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Mom Insists Daughter’s Disease Isn’t Excuse To Ignore Chores, The Internet Is Divided
Being a single mom is a lot of work, so it’s not entirely unreasonable to ask your kids to step in a bit if they are old enough. After all, learning to do chores and help maintain your space is also an important part of growing up, a skill that comes in handy when you are living on your own. But at the same time, even a teen still isn’t an adult, with adult responsibilities.
A woman asked if she was wrong for telling her teen daughter to keep up with her chores even though she was recently distraught by a medical diagnosis. We reached out to the woman who made the post via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
RELATED:
Having both pets and kids can be a lot of work
Image credits: Zinkevych_D / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
But one single mom ended up in conflict with her teenage daughter after being more strict about her chores
Image credits: varyapigu / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Shot_Neck_1754
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
A type 1 diabetes diagnosis comes with a lot of lifestyle changes
For those who are unaware, type 1 diabetes is generally more common among children and adolescents. Symptoms include high blood sugar and frequent urination. However, generally, there are more issues, including blurred vision and skin infections, all of which make it a pretty hard condition to deal with, particularly for children.
Normally, type 1 diabetes is managed through an injection or an insulin pump, often multiple times a day. To make it worse, the dosage can change, based on food intake, blood glucose levels, and physical activity. So now the child has to keep track of all these things throughout the day while still trying to go about their daily activities.
It’s no wonder that the adjustment period can be difficult and stressful. The daughter is already suffering from the symptoms of the condition, and has to now manage her own injections, which include figuring out the right dosage, all while being asked to keep up with a bunch of household tasks.
While the mom’s position is perhaps understandable, after all, household tasks need to get done, it’s important that she is more understanding. Her daughter now needs to keep track of what she eats for the rest of her life and she has to always be aware of her insulin supply. There is evidence that there is a very real increase in kid’s stress levels as a result.
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The mom missed a crucial opportunity to be there for her daughter
From the mom’s language, it does seem like she doesn’t quite grasp the stress her daughter is under and has not made adequate plans to help her ease into her new lifestyle. This is important, because it’s just not as simple as her taking some medication, she needs a lot of support early in the process. No health change of this magnitude is an easy adjustment.
This isn’t to say the mom doesn’t have a lot to do herself, with pets and other kids, but getting her oldest daughter back on her feet should have been the priority. Teens are quick to learn and are resilient, but they still need support, particularly with something as scary as a major medical diagnosis. This is a long term issue that needs to be managed and supported.
Instead, making threats and demands only aggravates her stress and makes her daughter feel like she doesn’t have a friend or ally at home at a time when she really needs it. This is perhaps why the commenters had very mixed feelings about this story, with the vast majority siding against the mom.
Many people thought the mom was too harsh
A few thought both of them needed to work it out
Some commenters saw the mom’s side of things
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What do you think ?
Ben Aziza 13 hours ago
A bit off-topic but I find this shocking "To pay for her insulin". Holy F*****g s**t what a nightmarish dystopia... Excuse the language but to someone born in a pathetically poor Third World country... This is unbelievable to me... Because in my original country INSULIN IS SUBSIDIZED!!! 3 generations of people living under a literal dictatorship... YET Every single diabetic person who needed insulin got it for a symbolic sum of money... Like 5 dollar equivalent... HOW is this logical??? You know at first I did not believe this... I thought it was an internet rumor especially when I was a kid and teenager... I could not fathom that this could be real for the richest country in the entire world...My country revolted against said dictatorship... So why is it that Americans who got it worse is so many other ways are passive to this degree? You have the guns that we did not... It makes no sense... Now you are told the guy is a "terrorist"? Yeh sure...It is very sad in a way. luigi_s_we...5b51a5.jpg 
XenoMurph 9 hours ago
Because they agree with it. They honestly believe that "their" taxes shouldn't go to someone who didn't "earn" it.
Load More Replies...
Daniel Atkins 14 hours ago (edited)
All the yta people missed are unaware that this isn’t just two animals it is 6. Some of which the daughter took a job to help pay the expenses. This was a condition of them getting some of the pets. The op said they understood their daughter not having a job. The op is at her limit all she is wanting is for the daughter to help with the animals and to start taking a little responsibility. Yes it is a bad situation but the responsibility doesn’t stop. It is not fair to the animals or the op. If the daughter wanted the animals she should take care of them. Yes she may be depressed but this is not an excuse that means she does nothing. If she won’t take care of a little responsibility then the animals should go elsewhere for their and the family’s well being too.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 hours ago
I'm not 17 (being 17 is difficult, I remember it well) but a chronic illness is not an excuse to neglect one's responsibilities towards helpless living beings that are completely dependent on you for their care (be they animals or human babies/toddlers.) I went through a REALLY rough patch before I finally left my ex (tl;dr I've struggled with chronic depression all my life, but I had a REALLY bad breakdown and became suicidal.) However, I have four pets, two cats and two dogs. On the days when I couldn't even feed myself or shower, I dragged my heiny off the floor to feed, water, play with/exercise, and scoop the poops of my pets. I imagine it's a nightmare to be a teenager on the cusp of young adulthood and get a diagnosis of a chronic, lifelong illness, but OP's daughter chose to acquire her three pets, and they are her responsibility, illness or not. If she cannot care for them, she needs to accept that they need to be rehomed to someone who CAN care for them properly.
Load More Replies... Becca not Becky 14 hours ago
Tough one. I think it's good to have an upfront discussion but there should have been a more gentle approach. Something more like "[daughter] I can't imagine how hard the diagnosis is for you, and I realize it's a lot to adjust to. However, I'm seeing these issues and we need to come up with a better way to go about this, especially for the pets." Then reiterate that the pets need to be properly cared for. The daughter needs time and compassion, but the animals need to be cared for too.
Verena 13 hours ago (edited)
Animals can get one through difficult times. When I had a difficult time, the only thing that got me out of bed in the mornings were the horses. They needed to be fed and turned out and their stables cleaned. So the care for them got my day kicked of and ensured I got fresh air, exercise (including mucking out and grooming), a daily shower and amongst people (farrier, buying bedding, feed and stuff for maintaining stables and fences). If I had neglected them, they would have been needed to be rehomed - which I absolutely did not want, because they are old and adopted rescues. So an animal can get your a*s kicked and keep you on the rails. But if that does not work, especially the dog needs to go to people who will go on walkies with him several times per day. The mother deals with everything but just lacks time, mainly due to the extra job she has to taje. The father could be dead, so there might be grief she has to deal with herself. She is overworked, has two younger children to take care off, to reducing responsibilities is a wise thing to do, before she breaks down.
Traveling Lady Railfan 14 hours ago
Nope. No matter what happens, you always take care of your pets. You have to. I know daughter is going through a rough time right now getting used to the fact that she has to relearn how her body works and how to take care of herself best, but that doesn't mean she can neglect the duties of the animals (because the mom just simply can't do it.) When you're faced with despair, being around animals, working with them, taking care of them, can lift your spirits in ways that nothing else can. She loves the animals?taking care of them is the best thing she can do for herself, ( and them obviously)
Plenty Pineapples 6 hours ago
You know who is the AH here? A system in which a single mum has to take on a second job to pay for life saving medication and where both mother and daughter can't take time off and access proper support and counselling.
Bowtechie 15 hours ago
As a Type 1 Diabetic myself I feel for the daughter, that is a HUGE adjustment especially when you're on the cusp of adulthood. I don't think OP understands all the hidden struggles that comes with it. Type 1 Diabetes can be volatile and vicious even when you do everything right - especially when you're first diagnosed - and hormones and stress make it even worse. Those pets are likely a lifeline for her, and rehoming will only make her feel worse. That said, she did buy the pets, she needs to care for them in spite of her emotional struggles. I don't know what the answer is here, but I don't think OP or her daughter are handling this well. That said, as the parent, OP needs to be more patient, and maybe look into a support group for parents of diabetic kids. This isn't going to be an overnight fix, this is a lifelong, brutal change and OP needs to not let her frustration override her empathy.
Verena 13 hours ago
So what do you suggest about the animals, then? This is the issue here. The girl has therapy to help her mentally, mum took a second job, is single, has to raise two younger children and is so exhausted that she is heading to depression, too.
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Sarah Matsoukis 6 hours ago
It's manageable diabetes not cancer, she's not bedridden and almost an adult. She can very much do basic chores.
Melissa Harris 8 hours ago (edited)
She's not dying or incapacitated. She's already in therapy and a support group. The OP is doing everything thing she can to keep the family above water and is drowning in the process. Seems like all avenues of support have been provided. She's 17, nearly an adult. One of the worst things you learn about being an adult and the 'real world' is it keeps going no matter what you're going through. If the OP had been diagnosed with breat cancer she'd still be expected to care for her children, home, pets and go to work. Honestly, the OP should never have allowed that many animals in her house. Only one cog in their precarious machine has stopped and the who thing is falling apart. An important thing in life is not to over extend yourself to the point of breaking. The OP needs to rehome some of the animals. It'll be hard but it's for their well being and is best for the family financially.
Kira Okah 14 hours ago
Coming on the ESH side here. The message is important and the animals shouldn't be neglected, but the OP seems to have forgotten an important thing in all of this - empathy. The delivery of this message is absolutely foul and dismissive of the situation that the daughter is facing because someone with more experience handles it better than a newly diagnosed child. How about something along the lines of "I know that life is difficult right now, and you're having a very hard time adjusting to your new situation, but there is this issue that has come up with the animals and their care. How about we sit down and talk through what needs to be done and work through this together."?
winterwidow87 9 hours ago (edited)
I completely agree. I don't condone neglecting the pets and maybe temporarily rehoming them could be the solution, to give the daughter time to adjust to her new condition while she goes to therapy and support groups, and mum is probably exhausted but she could have handled it a lot better. The way she phrased it makes it seem she doesn't fully grasp how life altering her daughter' situation is and she kind of expects a 17 year old to just get over it. That's probably not the case since she did send her to therapy, but the delivery sent the wrong message and i understand why the daughter is barely speaking to her at the moment. They need to communicate more and mum needs to make the daughter feel understood.
Load More Replies... Miki 9 hours ago (edited)
Harsh delivery but I think I see why. 100% nta. I have diabetes since I was 15. Type 1, the most f****d up one where by body completely stopped producing insulin. I understand the girl panic and adjustment she had to make. But this is not something that makes you handicapped to the point when you can't do anything. I mean if you care for this stupid disease.
Sue User 5 hours ago
When I got sick, the only thing that got me out of bed was taking care of the cat. I owed it to her and it helped me because i felt " if i do nothing else today, i have done this". Sometime, all i could manage was to pour the food right on the floor, but she didnt go hungry.
Deborah B 6 hours ago
Chores and grades can slide while she adjusts, the caring for the animals cannot. This young woman is coping not only with physical illness, but also the grieving process as she comes to term with a life long and potentially life limiting illness. Her mum isn't around as much to provide her with the emotional support she needs, because she's having to work a second job to pay for her healthcare. This is an incredibly hard time for her, and she needs compassion. Losing pets she loves would feel unfair and may be devestating, but she has to care for them. I would suggest asking around the family/friends to see if anyone could take some of the pets for a couple of months, and offering that as an option.
Bryn 12 hours ago
This sounds like a case of "adults expecting kids to think & react like adults"
Cyndi Brittain 3 hours ago
I think that chores always have a way of making a difference for youth in our homes!
LionPaws_and_RadarEars 4 hours ago (edited)
Minor yta here, I think. The intention behind it was good, but the execution was poor. At 17, you're heading into the 'prime' years of your life. You're supposed to be healthy, able to do whatever, live your life as you want to, but that's just been turned upside down for this girl. My brother was diagnosed at 19/20 with an incurable autoimmune kidney disease that has left him now in need of dialysis, a transplant, and being immunocompromised. Blew his career plans out of the water, he couldn't continue the job he had been doing everything he had been working toward was gone, and the lifestyle changes he needed to make were huge. It took him a very long time to adjust (years). And this in a country where he knew his medical needs would always be met and covered by the government! OP's daughter needs time to adjust, grieve the life she might have had, figure out the right treatment regimen for her, and come to terms with the fact that her diabetes may end up bankrupting her. 1/2
LionPaws_and_RadarEars 4 hours ago (edited)
However, OP clearly needs help. Taking on a second job, plus having to care for the other kids, plus extra chores and pet care is too much for any one person. Yes, the pets need looked after properly and the daughter needs to start pulling her weight again. What would have been better would have been to sit down with her, explain the situation (at 17 she's more than capable of such a conversation), and find out what needs to happen to get her back involved including the option of rehoming/finding fosters for the pets to ensure their needs are met. 2/2
Load More Replies... Nimitz 14 hours ago
All you "pets come first" people are missing the main point. The kid had a life altering diagnosis that is frequently a severe trigger for depression and anxiety. The kid SUDDENLY stopped taking care of things including pets, grades, etc. That's a classic sign of severe depression. I bet the kid stopped cleaning up and gave up on anything exercise related too. They are SUFFERING! They don't just need a therapy group, they need a professional assessment, diagnosis, and medication plus support for what is obviously a recently triggered mental health issue. Bitching at them and giving them ultimatums will only make things worse. Take care of your kids when they're depressed. Speaking from significant experience here...
Verena 13 hours ago
So what do you suggest about the animals, then? This is the issue here. The girl has therapy to help her mentally, mum took a second job, is single, has to raise two younger children and is so exhausted that she is heading to depression, too.
Load More Replies...
brookeannsimmer 1 hour ago
As a single mom, maybe three kids is plenty and you might not also bring 6 animals into the situation to begin with
Cooking Panda 3 hours ago
Most people seem to forget that OP is as stressed as her daughter (if not more). This woman needs help, sounds like she's got a lot on her plate already. I hope she gets all the support that she needs
Alexandra 5 hours ago
This makes me so mad. I can't help but feel that things could have been different if OP had gone a different way about it. Instead of telling her that she's neglecting her chores, she could have approached her daughter, told her that she knows that she has a hard time with her diabetes and then ask her how they could make a plan together so that the animals would be cared for.
Livingwithcfs 10 hours ago
A chronic illness is really hard to learn to live with, it's life altering and you go through a grieving process - it takes time, it's exactly the same as a death of a family member because you looss your old self. It sounds like the daughter is struggling with depression as well as the illness, it's good she's getting therapy. As for the aminals yes they may need to be removed but is there someone how can take them for a bit? Seems drastic to get rid of them Las it's stressful for them and also punishes the other children, also it's likely to permanently damage OPs relationship with her daughter
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 hours ago
The three animals in question are entirely the 17-year-old's, not "family pets". According to OP, the 17-year-old got a job to purchase and pay for those three pets herself. I'm sure the other siblings love the animals, but they aren't "theirs".
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Rose the Cook 14 hours ago (edited)
Did I miss something? I saw no mention of the daughter's father. Where is he and what is his reaction to his daughter's medical condition? Can't he be some sort of help in what is obviously a bad situation?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 hours ago
In one of the comments, OP says "I feel terrible for her because my younger kids have their dad.". That phrasing leads me to believe that the 17-year-old has a different father from her younger siblings, and that he isn't in the picture/isn't involved :(
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Just me, Happy Flower 15 hours ago
Teenager got devastating news. Threaten to take away her pets. I can tell you from experience, that statement will stay with her forever. My health issue is different but father did the same thing. When I moved out, I cutoff all communication. Thinking,How could he do that when I just got horrible diagnosis? He didn’t care at all. Haven’t spoken to that man for 29 years now.
Verena 13 hours ago
So what do you suggest about the animals, then? This is the issue here. The girl has therapy to help her mentally, mum took a second job, is single, has to raise two younger children and is so exhausted that she is heading to depression, too.
Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 hours ago
OP never took care of all 6 animals exclusively. Two of them (both cats) belong to her 6- and 9-year-old children. Three of them (two rabbits and a German Shepherd Dog) belong to the 17-year-old, who wanted them and got a job in order to purchase them and pay for their supplies/care. OP states that the only animal that is "hers" that she cares for exclusively is her elderly dog. I imagine she does help with all 6 pets, but she is a single mother working TWO JOBS to pay for her child's insulin and also has to raise and care for all three children, including the two that aren't old enough to care for themselves. OP only stated she would re-home her daughter's 3 pets if her daughter did not step up and care for HER OWN PETS. She is responsible for them; at 17 she is old enough to realize that animals are entirely dependent on their humans. Yes, she is ill, but that does not absolve ANYONE of their responsibilities to the helpless living beings under their care (be they pets or a baby.)
Load More Replies... Ben Aziza 13 hours ago
A bit off-topic but I find this shocking "To pay for her insulin". Holy F*****g s**t what a nightmarish dystopia... Excuse the language but to someone born in a pathetically poor Third World country... This is unbelievable to me... Because in my original country INSULIN IS SUBSIDIZED!!! 3 generations of people living under a literal dictatorship... YET Every single diabetic person who needed insulin got it for a symbolic sum of money... Like 5 dollar equivalent... HOW is this logical??? You know at first I did not believe this... I thought it was an internet rumor especially when I was a kid and teenager... I could not fathom that this could be real for the richest country in the entire world...My country revolted against said dictatorship... So why is it that Americans who got it worse is so many other ways are passive to this degree? You have the guns that we did not... It makes no sense... Now you are told the guy is a "terrorist"? Yeh sure...It is very sad in a way. luigi_s_we...5b51a5.jpg
XenoMurph 9 hours ago
Because they agree with it. They honestly believe that "their" taxes shouldn't go to someone who didn't "earn" it.
Load More Replies... Daniel Atkins 14 hours ago (edited)
All the yta people missed are unaware that this isn’t just two animals it is 6. Some of which the daughter took a job to help pay the expenses. This was a condition of them getting some of the pets. The op said they understood their daughter not having a job. The op is at her limit all she is wanting is for the daughter to help with the animals and to start taking a little responsibility. Yes it is a bad situation but the responsibility doesn’t stop. It is not fair to the animals or the op. If the daughter wanted the animals she should take care of them. Yes she may be depressed but this is not an excuse that means she does nothing. If she won’t take care of a little responsibility then the animals should go elsewhere for their and the family’s well being too.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 hours ago
I'm not 17 (being 17 is difficult, I remember it well) but a chronic illness is not an excuse to neglect one's responsibilities towards helpless living beings that are completely dependent on you for their care (be they animals or human babies/toddlers.) I went through a REALLY rough patch before I finally left my ex (tl;dr I've struggled with chronic depression all my life, but I had a REALLY bad breakdown and became suicidal.) However, I have four pets, two cats and two dogs. On the days when I couldn't even feed myself or shower, I dragged my heiny off the floor to feed, water, play with/exercise, and scoop the poops of my pets. I imagine it's a nightmare to be a teenager on the cusp of young adulthood and get a diagnosis of a chronic, lifelong illness, but OP's daughter chose to acquire her three pets, and they are her responsibility, illness or not. If she cannot care for them, she needs to accept that they need to be rehomed to someone who CAN care for them properly.
Load More Replies... Becca not Becky 14 hours ago
Tough one. I think it's good to have an upfront discussion but there should have been a more gentle approach. Something more like "[daughter] I can't imagine how hard the diagnosis is for you, and I realize it's a lot to adjust to. However, I'm seeing these issues and we need to come up with a better way to go about this, especially for the pets." Then reiterate that the pets need to be properly cared for. The daughter needs time and compassion, but the animals need to be cared for too.
Verena 13 hours ago (edited)
Animals can get one through difficult times. When I had a difficult time, the only thing that got me out of bed in the mornings were the horses. They needed to be fed and turned out and their stables cleaned. So the care for them got my day kicked of and ensured I got fresh air, exercise (including mucking out and grooming), a daily shower and amongst people (farrier, buying bedding, feed and stuff for maintaining stables and fences). If I had neglected them, they would have been needed to be rehomed - which I absolutely did not want, because they are old and adopted rescues. So an animal can get your a*s kicked and keep you on the rails. But if that does not work, especially the dog needs to go to people who will go on walkies with him several times per day. The mother deals with everything but just lacks time, mainly due to the extra job she has to taje. The father could be dead, so there might be grief she has to deal with herself. She is overworked, has two younger children to take care off, to reducing responsibilities is a wise thing to do, before she breaks down.
Traveling Lady Railfan 14 hours ago
Nope. No matter what happens, you always take care of your pets. You have to. I know daughter is going through a rough time right now getting used to the fact that she has to relearn how her body works and how to take care of herself best, but that doesn't mean she can neglect the duties of the animals (because the mom just simply can't do it.) When you're faced with despair, being around animals, working with them, taking care of them, can lift your spirits in ways that nothing else can. She loves the animals?taking care of them is the best thing she can do for herself, ( and them obviously)
Plenty Pineapples 6 hours ago
You know who is the AH here? A system in which a single mum has to take on a second job to pay for life saving medication and where both mother and daughter can't take time off and access proper support and counselling.
Bowtechie 15 hours ago
As a Type 1 Diabetic myself I feel for the daughter, that is a HUGE adjustment especially when you're on the cusp of adulthood. I don't think OP understands all the hidden struggles that comes with it. Type 1 Diabetes can be volatile and vicious even when you do everything right - especially when you're first diagnosed - and hormones and stress make it even worse. Those pets are likely a lifeline for her, and rehoming will only make her feel worse. That said, she did buy the pets, she needs to care for them in spite of her emotional struggles. I don't know what the answer is here, but I don't think OP or her daughter are handling this well. That said, as the parent, OP needs to be more patient, and maybe look into a support group for parents of diabetic kids. This isn't going to be an overnight fix, this is a lifelong, brutal change and OP needs to not let her frustration override her empathy.
Verena 13 hours ago
So what do you suggest about the animals, then? This is the issue here. The girl has therapy to help her mentally, mum took a second job, is single, has to raise two younger children and is so exhausted that she is heading to depression, too.
Load More Replies... Sarah Matsoukis 6 hours ago
It's manageable diabetes not cancer, she's not bedridden and almost an adult. She can very much do basic chores.
Melissa Harris 8 hours ago (edited)
She's not dying or incapacitated. She's already in therapy and a support group. The OP is doing everything thing she can to keep the family above water and is drowning in the process. Seems like all avenues of support have been provided. She's 17, nearly an adult. One of the worst things you learn about being an adult and the 'real world' is it keeps going no matter what you're going through. If the OP had been diagnosed with breat cancer she'd still be expected to care for her children, home, pets and go to work. Honestly, the OP should never have allowed that many animals in her house. Only one cog in their precarious machine has stopped and the who thing is falling apart. An important thing in life is not to over extend yourself to the point of breaking. The OP needs to rehome some of the animals. It'll be hard but it's for their well being and is best for the family financially.
Kira Okah 14 hours ago
Coming on the ESH side here. The message is important and the animals shouldn't be neglected, but the OP seems to have forgotten an important thing in all of this - empathy. The delivery of this message is absolutely foul and dismissive of the situation that the daughter is facing because someone with more experience handles it better than a newly diagnosed child. How about something along the lines of "I know that life is difficult right now, and you're having a very hard time adjusting to your new situation, but there is this issue that has come up with the animals and their care. How about we sit down and talk through what needs to be done and work through this together."?
winterwidow87 9 hours ago (edited)
I completely agree. I don't condone neglecting the pets and maybe temporarily rehoming them could be the solution, to give the daughter time to adjust to her new condition while she goes to therapy and support groups, and mum is probably exhausted but she could have handled it a lot better. The way she phrased it makes it seem she doesn't fully grasp how life altering her daughter' situation is and she kind of expects a 17 year old to just get over it. That's probably not the case since she did send her to therapy, but the delivery sent the wrong message and i understand why the daughter is barely speaking to her at the moment. They need to communicate more and mum needs to make the daughter feel understood.
Load More Replies... Miki 9 hours ago (edited)
Harsh delivery but I think I see why. 100% nta. I have diabetes since I was 15. Type 1, the most f****d up one where by body completely stopped producing insulin. I understand the girl panic and adjustment she had to make. But this is not something that makes you handicapped to the point when you can't do anything. I mean if you care for this stupid disease.
Sue User 5 hours ago
When I got sick, the only thing that got me out of bed was taking care of the cat. I owed it to her and it helped me because i felt " if i do nothing else today, i have done this". Sometime, all i could manage was to pour the food right on the floor, but she didnt go hungry.
Deborah B 6 hours ago
Chores and grades can slide while she adjusts, the caring for the animals cannot. This young woman is coping not only with physical illness, but also the grieving process as she comes to term with a life long and potentially life limiting illness. Her mum isn't around as much to provide her with the emotional support she needs, because she's having to work a second job to pay for her healthcare. This is an incredibly hard time for her, and she needs compassion. Losing pets she loves would feel unfair and may be devestating, but she has to care for them. I would suggest asking around the family/friends to see if anyone could take some of the pets for a couple of months, and offering that as an option.
Bryn 12 hours ago
This sounds like a case of "adults expecting kids to think & react like adults"
Cyndi Brittain 3 hours ago
I think that chores always have a way of making a difference for youth in our homes!
LionPaws_and_RadarEars 4 hours ago (edited)
Minor yta here, I think. The intention behind it was good, but the execution was poor. At 17, you're heading into the 'prime' years of your life. You're supposed to be healthy, able to do whatever, live your life as you want to, but that's just been turned upside down for this girl. My brother was diagnosed at 19/20 with an incurable autoimmune kidney disease that has left him now in need of dialysis, a transplant, and being immunocompromised. Blew his career plans out of the water, he couldn't continue the job he had been doing everything he had been working toward was gone, and the lifestyle changes he needed to make were huge. It took him a very long time to adjust (years). And this in a country where he knew his medical needs would always be met and covered by the government! OP's daughter needs time to adjust, grieve the life she might have had, figure out the right treatment regimen for her, and come to terms with the fact that her diabetes may end up bankrupting her. 1/2
LionPaws_and_RadarEars 4 hours ago (edited)
However, OP clearly needs help. Taking on a second job, plus having to care for the other kids, plus extra chores and pet care is too much for any one person. Yes, the pets need looked after properly and the daughter needs to start pulling her weight again. What would have been better would have been to sit down with her, explain the situation (at 17 she's more than capable of such a conversation), and find out what needs to happen to get her back involved including the option of rehoming/finding fosters for the pets to ensure their needs are met. 2/2
Load More Replies... Nimitz 14 hours ago
All you "pets come first" people are missing the main point. The kid had a life altering diagnosis that is frequently a severe trigger for depression and anxiety. The kid SUDDENLY stopped taking care of things including pets, grades, etc. That's a classic sign of severe depression. I bet the kid stopped cleaning up and gave up on anything exercise related too. They are SUFFERING! They don't just need a therapy group, they need a professional assessment, diagnosis, and medication plus support for what is obviously a recently triggered mental health issue. Bitching at them and giving them ultimatums will only make things worse. Take care of your kids when they're depressed. Speaking from significant experience here...
Verena 13 hours ago
So what do you suggest about the animals, then? This is the issue here. The girl has therapy to help her mentally, mum took a second job, is single, has to raise two younger children and is so exhausted that she is heading to depression, too.
Load More Replies... brookeannsimmer 1 hour ago
As a single mom, maybe three kids is plenty and you might not also bring 6 animals into the situation to begin with
Cooking Panda 3 hours ago
Most people seem to forget that OP is as stressed as her daughter (if not more). This woman needs help, sounds like she's got a lot on her plate already. I hope she gets all the support that she needs
Alexandra 5 hours ago
This makes me so mad. I can't help but feel that things could have been different if OP had gone a different way about it. Instead of telling her that she's neglecting her chores, she could have approached her daughter, told her that she knows that she has a hard time with her diabetes and then ask her how they could make a plan together so that the animals would be cared for.
Livingwithcfs 10 hours ago
A chronic illness is really hard to learn to live with, it's life altering and you go through a grieving process - it takes time, it's exactly the same as a death of a family member because you looss your old self. It sounds like the daughter is struggling with depression as well as the illness, it's good she's getting therapy. As for the aminals yes they may need to be removed but is there someone how can take them for a bit? Seems drastic to get rid of them Las it's stressful for them and also punishes the other children, also it's likely to permanently damage OPs relationship with her daughter
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 hours ago
The three animals in question are entirely the 17-year-old's, not "family pets". According to OP, the 17-year-old got a job to purchase and pay for those three pets herself. I'm sure the other siblings love the animals, but they aren't "theirs".
Load More Replies... Rose the Cook 14 hours ago (edited)
Did I miss something? I saw no mention of the daughter's father. Where is he and what is his reaction to his daughter's medical condition? Can't he be some sort of help in what is obviously a bad situation?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 hours ago
In one of the comments, OP says "I feel terrible for her because my younger kids have their dad.". That phrasing leads me to believe that the 17-year-old has a different father from her younger siblings, and that he isn't in the picture/isn't involved :(
Load More Replies... Just me, Happy Flower 15 hours ago
Teenager got devastating news. Threaten to take away her pets. I can tell you from experience, that statement will stay with her forever. My health issue is different but father did the same thing. When I moved out, I cutoff all communication. Thinking,How could he do that when I just got horrible diagnosis? He didn’t care at all. Haven’t spoken to that man for 29 years now.
Verena 13 hours ago
So what do you suggest about the animals, then? This is the issue here. The girl has therapy to help her mentally, mum took a second job, is single, has to raise two younger children and is so exhausted that she is heading to depression, too.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 hours ago
OP never took care of all 6 animals exclusively. Two of them (both cats) belong to her 6- and 9-year-old children. Three of them (two rabbits and a German Shepherd Dog) belong to the 17-year-old, who wanted them and got a job in order to purchase them and pay for their supplies/care. OP states that the only animal that is "hers" that she cares for exclusively is her elderly dog. I imagine she does help with all 6 pets, but she is a single mother working TWO JOBS to pay for her child's insulin and also has to raise and care for all three children, including the two that aren't old enough to care for themselves. OP only stated she would re-home her daughter's 3 pets if her daughter did not step up and care for HER OWN PETS. She is responsible for them; at 17 she is old enough to realize that animals are entirely dependent on their humans. Yes, she is ill, but that does not absolve ANYONE of their responsibilities to the helpless living beings under their care (be they pets or a baby.)
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