When all of my friends wanted to hangout at my house. It was something that I came to appreciate too late in life and with my family I am killing myself to replicate. I may have grown up poor in a wealthy area, but my home was always filled with love and attention from my parents who were good parents. All of my friends spent their teenage years as latch key kids, and always wanted to hangout at my place. I never understood it, and always wanted to get out of the house, but sure enough I was always hanging out with people at my place.

It really struck home for me in my mid twenties when I ran into someone from high school I would hang out with. They almost immediately checked on how my family, made sure my parents were doing good, and stuff like that. I asked about his family and he gave me a brief update and kind of explained how his family was more like friends and my family was more like family. Many of my high school friends found my parents of Facebook and still keep in touch with them. My parents have helped save multiple marriages, give a lot of parenting advice to my old friends, and are god parents to basically a small army.

Civil_Massacre , martathegoodone Report

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Jihana

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Sounds like you have awesome parents. And I love it that you try to keep the tradition.

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In 9th grade, my friends held an intervention for me after I came into school crying again. They made me go to the counselor.

They told me to just give some recent examples of stuff my parents said to me.

After 30 minutes of this, I was crying, of course. But what boggled my mind was that *everyone else* in the room was sobbing too. A half dozen other 15 year old girls, and the 30something school counselor.

That was the first time I realized that maybe I didn't deserve it when my parents were mean to me.

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I remember sitting with a friend at her kitchen table when we were about 16. We were quietly discussing what we were going to do when we got to go on Senior Skip Day. Her mom came into the kitchen and she asked her mom what she thought about our plans for the day. Her mom gave her opinion on the choices and turned and left the kitchen. I can still remember the look on my face and how wide my mouth dropped open. It wouldn't have mattered one iota that it was a tradition done every year and the staff turned a blind eye to it, there was no way I could discuss anything like that with my parents without severe emotional and/or physical repercussions. Good people but strictly, spare the rod spoil the child; children are to be seen and not heard; do as I say do not as I do; don't talk back to me; I'll give you something to cry about; parents. That someone could talk that openly and trustingly with their parents without fear of reprisal shocked me to my core.

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My dad was a stay at home dad and my mom was the breadwinner. At school whenever I was sick/needed to be picked up/any other issue, they would tell me they would “call Mom” but I would insist they not bother her at work and call my dad who was at home and available to get me. Stay at home dads are rare I guess

babyiguana3 , Kirt Edblom Report

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Stereotypes. I hope this is changing. Everywhere.

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I remember me and my little sister would have been about 6 and 8. We sat at the top of the stairs, listening to our parents argue, made ourselves dinner and put ourselves to bed.

And she said ‘it’s like we’re their mummy and daddy’ and that memory breaks my heart a bit.

Lauzzzzzza , audi_insperation Report

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Oof. Not good when 6 and 8 is more mature than 36 & 38 (yes, I picked older ages at random - the point is that the kids are behaving more grown up than the grown ups)

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When my husband told me his mom was the only person that cleaned up while her “boys” went outside after meals.

I was raised by my parents to do the dishes but also to expect help from everybody in the house. My reproductive parts don’t dictate who cleans. My parents raised three women to say “FU to misogyny”. I have 2 girls and a son now and I made it painfully clear that our children will all know they are more than what his parents raised him to believe.

lostintranslation199 , Rubbermaid Products Report

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Nadine Bamberger

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That sounds like good parenting.

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When my friends wouldn't hide when their parents came home - in fact they'd go greet them.

To say I was shocked after years of isolation without being in any house but my own is an understatement.

anon , Joi Ito Report

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This is so sad.

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When I was at a friend's house and his mother told me to not say the "N" word because it was a bad word to say.

I didn't know, I had heard it all my life. this was in the late 70's.

Feels2old , Rebecca Siegel Report

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I'm glad you were calmly educated, not shamed or yelled at and really took it to heart. Not always possible, but maybe the best way to work against prejudices.

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Our parents would give my brother and me "the silent treatment":

They wouldn't speak to us for hours or days at a time, and *never* tell us what they were upset about.

Their goal was to make us feel guilty and ashamed without ever actually making clear what we had supposedly done wrong.

Back2Bach , Marc Levin Report

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We need exams and training for wannabe parents, licences issued before being able to have children, licences taken away when appropriate.

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All of the arguing. My parents would have all-out screaming matches in front of us, complete with my dad throwing s**t or breaking things (most infamously, an ornate vase that my mom was given by her late grandmother). I was too young to know anything else, and would always end up hiding in my closet with my baby brother until things had cooled off. In hindsight it makes my heart hurt to remember how scared we were.

injury_minded , Samantha Carlson Report

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I think it is depressing that this behavior gets "normalized" in children.

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My family shows each other love through playful mockery, sarcasm, and arguing loudly about things that don't matter.

Try doing that as your default when you meet new people.

openletter8 , Mike Schmid Report

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This reminds me of the Bored Panda family, and then come along the Americans who often seem lost amongst the joking.

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I was born to a strong, independent single mom. My father passed away of ALS when I was infant. My mom never remarried. I realized from a pretty young age my family situation was not like most. Like my mom treated me more like a friend than a son. She gave serious credence to my opinions and let me do basically whatever I wanted so long as it wasn't illegal or cruel.

Flaky-Fellatio , Eugene Kim Report

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Major kudos to all those single parents out there. Your job is hard and tiresome but so many of you do such an amazing job!

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When I realized some kids are excited to see their
Dad come home from work. As opposed to me and my brother going to our rooms and shutting our doors when we heard the garage open

EdgeMiserable4381 , earth_photos Report

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I felt this one

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My Mom was a hoarder. I hated for my friends and boyfriends to come in my house but her and my step dad insisted. I was treated like trash because everyone knew what a filthy place I lived in. People would say why don’t y’all clean that place up? Well, because hoarders won’t let you clean it up. Every time, we tried, she would throw a huge fit, so we stopped trying.

Artistic_Duck8300 , Vicki Moore Report

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I remember many many times being woke up in the early wee hours of the morning, and being outside, regardless of the weather, digging through garbage bags because I made the mistake of trying to clean the house and threw out some minuscule, ridiculous piece of paper that she just HAD TO HAVE IMMEDIATELY! Or her scissors were missing. Or either parent couldn't find something in the hoard and I had to find it for them because I was the oldest and they couldn't find it because I must have touched it. Did I mention I still had to go to school later that day?

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when I realized that other families tell each other they love each other lmao.

anon , Nenad Stojkovic Report

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In our family we do not tell each other we love them, if one of us said that then we would assume we are about to confess to some crime or evil deed. Not that we don't love one another, it just does not need to be said.

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When I stopped homeschooling and I met other kids that weren't afraid of their parents.

Aperture_T , Jimmie Quick Report

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This is heartbreaking

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As a kid my friends used to tell me my mom (adopted single no A father) hated me. I never really understood why until I processed the trauma she caused me as an adult. That it wasn't normal to always be blamed for everything, told how much she wished she never adopted me, never being hug loved on or any affection, or A home cooked meal. I thank every day for my Pappaw as he was the only one I felt truly believed in me. I left home at 13 an haven't looked back.

Bustyblues420 , Baltimore County Public Library Report

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I’m genuinely so mad and confused. It’s such a massive process to adopt. Like it’s not a last minute decision that you made, you are made completely aware of the responsibilities that fall on you as a parent. If you can live up to that standard, why have kids? Why adopt?

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The first time was when I heard my friend in college tell his dad he loved him at the end of a phone call. My dad has said it to me maybe three times in my life.

Real eye-opener was in therapy when I realized I never felt true love or even support or compassion from them. Cutting them off was easy because I was never made to feel like I was allowed to need help from either of my parents after the age of maybe twelve.

I wish I could empathize with how my wife feels about missing her dad (he died very young). I'm as supportive and helpful as I can be, but I have no strong feelings about the idea of never seeing my parents again.

sausagegravyx2 , Corrie Barklimore Report

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It’s very lovely of you to be so supportive to your wife even though you don’t truly understand her feelings, so good on you for that! Hopefully your new family can provide you with lots of love and your cared for

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My friend talked back to his mom so casually and I thought that she was gonna do something but she didn’t.

If I talked back to my mom I would’ve gotten the belt

MusicIsLife003 , kari wagner Report

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No belt. Not sure I would want my kids "talking back" - I would rather we just talk with mutual respect.

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When a guest or whoever it is joins us for an evening and at some point through the night you look over to them and they're sitting in their seat just staring around the room, a look of confusion and shock on their face while trying to figure out wtf is going on and attempting to make sense of things.

For context when I say my family I'm including aunties, uncles and cousins. We get together once a week at my grandmother's house and it can get pretty overwhelming if you're not used to it. There's about 30 of us in total. The youngest person is 2 y.o and the eldest is 82

Sycou , Conall Report

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This sounds like a nightmare to me. I want space, I don't want my extended family all over the place!

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When I got to college and most of my friends parents were divorced. That was an eye opener. A lot of people were astounded my parents were still married and a lot assumed they were divorced around the holidays. It was wild coming from my parents who have been together for 40 years and my grandparents who were together for 73.

Sanguiniutron , Amy Truter Report

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My daughter says it puts pressure on her to find the "one" since we did.

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We never eat at the dinner table ever

-DarknessNLight- , gardener41 Report

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Benita Valdez

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Yeah it was so rare for me that I still don't eat at the table. Kinda makes me sad

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When my friend’s mom talked to him about something he did wrong instead of smacking him around and getting yelled at.

ok_koreal , Jason Lander Report

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Growing up I thought every family had “the naughty corner” lol. Still better than be hit

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When I found out that it was not normal that all parents drive around their kids, take them to soccer practice, to friends' houses, fetch them at the bus stop when it's cold outside and the next bus takes over 30 minutes to arrive, fetch them at 3 am from a party, things like that. Made me appreciate my parents even more.

pigirl666 , susieq3c Report

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My parents are like this…..except I’m a introvert and barely go anywhere lmao so I’m easy for them. My siblings however…..

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When I started my own family. My girlfriends family are all so close ,they always have big birthdays and everyone's there, they call each other and show concern when somethings wrong , they help us out even when we don't ask , even ask me how everything's going in my life and how's work and what not. I never got that from anyone in my family not even a simple" I love you"

ghost06669 , Virginia State Parks Report

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😢

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i can’t remember what he was talking about but when a teacher in middle school said “it’s not like they’re going to announce over the intercom “so and do’s dad is drunk on school premises please send them down to the office” and all the other kids laughed like it was a joke but it was an actual fear of mine

spacestonerbitch-420 , Chris Dixon Report

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Why in the world would a teacher even say this - especially in front of a class?

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Around the age of 11. My mother passed away when i was 9 and i found out she had cheated on her husband(my dad)and than she was pregnant with me. (She already had other kids with him) When i was around 4-5 she left him for my biological father(just that kind of selfish jerk with anger issues..) and after she died we had to do DNA test and it turned out the person i loved the most wasn't even my "real" dad.. i can't even imagine how he had to feel. And from that time i wasn't able to see him that much, but the side of family, of my biological father hate me so much(mainly his mother) we had to live here for 2 years and she really did let me know that no one wanted me to be alive and i just ruined everything by being born..

martin28000 , Julia Report

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He WAS your real dad.

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Family dinners last no longer than 10 minutes, including holidays.

Conversations don't really sound genuine and insightful. More like, just acknowledging eachother's existences.

No natural bonding over anything, everything feels forced.

Not very inclusive in any degree, just feels like we don't want eachother in our businesses.

The ever present tension between members that suggests anything could break down in a minute's notice. And they will.

anon , Bev Sykes Report

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That’s sad. I wonder what caused circumstances like this?

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My parents are exactly like George Costanza’s parents. It’s impossible for either one of them to make it through any story if there is a date, time, location or anything that they might disagree upon and bicker about mid story. When I hear other peoples parents communicate I feel like my brain is getting a massage.

Studflood , Tony Alter Report

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“My brain is getting a massage” that’s funnily upsetting

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When I started socializing with other kids, about kindergarten and forward, I realized that not everyone lives the same way I and my family do. Some had it better. Some were about the same. Some had it worse. Also, when the family gossip and secrets started coming out as I got into my teens, I realized that my family has a lot of skeletons in the closet that I refuse to inherit.

anon , ella Report

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Phoenix CP

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i relate to that bit abt skeletons in the closet.

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When my friends would meet my family for the first time and go "Okay, your family actually IS weird, you weren't kidding!"

Nonsenseinabag , Mike Finn Report

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There is a good type of weird too!

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