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“The Shock On His Face”: Toxic Dad Realizes How Damaging His Parenting Was

“The Shock On His Face”: Toxic Dad Realizes How Damaging His Parenting Was

Interview With Author “The Shock On His Face”: Toxic Dad Realizes How Damaging His Parenting Was“His Brain Broke”: Woman Fed Up With Her Dad’s Boasting, Tells Him The Truth About Her ChildhoodMan Thinks He’s Father Of The Year, Gets A Reality Check From His Own Daughter“Shock On His Face Was Freaking Priceless”: Man Thinks He’s Dad Of The Year, Gets HumbledDad Is Proud He Raised His Kids To Be Insecure: “The Shock On His Face Was Freaking Priceless”“His Jaw Is On The Table”: Dad Learns The Flip Side Of The “Flawless” Parenting He’s So Proud OfWoman Tells Dad How His Bad Parenting Affected Her: “That’s When His Brain Broke”Dad Is Proud Of Raising Kids To Be Insecure, Gets A Reality Check From His Own DaughterWoman Is Tired Of Her Father Insulting Her Mom, Tells Him Just How Bad Of A Parent He Was
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Some parents take a lot of pride in their kids, which is generally a good thing, until it becomes a sort of crutch to prevent any development or self reflection. Parents can often do as much harm as good, even if they refuse to admit it.

A woman shared how she shut down her boomer dad after he would not stop insulting her mother and made some claims about just how good of a father he was. We got in touch with the woman who shared the story and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions.

Some parents take way too much credit for how their kids turned out

Image credits: Kindel Media / pexels (not the actual photo)

So one woman decided that she had to humble her father who loved to trash talk her mom

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Image credits: KoolShooters / pexels (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Ivan Samkov / pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Chronically_Pickled

Some adults struggle to separate their kid’s lives from their own

Bored Panda got in touch with the woman who shared the story and she was kind enough to give some more details. “Since the events in my post occurred, my father and I have had a few conversations, but none that have brushed on the same topic. I know a tiger cannot change his stripes, so all I can do is continue to call him out on his claim that you need to raise kids to be insecure, despite the fact that I know he can’t truly hear it and take it to heart.”

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“Unfortunately, I think that my post got so many upvotes because many people grow up with similarly flawed parenting. I think people can relate to wanting to speak up to someone who left lasting emotional scars which is understandable. I appreciate all the comments from people telling me that they’re proud of me. They’re random internet strangers, sure, but I know that those people who left comments like that have lived similar lives to myself, so it means a lot when those who are a few steps ahead on their journey stop to tell those a few steps behind that they’re doing great. I know that they truly understand, so it doesn’t feel like they’re really strangers,” she shared.

“I’d just like to add – despite the fact that I used labels such as “boomer” and “narcissist” to describe my father, everyone needs to remember that people are extremely nuanced. My father is deeply flawed, as am I, but I make the choice to keep him in my life and will continue to do so until it no longer benefits my mental health. I am able to set up boundaries and stick to them, and would recommend to others that if they choose to stay in contact with someone similar to my father, to make sure they’re prioritizing their own needs first and foremost.”

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It’s sometimes said that parents will at times live “vicariously” through their children. After all, it’s a regular part of life that most folks do not get to do everything they’ve ever wanted to do. What often happens is that parents will have a sort of secondhand joy and pride through the actions of their kids.

In small amounts, there is nothing wrong with it. Indeed, being proud of your children is actually quite important for their self development, as we can see in this story. For example, some parents will take it too far and start to claim credit for things that they were not a part of. Or, as in this case, they will start to twist the facts into a narrative that, somehow, paints them in a better light. They may also make unreasonable demands and think themselves entitled to things which have nothing to do with them

This can be particularly true for narcissists, as they are predisposed to see many things as the results of their actions. Similarly, they will go through intensive and, frankly, impressive mental gymnastics in order to make everything they see themselves responsible for as downright positive, while “negative” things are always caused by someone else, in this case, the woman’s mother.

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Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)

The father does not really seem to understand the effects of his parenting

This father appears to have realized that his offspring have genuine issues with insecurities, but, as previously mentioned, he has constructed a reality where this is a good thing. This is most likely because it’s something he struggles with, so reframing it as “necessary” is just a coping mechanism.

It’s telling that the moment she criticizes it, he deflects and once again, blames the mom. He also reveals that he knew exactly what was going on, or so he thought. This was, it turns out, a perfect trap, as her reply, in her own words, “broke him.” It would appear that he built a large part of his own self image “on” his kids, perhaps in competition with his ex-wife.

So her revelation doesn’t just upend how he sees his own parenting, it also upends his own, constructed, self-image. All of his behaviors fall neatly in line with Maslow’s definition of an insecure person, i.e. someone who “perceives the world as a threatening jungle and most human beings as dangerous and selfish; feels like a rejected and isolated person, anxious and hostile; is generally pessimistic and unhappy; shows signs of tension and conflict, tends to turn inward; is troubled by guilt-feelings, has one or another disturbance of self-esteem; tends to be neurotic; and is generally selfish and egocentric.”

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Unfortunately, many people never get over their own insecurities and tend to see the rest of the world through that lens. Indeed, other research suggests that divorce can often leave the children who live through it with lingering issues of insecurity and a need for constant validation. Ultimately, secrets can hurt.

Image credits: Nina zeynep güler / pexels (not the actual photo)

Netizens shared their thoughts and chatted with the woman

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Justin Sandberg

Justin Sandberg

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

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Justin Sandberg

Justin Sandberg

Writer, BoredPanda staff

I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

Gabija Saveiskyte

Gabija Saveiskyte

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

Hi there! I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. My job is to ensure that all the articles are aesthetically pleasing. I get to work with a variety of topics ranging from all the relationship drama to lots and lots of memes and, my personal favorites, funny cute cats. When I am not perfecting the images, you can find me reading with a cup of matcha latte and a cat in my lap, taking photos (of my cat), getting lost in the forest, or simply cuddling with my cat... Did I mention that I love cats?

Read less »

Gabija Saveiskyte

Gabija Saveiskyte

Author, BoredPanda staff

Hi there! I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. My job is to ensure that all the articles are aesthetically pleasing. I get to work with a variety of topics ranging from all the relationship drama to lots and lots of memes and, my personal favorites, funny cute cats. When I am not perfecting the images, you can find me reading with a cup of matcha latte and a cat in my lap, taking photos (of my cat), getting lost in the forest, or simply cuddling with my cat... Did I mention that I love cats?

How well do you think the woman handled the situation with her father?
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Captain Grump
Community Member
9 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think most of are able, over time, to forgive our parents for a heck of a lot (excluding out and out abuse). You grow to understand that they were doing the best they could, even if they were flawed. BUT, parents who forever crow about what a great frigging job they did, who never have the humility to admit they maybe did some things wrong, make this impossible. It's not all Boomers who are like that, but it seems to be too routine for their generation.

Papa
Community Member
2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was going to give you an up vote until I read the last sentence (I didn't down vote either, though). I don't believe that behavior is any more prevalent in one generation than another one. It probably just seems like that because so many adults in their 20's to 40's are the children of baby boomers. By the way, I am a baby boomer, and while I made plenty of mistakes as a father apparently they weren't horrendous, because my grown children seem to be happy to spend time with me.

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Grenelda Thurber
Community Member
4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom has "forgotten" most of the horrible things she did when we were kids. Or she changes a few of the details to make something sound better. I'm not sure if she's doing it intentionally or if she really thinks what she says really happened. Yes, I'm quite sure I remember her walking into the den when I was eight and pointing a gun at my father. She didn't shoot him, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. She doesn't, apparently.

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Captain Grump
Community Member
9 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think most of are able, over time, to forgive our parents for a heck of a lot (excluding out and out abuse). You grow to understand that they were doing the best they could, even if they were flawed. BUT, parents who forever crow about what a great frigging job they did, who never have the humility to admit they maybe did some things wrong, make this impossible. It's not all Boomers who are like that, but it seems to be too routine for their generation.

Papa
Community Member
2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was going to give you an up vote until I read the last sentence (I didn't down vote either, though). I don't believe that behavior is any more prevalent in one generation than another one. It probably just seems like that because so many adults in their 20's to 40's are the children of baby boomers. By the way, I am a baby boomer, and while I made plenty of mistakes as a father apparently they weren't horrendous, because my grown children seem to be happy to spend time with me.

Load More Replies...
Grenelda Thurber
Community Member
4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom has "forgotten" most of the horrible things she did when we were kids. Or she changes a few of the details to make something sound better. I'm not sure if she's doing it intentionally or if she really thinks what she says really happened. Yes, I'm quite sure I remember her walking into the den when I was eight and pointing a gun at my father. She didn't shoot him, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. She doesn't, apparently.

Load More Comments
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