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“Toxic Support” is a self-initiated social project I created to help reveal the toxicity of phrases people say to someone with depression.
Most of us have heard some of these phrases or said them themselves. I am not an exception... on both fronts.
Having your feelings and/or the fact of their absence devalued and frowned upon because of something you can’t even control as a person with depression is like being forcefully muted and tied up in a tank filling up with water.
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#1
You Just Want Attention!
Final score:
34points
Average Grizzlies Fan 3 years ago
This is painfully true. Many people that need help can be put down by just saying that they are seeking attention. People are actually in pain and saying that they are seeking attention doesn't do anything.
Ana Vaquer Perez 3 years ago
I feel this, not just with depression but with my ADHD as well. People will say, you just need to pay more attention, your just looking for attention, just get more organized. And I’m over here like YEAH??? YOU GO GET YOURSELF (I know you cant just get ADHD like a cold pls no hate) ADHD AND TELL ME HOW IT WORKS!
Grace 3 years ago
So true. I have ADHD and when I forget what was requested of me, I ask for a repetion and the usual responce is, "Why didn't you pay attention." And this is from the people who know I hav ADHD.
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Storm Anne 3 years ago
Yeah, if they really wanted attention YOU WOULD KNOW. It really sucks to have a drama queen friend. Trust me, it can turn into a toxic freindship.
Likewise, when being around someone with depression, we don't know what to say, and emotions of sadness, irritation, fear, guilt, and even anger may occur. These feelings obscure the person who needs our support, and instead of being there for them, we shake those feelings off by saying, "it'll be fine, you're just tired" or something of that sort. And it helps—we get rid of the approaching anxiety of feeling uncomfortable, but simultaneously, we hurt the person we wanted to support in the first place, burying them deeper into their depression and the feeling of not being heard.
#2
Pull Yourself Together!
Final score:
32points
#3
It Could Be Worse!
Final score:
32points
Jade Lynn - Panda's Brat 3 years ago
It could be worse, but it could still be A LOT better -_-
So I wondered, how can I facilitate spreading the message and hopefully informing people which phrases to avoid saying to someone with depression if you want to show support? Contemplating the form of the message I wanted to share, I realized that, as an illustrator, my weapon of choice is visuals. Therefore, I wanted to illustrate the phrases as they feel to me, make them literally visible to the eye of someone who might not have been able to see them before. I intentionally chose a bright and optimistic color palette to give the illustrations a sense of cognitive dissonance with the tone of the message. I wanted to juxtapose the toxic phrase with the illustration and an explanation of how this phrase affects a person with depression.
#4
But You Have A Beautiful Life!
Final score:
32points
My hope is that these posters make visible that which is often overlooked, provide a glimpse into the reality of depression, and help support those suffering from the illness.
I am really thankful to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America for their support on this initiative and a psychologist and Gestalt therapist Anastasia Plokhikh for her support and being the editor on this project!
#8
You Think Only Of Yourself!
Final score:
26points
David Butler 3 years ago
Usually it's the people who say this are the ones who only think of themselves, as everyone else's reality is affecting their mood.
#10
Quit Whining!
Final score:
25points
#11
You Are What You Think!
Final score:
21points
David Butler 3 years ago
If "you are what you eat" was ever real, the world would be full of coprophages.
#12
You Need A Kick In The Rear!
Final score:
21points
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Luther von Wolfen 3 years ago
Yes. More awareness, please. Phrases like these are one more reason I avoid people when I'm depressed - well, I avoid people who have never had depression. People who have experienced know that the right thing to say is usually nothing.
Yuliya Osyka (Post author) 3 years ago
Thank you for the comment! People usually just don't know what to say and think some of these phrases will be supportive, so I hope the posters will bring attention to the fact that not only they don't help support but actually harm people with depression.
Load More Replies...
Sarah 3 years ago
I really love the concept of these posters. I think they are great! I didn't really get at first that they were meant to show those phrases aren't true, then I read your description. I feel people who don't understand depression might not get it, since they believe those phrases are accurate. I would add something like 'Fact Check:' to the statements underneath, so it's obvious that the above isn't true. Nice work!
The Harry Potter person 3 years ago
My friend has depression, and so many people say these things to her daily. I showed her this, and she was very grateful someone was raising awareness about it! Thank you for this, and the drawing are amazing!
earringnut 3 years ago
Sometimes the best thing you can do is just listen.
Load More Replies...
Aj Grimes (them/they) 3 years ago
Damn, i get told this stuff almost every day. also people say that my depression isn't real and I was making it up. Maniac depression is real.
Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 3 years ago
I don't have depression, and I've never understood if it was more of a way of thinking or an illness, until now. Thank you so much!! I don't want to be "that person" like the orange colored ones in the pictures. Plus also great job with the artwork!!
Yuliya Osyka (Post author) 3 years ago
Thank you so much for the comment! I can't say how happy I am that my work helps with making this issue heard!
Load More Replies...
Chrissy C. 3 years ago
The one that gets me is, "Just get over it." Like it's a choice to suffer from a chemical imbalance and feel miserable all the time. I would, if I could.
Uncommon Boston 3 years ago
Do people know how insulting these statements are? They remind me of, "God only gives you what you can handle." and similar statements. I told someone once, "Go climb Mt Everest, because that is how difficult it would be for me to take a walk." Oh, and TRY HARDER! Such an insult; I choose to feel this way? Is that what you tell a person who lost a leg? Try harder. Of course not. But since my handicap is invisible and difficult to understand, it is easier to ignore it and expect me to manage like everyone else. I plan to share this with my family.
Yuliya Osyka (Post author) 3 years ago
Thank you so much for writing this!
Load More Replies...
Kateryna 3 years ago
I feel like most of those phrases are coming from people who want to help, but don't know how. Thanks for sharing
Tabitha L 3 years ago
I'm not sure these people want to help. They want the depressed person to magically be better because of some platitudes.
Load More Replies... sylvantic 3 years ago
how to help your mental state: 1. try to talk to people and interact. it will suck, but being alone makes things worse. 2. turn on a light. open a window. don't sit in a dark room 3. try to get outside some. 4. take care of yourself. you may not want to take a shower now, but then you'll end up putting it off until you can't remember when you last washed your hair. 5. read a book. don't just sit alone in your bedroom on the computer. read a book or something in a public space.
Ana Vaquer Perez 3 years ago
Thank you so much for this! I personally dont have depression but i have ADHD and people tell me stuff like this. ALL. THE. TIME. At one point your just like, ok live at least one year with it and tell me how it feels, please and thank you. Im so glad your bringing awareness to this.
Yuliya Osyka (Post author) 3 years ago
Thank you so much for the comment, Anna! I feel like ADHD is even more obscured that depression, so I have no idea how difficult it is for you to handle comments like these!
Load More Replies...
Julia King 3 years ago
Is it normal to feel trapped in a tornado of negativity when you´re depressed? I feel that way all the time.
Yuliya Osyka (Post author) 3 years ago
Thank you all for sharing and being so sincere here! I hope these works give at least some sense of comfort and support. Please, take care of yourselves and don't let anyone put you down and make you feel pain, shame and guilt because of depression and anxiety! And, please, turn for support to professionals, it's extremely important that you're not alone in this and have someone who can help you up step by step!
Luther von Wolfen 3 years ago
Yes. More awareness, please. Phrases like these are one more reason I avoid people when I'm depressed - well, I avoid people who have never had depression. People who have experienced know that the right thing to say is usually nothing.
Yuliya Osyka (Post author) 3 years ago
Thank you for the comment! People usually just don't know what to say and think some of these phrases will be supportive, so I hope the posters will bring attention to the fact that not only they don't help support but actually harm people with depression.
Load More Replies... Sarah 3 years ago
I really love the concept of these posters. I think they are great! I didn't really get at first that they were meant to show those phrases aren't true, then I read your description. I feel people who don't understand depression might not get it, since they believe those phrases are accurate. I would add something like 'Fact Check:' to the statements underneath, so it's obvious that the above isn't true. Nice work!
The Harry Potter person 3 years ago
My friend has depression, and so many people say these things to her daily. I showed her this, and she was very grateful someone was raising awareness about it! Thank you for this, and the drawing are amazing!
earringnut 3 years ago
Sometimes the best thing you can do is just listen.
Load More Replies... Aj Grimes (them/they) 3 years ago
Damn, i get told this stuff almost every day. also people say that my depression isn't real and I was making it up. Maniac depression is real.
Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 3 years ago
I don't have depression, and I've never understood if it was more of a way of thinking or an illness, until now. Thank you so much!! I don't want to be "that person" like the orange colored ones in the pictures. Plus also great job with the artwork!!
Yuliya Osyka (Post author) 3 years ago
Thank you so much for the comment! I can't say how happy I am that my work helps with making this issue heard!
Load More Replies... Chrissy C. 3 years ago
The one that gets me is, "Just get over it." Like it's a choice to suffer from a chemical imbalance and feel miserable all the time. I would, if I could.
Uncommon Boston 3 years ago
Do people know how insulting these statements are? They remind me of, "God only gives you what you can handle." and similar statements. I told someone once, "Go climb Mt Everest, because that is how difficult it would be for me to take a walk." Oh, and TRY HARDER! Such an insult; I choose to feel this way? Is that what you tell a person who lost a leg? Try harder. Of course not. But since my handicap is invisible and difficult to understand, it is easier to ignore it and expect me to manage like everyone else. I plan to share this with my family.
Yuliya Osyka (Post author) 3 years ago
Thank you so much for writing this!
Load More Replies... Kateryna 3 years ago
I feel like most of those phrases are coming from people who want to help, but don't know how. Thanks for sharing
Tabitha L 3 years ago
I'm not sure these people want to help. They want the depressed person to magically be better because of some platitudes.
Load More Replies... sylvantic 3 years ago
how to help your mental state: 1. try to talk to people and interact. it will suck, but being alone makes things worse. 2. turn on a light. open a window. don't sit in a dark room 3. try to get outside some. 4. take care of yourself. you may not want to take a shower now, but then you'll end up putting it off until you can't remember when you last washed your hair. 5. read a book. don't just sit alone in your bedroom on the computer. read a book or something in a public space.
Ana Vaquer Perez 3 years ago
Thank you so much for this! I personally dont have depression but i have ADHD and people tell me stuff like this. ALL. THE. TIME. At one point your just like, ok live at least one year with it and tell me how it feels, please and thank you. Im so glad your bringing awareness to this.
Yuliya Osyka (Post author) 3 years ago
Thank you so much for the comment, Anna! I feel like ADHD is even more obscured that depression, so I have no idea how difficult it is for you to handle comments like these!
Load More Replies... Julia King 3 years ago
Is it normal to feel trapped in a tornado of negativity when you´re depressed? I feel that way all the time.
Yuliya Osyka (Post author) 3 years ago
Thank you all for sharing and being so sincere here! I hope these works give at least some sense of comfort and support. Please, take care of yourselves and don't let anyone put you down and make you feel pain, shame and guilt because of depression and anxiety! And, please, turn for support to professionals, it's extremely important that you're not alone in this and have someone who can help you up step by step!
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