Červeňáková 2 years ago
That's little weird... If He grew up like this, i would assume he would be, if not fluent, then at least comfortable in both languages. If you speak portuguese around him since his infancy, he should be able to learn... Was there any reason He didn't pick up on one of the two languages you spoke to him?
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René Sauer 2 years ago
Number two reminds me of my time in school. In wasn´t really anything dramatic like that, but I too received an Intervention of sorts from my classmates: In germany, during german class, we would do stuff like reading books or poems and analyzing them and stuff. At the End of my school time, when I was in class ten (no further edu after that) we were reading anne franks diary. And I was bored to hell because we were currently doing WW2 in history class as well, and did it the year before and I just had it with that subject! So I refused to buy the book myself and got by reading with the classmate sitting beside me. After some months of this, shortly before a big test on the book where I obviously couldn´t read with anybody else, some of my classmates came to me before school, gave me some money and said :" After school you are going to buy the damn book, kay?" I was so shocked by that, i bought it. Why is this noteworthy? Because I am not a social guy.
René Sauer 2 years ago
Continue: I barely talked to anybody outside of standard pleasantries or if they talked to me first. And I definitively did not consider any of them a friend, but they still gave me the money to save my bacon, or I would have tanked the test.
Load More Replies...
Tho Nguyen 2 years ago
When my parents actually allowed kitten no.4 to be accepted and adopted into the family. To this day, the number has increase to 7 cats and my mom doesn't even bat an eyelash anymore, dad more or less just rolled with it. Guess we're a bunch of "cat ladies" LOL.
Andy Zbinden 2 years ago
some are *shrug*, but many make me think that being a parent should need a license.
Erica Acuto 2 years ago
In the 80's there was always a stigma about having a single mom. When I got older I realized that my home life was far more normal than any of my friends who had two parents. My friends used to think it was weird that my brother and I would always hug, kiss, and tell our mom that we loved her when leaving the house. I didn't know that most families didn't do that. I do it with my kids too. They've never been embarrassed or asked me not to, even at school drop off.
NsG 2 years ago
This article could be retitled "The moment children realised they were in an abusive home environment". Some of these were harrowing!
Your Neighborhood Alien 2 years ago
Yeah, this whole post is depressing. :(
Load More Replies... Littlemiss 2 years ago
I recognize my family in far too many of these. It astounded me how many are sensitive to it. Be grateful you didn't grow up with this as your norm.
Elea Bell 2 years ago
I've always known my family was weird, but I think our crowning moment was when I went home for a visit. The dogs started barking and howling (usual), I joined in (also not unusual), and then both my parents came in for the chorus. Our neighbours must be real greatful that we don't live any closer.
DUCKYWUCKY 2 years ago
Im actually getting worried....I can relate to everything written above
UpQuarkDownQuark 2 years ago
It was strange to me to meet other kids who lived in the same house they were born in. I moved ten times by age 18, though thankfully the last nine years of that was in the same city. Went to three different schools in first grade, mother married and divorced three times by the time I was twelve, couple of a**hole boyfriends after that. I didn’t realize growing up that what I was missing was stability.
Terka Červeňáková 2 years ago (edited)
When i was in college i realized how "weird" my family was. My friend was surprised how i am more friends with my parents then the typical parents/Kid relationship. I got away with making fun of them, using jokes with profanities (as long as they weren't meant to insult them, but used in/as a punchline)... At my 18 birthday (drinking age in my country) my parents threw an amazing garden party for me, and they promised to spend the night in the house, not bothering us at all. They were up till 3 am, got drunk as f**k with us, And my friends regulerly asked my parents to party with us after that. 13 years later, everytime i run into some od those friends, they alwaystalk about how awesome that party was And how my parents were cool 😂😂😂😂
Kiwii Stone 2 years ago
I was one of the few children at my school with parents that were happily married. My best friend and I bonded over that for many years before his parents broke up and I struggle now to talk about my family life to most people without worrying that I will make it awkward
Tenacious Squirrel 2 years ago
I feel this in the contrast between my family and my partner’s family. I thought all parents were loving, curious, warm, enthusiastic, positive. My partner’s family, despite not seeing him/us for 2 years and lots of things going on in our life, don’t ask any questions and seem totally disinterested in even talking to him. If we try and tell them things they look bored and start talking over us about something irrelevant. They’ve never praised him or encouraged him. They use emotional blackmail and blame constantly. It’s all horrible. I remember earlier on in our (long!) relationship him saying that he looked forward to my parents calling, but never wanted to call his. At the time I thought that was weird. But now I totally get it. Unfortunately he isn’t ready/able to cut them out so he’s stuck in this situation.
RafCo 2 years ago
Not really me, but i have a half brother. The only one of us born in America, his father, my step father, is an Amerian. My little brother more than a decade younger. He had a very difficult time through grade school with the rest of us speaking a foreign language. Was embarrassed to bring friends to the house. My step dad quickly learned to understand, if not speak the language. But my brother would get angry if we spoke to him in Portuguese. He would yell that "I don't speak Spanish". He knew it wasn't Spanish. Now in his thirties he regrets not learning the language. But it was hard for him as a kid.
Terka Červeňáková 2 years ago
That's little weird... If He grew up like this, i would assume he would be, if not fluent, then at least comfortable in both languages. If you speak portuguese around him since his infancy, he should be able to learn... Was there any reason He didn't pick up on one of the two languages you spoke to him?
Load More Replies... René Sauer 2 years ago
Number two reminds me of my time in school. In wasn´t really anything dramatic like that, but I too received an Intervention of sorts from my classmates: In germany, during german class, we would do stuff like reading books or poems and analyzing them and stuff. At the End of my school time, when I was in class ten (no further edu after that) we were reading anne franks diary. And I was bored to hell because we were currently doing WW2 in history class as well, and did it the year before and I just had it with that subject! So I refused to buy the book myself and got by reading with the classmate sitting beside me. After some months of this, shortly before a big test on the book where I obviously couldn´t read with anybody else, some of my classmates came to me before school, gave me some money and said :" After school you are going to buy the damn book, kay?" I was so shocked by that, i bought it. Why is this noteworthy? Because I am not a social guy.
René Sauer 2 years ago
Continue: I barely talked to anybody outside of standard pleasantries or if they talked to me first. And I definitively did not consider any of them a friend, but they still gave me the money to save my bacon, or I would have tanked the test.
Load More Replies... Tho Nguyen 2 years ago
When my parents actually allowed kitten no.4 to be accepted and adopted into the family. To this day, the number has increase to 7 cats and my mom doesn't even bat an eyelash anymore, dad more or less just rolled with it. Guess we're a bunch of "cat ladies" LOL.
Andy Zbinden 2 years ago
some are *shrug*, but many make me think that being a parent should need a license.
Erica Acuto 2 years ago
In the 80's there was always a stigma about having a single mom. When I got older I realized that my home life was far more normal than any of my friends who had two parents. My friends used to think it was weird that my brother and I would always hug, kiss, and tell our mom that we loved her when leaving the house. I didn't know that most families didn't do that. I do it with my kids too. They've never been embarrassed or asked me not to, even at school drop off.
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