Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

BoredPanda Add post form topAdd Post
Tooltip close

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

“She’s Said I Treat Her Like A Child”: Mom Takes Away Daughter’s College Fund

“She’s Said I Treat Her Like A Child”: Mom Takes Away Daughter’s College Fund

ADVERTISEMENT

Parenting is no walk in the park. It takes love, time, effort, patience and, of course, lots and lots of money. A recent study puts the average cost of raising a child from birth to age 18 at close to $240,000. And then there’s college. Should you decide to fund your kid’s tertiary tuition and extras, it could set you back hundreds of thousands of dollars more.

One single mom shared how she’s made many sacrifices over the years to save for her daughter’s college fund. Only for her daughter to threaten to cut contact contact with her once she starts studying. The mother is now considering keeping all the money, and spending it on herself and her son. But she’s not sure if she should. Bored Panda spoke to analyst and finance writer, Chip Lupo, from WalletHub for their take on the matter.

The mom and daughter both agree on the importance of education, and the daughter has always dreamed of going to a prestigious college

Image credits: Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)

Their relationship became strained after the daughter started dating a new guy, and now her college fund is at stake

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / pexels (not the actual photo)

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: Good_Guest1421

Tertiary tuition doesn’t come cheap, no matter where you choose to study

Student loan debt in the United States totals $1,753 trillion. And over 43 million people have student loans to pay off. Recent data shows that “the average public university student borrows $32,362 to attain a bachelor’s degree.” It’s a lot of money to pay back once, and if, you start working.

Given those figures, it should come as no surprise that higher education is expensive. According to this report, the average annual cost of tuition and fees nowadays is just over $42,000 at private colleges, almost $20,000 for out-of-state students at public universities and close to $11,000 for in-state students at public schools in America.

But if you’re considering a prestigious university like Princeton or Harvard, you’ll be charged around $60,000 annually. And that’s just for fees. The total is actually closer to $95,000 a year when you factor in other expenses like housing, food and books.

ADVERTISEMENT

“This significant investment often leads to substantial student loan debt,” said WalletHub analyst and writer, Chip Lupo during our chat. “Financial literacy remains a pressing issue, too, as nearly half of students think  their education lacks adequate personal finance training, which compounds their stress over future debt and job security.”

Image credits: Pixabay / pexels (not the actual photo)

A few universities and colleges consistently come out as the “cream of the crop”

WalletHub compared more than 800 higher-education institutions across the U.S. The personal finance company looked at factors like student selectivity, cost & financing and career outcomes. Princeton came out as the top university, followed by Yale University, Harvard University, Massachusetts Institute of Technology and Dartmouth.

In terms of colleges, the top spot went to Swarthmore. Hamilton College came in second, followed by Amherst, Wellesley, and Harvey Mudd College. The top ten higher education institutions in America are all universities. “Universities tend to rank higher than colleges due to their inclusion of graduate-level programs, greater on-campus opportunities and higher earnings for students post-graduation,” reported Lupo at the time.

But that doesn’t mean you should discredit colleges. “There are still tons of high-ranking colleges, which offer their own advantages like smaller class sizes, more personalized learning and often safer campuses,” added Lipo.

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: Pixabay / pexels (not the actual photo)

Experts are divided on whether prestigious colleges and universities are really worth the hefty price tag

“Graduates from elite schools tend to earn higher salaries, which could provide a good return on investment,” said Jenna A. Robinson, the President of the James G. Martin Center for Academic Renewal. Robinson added that return on investment varies considerably by major and career path.

Bill Coplin is a Professor of Policy Studies at Syracuse University. He believes the main advantage of Ivy League or name-brand schools is “you get to network with rich students and their parents.” And says the skill development is no better or “maybe worse” than other higher learning institutions.

“One of my graduates sent me an email telling me that the Harvard graduate who was hired when he was did not know how to run a copy machine. This may be a mundane skill but others like using Excel may not be there either,” said Coplin.

Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / pexels (not the actual photo)

The daughter might still have options, should she decide to follow through on her no-contact threat

Paying your way through college without your parents’ help is no easy task. But if Ella’s heart is set on a prestigious place of study, all is not lost. “Most Ivy League schools provide generous financial aid packages to low-income students. Many students do not pay the sticker price,” revealed Robinson.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ella could look into things like federal financial aid, scholarships, grants or student loans. “Scholarships and grants are ideal as they don’t require repayment,” recommended Lupo during our chat.”Work-study programs offer income without heavy time commitments, and part-time jobs can also provide supplemental income. Student loans are another option, though it’s wise to consider federal loans first, as they tend to offer better rates and repayment options.” Lupo also suggested attending community college for the first year or two, saying it can “significantly lower costs before transferring to a four-year institution”.

Ella’s mom revealed in the comments that her daughter doesn’t work so that she has the time to focus on her studies. But if the feud with her mom continues, she might just have to consider getting a job. She might also need to think about going to a cheaper college.

Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)

“She can’t have both”: Some netizens rallied behind the mom, saying her daughter needs to learn about consequences

ADVERTISEMENT

Some netizens said more info was needed to make a decision, while others  felt both the mom and daughter were in the wrong

In an update, the mom said she’d decided to keep the money aside while she tries to “talk things out” with her daughter

Image credits: Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Good_Guest1421

Share on Facebook
Robyn Smith

Robyn Smith

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

Robyn is an award-winning journalist who has produced work for several international media outlets. Made in Africa and exported to the world, she is obsessed with travel and the allure of new places. A lover of words and visuals, Robyn is part of the Bored Panda writing team. This Panda has two bamboo tattoos: A map of Africa & the words "Be Like The Bamboo... Bend Never Break."

Read less »
Robyn Smith

Robyn Smith

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Robyn is an award-winning journalist who has produced work for several international media outlets. Made in Africa and exported to the world, she is obsessed with travel and the allure of new places. A lover of words and visuals, Robyn is part of the Bored Panda writing team. This Panda has two bamboo tattoos: A map of Africa & the words "Be Like The Bamboo... Bend Never Break."

Gabija Saveiskyte

Gabija Saveiskyte

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

Hi there! I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. My job is to ensure that all the articles are aesthetically pleasing. I get to work with a variety of topics ranging from all the relationship drama to lots and lots of memes and, my personal favorites, funny cute cats. When I am not perfecting the images, you can find me reading with a cup of matcha latte and a cat in my lap, taking photos (of my cat), getting lost in the forest, or simply cuddling with my cat... Did I mention that I love cats?

Read less »

Gabija Saveiskyte

Gabija Saveiskyte

Author, BoredPanda staff

Hi there! I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. My job is to ensure that all the articles are aesthetically pleasing. I get to work with a variety of topics ranging from all the relationship drama to lots and lots of memes and, my personal favorites, funny cute cats. When I am not perfecting the images, you can find me reading with a cup of matcha latte and a cat in my lap, taking photos (of my cat), getting lost in the forest, or simply cuddling with my cat... Did I mention that I love cats?

What do you think ?
Add photo comments
POST
Suzie
Community Member
5 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she wants to go no contact with her mom then that includes going no contact with mom's bank account. Her daughter can't have it both ways.

Fembot
Community Member
4 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom made a promise to her kids. And at the first (no mention of anything before) conflict she’s punishing her kid, withholding access to education in lieu of love. (Not a car or luxury: education). Let’s call it a very transactional parenting style

Load More Replies...
Libstak
Community Member
4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she wants nothing more to do with her mum, she can't possibly expect her mum to keep giving her money, you can't have it both ways.

Caro Caro
Community Member
3 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a feeling that boyfriend wants to get his hands on the money and "live happily ever after" and the daughter is stupid enough to blieve him. The money should be used for college; I would pay the fees directly to college/uni to ensure the money is not used for other things.

Load More Replies...
TribbleThinking
Community Member
5 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, that was ironic. Lol. I agree with not handing over fistfuls of money to someone who is behaving erratically. There was an implicit contract of mutual respect and basic courtesies that isn't being fulfilled by the daughter.

moggie63
Community Member
4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why does everything require therapy? There are billions of people on the planet who manage to deal with all sorts of problems, some of them really serious, without the need to spend lots of money they don't have on somebody to 'help' them.

Fembot
Community Member
4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a parent you don’t go nuclear at the first sign of conflict, ever. The fact she’s prepared to burn bridges doesn’t tell me she’s an emotionally stable person. But perhaps one at the end of her (financial) rope. Talk to each other from a place of love (and get counseling if you can)

KatSaidWhat
Community Member
3 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pay the school directly, see if the boyfriend sticks around when he realises she's not getting the cash. Sounds like she is in an abusive relationship, hope this gets fixed.

Susical
Community Member
2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH. The daughter was disrespectful & rude. She's also 18 years old, & this is fairly common behavior for a struggling teen. They sometimes even threaten to run away or go no contact - it doesn't necessarily mean they would. Too bad the other party involved - the mom - wasn't an adult about it either & so turned a fight into some huge nuclear event. I am a parent, & I can't imagine promising for 18 years that my child would get a good education, then yanking it away because she hurt my feelings. :( See, here's my theory about loving kids: they may abandon us, but that doesn't mean we abandon them back. My step-son went NC with me after I divorced his father. It was a horrible shock & will hurt forever. But even though I'm beyond hurt, even though I'm angry, I would always welcome him back into my life if he changed his mind. He's my kid, ya know?

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
1 hour ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What kind of Bond villain stupid is this girl? You don't tell them the plan before you have what you want.

SirWriteALot
Community Member
3 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kids need to go "no contact" for a while and figure out who they are. It'll probably just mean they'll call in twice a month. But that's fine. It is your job as a parent to make them independent. They'll come around. Unless you, the parent, burn bridges.

kkrq2vk4tm
Community Member
11 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's made it clear she will not contact you after she goes to college that's fair enough let her go, don't buy her temporary friendship because once she has got her education paid for she'll turn her back on you she needs to learn that you can't threaten people

Earonn -
Community Member
15 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say, if the daughter says she wants to go no contact that giving or withholding the money won't solve the issue. Clearly, there's more going on there, and the row over the money is a mere symptom. The root cause needs to be looked into.

Fellfromthemoon
Community Member
21 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As the money comes from the father's life insurance, it is possible that the amount belongs only techically to the mother. Depending on the local regulation, when a surviving parent handles the heritage of a minor can be messy. (It happened with some acquaitances that the mother died and her part of the shared assets (house) went to the child (3 years old). When the father needed to do anything with the house, he needed to get a permission from the Guardianship Authorities, a.k.a. jump through hoops.) So, the 18-year-old daughter expects her inherited money.

Trillian
Community Member
23 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She sounds very immature for an 18 year old. I get tantrums like that from my 8 year old.

Veronica Jean
Community Member
42 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The person saying the comments the daughter gave were not hurtful: You don't get to decide what other people find hurtful. FYI.

Suzie
Community Member
5 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she wants to go no contact with her mom then that includes going no contact with mom's bank account. Her daughter can't have it both ways.

Fembot
Community Member
4 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom made a promise to her kids. And at the first (no mention of anything before) conflict she’s punishing her kid, withholding access to education in lieu of love. (Not a car or luxury: education). Let’s call it a very transactional parenting style

Load More Replies...
Libstak
Community Member
4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she wants nothing more to do with her mum, she can't possibly expect her mum to keep giving her money, you can't have it both ways.

Caro Caro
Community Member
3 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a feeling that boyfriend wants to get his hands on the money and "live happily ever after" and the daughter is stupid enough to blieve him. The money should be used for college; I would pay the fees directly to college/uni to ensure the money is not used for other things.

Load More Replies...
TribbleThinking
Community Member
5 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, that was ironic. Lol. I agree with not handing over fistfuls of money to someone who is behaving erratically. There was an implicit contract of mutual respect and basic courtesies that isn't being fulfilled by the daughter.

moggie63
Community Member
4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why does everything require therapy? There are billions of people on the planet who manage to deal with all sorts of problems, some of them really serious, without the need to spend lots of money they don't have on somebody to 'help' them.

Fembot
Community Member
4 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a parent you don’t go nuclear at the first sign of conflict, ever. The fact she’s prepared to burn bridges doesn’t tell me she’s an emotionally stable person. But perhaps one at the end of her (financial) rope. Talk to each other from a place of love (and get counseling if you can)

KatSaidWhat
Community Member
3 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pay the school directly, see if the boyfriend sticks around when he realises she's not getting the cash. Sounds like she is in an abusive relationship, hope this gets fixed.

Susical
Community Member
2 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH. The daughter was disrespectful & rude. She's also 18 years old, & this is fairly common behavior for a struggling teen. They sometimes even threaten to run away or go no contact - it doesn't necessarily mean they would. Too bad the other party involved - the mom - wasn't an adult about it either & so turned a fight into some huge nuclear event. I am a parent, & I can't imagine promising for 18 years that my child would get a good education, then yanking it away because she hurt my feelings. :( See, here's my theory about loving kids: they may abandon us, but that doesn't mean we abandon them back. My step-son went NC with me after I divorced his father. It was a horrible shock & will hurt forever. But even though I'm beyond hurt, even though I'm angry, I would always welcome him back into my life if he changed his mind. He's my kid, ya know?

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
1 hour ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What kind of Bond villain stupid is this girl? You don't tell them the plan before you have what you want.

SirWriteALot
Community Member
3 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kids need to go "no contact" for a while and figure out who they are. It'll probably just mean they'll call in twice a month. But that's fine. It is your job as a parent to make them independent. They'll come around. Unless you, the parent, burn bridges.

kkrq2vk4tm
Community Member
11 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's made it clear she will not contact you after she goes to college that's fair enough let her go, don't buy her temporary friendship because once she has got her education paid for she'll turn her back on you she needs to learn that you can't threaten people

Earonn -
Community Member
15 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say, if the daughter says she wants to go no contact that giving or withholding the money won't solve the issue. Clearly, there's more going on there, and the row over the money is a mere symptom. The root cause needs to be looked into.

Fellfromthemoon
Community Member
21 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As the money comes from the father's life insurance, it is possible that the amount belongs only techically to the mother. Depending on the local regulation, when a surviving parent handles the heritage of a minor can be messy. (It happened with some acquaitances that the mother died and her part of the shared assets (house) went to the child (3 years old). When the father needed to do anything with the house, he needed to get a permission from the Guardianship Authorities, a.k.a. jump through hoops.) So, the 18-year-old daughter expects her inherited money.

Trillian
Community Member
23 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She sounds very immature for an 18 year old. I get tantrums like that from my 8 year old.

Veronica Jean
Community Member
42 minutes ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The person saying the comments the daughter gave were not hurtful: You don't get to decide what other people find hurtful. FYI.

You May Like
Related on Bored Panda
Related on Bored Panda
Trending on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda