Being picked for a team in gym class, theater auditions, and birthday party invitations might be a sort of final boss for kids of a certain age. Most parents know this as well, so an involved adult will keep track of what their child gets and doesn’t get invited to.

One parent got perhaps a bit too involved, so they wanted to ask the internet for some advice. After noticing that their daughter was the only one without a birthday party invitation, they reached out to some other moms, sparking a chain of events that would almost lead to the whole party being ruined.

Not getting included in an activity can be heartbreaking for most children

Image credits:  Josh Applegate (not the actual photo)

So when their daughter didn’t get a birthday invitation, a parent decided to ask the other moms if it had gotten lost

Image credits: Enis Yavuz (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Porapak Apichodilok (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Bibhash Banerjee (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Lisa Fotios (not the actual photo)

Image credits: juliemaeve

Children in particular are very sensitive to FOMO and being excluded

Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)

While we tend to think of FOMO as a byproduct of the social media era, a quick trip down memory lane will remind us of all those unfortunate and pretty gut-wrenching moments from early childhood. Learning social interactions can be hard, particularly if one is left on the outside. As we grow older, unfortunately, this feeling might not disappear, as we have this insidious little device at the tip of our fingers. Through it, we can access the lives of millions and thereby feel unhappy when we are, for example, laying in bed while someone enjoys a yacht ride around the French Riviera.

The modern world loves its acronyms, but FOMO was originally referred to as the somewhat more opaque “Keeping up with the Joneses.” One can easily imagine the constant glancing out the window to see if the neighbors have new curtains, or, God forbid, a new car. Now, the focus is more on lifestyle and experiences. Birthday parties, even for a nine-year-old, are included in this equation. At some level, it’s not even about the experience, it’s about being invited. What makes OP’s story more complicated is that it was unclear if their daughter was being purposefully excluded or if there was simply a misunderstanding. While, generally, it’s always best to clarify, this situation demonstrates the amount of damage just a question can do, never mind an answer.

Miscommunication doesn’t necessarily mean that one party or another is at fault

Image credits: freestocks (not the actual photo)

OP’s intentions were benign, but it’s also easy to see why the other mothers may have taken the question the wrong way. Let’s face it, most people shy away from direct questions and will often try to mask their intentions through leading inquiries. “Did you perhaps forget to send an invitation to my daughter” could pretty easily be read as “Could you invite her?” particularly when one doesn’t know the other party that well. While OP is not necessarily to blame in this situation, invites getting lost is common enough, and it’s also easy to see the other parent’s side. Ultimately, the mom organizing the event was hit with a “perfect storm” of miscommunication, where she assumed that OP would not learn about the event, and OP’s question sparked off an avalanche of other parents wondering if they needed to pick sides. While it’s very easy to see what each party was thinking, it is pretty clear that the other parents perhaps overreacted, pulling out of a birthday party over what was effectively a rumor seems silly.

This does, however, demonstrate that people are distinctly aware of just how badly kids feel when excluded. OP was still correct to ask about the invitations, on the off-chance that it was a mistake. Realistically, even if there was some uncertainty over the birthday party, their daughter might very easily just accept that the worst-case scenario, i.e. being purposefully excluded, was reality. Even in adults, just the fear of being left behind has measurable psychological risks. Sadness and self-consciousness come together to overwhelm the person and can exacerbate bad habits. All in all, it was a messy situation, which OP, other moms, and a whole lot of kids got caught up in, so it’s not at all surprising that they would want a second, third, and even fourth opinion from the many, many minds on the internet.

Many readers believed that OP was not to blame and the other parents overreacted to their question

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