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Mom Asks For Advice After She Finds Out Her Adult Daughter Has Been Making TikToks About How She “Traumatized” Her, So She Disconnects The Internet
Mom Asks For Advice After She Finds Out Her Adult Daughter Has Been Making TikToks About How She “Traumatized” Her, So She Disconnects The Internet
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Mom Asks For Advice After She Finds Out Her Adult Daughter Has Been Making TikToks About How She “Traumatized” Her, So She Disconnects The Internet

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Imagine how horrible you’d feel if you found out that someone you care about is saying awful made-up things about you online. Now imagine that ‘someone’ is a close family member. Like your own child. We’d be absolutely devastated!

It’s any parent’s nightmare to find out that their kids are lying about them on the world wide web. And that nightmare became a reality for redditor u/TraumatisedKid12021. In a very candid post on the AITA subreddit, the mom shared how she confronted her 20-year-old daughter after taking a peek at the TikTok videos she uploads. She took drastic measures to try and correct this behavior.

Scroll down for the full story in the author’s own words, as well as to see how the internet reacted, Pandas. Who do you think was in the wrong here? What would you have done in this case? What do you feel is the best way forward? Share your thoughts and opinions in the comments.

RELATED:

    Some parenting challenges are far more difficult to overcome than others

    Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)

    A mom turned to the AITA community to ask if she was wrong to punish her daughter for lying about her on TikTok

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    Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: TraumatisedKid12021

    There is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ parent. There are only parents who do their best to grow and improve as people, for the sake of their kids. Redditor u/TraumatisedKid12021, the author of the post, pointed out that she in no way thinks that she’s a ‘perfect’ mother.

    She detailed that her grown daughter doesn’t have a job, isn’t studying anything, and feels that her parents are to blame for her ‘trauma.’ It’s difficult to come to any conclusions as to what extent the daughter may or may not be traumatized without getting her side of the story.

    However, going solely by the information that her mom presents, it appears that she might be attributing ‘trauma’ to situations that appear not to be traumatic at all. At the same time, the redditors who read the story noted that the daughter probably might benefit from going to therapy. Family counseling can be incredibly beneficial in situations like this one: everyone can get on the same page and start unraveling what’s actually going on here.

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    Some AITA community members believe that there’s a serious case of entitlement going on here. As we wrote on Bored Panda very recently, one antidote for entitlement while growing up is playing and socializing a lot with kids around your own age. When you’re made to solve arguments and settle differences, pretty much on your own without adult oversight, you start to realize just how valuable your ability to communicate well, compromise on decisions, and collaborate with others really is.

    The internet and all of the high-tech gadgets we use in our day-to-day life is definitely here to stay. It’s our responsibility to not let them consume our lives and those of our kids. However, telling your kids they can’t be online is a tough challenge to tackle. Dr. Liz Donner explained to Bored Panda earlier that finding what to replace screen time with can be an issue.

    “A screen is very captivating and can keep a child entertained for hours while their parents are busy getting other things done. Many parents allow free reign because they feel that the screen is harmless or even educational for their child’s developing brain,” she said.

    “Limiting screen time increases the amount of valuable real-life skill development. Kids require actual human interaction to enhance their social skills and even motor development. They need to learn to understand real human facial expression, body language, tone of voice, and reciprocal communication skills,” Dr. Donner told us.

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    “Screen-free interaction with your children doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Reading a book to them as early as 6 months of age has shown to increase their language and reading skills later in life. Hands-on play time will teach them social interaction and motor skills that are essential to their healthy development. Lastly, we find that less screen time in the toddler years corresponds to lower rates of ADHD by the age of 7.”

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    Most internet users thought that the mom was right to react the way that she did

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    However, some readers felt like everyone was to blame for the entire family drama

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    Jonas Grinevičius

    Jonas Grinevičius

    Author, Senior Writer

    Read more »

    Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

    Read less »
    Jonas Grinevičius

    Jonas Grinevičius

    Author, Senior Writer

    Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

    Rasa Žilinskaitė

    Rasa Žilinskaitė

    Author, Community member

    Read more »

    Rasa is a photo editor at Bored Panda, they have a college degree in photography and are currently studying sewing. Ever since childhood Rasa was interested in visual arts, including painting, photography, knitting and so on. When not at work or studying they like to knitting, cooking and spending quality time with their cats.

    Read less »

    Rasa Žilinskaitė

    Rasa Žilinskaitė

    Author, Community member

    Rasa is a photo editor at Bored Panda, they have a college degree in photography and are currently studying sewing. Ever since childhood Rasa was interested in visual arts, including painting, photography, knitting and so on. When not at work or studying they like to knitting, cooking and spending quality time with their cats.

    What do you think ?
    Ches Yamada
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You know, I'm just going to drop this here that quite a lot of very abusive parents *never realize* (or admit openly) that they were indeed, the problem. It sounds as if the daughter has issues, but I doubt the big, scary internet has anything to do with them.

    Doctor Strange
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was going to say the same thing. We only have one side of the story, and no way to know just how true the parents side is.

    Load More Replies...
    NG
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA but it's kinda funny bc she's talking about her daughter on social media platforms too. Not like that serves her daughter any justice though.

    serenyaa
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah but the girl posts videos of herself, the parent's friends may recognise their daughter, teachers and friends can recognise her and see how she talks about her parents. While we will never know who OP is

    Load More Replies...
    Kennedy Kargeaux
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like Jane & mom need therapy. Jane because well... the obvious & because someone with "so much trauma" shouldn't be going without it. & mom needs it because she needs to learn how to handle this level of manipulation from her daughter.. this is a two way street. Jane didn't get this way just because of TikTok. She got this way because she's been allowed to get away with it her whole life.. it seems like she's never been told no, she's been spoiled since birth & she's so used to being the center of attention who always gets her way that now that she's an adult she's using whatever excuse she can to not be an adult so mommy & daddy care for her & coddle her for the rest of her life which isn't healthy for anyone in this household. I hate when parents act like they're so shocked when they're kids act like this.. but then they fail to see how they got that way. My step sister is also an only child & she's exactly the same way. Love her to death but.. she's got issues.

    Natsu Dragneel
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My sister is the same way, and my parents told us 'no' all our lives. Sometimes, it's just a disorder.

    Load More Replies...
    deanna woods
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was very attached to my mother when I was a little kid. Being away from her was very hard. However, I never saw the situation as traumatic and I would never be talking c**p about my family on Tiktok. I have a Tiktok account and the main thing I tallk about is my political opinion and my artwork. Jane sounds like a spoiled, dramatic narcissist and she belongs in very intense therapy. She is not behaving like an adult at all.

    J. Maxx
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother suffers from migraines and has for most of my life. I would never fault her for that. This girl sounds like a tool.

    Load More Replies...
    Anouk T
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Trauma is such an overused word these days… for some people everything that happened to them that made them feel negative emotions or left some of those linger is a trauma… honestly I love the fact that we’re being more open about talking about our feelings and fixing things in our psyche but come ooooon, you can’t get traumatised by the fact that your parent went back to work part time :/

    Poeha
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom went back to work part time when I was 4. I said: Can't you just cancel it? Like she was going to a club lol.

    Load More Replies...
    Lori T Wisconsin
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't play the only child and victim card. I'm an "Only" and so is my daughter. We both had jobs in our teens and worked our way through college. Jane is a lazy, spoiled brat. I did household chores as soon as I was able to contribute. Growing up on a farm meant a lot of work before and after school. Tough love is needed here, not more coddling.

    Kayla J
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As others have mentioned, Jane needs therapy and should have started to receive it some years ago. The mom even points out that Jane is forever seeking some sort of attention partly because she was an only child and spoiled. The mother may have a point about the internet being an issue, but as others noted, she needs to look in the mirror as well. Jane may never find "her thing" as the lyrics go "The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't". Maybe do a soft compromise with Jane that if she agrees with therapy, they can start getting back some internet. If that doesn't work, she may have to go tougher on Jane before 20 turns into 21, 25, 30, etc.

    Celina Kiss
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Witholding internet access in this day and age is not acceptable behavior from any parent. If you cut someones connections to everything like that it could actually cause trauma. Furthermore, most therapists will agree that the way we are treated as children strongly relates both the negative and positive traits we exhibit. If her mom used to give her undivided attention and withheld it for a reason unnkown to the daughter for 10 years that can be traumatic. OP needs to take a hard look at herself and have a talk about this with her daughter, preferably in therapy.

    Load More Replies...
    J. Maxx
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Anybody saying the mother was being immature turning off the cable and stopping the phone bill payment are the immature ones and I've got some other news for you...a lot of you act as if your entitled to certain things in life, like internet, NO you are not. Food, clothing, a safe roof over your head, respect if you show respect and love if it's granted. I've know a few entitled brats who parents really did the best they could for their kids but because of what some little shits on the internet told them they should have, they turned into monsters. If her mother didn't care about her, she wouldn't be sharing her story, and contrary to what you young folks believe, you are NOT always right and parents aren't always wrong. The fact that she's 20 and not even holding a part time job shows she a mooch who has no respect for her parents and if she can go online a whine about being so traumatized then why hasn't she asked to she a professional?

    Ms A
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I could give you 100 upvotes, I would.

    Load More Replies...
    Veronica Jean
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    AH or NTA, you will never get a child to take responsibility for their lives if you remove the consequences of their decisions. A 20-year-old should not be without a job, not in school, and not contributing to the household at all. OP mentioned trying to get her to take an interest in things... This method has not worked, and will continue to not work because you have removed the consequence of her decisions. You are not helping her. You are just raising an inept adult that other people will have to deal with. I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is also a very hard on OP and OP owes it to themselves to stop making themselves responsible for another adult's decisions. That can't be a fun burden to bear 🫤

    Celina Kiss
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A few years ago I lived with my parents and for half a year of that time I was not in school or had a job because I was severely depressed. Thankfully my parents mostly left me alone, but if I had been forced to be "productive" instead of taking my time to get better I would likely not be alive anymore. It sounds like the daughter needs help, not judgement.

    Load More Replies...
    Dorey Bell
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While your daughter is acting entitled, you & your spouse created the environment. She can use a computer, at the library, to apply for jobs. She needs to learn self sustaining skills, so she can support herself.

    Roddfergg
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She still doing it. The daughter hasn't found "her thing"? Her daughter can look for, her thing, while she's working at McDonald's!

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
    Ches Yamada
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You know, I'm just going to drop this here that quite a lot of very abusive parents *never realize* (or admit openly) that they were indeed, the problem. It sounds as if the daughter has issues, but I doubt the big, scary internet has anything to do with them.

    Doctor Strange
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was going to say the same thing. We only have one side of the story, and no way to know just how true the parents side is.

    Load More Replies...
    NG
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA but it's kinda funny bc she's talking about her daughter on social media platforms too. Not like that serves her daughter any justice though.

    serenyaa
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah but the girl posts videos of herself, the parent's friends may recognise their daughter, teachers and friends can recognise her and see how she talks about her parents. While we will never know who OP is

    Load More Replies...
    Kennedy Kargeaux
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like Jane & mom need therapy. Jane because well... the obvious & because someone with "so much trauma" shouldn't be going without it. & mom needs it because she needs to learn how to handle this level of manipulation from her daughter.. this is a two way street. Jane didn't get this way just because of TikTok. She got this way because she's been allowed to get away with it her whole life.. it seems like she's never been told no, she's been spoiled since birth & she's so used to being the center of attention who always gets her way that now that she's an adult she's using whatever excuse she can to not be an adult so mommy & daddy care for her & coddle her for the rest of her life which isn't healthy for anyone in this household. I hate when parents act like they're so shocked when they're kids act like this.. but then they fail to see how they got that way. My step sister is also an only child & she's exactly the same way. Love her to death but.. she's got issues.

    Natsu Dragneel
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My sister is the same way, and my parents told us 'no' all our lives. Sometimes, it's just a disorder.

    Load More Replies...
    deanna woods
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was very attached to my mother when I was a little kid. Being away from her was very hard. However, I never saw the situation as traumatic and I would never be talking c**p about my family on Tiktok. I have a Tiktok account and the main thing I tallk about is my political opinion and my artwork. Jane sounds like a spoiled, dramatic narcissist and she belongs in very intense therapy. She is not behaving like an adult at all.

    J. Maxx
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother suffers from migraines and has for most of my life. I would never fault her for that. This girl sounds like a tool.

    Load More Replies...
    Anouk T
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Trauma is such an overused word these days… for some people everything that happened to them that made them feel negative emotions or left some of those linger is a trauma… honestly I love the fact that we’re being more open about talking about our feelings and fixing things in our psyche but come ooooon, you can’t get traumatised by the fact that your parent went back to work part time :/

    Poeha
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom went back to work part time when I was 4. I said: Can't you just cancel it? Like she was going to a club lol.

    Load More Replies...
    Lori T Wisconsin
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't play the only child and victim card. I'm an "Only" and so is my daughter. We both had jobs in our teens and worked our way through college. Jane is a lazy, spoiled brat. I did household chores as soon as I was able to contribute. Growing up on a farm meant a lot of work before and after school. Tough love is needed here, not more coddling.

    Kayla J
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As others have mentioned, Jane needs therapy and should have started to receive it some years ago. The mom even points out that Jane is forever seeking some sort of attention partly because she was an only child and spoiled. The mother may have a point about the internet being an issue, but as others noted, she needs to look in the mirror as well. Jane may never find "her thing" as the lyrics go "The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't". Maybe do a soft compromise with Jane that if she agrees with therapy, they can start getting back some internet. If that doesn't work, she may have to go tougher on Jane before 20 turns into 21, 25, 30, etc.

    Celina Kiss
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Witholding internet access in this day and age is not acceptable behavior from any parent. If you cut someones connections to everything like that it could actually cause trauma. Furthermore, most therapists will agree that the way we are treated as children strongly relates both the negative and positive traits we exhibit. If her mom used to give her undivided attention and withheld it for a reason unnkown to the daughter for 10 years that can be traumatic. OP needs to take a hard look at herself and have a talk about this with her daughter, preferably in therapy.

    Load More Replies...
    J. Maxx
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Anybody saying the mother was being immature turning off the cable and stopping the phone bill payment are the immature ones and I've got some other news for you...a lot of you act as if your entitled to certain things in life, like internet, NO you are not. Food, clothing, a safe roof over your head, respect if you show respect and love if it's granted. I've know a few entitled brats who parents really did the best they could for their kids but because of what some little shits on the internet told them they should have, they turned into monsters. If her mother didn't care about her, she wouldn't be sharing her story, and contrary to what you young folks believe, you are NOT always right and parents aren't always wrong. The fact that she's 20 and not even holding a part time job shows she a mooch who has no respect for her parents and if she can go online a whine about being so traumatized then why hasn't she asked to she a professional?

    Ms A
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I could give you 100 upvotes, I would.

    Load More Replies...
    Veronica Jean
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    AH or NTA, you will never get a child to take responsibility for their lives if you remove the consequences of their decisions. A 20-year-old should not be without a job, not in school, and not contributing to the household at all. OP mentioned trying to get her to take an interest in things... This method has not worked, and will continue to not work because you have removed the consequence of her decisions. You are not helping her. You are just raising an inept adult that other people will have to deal with. I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is also a very hard on OP and OP owes it to themselves to stop making themselves responsible for another adult's decisions. That can't be a fun burden to bear 🫤

    Celina Kiss
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A few years ago I lived with my parents and for half a year of that time I was not in school or had a job because I was severely depressed. Thankfully my parents mostly left me alone, but if I had been forced to be "productive" instead of taking my time to get better I would likely not be alive anymore. It sounds like the daughter needs help, not judgement.

    Load More Replies...
    Dorey Bell
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While your daughter is acting entitled, you & your spouse created the environment. She can use a computer, at the library, to apply for jobs. She needs to learn self sustaining skills, so she can support herself.

    Roddfergg
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She still doing it. The daughter hasn't found "her thing"? Her daughter can look for, her thing, while she's working at McDonald's!

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
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