What do dentists call the x-rays they take of patients’ teeth?

Tooth pics.

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Why did the smartphone go to the dentist?

It had a Bluetooth.

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Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

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2 years ago

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I didn't think those needed to be fixed

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Depression in dentists is a serious dental illness.

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Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

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2 years ago

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To me, depression in anyone is serious.

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If a kid has 25 candy bars and they eat 22 of them, what do they have?

Cavities.

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Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

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2 years ago

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Don't forget diabetes

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What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

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Why should you be kind to your dentist?

Because they have fill-ings too.

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What’s the most popular state for dentists to move to when they retire?

Fluorida.

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Patient: What did you do before you became a dentist?

Dentist: I was in the Army.

Patient: What did you do in the Army?

Dentist: I was a drill sergeant.

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eff the haters

eff the haters

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2 years ago

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I wonder if he wore a crown

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What do dentists call their tupperware?

Retainers!

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Dentist: Can you please help me? Scream as loud as you can, like you’re in a lot of pain.

Patient: Why? My tooth isn’t hurting this time.

Dentist: Because there are many patients in the waiting room, and I don’t want to miss the game!

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Owen

Owen

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2 years ago

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Bahaha!!

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A man goes to the dentist to ask how much it would be to pull a tooth. “$100,” said the dentist. “Oh, that’s expensive,” said the main. “Do you have anything cheaper?” “That’s the normal price for an extraction,” said the dentist. The man thinks about it, “what about if you don’t use the anesthetic?” “Well, that would be unusual, but we could do that. It would be about $75.” The man thinks some more. “What about if you used a trainee and no anesthetic?” “Well,” said the dentist, ”I think that could work, but it would be a lot more painful. I think that would be about $35.” The man thought some more. “That’s still a lot. What if you make it a training session with a student doing the extraction, and the other students can watch?” The dentist says, “Ok, that would be good for the students, but it will be traumatic to have it done that way. I’ll charge you $5 for that.” “Great,” said the man. “That’s perfect. Can I book my wife for her appointment on Wednesday?

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Kona Pake

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2 years ago

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That’s mean…

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Who’s job is the most dangerous in Transylvania?

The dentist who works on Dracula.

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Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

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2 years ago

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Shouldn't it be whose?

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My dentist asked me to open up, but I don’t know him well enough to confide in him.

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What did the dentist say to a golfer with a cavity?

You have a hole in one.

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Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

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2 years ago

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I snort laughed at this one

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What’s the best time to go to the dentist?

Toothhurty (2:30).

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Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

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An alternative answer: tooth hurting (2:13)

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Why do teeth move?

Shift happens.

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What are the six most dreaded words in the world?

"The dentist will see you now."

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Why does the dental staff go to the dentist with their problems?

Because she gets right to the root of things.

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Why did the Storm Trooper want his teeth whitened?

To get rid of the dark side.

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What’s one word you never want to hear from your dentist?

Oops.

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Why did the yellow tooth not find the white tooth’s jokes funny?

Because he was already dead inside.

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What did the 90 year old say to his great-grandson?

I miss the days of being your age when my teeth were in my mouth 24/7!

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So my friend told me I’m crazy for investing all my money into a business that offers a boxing gym, a dentist, and a manicurist all under one roof. I told him "I’m going to fight tooth and nail for it." Now if only I could just think of a clever name for it, I’d be all set.

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Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

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2 years ago

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Fight Tooth and Nail.

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Why did the dentist get arrested by the FBI?

For supplying false identiteeth!

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Which teeth do you need to brush?

The ones you want to keep.

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Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

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2 years ago

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Which are hopefully, all of them.

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My dentist said I should try flossing more. I’ve started taking dance lessons now.

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What made the snowman go to see a dentist?

He was suffering from frostbite.

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What do tuba players use to brush their teeth?

A tuba toothpaste.

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What does a dentist do when the plane lands?

She “braces” herself.

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What is it called when an astronaut gets a cavity?

A black hole.

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Why did the deer need braces?

He had buck teeth.

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What kind of filling did the little boy want for his cavity?

Chocolate.

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Owen

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2 years ago

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Oof. That made my super sensitive tooth hurt! 😅

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What do you get when you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe?

A long-neck toothbrush.

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Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

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Not gonna lie, I actually tried to picture a hedgehog crossed with a giraffe.

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Why was the god of Thunder so quiet after he got his tooth pulled?

Because he was too Thor.

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Why did the vampire’s breath stink so badly?

Because he had bat breath.

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How do insurers classify a dentist’s mistake?

Accidental.

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Why does your tongue hate going to the dentist?

It always leaves it feeling depressed.

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What do you call a dentist that doesn’t like tea?

Denis.

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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused to have an anesthetic injection when he was going for a filling?

Apparently, he wanted to transcend dental medication.

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Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Dishes.

Dishes, who?

Dishes how I talk since I lost my teeth!

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What was the tooth called who went to Oxford University?

The Wisdom Tooth.

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What did the dentist see at the North Pole?

A molar bear.

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I went on a date with a dentist last night.

At the end of the date, she said she’d had a great time and she’d like to see me again in 6 month’s time. It ended up costing me an absolute fortune as well!

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What do dentists have in their garden?

Dentistrees and implants!

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What’s the only sweet food that dentists approve of?

Candy’floss’!

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Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

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Did you know that one of the inventors of machine spun cotton candy/candy floss/fairy floss was a dentist?

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What did my dentist do to stop me eating so many sweet treats?

Put a sign over my mouth saying ‘Donut Enter’.

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Scott Crowell

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2 years ago

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MMMMM Donuts

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Why do dentists always fight over the TV remote?

To change the TV canal!

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My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, “do you smoke or drink coffee?”

I told him I drink it.

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Scott Crowell

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Vaping it works so much better dude!

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Patient: How much does it cost to have a tooth pulled?

Dentist: $100.

Patient: All that for only a few minutes of work? That’s expensive.

Dentist: Don’t worry, I can pull it out slower if you’d like.

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He said to put my money where my mouth is, so I got gold fillings.

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Why is it sometimes necessary to get a second opinion from a dentist?

Because each dentist has their own floss-ophy.

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What is the number one reason patients don’t show up for root canals?

They lose their nerve.

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Why are potatoes a dentist’s favorite veggie?

Because they are so filling.

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What did the tooth say to the dentist before he left for vacation?

Fill me in when you get back.

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What movie do dentists watch over and over again?

Plaque to the Future.

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What did the patient say when the dentist said she needed a crown?

"I know, right?"

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Where did the orca go to get his braces?

The orca-dontist.

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Did you see the new documentary about wisdom teeth on Netflix?

It’s called an Inconvenient Tooth.

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What’s the most popular hiking trail for dentists?

Mount Brushmore.

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What do you call a boat fill with dentists?

A tooth ferry.

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Why is the Securities and Exchanges Commission investigating the dentist?

He’s accused of incisor trading.

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What’s a dentist’s favorite emote to use when they play Fortnite?

The floss.

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Have you seen Eddie recently? He’s been so moody!

Ah yeah, don’t worry about him he always seems to have a chip on his shoulder these days.

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What did Ash Ketchum say to his tooth when he pulled it out?

I Chews You!

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My wife who was a dentist passed away. "I’ve loved and I’ve flossed."

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When did the dentist become a brain surgeon?

When he dropped the drill.

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Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist’s window?

Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.

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While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of his inner office smiling. Nodding to me, she said, “Thank goodness my work is completed. I’m so glad to have found a painless dentist and one who’s so gentle and understanding too.” When seated in the dentist chair, I related the incident to the doctor. He laughed and explained, “Oh, that was just my Mother.”

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How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to administer the anesthetic, one to extract the light bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.

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"I’ve no idea why people hate going to the dentist so much. In my opinion, it can be very refilling."

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What do you get if you cross a dentist and security personnel?

A mouthguard!

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What are dentist’s favourite movies?

Jaws and Top Gum!

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How do dentists teacher’s say when starting to teach the ABC’s?

“Say Ahhh!”

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Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦

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Should be dentists' teachers.

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What is a female dentist’s favourite make up?

Lipfloss!

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What’s a dentists favorite part of a sandwich?

The filling!

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What do dentists wear to a formal wedding?

Braces!

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What do dentists say when you offer to hold the door open for them?

“Open wide!”

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What’s a dentist’s favourite rapper?

Flou-ride-a!

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What’s a dentists favourite type of music?

Gum and bass!

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What’s a dentist’s favourite and least favourite colour?

Pearly white and Plack!

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Dentists make the best witnesses because they always tell the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.

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Never stop a dentist that’s running – they might be in a brush!

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Dentists aren’t easily offended, they always manage to brush it off!

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What did the dentist say when Tiger Woods came in for an appointment?

You have a hole in one.

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Dentist: Do you floss?

Patient: Yes, I floss religiously.

Dentist: Really?

Patient: Of course, on Christmas and Easter.

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The dentist told his patient to open wider. “My goodness!” he said. “You’ve got the biggest cavity I’ve seen, the biggest cavity I’ve seen.” “Ok,” said the patient, “but I’m scared enough. Do you need to repeat yourself?” “I didn’t,” said the dentist. “That was the echo.”

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A young boy was sitting in the waiting room for a little bit after getting his tooth pulled. The receptionist asked him if he was ok. “Yes, but I didn’t like the bad word the dentist used while he was pulling my tooth.” “What did he say?” asked the receptionist, worried. “Oops.”

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A young girl was talking to her dad about what she wanted to be when she grew up. She was thinking about becoming a heart doctor or a tooth doctor. “Dentist,” said her father. “Why?” the little girl asked. “We only have one heart, but we have 32 teeth.”

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What’s the dentist’s favorite kind of dinosaur?

A floss-iraptor.

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What does the dentist do when he’s on a roller coaster?

Brace himself.

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My dentist has a TV in the exam room. I go there for Netflix and drill.

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"I have to have a root canal done. Just the thought of it is unnerving."

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Until it came out in conversation, no one knew she had a dental implant.

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Dentists practice their trade by going through many drills.

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The lawyer asked his dentist to give him a retainer.

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In Panama, dental care is called a route canal.

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What’s the dentist’s favorite idiom?

Put your money where your mouth is.

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Why did the FBI raid the dentist’s office?

To perform a cavity search.

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Why did the doughnut go to the dentist?

He needed a filling.

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Why should you be true to your teeth?

So, they won’t be false with you.

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What do false teeth have in common with stars?

They only come out at night.

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Why does the ant hang out at the bakery?

Because it has a sweet tooth.

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What did one tooth say to the other?

Get your cap on; the dentist is taking us out tonight.

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What’s a drill team?

A group of dentists who work together.

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What is the dentist’s favorite day of the week?

Toothsday.

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Why was a Toronto dentist in Panama?

He was searching for the root canal.

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How did the dental hygienist land a job?

By word of mouth.

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Patient: How much will it cost me to have this tooth pulled out?

Dentist: £500.

Patient: £500 for just a few minutes work? That’s hardly cheap.

Dentist: No worries, I’ll pull it out slowly if you prefer.

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What’s the difference between American and British dentists?

British dentists tend to be more careful with their patients where as American dentists tend to yank teeth.

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What sort of an act do you do?

I bend over backwards and pick up a handkerchief with my teeth.

Anything else?

Then I bend over backwards and pick up my teeth.

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A man coughed violently, and his false teeth shot across the room and smashed against the wall. “Oh, dear,” he said, “whatever shall I do? I can’t afford a new set.”

“Don’t worry,” said his friend. “I’ll get a pair from my brother for you.”

The next day the friend came back with the teeth, which fitted perfectly.

“This is wonderful,” said the man. “Your brother must be a very good dentist.”

“Oh, he’s not a dentist,” replied the friend, “he’s an undertaker.”

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Patient: Doctor, if I give up candy, pizza, popcorn and gum, will my braces come off sooner?

Dentist: Not really. It will just seem longer.

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When a new dentist set up in a small town he quickly acquired a reputation of being the latest kind of “Painless” dentist. But a local lad quickly disputed this. “He’s a fake! ” he told his mates. “He’s not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth I bit him – and he yelled like anyone else.”

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What to do you call an old dentist?

A bit long in the tooth.

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Fred’s mother was on the telephone to the boy’s dentist. “I don’t understand it,” she complained, “I thought his treatment would only cost me $20, but you’ve charged me $80.” “It is usually $20, ma’am,” agreed the dentist, “but Fred yelled so loudly that three of my other patients ran away!“

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Patient to Dentist: “How much to get my teeth straightened?”

“Twenty thousand pounds” says the Dentist. The Patient heads for the door.

Dentist to patient: “Where are you going?”

“To a plastic surgeon to get my mouth bent.”

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A patient asked the dentist if it wasn’t nasty to spend the day with the hands in someone’s mouth.

The dentist answered “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.”

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A book never written: “I Have a Toothache” by Phil McCavity.

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Why did the dentist get lost at sea?

Because he was exploring the great barrier teeth!

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What happened when the dentist crashed into a car?

They left a dent!

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Why do dentists go to the zoo?

To see the enamels!

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Where do dentists go sailing?

Down the root canal!

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What do dentists say when trying to train their dogs?

“And spit!”

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Knock Knock.

Whose there?

Dennis.

Dennis who?

Dennis appointment reminder!

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What did the dentist say when her boyfriend said he loved her?

“I love you too-th!”

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A dentist walks into a bar and then walks straight out again.

“The sugar content in these drinks is ridiculous!”

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What was a dentist’s favourite part of maths at school?

Sub-extraction!

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