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Photographer Documents His Own Depression In Dark Self-Portraits
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Photographer Documents His Own Depression In Dark Self-Portraits

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Different people have different ways of coping with depression, and for Edward Honaker, that coping mechanism is his self-portrait photography. His photos turn his depression into something that can be seen and, hopefully, better understood.

The 21-year-old photographer was diagnosed with depression two years ago. “All I knew is that I became bad at the things I used to be good at, and I didn’t know why,” he told Huffpost. “Your mind is who you are, and when it doesn’t work properly, it’s scary.”

“It’s kind of hard to feel any kind of emotion when you’re depressed, and I think good art can definitely move people,” he continued.

More info: edwardhonaker.com | Instagram | Tumblr (h/t: huffpost)

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Dovas

Dovas

Author, Community member

Read more ยป

There is a beast with heart of cold stone that dashes like lightning, shreds flesh from bone. // Bewitched by this beast, I fell to my knees. My mouth babbled madness and mumbled soft pleas. // I stared down the ravenous, gnashing dark maw of a cute cuddly kitten with yarn in its paw

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Dovas

Dovas

Author, Community member

There is a beast with heart of cold stone that dashes like lightning, shreds flesh from bone. // Bewitched by this beast, I fell to my knees. My mouth babbled madness and mumbled soft pleas. // I stared down the ravenous, gnashing dark maw of a cute cuddly kitten with yarn in its paw

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thcollegestudent
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I didn't identify with these so well...I can't say I want to kill my self, I love life and the people around me, but so often it can feel so isolating. Like you can hear voices of happy people from behind a black curtain but if you dare to open it the light is so blinding and off putting.

SamanthaBelcher
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of these gave me such anxiety and made me feel like I was suffocating, because they so perfectly captured something I have felt. It such a positive to be able to be creative in the midst of depression. Those are the better days.

LeannaPeiffer
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with you because when I was depressed doing anything was difficult, especially being creative.

Load More Replies...
DebMartinKnaff
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much for sharing these. They take away the negative stigma of depression, so many of us can identify with one or all of the photos and feelings attached to them and maybe someone will reach out and get help because of your beautiful works of art. I hope some day we see pics of you with pink & purple balloons, in turquoise waters, snuggled in green bed linens and pearly white teeth grinning from ear to ear.

Paul2
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What kindness, you sound as if you have a Beautiful Persona. Thank You.

Load More Replies...
TracyHaynes
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am in recovery from depression and thankfully have few dark days now, but in these photos are memories of just how dark the days can be. Thank you for sharing this intimate part of your life.

GochaWimmer
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have depression for 16 years. Yeah, I can say those pics... well, these suite to the theme...

Peg Nacrelli Graham
Community Member
8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This statement hit home with me... โ€œAll I knew is that I became bad at the things I used to be good at, and I didnโ€™t know why."....and that is it. Thank you.

AbrahamRisyad
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gosh... i feel like this is one of the best way to describe depression. there were the times where you feel like you're nothing and you don't even know who you are. I like it how the photographer "shuts" the face off, that really describe the feeling of depression

SarahHaws
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These truly are great depictions of what it is like to be depressed or going through an episode of manic depression. I know this not only because I have been and am going through a bout of it myself, but because the way that the photos made me feel as I went through them. The photos really capture the lack of motivation, hopelessness and self-unawareness that happens with depression. There have been many days that I want to lie in bed and go nothing and others where I feel that I am stuck with nowhere to go and that I am powerless to act. Thanks for this.

DesertBlooms
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for painting a clear picture of something so misunderstood. Hoping for better days.

HillaryBowden
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These photos are not to glorify mental illness or somehow make it beautiful. This is the result of depression, raw emotion, how we feel...

ChrisDempsey
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really liked the one with the balloons and chair, It makes me think of times when I was sitting in a place surrounded by people who I had nothing in common with which made me feel more depressed. This is exactly how I felt then great pics man.

SueBrigham
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I share your pain and I can see exactly how you feel. Your photography and sense of emotional are exceptional. Best of luck dear one.

MassielAlberto
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This describes exactly how we feel. Everyday we need to find the way to stay strong. In my case writing is the best alternative to fight against bad feelings...

Sav
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow these are beautiful pictures. I've been there, and trust me life does get better in its own time! Try and stay positive my friend! <3

Hannah Stokes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who was the photographer that was showing their depression? I would love to see what other work they did, lovely photos

ElenaLozina
Community Member
8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These are incredible and strong. I also love how the 4th and 5th seem to be tied together, as well as the last 4. Great composition.

MaureenKhimmerySupan
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I easily feel down and often think that instead of pondering over everything, I want to try to photograph myself but I have no means. This guy is really creative and has expressed his thoughts and feelings well. :)

JakeGoldberg
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautiful portrayal of a destructive thought process. Artistic expression at its finest.

WendyO'Brien
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you can really feel these. They are so close to the bone if you've ever experienced depression. Great talent <3

ionitunes
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautifully portrayed. Like you, making art has kept me sane. Keep doing it!

NikolaDzhilvidzhiev
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I came here because I wanted to point out that documenting depression in photographs is part navel-gazing and part exhibitionism, but some of the photographs, particularly the one where the model is submerged with only his head peeking out the water hit way too close to what depression felt for me.

soundlessblue
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can not explain how i relate to every single one of them. Those picture with an unidentified or masked face tells so much about the darkness lived. The second pic almost made me tear. you are surrounded by the people who love you but you don't feel the love and instead feel disoriented and out of place. These pictures define depression in such an anxious way that im crying just thinking about what it makes me feel.

Sonia.Alexandra
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I absolutely agree with you. This is how depression looks like, feels like and there's nothing you can do. Or someone else. Because everyone thinks that is you say something encouraging like "You'll get through it", they think that everything's ok and life moves on, but they can't feel and sense the same thing. It's different. And, also, depression is under a curtain of misconception... Great photos, by the way! :)

JulieKarge
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They are so powerful, It made me feel sad for him. I wish that it was just his way of taking pictures, and not how he felt. I want to just reach out to this guy and give him a big hug and tell him things will be better and to keep taking pictures of happy things.

LeannaPeiffer
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Interesting and beautiful. The one in the bathtub captures how I feel at times. I will tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel if you ask for help.

MonjaMonsterhase
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Love this art and how the artist did interpret the feelings. He nailed it so much <3

CalmingRain068
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been depressed pretty much my entire life. I'm now 28 - sad to say. These are beautiful and helpful to normalize something so lonely.

DianaCovell
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

VERY STRIKING!!! NO WORDS REQUIRED. BEEN THERE DONE THAT. Thanks for sharing. Those who don't understand mental illness need to see this.

thcollegestudent
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I didn't identify with these so well...I can't say I want to kill my self, I love life and the people around me, but so often it can feel so isolating. Like you can hear voices of happy people from behind a black curtain but if you dare to open it the light is so blinding and off putting.

SamanthaBelcher
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of these gave me such anxiety and made me feel like I was suffocating, because they so perfectly captured something I have felt. It such a positive to be able to be creative in the midst of depression. Those are the better days.

LeannaPeiffer
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with you because when I was depressed doing anything was difficult, especially being creative.

Load More Replies...
DebMartinKnaff
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much for sharing these. They take away the negative stigma of depression, so many of us can identify with one or all of the photos and feelings attached to them and maybe someone will reach out and get help because of your beautiful works of art. I hope some day we see pics of you with pink & purple balloons, in turquoise waters, snuggled in green bed linens and pearly white teeth grinning from ear to ear.

Paul2
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What kindness, you sound as if you have a Beautiful Persona. Thank You.

Load More Replies...
TracyHaynes
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am in recovery from depression and thankfully have few dark days now, but in these photos are memories of just how dark the days can be. Thank you for sharing this intimate part of your life.

GochaWimmer
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have depression for 16 years. Yeah, I can say those pics... well, these suite to the theme...

Peg Nacrelli Graham
Community Member
8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This statement hit home with me... โ€œAll I knew is that I became bad at the things I used to be good at, and I didnโ€™t know why."....and that is it. Thank you.

AbrahamRisyad
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gosh... i feel like this is one of the best way to describe depression. there were the times where you feel like you're nothing and you don't even know who you are. I like it how the photographer "shuts" the face off, that really describe the feeling of depression

SarahHaws
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These truly are great depictions of what it is like to be depressed or going through an episode of manic depression. I know this not only because I have been and am going through a bout of it myself, but because the way that the photos made me feel as I went through them. The photos really capture the lack of motivation, hopelessness and self-unawareness that happens with depression. There have been many days that I want to lie in bed and go nothing and others where I feel that I am stuck with nowhere to go and that I am powerless to act. Thanks for this.

DesertBlooms
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for painting a clear picture of something so misunderstood. Hoping for better days.

HillaryBowden
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These photos are not to glorify mental illness or somehow make it beautiful. This is the result of depression, raw emotion, how we feel...

ChrisDempsey
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really liked the one with the balloons and chair, It makes me think of times when I was sitting in a place surrounded by people who I had nothing in common with which made me feel more depressed. This is exactly how I felt then great pics man.

SueBrigham
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I share your pain and I can see exactly how you feel. Your photography and sense of emotional are exceptional. Best of luck dear one.

MassielAlberto
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This describes exactly how we feel. Everyday we need to find the way to stay strong. In my case writing is the best alternative to fight against bad feelings...

Sav
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow these are beautiful pictures. I've been there, and trust me life does get better in its own time! Try and stay positive my friend! <3

Hannah Stokes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who was the photographer that was showing their depression? I would love to see what other work they did, lovely photos

ElenaLozina
Community Member
8 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These are incredible and strong. I also love how the 4th and 5th seem to be tied together, as well as the last 4. Great composition.

MaureenKhimmerySupan
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I easily feel down and often think that instead of pondering over everything, I want to try to photograph myself but I have no means. This guy is really creative and has expressed his thoughts and feelings well. :)

JakeGoldberg
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautiful portrayal of a destructive thought process. Artistic expression at its finest.

WendyO'Brien
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you can really feel these. They are so close to the bone if you've ever experienced depression. Great talent <3

ionitunes
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautifully portrayed. Like you, making art has kept me sane. Keep doing it!

NikolaDzhilvidzhiev
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I came here because I wanted to point out that documenting depression in photographs is part navel-gazing and part exhibitionism, but some of the photographs, particularly the one where the model is submerged with only his head peeking out the water hit way too close to what depression felt for me.

soundlessblue
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can not explain how i relate to every single one of them. Those picture with an unidentified or masked face tells so much about the darkness lived. The second pic almost made me tear. you are surrounded by the people who love you but you don't feel the love and instead feel disoriented and out of place. These pictures define depression in such an anxious way that im crying just thinking about what it makes me feel.

Sonia.Alexandra
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I absolutely agree with you. This is how depression looks like, feels like and there's nothing you can do. Or someone else. Because everyone thinks that is you say something encouraging like "You'll get through it", they think that everything's ok and life moves on, but they can't feel and sense the same thing. It's different. And, also, depression is under a curtain of misconception... Great photos, by the way! :)

JulieKarge
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They are so powerful, It made me feel sad for him. I wish that it was just his way of taking pictures, and not how he felt. I want to just reach out to this guy and give him a big hug and tell him things will be better and to keep taking pictures of happy things.

LeannaPeiffer
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Interesting and beautiful. The one in the bathtub captures how I feel at times. I will tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel if you ask for help.

MonjaMonsterhase
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Love this art and how the artist did interpret the feelings. He nailed it so much <3

CalmingRain068
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been depressed pretty much my entire life. I'm now 28 - sad to say. These are beautiful and helpful to normalize something so lonely.

DianaCovell
Community Member
9 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

VERY STRIKING!!! NO WORDS REQUIRED. BEEN THERE DONE THAT. Thanks for sharing. Those who don't understand mental illness need to see this.

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