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What is dead shall never die, and since a written word was never alive, then that means it has the potential to live forever. And you know what kind of written word might just have the best aging potential? Yes, you are absolutely right, for it is puns! But what if those clever puns are about death? For sure, it’s a double whammy of eternal living! So, here we are with our list that has no expiration date, being full of only the best death puns.
Surely, death puns, as a topic, might sound quite grim, but trust us that fun always has a way to sneak right in, even in inherently morbid topics. After all, we are all going to die, so why not meet the scythe with a smile and greet it with a silly pun. That might just up your life expectancy; who knows.
But, that’s probably enough to ponder, so let’s just go and wonder at our collection of the best dark puns that we’ve sourced from all over the internet. And you won’t need to scroll down six feet under to find them, for they are just about six pixels down. The commodity! Once you are there, do not forget to vote for the best death jokes, and, uhm, share this article with your friends?
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#1
At the boss’ funeral, a disgruntled employee kneeled next to the coffin and whispered, “Who’s thinking outside the box now, Gary?”
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#2
I hate going to funerals because I’m not a mourning person.
#3
Pun enters a room and kills 10 people. Pun in, ten dead.
#4
My music partner died while we were writing a new song. I guess he's now decomposing.
#5
Autopsies are a dying practice.
#6
A will is a dead giveaway.
#7
The only thing worse than “checking in” at a funeral is tagging the person in the coffin.
#8
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight! Unless you are ready to handle the reaper cushions.
#10
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. The details are sketchy.
#12
Corpses aren’t very funny—they’re dead serious.
Scott Crowell 2 years ago
What about weekend at Bernie's. He looked like he was having a lot of fun for a corpse.
#13
The mortician still takes classes, wanting to further her dead-ucation.
#14
Being a funeral director is a dying profession.
ArodTheHorrible 2 years ago
And not much in the way of creativity, either (thinking outside the box LOL)
#15
The Bourbonic Plague is probably the most likely Black Death version that would hit any person with alcoholic abuse.
Tracy Lymn 2 years ago
Yes very poos- I mean did they spell it wrong on purpose just to do the joke or do they really think that is how you spell bubonic? It really just doesn't work. Also making a joke out of alcoholism is wrong
#17
Thanks to our funeral director for being the last person to let us down.
#18
As an orchard grower, he enjoyed a fruitful life.
#20
The story was about a funeral, but the plot had holes in it.
#21
I was driving along Cemetery Road when I came upon a Dead End sign.
Party Poison 2 years ago
First thing I saw here was three song titles. Cemetery Drive, Dead and The End.
#23
The Grim Reaper and I used to share sweeping duties. I had a brush with Death.
#24
Cremation is my last hope for a smoking body.
#25
The crematorium has to urn our business.
#26
When two zombies kissed, it was the kiss of death.
#27
A photographer got lost in a snowstorm and died from overexposure to the elements.
#30
Walking through the cemetery at night can put you in grave danger.
Party Poison 2 years ago
This night walk the dead in a solitary style. (Sorry, couldn't resist myself with MCR being on tour again, and me seeing them in two weeks for the first time. I'll stop now.)
#32
A professional skier will never die. They just go downhill.
#60
I got lost going to a funeral and went straight through the intersection, forgetting to take the last right.
#72
There are lots of old individuals in the church because they are all packing for the final.
#78
What’s the difference between a corpse and a shirt? One’s a casualty and the other is a casual tee.
#105
I came across an advertisement for burial plots, and it occurred to me that it was the last thing I needed.
#107
Have you heard the news regarding the graybeard? You will come across individuals who are dying to enter there.
#111
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death. The police are treating it as a hummuside.
#118
What would the victim of plague say when his or her skin turned black? “I feel like I have dyed a little bit inside.
#121
“Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?” “All my autopsies are performed on dead people!”
#122
Do you hear about the man who died skydiving? He was having a lot of fun and believed that deploying the parachute could be a total drag.
#124
A sign at the cemetery reads: “Do not pass, anyone who violates would face a grave charge.”
#125
My father expired when we were not able to remember his blood type. While dying, he insisted us to “be positive” although it is quite hard for us to be without him.
#128
I took my grandma to one of those fish spas where the fish eat all your dead skin. So much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
#129
A man is found dead in the desert. The cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house. "Ma'am you son dried".
#131
At the funeral of my friend, I tried to think of a pun to commemorate him. However, I decided not to do it because that could be a grave mistake.
#132
All of us want to live life to the fullest. Thus, do not be afraid when it is time for the death’s turn.
What do you think ?
Gunn Smoke 2 years ago
I worked at a hospital with a morgue, it was locked with a "DEAD BOLT".
Gunn Smoke 2 years ago
I worked at a hospital with a morgue, it was locked with a "DEAD BOLT".
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