Our friends often say more about us than we ever could, which is why it’s so important to choose them wisely.

This Redditor certainly kept it in mind when she joined a women’s social club, hoping to meet new people after moving to a different city. As she got to know the group, she bonded with a handful of women who shared her interests and invited them over for a cozy hangout at her place. However, she left one member—who openly bragged about being “a total klepto”—off the guest list.

What she didn’t expect was how much backlash her decision would cause. Now, she’s unsure if she’s the one who was in the wrong. Read on for the full story.

The woman invited a few new acquaintances to her place but left out someone who called herself “a total klepto”

Image credits: Yunus Tuğ / unsplash (not the actual photo)

What she didn’t expect was how much backlash her decision would cause

Image credits: Hillary Ungson / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Nini FromParis / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Known_Occasion_2041

Kleptomania is a real mental health disorder

Though many people are familiar with the term kleptomania—the inability to resist the urge to steal—it might come as a surprise to learn that it’s a mental health condition, not just a personality ‘quirk.’

Kleptomania, though rare, is a serious disorder that deeply affects those who live with it and their loved ones. Joking about it or casually calling yourself a “total klepto” when it’s not true is both harmful and dismissive of the real issue at hand—an uncontrollable problem with impulse control, unlike shoplifting, which is driven by personal gain.

Dr. Heather Sequeira, a consultant psychologist and member of the British Psychological Society who has treated individuals with kleptomania, explained the condition in an interview with the BBC:

“You can think of this a bit more like being addicted to stealing,” she says. “Somebody who steals perfumes to sell on eBay is clearly doing it for personal gain. But someone else may steal those same perfumes because they feel this instinctive urge to steal and can’t think of anything else until they do it.”

“And frequently, they don’t use the items that they’ve stolen. They put them in a drawer where they’ve got a hundred items exactly the same. I’ve met people who’ve left them on buses or given the items away. Or sometimes they even take them to the shop to try and get rid of that guilt.”

Image credits: Meg Aghamyan / unsplash (not the actual photo)

The condition is often linked to difficult childhood experiences

Kleptomania can develop for a variety of reasons, but it often traces back to difficult childhood experiences. “It’s complicated, and certainly no ‘one size fits all’ here,” says Dr. Sequeira. Many people with kleptomania describe growing up in poverty or facing resource scarcity, while others recall feeling powerless as children due to trauma, such as childhood sexual abuse.

Unfortunately, there is no outright cure for kleptomania, but the condition can be managed with proper treatment.

According to Dr. Sequeira, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is typically offered to those diagnosed. “CBT helps give us the tools to regain control over these impulses,” she says. “First of all, it helps us recognize the triggers and emotions that underlie the stealing behavior. Then it gives us the skills to manage the impulse and manage the behavior”.

However, Dr. Sequeira notes that it’s hard to determine the overall success rate of CBT for kleptomania due to a lack of research.

“But if people get the right therapist—somebody who really understands them, somebody who is compassionate—over time, you can really build up that foundation for long-term recovery.”

Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Some readers took the time to explain the ableist remarks about kleptomania and their implications

Many felt the author wasn’t at fault for her decision

But others argued that she had overreacted

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