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Mom Worries About Canceling Family Trip To France After Entitled 17YO Suddenly Decides Not To Go
For most, traveling to other countries is nice, and it’s even more exciting if you’re flying to different continents. However, that’s not the case for everyone – some people would rather stay at home.
Today’s story covers how a teenager refused to travel with her family to Europe, as she was too anxious about it and France, in particular, made her feel “depressed”.
More Info: Mumsnet
Some teenage behavior is easily reduced to hormones and rebellious phases, but that’s not always the case
Image credits: prostooleh (not the actual photo)
A woman approached the Mumsnet online community to see if she was being unreasonable for being upset with her daughter
Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual photo)
The mom already spent money and booked a trip to France, as they were going to visit their extended family
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
However, the 17-year-old teenager refused to go, saying that France made her feel “depressed”
Image credits: Joanfromnextdoor
The mom didn’t think that the daughter was feeling that bad, but after a conversation, she realized that the teen was truly feeling down and needed support instead of being pushed to go
Recently a woman approached the Mumsnet online community to ask if she was unreasonable for being upset with her daughter. The 17-year-old teenager ruined her mom’s travel plans, as they were supposed to go on a trip to France and visit their relatives.
The family hardly ever goes to France, the exception being last year, when they traveled there for the first time in a decade. The teen didn’t enjoy their trip, though, saying that she didn’t feel confident speaking French and felt depressed there. You’d think visiting your family in a foreign country would make a person excited, but that wasn’t the case here.
Still, the mom persisted. The OP (Original Poster) managed to talk the daughter into going this year again, but she quickly changed her mind. Even though a 17-year-old teen is almost an adult, the woman didn’t feel at peace with leaving the daughter alone, as she hasn’t “matured” enough.
Since the trip was already booked, the mom started getting annoyed by the daughter’s reluctance to go and took the dilemma to the internet. However, she soon found out more reasons why her daughter didn’t want to go, and it’s way more complex than you might suspect.
After a long conversation with the teen, the mom found out that the daughter was feeling way more down than she initially thought. The adolescent struggles with self-esteem, and her habits of sleeping in late and staying in front of the computer well into the night haven’t helped either. Her social anxiety is really bad too, to the point where she can’t help herself and go, even though she knows it’s selfish.
Naturally, this shed a different light on mom’s perspective. She didn’t think that her daughter was in such a bad headspace. Therefore, she decided to not go on the trip herself, as she couldn’t even think of leaving the teen alone. It’s a good example of how deeming a teenager “entitled” or “stubborn” is not always the way to go.
Sure, these qualities can be true for some of them, but every person’s case is unique. It turned out that the young woman needed support and help from the family, and the reluctance to go wasn’t just an act of rebellion.
Image credits: Maria Stepanova (not the actual photo)
Experiencing low self-esteem during adolescence is not uncommon. It’s always been the case, but in today’s world, it’s worse than ever before. As social media continues to expand and even take over some people’s entire identities, the damage to not yet fully developed children and teenagers increases.
Media powerhouses, such as Instagram and TikTok, create an environment where sharing anything just shy of perfection is an anomaly. Easily impressionable teenagers and even adults might internalize the luxurious and perfect-looking lifestyles they see on the internet, then feel immense depression and dissatisfaction if their lives and looks are not the same. And in real life, the life that’s rarely shown on social media, things are rarely perfect.
It goes without saying that most of the carefully tailored social media posts of influencers and even the people you know are smoke and mirrors. However, for a person who grew up in a heavily digitalized world, this might not be an axiom. The potential impact of social media overconsumption is vast, and it should not be ignored.
A 2021 study covered in Psychology Today highlights that 3 out of 5 girls in the US feel “hopeless” or “persistently sad”, largely due to the internet. Consequently, it was found that cutting down on social media positively improved the respondent’s self-esteem and general psychological well-being.
It’s probably not a long shot to claim that the 17-year-old’s psychological wellness was affected by social media consumption as well, although it’s not realistic to claim that it’s the root cause. The mom updated her post with more context after all, and that her daughter struggled with her body image. In the end, the daughter went to see a doctor who recommended her to see a psychiatrist as she was severely anxious and depressed.
As a compromise, the mom and daughter agreed that they would travel to France for now, and the teen would be able to lock herself in a bedroom if she didn’t feel like going out.
What do you think about today’s story? Do you think the teen should’ve just gone on the trip instead of saying how she felt? Let us know in the comments below.
Netizens say that the mom is already making too many excuses and that the teen is spoilt and selfish
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What do you think ?
Melissa anderson 3 months ago
At the age of 17, my parents trusted my brother and I to be mature enough to fend for ourselves. Yes, they left us money and our uncle would periodically check on us, mostly to make sure we didn’t kill each other. lol But all in all, we did ok. Went to school, did our homework, took care of out dogs and cats, fed ourselves, did laundry and vacuuming….. Nothing a teenager shouldn’t be able to do.
Bat cat in a hat 3 months ago
Same for me, since I was 16 I could choose to go or stay. My siblings are a lot younger so usually holidays were more catered for them (understandable) so I stayed at home. My grandparents lived 5 minutes away as well if I needed anything. I'd never even consider having parties as I hated to clean up any big mess 😂 but I cooked and washed dishes, did laundry, dusting, hoovering etc I had anxiety and depression and the alone quiet time actually helped
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arthbach 3 months ago
For a teenager who has anxiety, and possibly depression, I can totally understand why they would not want to go. My prefered solution would be to ask if there might be any friends who could be on standby, or a school friend she could stay with for the week.
Alexandra 3 months ago
Leaving her behind will not work, because the mother will be worried sick the whole trip and the others will notice and in the end the whole trip will be a disaster. If she joins the trip it will be ruined aswell because she doesn't want to go, either because she simply doesn't want to or because of a genuine depression. In the end, it will come down to what you are prepared to regret more: leaving her behind with the possibility that harm comes to her or cancelling the trip and getting her the help she might need.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
This is a teen that doesn't want to go on a long distance trip to visit family due to or in concert with mental health issues. OP needs to approach it as you would any other health issue. Is she healthy enough to make the trip? Will it exacerbate the health issues? Unfortunately without knowing the child in question, it's impossible to answer, you need to actually know your child and be willing to get them help if they need it. Take France out of the equation, and don't use a 20 yo sibling as any kind of guilt trip. A 20 yo can travel on her own, it's OP that don't want to change plans.
J. Maxx 3 months ago
She can't be trusted to close the fridge door or put trash in the bin?!? YOU RAISED A SPOILED CHILD. You're problem to solve. I was doing my own laundry at 9 years old for christ's sake. She's 17 and can't be trusted to be on her own? REALLY! That's YOUR fault. YOU failed as a parent. And she's playing you.
Aballi 3 months ago
Not if she's suffering from depression. This illness can make simple tasks insurmountable. Believe me, I know. It sounds like she needs therapy, support, and to see a psychiatrist to be evaluated for possible medication. Having a mental illness doesn't give her a free pass to stay uninvolved in life, but she needs help getting to a place where she's stable enough to get involved in life!
Load More Replies...
Janice 3 months ago
If the girl is 17 and too immature to be trusted for 1 week unsupervised, the parents didn't do a good job of preparing her for life. At 17, most kids go away to college. I was flying solo 3 HR flights) when I was 11. This is what happens with helicopter parenting. If this young WOMAN can t be alone, let her stay with a relative or a friend. If OP doesn't trust her daughter with them than the problem will continue and the daughter will have delayed maturity.
Shadow 3 months ago
Haha you are aware that this is the PERFECT set-up for a rager party when you're gone????? No? No one thought of this? Who is she on the phone with all the time? Her friends have suddenly convinced her, stay home! We'll come over, party with you!! Better bring her with you mom or stay home! If you stay home bet she's EVEN MORE DEPRESSED!!!!
Jessica S 3 months ago
That's her plan alright. Sounds like Mom needs a wake up call her 17 year old isn't a baby anymore. Can't be trusted to close the fridge door!? Sheesh
Load More Replies... Jonas Fisher 3 months ago
I dislike that so many of the comments, both on this site and on the original post, just go along with the daughter's assertion that she has clinically diagnosed herself. Yeah, she *might* have anxiety or depression, or she is just using popular buzzwords because she is in that teenage saying no to everything phase. Only the OP can know any of this for sure, and ought to get the kid examined.
Lisa Barbeau 3 months ago
I have to admit my first thought was her new self-diagnosis was impeccably timed. Being emotional as a manipulative teenager is not an indicator either. It doesn’t mean she shouldn’t see a professional so mom knows for sure. I would be inclined to tell her she has no choice about the trip then make an appointment for when we returned.
Load More Replies...
Frances Hill 3 months ago
Funny you never heard about anxiety or depression before this trip. Sounds like a good excuse to me. Tell your daughter this is a family vacation, and as part of this family, she is going. This is not open to discussion. Children, not even 17 year old children, tell their parents what they will and will not do.
KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
If you cave on this, you're opening the gates for more of this behaviour. Send her to therapy. Tell her that if she stays, written contract about not being feral and if they come home to a trashed house, she loses all privileges, is grounded and does the clean up herself.
varwenea 3 months ago
This 17 year old is suffering from several mental health issues, starting with depression. OP doesn't seem to have known of it or acknowledged it until now, when it impacts the rest of the family. She should be putting efforts into finding her a therapist. Forcing her to take this family trip won't work. Splitting up duties with husband for trip vs therapy is the only viable path. P.S. 1 - I was more than capable of taking care of myself at that age, but no everyone is. P.S. 2 - Agree with other comments about the 17yo 'childish' behaviors as signs of depression. I have seen it in my niece. P.S. Can Reddit posters please stop with DH and DD type of nomenclatures? Yes, yes, everyone is a dear. 🙄
Frances Hill 3 months ago
You did not hear about this depression and anxiety until the trip came up. Sounds like a story made up so she will not have to go. I will tell you what I told my kids: This is not a democracy, you have no vote. It is a dictatorship and I am the little dictator. Children, even 17 year old children, do not tell parents what the will and will not do. The family is going to France, she is part of the family, she is going to France. This is not open to debate.
Seedy Vine 3 months ago
I feel like if OP's daughter had been taught fluent French, she'd have more confidence and maybe feel like going?
Royal Stray 3 months ago
I get not wanting to do stuff when you're depressed but change of scenery typically does help, after all it sounds like she has the option to stay in the hotel all day. Depression and anxiety is different for everyone but in my personal experience this is an odd thing to refuse to do based on either of them (assuming she doesn't have to see her grandparents). While a lot of the stuff op mentioned can be related to severe depression I'm confused and concerned about a few things. 1. If it's depression it sounds severe at this point, so why hasn't she already seen a psychiatrist? 2. If it's not severe depression then how on earth did you raise a 17 yo that can't even be bothered to close the fridge. She's almost an adult for crying out loud. Tldr: op has either spoiled her daughter to a point where it's just embarrassing or the daughter has so severe depression that it's concerning that it wasn't noticed before
Sue Widdop 3 months ago
I sympathise. I had to do some heavy duty negotiation with my 16 year old son to join us on a family trip to a music festival this summer. He has a diagnosis of autism but has been to mainstream school. He initially agreed to come, then got anxious as the time got closer. We had several heart to hearts. I said that although you can make some decisions independently, some things we still do as a family. You are the most important person in the world to me and I wouldn't expect you to do this if I didn't truly believe that it was the right thing to do. We have thought about how to make it easier for you by A, B, C. He came. He participated in some things. He was polite and humorous. He won't come next year and that's ok. I could have left him with family to keep an eye, but I didn't want to support the idea that he couldn't join in. Good luck x
Rowan [He/They] 3 months ago
When I was 17 (last year btw) my parents took a trip to Venice and I was in charge of getting myself to college everyday, feeding and making sure the dogs are secure before I left, and getting the bus home. If she can't look after just herself for that time, there's really something wrong. The heck is she gonna do at university
Beth Wheeler 3 months ago
If she really does have anxiety or depression call her PCP and get her on meds. If she is just being a brat and doesn't want to go to bad, it's paid for, your butt is getting on that plane and you will behave yourself, I don't care if you are 17!
Ephemera Image 3 months ago
She's not depressed, she's a spoiled brat. Staying in her room on a computer all day? Not cleaning up after herself? What's that got to do with 'anxiety'?This girl has been allowed to do as she pleases from day one, and so has not developed any social skills at all. We do that by - guess what - doing things we don't necessarily want to do! And that should be done from a young age. Good god, what a self-absorbed brat. What's she going to do when she goes into the workplace?
Terry Step 3 months ago
Some times I just want to be home you Ll seem wealthy get her a caregiver during your absence use your money as a strength not a weekness
Royal Stray 3 months ago (edited)
I don't get this mindset at all. You being diagnosed or not wouldn't change how your brain works and processes information, and how that causes you to act. So you knowing you had ptss or not wouldn't actually change anything except for your understanding of yourself. It doesn't make you less capable of surviving or pushing through. I do agree that at 17 it's a bit worrying that she can't be trusted to close the fridge after herself, but that has nothing to do with anxiety or depression.
Load More Replies...
arthbach 3 months ago
Sunny Day, where did you get this information? Or are you simply speculating?
Load More Replies... Melissa anderson 3 months ago
At the age of 17, my parents trusted my brother and I to be mature enough to fend for ourselves. Yes, they left us money and our uncle would periodically check on us, mostly to make sure we didn’t kill each other. lol But all in all, we did ok. Went to school, did our homework, took care of out dogs and cats, fed ourselves, did laundry and vacuuming….. Nothing a teenager shouldn’t be able to do.
Bat cat in a hat 3 months ago
Same for me, since I was 16 I could choose to go or stay. My siblings are a lot younger so usually holidays were more catered for them (understandable) so I stayed at home. My grandparents lived 5 minutes away as well if I needed anything. I'd never even consider having parties as I hated to clean up any big mess 😂 but I cooked and washed dishes, did laundry, dusting, hoovering etc I had anxiety and depression and the alone quiet time actually helped
Load More Replies... arthbach 3 months ago
For a teenager who has anxiety, and possibly depression, I can totally understand why they would not want to go. My prefered solution would be to ask if there might be any friends who could be on standby, or a school friend she could stay with for the week.
Alexandra 3 months ago
Leaving her behind will not work, because the mother will be worried sick the whole trip and the others will notice and in the end the whole trip will be a disaster. If she joins the trip it will be ruined aswell because she doesn't want to go, either because she simply doesn't want to or because of a genuine depression. In the end, it will come down to what you are prepared to regret more: leaving her behind with the possibility that harm comes to her or cancelling the trip and getting her the help she might need.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
This is a teen that doesn't want to go on a long distance trip to visit family due to or in concert with mental health issues. OP needs to approach it as you would any other health issue. Is she healthy enough to make the trip? Will it exacerbate the health issues? Unfortunately without knowing the child in question, it's impossible to answer, you need to actually know your child and be willing to get them help if they need it. Take France out of the equation, and don't use a 20 yo sibling as any kind of guilt trip. A 20 yo can travel on her own, it's OP that don't want to change plans.
J. Maxx 3 months ago
She can't be trusted to close the fridge door or put trash in the bin?!? YOU RAISED A SPOILED CHILD. You're problem to solve. I was doing my own laundry at 9 years old for christ's sake. She's 17 and can't be trusted to be on her own? REALLY! That's YOUR fault. YOU failed as a parent. And she's playing you.
Aballi 3 months ago
Not if she's suffering from depression. This illness can make simple tasks insurmountable. Believe me, I know. It sounds like she needs therapy, support, and to see a psychiatrist to be evaluated for possible medication. Having a mental illness doesn't give her a free pass to stay uninvolved in life, but she needs help getting to a place where she's stable enough to get involved in life!
Load More Replies... Janice 3 months ago
If the girl is 17 and too immature to be trusted for 1 week unsupervised, the parents didn't do a good job of preparing her for life. At 17, most kids go away to college. I was flying solo 3 HR flights) when I was 11. This is what happens with helicopter parenting. If this young WOMAN can t be alone, let her stay with a relative or a friend. If OP doesn't trust her daughter with them than the problem will continue and the daughter will have delayed maturity.
Shadow 3 months ago
Haha you are aware that this is the PERFECT set-up for a rager party when you're gone????? No? No one thought of this? Who is she on the phone with all the time? Her friends have suddenly convinced her, stay home! We'll come over, party with you!! Better bring her with you mom or stay home! If you stay home bet she's EVEN MORE DEPRESSED!!!!
Jessica S 3 months ago
That's her plan alright. Sounds like Mom needs a wake up call her 17 year old isn't a baby anymore. Can't be trusted to close the fridge door!? Sheesh
Load More Replies... Jonas Fisher 3 months ago
I dislike that so many of the comments, both on this site and on the original post, just go along with the daughter's assertion that she has clinically diagnosed herself. Yeah, she *might* have anxiety or depression, or she is just using popular buzzwords because she is in that teenage saying no to everything phase. Only the OP can know any of this for sure, and ought to get the kid examined.
Lisa Barbeau 3 months ago
I have to admit my first thought was her new self-diagnosis was impeccably timed. Being emotional as a manipulative teenager is not an indicator either. It doesn’t mean she shouldn’t see a professional so mom knows for sure. I would be inclined to tell her she has no choice about the trip then make an appointment for when we returned.
Load More Replies... Frances Hill 3 months ago
Funny you never heard about anxiety or depression before this trip. Sounds like a good excuse to me. Tell your daughter this is a family vacation, and as part of this family, she is going. This is not open to discussion. Children, not even 17 year old children, tell their parents what they will and will not do.
KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
If you cave on this, you're opening the gates for more of this behaviour. Send her to therapy. Tell her that if she stays, written contract about not being feral and if they come home to a trashed house, she loses all privileges, is grounded and does the clean up herself.
varwenea 3 months ago
This 17 year old is suffering from several mental health issues, starting with depression. OP doesn't seem to have known of it or acknowledged it until now, when it impacts the rest of the family. She should be putting efforts into finding her a therapist. Forcing her to take this family trip won't work. Splitting up duties with husband for trip vs therapy is the only viable path. P.S. 1 - I was more than capable of taking care of myself at that age, but no everyone is. P.S. 2 - Agree with other comments about the 17yo 'childish' behaviors as signs of depression. I have seen it in my niece. P.S. Can Reddit posters please stop with DH and DD type of nomenclatures? Yes, yes, everyone is a dear. 🙄
Frances Hill 3 months ago
You did not hear about this depression and anxiety until the trip came up. Sounds like a story made up so she will not have to go. I will tell you what I told my kids: This is not a democracy, you have no vote. It is a dictatorship and I am the little dictator. Children, even 17 year old children, do not tell parents what the will and will not do. The family is going to France, she is part of the family, she is going to France. This is not open to debate.
Seedy Vine 3 months ago
I feel like if OP's daughter had been taught fluent French, she'd have more confidence and maybe feel like going?
Royal Stray 3 months ago
I get not wanting to do stuff when you're depressed but change of scenery typically does help, after all it sounds like she has the option to stay in the hotel all day. Depression and anxiety is different for everyone but in my personal experience this is an odd thing to refuse to do based on either of them (assuming she doesn't have to see her grandparents). While a lot of the stuff op mentioned can be related to severe depression I'm confused and concerned about a few things. 1. If it's depression it sounds severe at this point, so why hasn't she already seen a psychiatrist? 2. If it's not severe depression then how on earth did you raise a 17 yo that can't even be bothered to close the fridge. She's almost an adult for crying out loud. Tldr: op has either spoiled her daughter to a point where it's just embarrassing or the daughter has so severe depression that it's concerning that it wasn't noticed before
Sue Widdop 3 months ago
I sympathise. I had to do some heavy duty negotiation with my 16 year old son to join us on a family trip to a music festival this summer. He has a diagnosis of autism but has been to mainstream school. He initially agreed to come, then got anxious as the time got closer. We had several heart to hearts. I said that although you can make some decisions independently, some things we still do as a family. You are the most important person in the world to me and I wouldn't expect you to do this if I didn't truly believe that it was the right thing to do. We have thought about how to make it easier for you by A, B, C. He came. He participated in some things. He was polite and humorous. He won't come next year and that's ok. I could have left him with family to keep an eye, but I didn't want to support the idea that he couldn't join in. Good luck x
Rowan [He/They] 3 months ago
When I was 17 (last year btw) my parents took a trip to Venice and I was in charge of getting myself to college everyday, feeding and making sure the dogs are secure before I left, and getting the bus home. If she can't look after just herself for that time, there's really something wrong. The heck is she gonna do at university
Beth Wheeler 3 months ago
If she really does have anxiety or depression call her PCP and get her on meds. If she is just being a brat and doesn't want to go to bad, it's paid for, your butt is getting on that plane and you will behave yourself, I don't care if you are 17!
Ephemera Image 3 months ago
She's not depressed, she's a spoiled brat. Staying in her room on a computer all day? Not cleaning up after herself? What's that got to do with 'anxiety'?This girl has been allowed to do as she pleases from day one, and so has not developed any social skills at all. We do that by - guess what - doing things we don't necessarily want to do! And that should be done from a young age. Good god, what a self-absorbed brat. What's she going to do when she goes into the workplace?
Terry Step 3 months ago
Some times I just want to be home you Ll seem wealthy get her a caregiver during your absence use your money as a strength not a weekness
Royal Stray 3 months ago (edited)
I don't get this mindset at all. You being diagnosed or not wouldn't change how your brain works and processes information, and how that causes you to act. So you knowing you had ptss or not wouldn't actually change anything except for your understanding of yourself. It doesn't make you less capable of surviving or pushing through. I do agree that at 17 it's a bit worrying that she can't be trusted to close the fridge after herself, but that has nothing to do with anxiety or depression.
Load More Replies... arthbach 3 months ago
Sunny Day, where did you get this information? Or are you simply speculating?
Load More Replies...
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