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In dating, like in friendship, one cannot know another person after just meeting them; however, certain things may stand out, minimizing or even sweeping one's interest. This may happen more intuitively, yet by trying to name red flags in dating, one gets the opportunity to grow more conscious of what they (do not) value in another person or people in general and maybe even adjust their preferences.
On the other hand, reading about major flags in dating as listed by men answering one Redditor’s question: “Men, what is a deal-breaker for you in modern dating?” one may compare them to one’s own deal-breakers, get a clue of what other people are (not) looking for in dating and maybe find some things to look out for.
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Any kind of ultimatum, like: "It's me or your cats/friends/hobbies." They were here before you, and they will be here after you.
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
ha.. I actually would give that ultimatum to others... as in... "My dog is my roommate and has treated me better than 90% of the people in my life. She's going nowhere, just letting you know that up front".
Igor914624 2 years ago
My wife had two cats when we met. On our first date, one of her cats came over and sat in my lap (and got petted). She told me if the cat had walked away, that would have been our last date.
MotherofGuineaPigs 2 years ago
First time you say "Those are rodents, why would someone have rodents?" out you go. May even throw some hay after them or maybe some guinea pig fertilizer pellets.
Dre Mosley 2 years ago
My cat stays, and no, I will not stop playing videogames just because you think adult men shouldn't.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Well, there is the virtue of simplicity here. No smoke screen or passive aggressiveness.
RELATED:
#2
If my date is rude to anyone in the service industry, there won't be another date. That s**t tells me exactly who you are.
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
“I don’t trust anyone who’s nice to me but rude to the waiter. Because they would treat me the same way if I were in that position.” - Muhammad Ali
deanna woods 2 years ago
I didn't know that Muhammad Ali said that. Cool.
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Saint Thomas 2 years ago
As Charlie Chaplin said : "Judge a man not by how he treats his equals but by how he treats his inferiors."
Michael Largey 2 years ago
If they treat the service worker lousy, that doesn't mean they respect you more. It just means that you're waiting your turn.
Diana Morelli 1 year ago
I dropped a guy because he did not leave a tip because the restaurant did not give discounts to military veterans. I told him it was not the server's fault and should still be tipped, but he refused, so I left a nice tip and he got upset. No more dates for him.
#3
General punctuality, though this is a state with friends too.
If you're going to be late, let me know when you know. If you live 30 minutes away and text me you are leaving 5 minutes before we are due to meet, you knew you were going to be late 25 minutes ago.
It's a small thing but I've known people like that and I've waited in the cold enough.
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
To me, lack of punctuality means lack of respect. I'm had two relationships and several friendships hit the the rocks because of this. It's my biggest peeve.
Collette Kilbourne 2 years ago
When you are neurodivergent, your brain literally works against you regarding time and perception of time. I try really hard to be on time, but it's just not a skill I have mastered yet. It seems so simple, yet, I promise you, it's not. You need to relax a little and be more forgiving. I'm sure you have your foibles too.
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DragonofMordor 2 years ago
This can be a cultural thing, though. Some cultures view times very differently than western ones do.
Edward Finger Hands 2 years ago
People with ADHD reading this: “but I try so freaking haaaaard 😩😩😩😩. I swear it’s not lack of respect or care just a malfunctioning brain!”
edward 1 year ago
Lot of uptight, stuck up people in this world, if you ask me.
Load More Replies... D. Pitbull 2 years ago
Yep.. I've demoted a previous "friend" to "Sliiightly closer than Acquaintance" after incidents like this... not punctuality necessarily but... things like... telling me the wrong floor/suite number (I was going there to give THEM something, and was invited) then just letting me wander around and ask neighbours where they lived... then when I told them, they just shrugged like "Oh, well, you found the place, whatever." Or... They keep repeatedly hyping a thing, telling me to do a thing, etc. etc... when it's done (and gawd forbid if I did it better than them) - they suddenly get super indifferent and dismissive.
Ronnie Beaton 1 year ago
I shudder to think just how much of my life I've wasted in hanging around waiting on other people showing up for things.
#4
Someone who brings nothing to the table except deigning to allow me the opportunity to treat her like a queen.
Sorry, I'd rather stay single than deal with that s**t...
#5
Lack of empathy/ compassion
tw 72 2 years ago
People think a person can "learn" to be compassionate. No, no they can't. The selfishness is too deep.
Mimi M 2 years ago
I disagree. Compassion can be learned. This is because compassion is essentially an action or set of actions, it's not an emotion.
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it's me again 1 year ago
It's not necessarily "selfishness" introverts have a hard time expressing their feelings openly
Becky Samuel 2 years ago
A lot of autistic people struggle to understand empathy, that doesn't make us bad people.
xaspsx 2 years ago
It's a misconception that all or even the majority of autistic people are like that. Plenty of autistic people are hyperempathetic. We are not all the same.
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D. Pitbull 2 years ago
Some eedjit I know/knew was trying to convince me that someone can be a good person evin if they don't have a conscience, empathy or if they do the 'right' thing for totally the wrong reasons. Person has been severely demoted in terms of how much I talk to them....
#6
Dishonesty is my main one. If you can't trust them, then there's no reason to even date them because you're always going to worry about what they're doing when they're not with you.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Ironically a person who is dishonest is providing you with very accurate information about themselves.
Helena 2 years ago
Everyone lies. It is the reason behind it that matters. Did they do it because they were embarrassed, or social graces, or was it malicious?
#7
If she's an influencer or has plans to become an influencer.
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago (edited)
In my world, influencer isn't a real thing. So any relationship would be very..... entertaining.
Allen Lavine 2 years ago
I don't think anything wrong with that it's like someone with dreams to becoming a nfl player
Cydney Golden 1 year ago
That influencers have so much influence is an indication of the downfall of civilization.
Ronnie Beaton 1 year ago
Does *anyone* over the age of 25 *really*, *genuinely* give a c**p about influencers?
Exotic Butters 2 years ago
Why do we call them "influencers"? I mean, who is actually influenced by any of them?
Dre Mosley 2 years ago (edited)
Agreed. Your relationship would eventually become material for her Instagram.
#8
Having a sugar baby or entitled mentality. Or if I see the line " can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve the best".
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago (edited)
I love the irony of the woman in the picture leaning up against a Lada. She's likely okay with a scuralose daddy.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Some people's worst tells me that I won't be interested in their best.
deanna woods 2 years ago
People have become waaaaay too entitled over the years. It's really annoying to see.
DC 1 year ago
... you mean, decapitated and exhibited and torn to pieces and such?
Load More Replies... #9
Social media. I don't want every waking moment of my relationship plastered on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. I dated one girl for a year who didn't have a smartphone, didn't have internet at her house, and didn't even own a TV. It was surprisingly nice. Honest. When we spent time together, we spent our time together.
Collette Kilbourne 2 years ago
Finding a balance is nice. Being socially and tech savvy is a good thing, as long as it doesn't rule your life.
Tameeza Joyce Lightowler 2 years ago
I'm the opposite because there are bills I've to pay via a mobile phone now. But I do put my phone away when I'm with someone, unless I'm showing them a funny video or something.
MR. JAMES 1 year ago
had a girlfriend once that told her best friend everything, EVERYTHING. after the breakup he married her.
DC 1 year ago
I avoid all these. If she's into that stuff, I kind of doubt we're gonna match that far anyway, but then again, what do I know, ... being left out of that, I require, and whatever is prohibited thereby, shall not happen. If you're not ok with my stuff, I don't expect you to just swallow and accept it either, ... like, if you can't accept your spouse riding a motorcycle, you might want a different spouse, ...
#10
For me, when I was dating, it was women who didn't know how to cook or clean. That may seem a bit misogynistic, but I am someone who cooks and cleans and can keep a house. The number of people I would go on dates with that didn't have those skills was a bit baffling to me. How do you feed yourself? Is it takeout every night? I wouldn't expect a potential partner to be unable to do household things that I do, nor one that was unwilling to share the burden of keeping a place together.
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
Fair enough. It should be a two way street. Especially in the 21st century.
Seadog 1 year ago
While I agree I will admit touching most raw food really grosses me out. So I don't cook. I can however clean house.
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Norah Reilly 2 years ago
I'm 65 and my mother raised my sister, me, AND my four brothers to cook, clean, and do the laundry. A woman ahead of her time apparently.
Noname 2 years ago
I didn't realize my ex was skinny when I met him because he didn't know how to care for himself at age 30. One of our kids has lived with him in the last year since we've separated, and decided to move back with me because their father can't cook, won't be bothered to cook or do housework, and our kid is starving.
#11
Screen addiction is a turn off.
Michael Largey 2 years ago (edited)
I nod my head in agreement as my eyes stay glued to the screen.
TheAmericanAmerican 2 years ago
*Me nodding my head in agreement with your agreement*
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#12
I have had a few women I met online start talking about how supportive I can be for their children before I even met them. Like if you just shopping for a replacement for their non-existant Dad I am out.
Rocky Wheelwright 2 years ago
This is very common. A woman looking for someone to financially support her and her children.
Aknavi Epona 2 years ago
If a date starts talking about children in the first place it's an instant mood killer and I'm out. I have none and would like to keep it that way.
#13
Inability to say sorry or own up to their mistakes. Flakyness.
Being overly dramatic and loud.
Bobby 2 years ago
I hate not owning your mistakes. I've told my kids plenty of times if there is a "but" in your apology then to me it isn't genuine. Everything after the but is saying why it's not really got fault
Tameeza Joyce Lightowler 2 years ago
It could be their lexicon or a reasonable reason. "I'm so sorry that I'm late but you won't believe what happened"
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D. Pitbull 2 years ago
Ah HA... all three reasons why I stopped being friends with a previous 'bestie'... she did this ALL the time... and ..... then called me 5 years later all "omigawwwd! It's been, like a few years, how ARE you?" - no... did not try to rekindle that friendship... I walked... and it was a great decision. Unfortunately.. now seeing signs of the above in a new potential 'friend'. The potential is **quickly** diminishing........
#14
This sounds dumb, but if she's not into me, I'm not interested. If she plays hard to get, I'm done. I'm not playing the games anymore. You'd be surprised how often a women has SAID she was into me, but won't do anything at all to act like she is.
Bonesko 2 years ago
I never understood the whole 'play hard to get' thing.
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Red PANda (she/they) 2 years ago
People, hard to get does not work with most people (speaking from experience), and if it does, that means that you’ll be dating someone who doesn’t take no for an answer(red flag, doesn’t respect boundaries). So, it’s a lose-lose situation.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Some people aren't playing hard to get. Sometimes they actually are. Whether they're worth the trouble depends on the reason. I was like that most of my single life. (But, no, I wasn't worth the trouble.)
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
So... dudes... help us please to STOP this idiotic "thing" where all these 'man articles' and posts are out there encouraging this behaviour. SO MANY dude friends (past, present) say sh** like "Oh, well, if she just lets me know, it's like.. so boring. Whatever... not interested" And guys... yeah, none of this 'negging' c**p either.
Noname 2 years ago
I was completely "into" him, no red flags until after we got married, then suddenly the red flags were waving in my face. I made the concessions to not try to change him, because I did love him, but I ended up sacrificing myself and everything I loved to accommodate him. Now divorceing after 17 years, and his lawyer and social services can't even get him to own up to his responsibilities. And he initiated the divorce!
Dre Mosley 2 years ago
I'm in my 40 now. Late 40's. I may have put up with those games in my younger years, but not now.
2 years ago
It could turn into a spouse who SAYS they love you, but there really is very little evidence.
#15
Very religious. Poly (just not for me). Lack of communication.
DaPandaMan 2 years ago
I say they can be religious but if it’s basically brainwashing them then hard no.
Lee Banks 1 year ago
My dude has just come back to religion, and I support him in that. He doesn't preach, or judge. It's kinda nice that he has that peace. It's okay to have different beliefs.
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Sunshine Lady 2 years ago
Usually very religious people are dating other very religious people, aren't they?
Erca 2 years ago
I feel like "communication" is relative and would love a personal translation from every man who says this bc for the most part, its turned out to mean "no drama" and "no drama" ends up meaning "no objections or complaints," so is "communication" looking for an obedient woman who only says positive things and does not object to... anything??? baffling
eykntspel 2 years ago
What are you talking about? Lack of communication would mean the person is not good at talking about things or keeping people up to date. Like one example would be one person leading the conversation while the person that has a lack of communication just adds like one or two word responses to everything. Or the person with lack of communication doesn't tell other person things that might be important. Like person A doesn't tell person B that they picked up a shift at work at the same day and time that both of them were supposed to hang out so Person B doesn't know that they can't hang out.
Load More Replies... #16
Someone with no hobbies or no passion for anything at all
Michael Largey 2 years ago
They may have hobbies and passions they don't want you to know about. (And chances are neither do you).
Tameeza Joyce Lightowler 2 years ago
I'm passionate about some things, I just don't express it all the time. My hobby atm is just trying to get outside and my shopping done with my pants on the right way round and not on my head!!! 😜
#17
Honestly, anything to the effect of "men are trash" or "I hate that I'm attracted to men" in their dating profile.
Like, I get it. A lot of women have had a lot of really bad experiences with men. And at the same time, I'm not here to fix anyone and I really hate being treated like "one of the good ones." If you really hate men to the extent that you need to declare it on your dating profile, you should probably be working that out with a therapist.
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
Stating they hate men on their (presumably hetro) dating profile. Really?
Lara Verne 2 years ago
There's a lot of guys who hate women and still want to date them, or have sex with them. I suppose that it works both ways.
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Sean Sean 2 years ago
Unpopular opinion here, but if a woman constantly has bad experiences with men I'd question her decision-making skills rather than assume all men are just trash.
Tameeza Joyce Lightowler 2 years ago
What if you don't find out until its too late?
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Richienotsorich 2 years ago
If you keep catching the same poor quality fish, maybe your bait isn't good enough?!
deanna woods 2 years ago
I'm a feminist, but I don't hate men. I just find them a little bit weird.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
They must be pretty stupid to put something like that into their dating profile. Reason enough to stay clear of them.
#18
Inability to acknowledge being wrong. Being able to do that and grow with me as an individual was literally one of the biggest things that led to me falling in love with my current gf. I will never again EVER be in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t have that quality because seeing how much better this relationship has been than any of my previous, I just can’t ever go back.
Chez2202 2 years ago
I totally agree with the comment about the inability to acknowledge being wrong. What I don’t get is that they then say that being able to grow with them as an individual led them to falling in love with their current girlfriend but then talk about their future relationships. The inability to be wrong may be a sticking point for OP but the fact that they still see no future with the woman they claim to love should be a big red flag for her.
nia not long 2 years ago
But they aren't talking about future relationships. They are talking about having a newly established standard.They just can't predict the future. So while they may want their relationship to last forever if their girl friend doesn't feel the same then it's over. But that standard remains.
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Natasha Arruda 1 year ago
I don't know if I have that ability, cause I've yet to be wrong. /Joking.
Cyndi Moring 2 years ago
actually we come into this life expecting to make mistakes so as to gain the knowledge we need. Stop fighting that.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
I was wrong once. I thought I had made a mistake - but of course I hadn't.
#19
Flakyness. If they keep canceling plans, I'm out.
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
If they keep cancelling plans, the next question is, what's actually going on that you don't know about?
Couriva 2 years ago
For me, they just didn't care and didn't know how to tell me. After rescheduling a date for the 3rd time, I was very low in hopes that anything would come from it. Nothing did especially since they ghosted me a few days before the rerescheduled date.
Load More Replies... Tameeza Joyce Lightowler 2 years ago
It's... I have things to do too. Don't cancel at the last minute or even worse, not even let me know.
Thomas Ewing 1 year ago
Forgetfulness that's convenient for them when they don't want to do something.
#20
Height preferences on dating profiles/bios. It's just rude. I cant help being 5 7, I have been this height for ages. I get preferences and stuff, but seeing 'if you're under 6 foot don't bother' on the reg is a bit of a downer.
Also, horses. I went out with a horse-y girl, and it was a car crash, I don't blame the actual horses, but horses make girls get a bit weird. If you know you know.
Daniela Lavanza 2 years ago (edited)
I may end up downvoted but I have mixed feeling about this one. Of course, it's sad to reject an applicant for something they haven't chosen, but I don't think we should judge people's preferences, whatever they are. As long as they are expressed politely, no abuse or mockery, it is everyone's right. A woman is attracted to tall men? She may be missing a very good guy but it's her life to decide with, and at least she won't waste other guys' time if she says it openly without mocking shorter guys.
Mimi M 2 years ago
I don't think there's anything wrong with having preferences. To each their own.
Lama 2 years ago (edited)
Preferences expressed that way are pretty much the same as prejudice, which is dangerously close to discrimination. Just saying, if it stated "if you're black, don't even bother", or "if you're in a wheelchair, don't even bother", we'd all think this probably wasn't a nice person. The height thing feels the same to me. (As a woman reading other women's bios.)
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LilliVB 2 years ago
I'm happily married so I really don't know how it is on dating profiles, but is it so annoying when it's a deal breaker or even just when it's a preference? Like I prefer dark hair versus light hair, I prefer light eyes vs dark eyes, I prefer tall vs short etc...but you aren't ruled just because you don't meet everyone of my preferences. Because everyone has them, and height can be one of them.
Barbara Kayton 2 years ago
It’s not all equestrians. In any group of people /hobbies/professions, you get odd, wierd, good/bad/down to earth/stuck up/etc.
Richienotsorich 2 years ago
Owning a horse is a big commitment in time and money. Only go there if it's a hobby for you too.
Papa 2 years ago
I have no problem with a woman having preferences about who she's attracted to, but it works both ways. If a woman won't date a man less than 6' tall, that's fine, but then she shouldn't have a problem with that 6' tall man not wanting to date her because of some physical characteristic.
Enea 2 years ago
Except for the horse people who don't talk horses around non-equestrians, so you never identify them as such. This is a classic observational error.
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#21
Anything along the lines of “being a boss babe” and “you better keep up with me”
Ugh
Collette Kilbourne 2 years ago
It's a statement of selfishness. Some girls think its confidence. It's not. It's a way of stating I'm in charge and to hell with what you want.
Kelly Scott 2 years ago
I might be taking boss babe the wrong way, but it sounds like a woman who has a lot of confidence. So she gets crapped on for that, but then she gets crapped on for having no confidence, too. You can't win.
Titian 1 year ago
Similar to "Alpha", if you have to say what you are, you aren't.
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Tameeza Joyce Lightowler 2 years ago
One of my favourite songs has lyrics - "I'm a b**ch, I'm a boss and I shine like gloss"... Dunno what that says about me but if you don't like it? Well, we don't have to agree! 👍😉
#22
Lack of communication skills! I need engaging conversation! I don't want to talk to a wall😅
Erca 2 years ago
Communication or conversation? There should be comment tools or links for words like this so each person can specifically define how they interpret it. This person says communication is conversation and that's fair. Some see it as psychic abilities. Some say it's knowing when to speak... not sure the latter applies to me, but you get the point. Words like "communication" and "drama" are too vague.
Jen Samara 2 years ago
I hate it when people excuse their poor behavior with things like being introverted. “If an extrovert is talking to you too much just walk away without saying anything!” I’m an introvert myself, but that’s just rude to treat others like this. Don’t be a jerk just because you are doing something that’s uncomfortable for you (exceptions for those who are actually struggling with something)
#23
If she’d leave me for behaving like her.
That covers most of them.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
Impressive. OP knows allmost half the female population in the world, which adds up to 4.000.000.000 persons
#24
If she’s rude or mean.
JB 2 years ago
Had an interesting conversation with a fellow British expat the other day. We both acknowledged that North Americans are often baffled by our tendency to be “rude” to people we like but flawlessly polite to those we don’t. So, if you are from North America and your prospective squeeze is a Brit, don’t assume that them calling you a “bat faced twit” is anything other than an endearment.
Sean Sean 2 years ago
Yeah, that's about what people in the Northeast US States are like. If we aren't messing with you, it means we don't like you.
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Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
I know two couples where both partners are rude and mean. They revel in their miserable existences. Which just goes to prove, there is someone out there for everyone.
#25
Not understanding or working toward improving their own mental health.
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
Assuming that they're in a position to acknowledge, and work on, their problems.
Deborah B 2 years ago
If they're not, then they're probably not in a position to be starting a healthy relationship either.
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#26
I like to be a gentleman, but I want that to be something that is appreciated, not expected or demanded
Lori Simpson 2 years ago
Um, what exactly does OP qualify as the traits of a gentleman? I've raised two young men to be gentleman and it's absolutely expected.
Szzone 1 year ago
I think OP doesn't mean it like "being a gentleman as in, being a decent person". He means it more like, "paying for drinks instead of splitting the bill, coming up with date plans to take her to interesting places, buying her dinner frequently and suepeising her with thoughtful gifts". We like to provide, we like being useful and caring, but we hate it when women tell us to be a man, and how to be a man. It's like when men demand women to dress sexy, cook them meals, be pretty, etc. Those are things that my girlfriends always loved to do but would have hated it if I demanded them.
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D. Pitbull 2 years ago
... yes... what is "Gentleman" these days? Seeing as extremely basic courtesy (basic in my view, anyhow) is considered 'over the top' nowadays...
carol bland 1 year ago
You either are, or you aren't a gentleman. It's not dependent on other people. Nor are good manners.
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
In the same vein- men shouldn't be 'gentlemen' with the expectation they get sex etc from it...
Paulo Leitao 2 years ago
if by gentleman, this means doing the little things, the little extra things that you didnt have to do, then yes, 100%, it should not be expected or demanded. being a gentleman, in essence, should be present, and apreciated (!), in both genders.
#27
Not having any goals other than having fun. My ex just lived to "go out" every night with her friends. No future there, and an unhealthy relationship with alcohol (and her ex boyfriend after a few drinks one night). That was a clusterf**k of chaos that I'm glad to be free from.
Tameeza Joyce Lightowler 2 years ago
It sounds like a bad break-up response reply. Apart from the ex-boyfriend bit... Which we don't know if it's true or not. I was accused of having a guy on the side when nothing of the sort had ever taken place.
#28
Smoking and lack of accountability and inability to learn from mistakes.
Anyone-for-tea? 2 years ago
It’s always gutting when you think you’ve found a good match but then you see they’re a smoker.
MellonCollie 2 years ago
I don't think that is necessarily true. I understand the dangers of smoking very well, and will still light a cigarette once in a while. But even when you're a chain smoker, ultimately it's your own health your destroying. Unless you smoke around kids. That's inexcusable.
Load More Replies... #29
Inconsistent communication style, just feels like I’m being strung along. Also don’t date single-mothers, I’m sure they’re nice and the kids are great but I’m just not in a place in my life where I’m comfortable with that kind of situation.
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
I can't unpick what inconsistent communication style means. But on the subject of single mothers. If the person I'm in love with has kids, so be it. They're part of the package.
Lama 2 years ago
But it's also responsible behaviour to not get stuck in a situation you're not currently suited for.
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Nannychachi 2 years ago
I had 4 kids at home when we started dating. Two years in and he asked me to marry him. That was 20 years ago. Haven't regretted a single day of it.
#30
Wanting to continue living as though they're single but still have the emotional fulfillment of a relationship.
CF 2 years ago
Wait. What is wrong with wanting to have emotional fulfillment and still live single? In my middle age life, I'd love to meet "that person" that I enjoy so much that I want to be with them all the time. If I do, there are many reasons I will likely want to remain living single. Though for me, that simply means living alone and making my own life decisions (no one will EVER again tell me I can't foster this or that cat, or bring home a sick cat patient for overnight critical care, or even adopt all those cats if I want to. Unless that person lives with me. And that won't be happening). Have just realized OP probably is talking about sex, etc, but I've already typed this so I'm posting it anyway. 😁
Darlene Cannon 2 years ago
I understand totally. After my SO died I tried dating once. Are you kidding me! Never again. I love making all of my decisions about my life myself. I was in a career where I was responsible for peoples lives every day I was at work. I can make my own decisions and so can they.
Load More Replies... Libstak 2 years ago
Hmm, does this mean they need to change into some kinda role that is deemed relationship appropriate? I feel like this one might be leaning into red flag territory, like "you shouldn't be clubbing with friends, you shouldn't be dressing in that short skirt, you shouldn't have male friends etc...
MellonCollie 2 years ago
No, I think it means someone who "forgets" to put their big boy pants / big girl pants on and take responsability seriously. You can't be in a relationship and at the same time whine about cooking, cleaning, waking up early, paying bills, going out less, less sex with other people, stuff like that.
Load More Replies... Kathy Hinshaw 1 year ago
After a long marriage, I am single again and I love not having to account to someone else for my time or energy. Even having to let them know when I will be back (which is only common courtesy) got in the way sometimes. I love being able to sleep when I want, get up when I want, eat when I want, in short, be in charge of my own time and my own lifestyle. Don't tell me I can't have a cat, or many cats, for that matter. Don't tell me what or how to eat. Let me be myself.
#31
Distant personality, that s**t can take a lot out of me
Michael Largey 2 years ago (edited)
Yes, but don't mistake introverted for distant. And while we're on the subject, people can have a right to have their distances respected.
#32
Doomerism. if you unironically say "my retirement plan is death, spend it today" you're too mixed up for me.
Hippopotamuses 2 years ago
Doomerism? This is a new one on me. I think we used to call it cynicism.
#33
Having an onlyfans
Sean Sean 2 years ago
I don't think having an Onlyfan's account is a bad thing, since it can be tough to make decent money these days, and it's only getting more expensive. I'd say it depends on "what" she's doing in those videos that might be the deal-breaker.
RJ 2 years ago
Right... because sometimes a lady just wants to set up an Only Fans account to show off their quirky personality and killer macramé skills.
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Bobby 2 years ago
A social media platform of sorts where people can post pornographic content that requires a subscription to that person's page to view
Load More Replies... #34
Right now, I'd say a kid. Nothing against having them and I'd like some of my own some day, I'm just not ready to be a step-dad
#35
There are increasing numbers of women who are not looking to get married, ever, and/or are looking for multiple partners in an "ethically non monogamous" arrangement. That's not for me.
Kelly Scott 2 years ago
Now, see, if I was on a dating site, it wouldn't be because I was looking for either a hookup or a husband. I'd be happy just finding a friend with the same interests I have. I'm total perplexed at people on a first date trying to see if they'd be suitable as permanent partners. As far as I'm concerned, that's not even on the horizon for me. Maybe I'm just out of touch with what people want these days.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
Better to find out at the start than when you're on one knee offering a ring.
setsuriseikou 2 years ago (edited)
I see no problem with that, although I'm one of those who are not interested in marriage. Mostly because in my country women are very poorly protected against domestic abuse, and men, married or divorced, can easily get out of child support.
Sean Sean 2 years ago
I've seen friends try polyamorous relationships since the early 90's and they never, ever work out. Short term everything is fine, but eventually it decays and one person is left out. I
Bobby 2 years ago
Never is a dangerous word. Your circle may not include any successful poly couples, but mine absolutely does. I know a thrupple that's been together 20 years and they have such a lovely relationship
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Dirk Daring 2 years ago
Big nope. I'm not here to be your side game on the days when you get bored of your husband.
#36
If she eats her peas one at a time
Hey! 2 years ago
There has to be a story behind this or a reference to some movie or program somewhere.
Auntriarch 2 years ago
What about broad beans? And what if she pops them out of their skins first? Asking for a friend
What do you think ?
ConstantlyJon 2 years ago
My biggest red flag when dating is if the woman isn't my wife. Really hate dating anyone that's not already my wife. 100% of the time will not date you if you're not my bride.
Papa 2 years ago
If I joke about getting a girlfriend my wife's usual response is "Make sure she can cook and clean so I won't have to."
Load More Replies... Mimi M 2 years ago (edited)
Everyone is entitled to their preferences. Mine? Intelligence, good character, mutual attraction. Dat's it!
Sven Petersson 2 years ago
Why are there so many comments that are downright misandrist? If someone had written similar (but genderswapped) comments on a thread about what women don't like in men, there would have a storm of outrage.
Lauren Caswell 2 years ago
Well, yes you are right. I've seen those lists and what happens is men comment "not all men" or "women do it too", then get ripped apart in the comments because its distracting back to their own gender. I didn't read much yet (I'll re-read later) but if there are those kinds of comments happening here from women, then I think that should be seen as just as problematic as when men say "not all men". "Not all women" is not helpful here or at all.
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Caramello 2 years ago
Maybe when we create posts like these, we just need to publish both sides simultaneously: "Deal Breakers for Men" and "Deal Breakers for Women". So many comments turning it around on men when this is a post from the man's perspective. I would say that would be my deal breaker: making every hardship I share about how hard it is on her instead.
Dan St John 2 years ago
Relationships are hard. They take work and we have become a disposable society, where it is easier to leave, than work to fix them. My wife and I have been together for over 40 years and not everyone of them was a piece of cake, but we worked hard on it and today, I think we are more in love, than when we first got married. Communication and trust seem to be the lynch pins to a good relationship.
Brendan 2 years ago
I know, right? How dare she fart, burp, produce blood cells, strengthen her immune system, or (god forbid) breath. Natural bodily functions or a big no-no.
Load More Replies... ConstantlyJon 2 years ago
My biggest red flag when dating is if the woman isn't my wife. Really hate dating anyone that's not already my wife. 100% of the time will not date you if you're not my bride.
Papa 2 years ago
If I joke about getting a girlfriend my wife's usual response is "Make sure she can cook and clean so I won't have to."
Load More Replies... Mimi M 2 years ago (edited)
Everyone is entitled to their preferences. Mine? Intelligence, good character, mutual attraction. Dat's it!
Sven Petersson 2 years ago
Why are there so many comments that are downright misandrist? If someone had written similar (but genderswapped) comments on a thread about what women don't like in men, there would have a storm of outrage.
Lauren Caswell 2 years ago
Well, yes you are right. I've seen those lists and what happens is men comment "not all men" or "women do it too", then get ripped apart in the comments because its distracting back to their own gender. I didn't read much yet (I'll re-read later) but if there are those kinds of comments happening here from women, then I think that should be seen as just as problematic as when men say "not all men". "Not all women" is not helpful here or at all.
Load More Replies... Caramello 2 years ago
Maybe when we create posts like these, we just need to publish both sides simultaneously: "Deal Breakers for Men" and "Deal Breakers for Women". So many comments turning it around on men when this is a post from the man's perspective. I would say that would be my deal breaker: making every hardship I share about how hard it is on her instead.
Dan St John 2 years ago
Relationships are hard. They take work and we have become a disposable society, where it is easier to leave, than work to fix them. My wife and I have been together for over 40 years and not everyone of them was a piece of cake, but we worked hard on it and today, I think we are more in love, than when we first got married. Communication and trust seem to be the lynch pins to a good relationship.
Brendan 2 years ago
I know, right? How dare she fart, burp, produce blood cells, strengthen her immune system, or (god forbid) breath. Natural bodily functions or a big no-no.
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