Poor kid's probably just trying to fit in. Then again, it's probably best to learn that sometimes "no" is a valid response

If the child is an attention hog in class, she's going to be a nightmare at a birthday party. I wonder how many parties she was not invited to in her old school? I suspect quite a few, given the mother's reaction of pressuring for an invitation rather than trying to guide her daughter into being more socially adept.

Considering how hard the CC mom is trying to push her kid to get invited, that mom might just be the reason why the kid acts the way they do.

Why would you want someone you disliked at your party? I wouldn't tolerate it and I'm in my 50s! The pushy mother should be sorting her own kid out not guilt tripping others.

NTA You aren't entitled to invitation just because you exist. That's life. Deal with it.

Letting her come would have been a great way to get the girl to go from disliked to hated and picked on. Of course they would resent here being their. Of course they would treat her badly. Some idiot said this wouldn't fly at work either and yes honey. Yes it does. As an adult a group of other adults where you work will go do fun things without inviting you and you being an adult with your own life and own friends will think nothing of it. You know that your not close with those people. You know in the real world everyone doesn't get an invite. Suck it up. There is nothing wrong with telling your kid that other kids only want their friends at their party and she needs a closer relationship to get an invite. Tell her to be extra nice to who she wants to befriend and invite them to play at the park or something. That way next time she will get an invite. Friendships can be work. It's not something your entitled too.

My daughter went to a school that had too many parents who wanted to ‘one up’ each other when it came to parties, we soon discovered that part of that process was to invite the whole class, 25+ children to your party, costs were ridiculous tbh. We very quickly noped out of that silliness. We made each party smaller and more focussed on quality over quantity, no need for inclusivity or big displays of wealth. Our daughter got to choose a small number of close friends and more were left out than came along. Those six classmates are still a tight bunch 8 years on, they are now young teenagers, tomorrow they are meeting up to go out for Halloween with younger brothers and sisters. The class clown is still the class clown and he’s still working out how to find his place, it’s not his fault but equally his parents haven’t helped him settle or take an alternative path, it isn’t my daughter’s job to include him or invite him along and I know she won’t.

NTA. The kid is not obligated to invite the entire class or every girl in the class. No way is the mother an A here, she tried to spare people's feelings with a generic answer, and only provided the daughter's reason when pushed by the other mother who wouldn't take no for an answer.

I was the kid typically not invited (poor kid in a rich school district, so different reasons I know). If it was true that "most of the girls" and not ALL of the other girls were invited, then she was not actually singled out. But being invited to a party you are not actually wanted at creates such a worse situation and resulting feelings than not being invited in the first place. Sadly, the mom just created more problems for the new girl as now she might be ostracized and miss out on any potential future friendships with these girls because "she got mommy involved and almost ruined our party". As a mom, I insist on just a handful or the entire class for my own kids and their activities outside of school.

That uninvited child needs to learn that you don‘t have to be invited to all parties and that you can‘t make friends with everyone. If she actually wishes to find more friends and get more invitations, she has to reconsider her social behaviour. Yes, children are able to if they actually want to. She‘s still young an learning. She might stay the class clown forever or she might change over time. Every scenario would be ok.

All who wrote YTA and demand Emma invites Lily: It would be better to cancel the whole party than force an invitation. With the class clown forcibly included when the actual host does not want her there, the party is going to be absolutely miserable for everyone.

Eleven years old is exactly when girls are at thier most cliquish and bullying. The other girl is new. This is a rough set up and an awkward age. I think all or minority is a good judgement call on the adults side to save from hurting the uninvited. The bday girl can have that choice still, all or like 5 closest only. Sometimes kindness is more important than being technically right. 11 year old girls are fragile little egos and adults at least should be cognizant of how easily damage can cut them very deep.

Ya'll must under 50 cause most of you sound it. I was the kid who didn't get Valentine's cards, didn't get picked for parties, and all that s**t all through school. I was the weird one, the freak, the Queer, and was the most popular because I was so Unpopular. And you know what, I'm glad nobody was FORCED to invite me to their parties or to give me a Secret Santa gift or any of that other s**t. It wouldn't have been sincere, and all of those kids would have just made me feel worse anyway. What it did do was toughen me the f**k up, something a lot of you helicopter babies obviously didn't do growing-up. Whine and complain cause you didn't get picked or didn't a get a damn participation trophy. Grow some balls and move on.

Class Clown is getting an important lesson about how actions have consequences. Maybe she will learn, but given the state of society these days, it's highly unlikely. People no longer seem to understand this. Bet CC's mom got a lot of participation awards. 🙄

Janelle Collard

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"Clown's" mom needs to explain to her daughter: not everyone will want to be her friend. Also; talk to her about why she feels she has to be the "clown." Then tell her - some people are not ok with that. (Nicely, obviously!)

My mom was awfully cold (no love or affection, but LOTSA beatings), and I still remember my sixth birthday party and wanting to invite all the girls in my class but one. My mom explained that’d be cruel, and how would I feel if everyone were invited somewhere but I wasn’t? I saw her point and relented. When I think back on my ma and all the s****y things she taught me (the most important of which was “What will people think?” Argh. 😞), I remember that lesson about not being unkind, and I am sooo grateful I learned it. I’m aghast at all the people saying “Yes! Exclude the little b***h!” No wonder people are rude, unkind, and self-centered these days. 😰

OP said MOST of the girls in class were invited....not everyone except Lily. And it sounds like the boys weren't invited at all, either. IF this was taking place on school property, then school rules of including everyone. It isn't, it's private. I will never understand why some people think inviting people you don't like is the thing to do. Lily may be trying too hard to fit in, but this isn't the time or place to try to fix that, nor is it up to OP or her daughter to do so.

The YTA comment about co-workers is laughable. No one invites every co-worker to their private parties, and they're not obligated to! I worked at a job for 40 years, several co-workers who got married didn't invite me *because we weren't close* We were cordial in the office, nothing more. I was not offended. These were private events, not work-mandated meetings. The mom of the other girl needs to explain to her daughter that not everyone likes you and that's okay. She also needs to talk to her daughter about clowning around and being disruptive in class (and the teacher needs to have a meeting with this kid's parents about this, too).

I kinda agree with both sides. On one hand yes - invite whomever you want, don't invite people you don't like. That's very fair. But if a kid dislikes a new kid in class, maybe the mother should have the talk with her kid about reaching out and giving the new girl a real chance? I'm not saying pushing her to be friends; it's fine to dislike somebody, but maybe the kid snapped to judgement too quickly

I agree that the girl having the party should have been able to invite those she wanted, but she is at an age where there is still some guidance needed. Mom should have told her the number of girls she could invite and she should know that you don't invite all but one or two. She could have invited her closest friends and there would have likely been no problem. A party excluding only two or three is unkind. I think not inviting the new girl is especially exclusive when most of the girls were invited. They can't truly know her that well and it does seem wrong to leave her out just because she is the class clown. Mom could have tried to teach by telling her daughter that all girls should be invited if the majority were. She could have explained how kind it would be to treat this girl in a better way. It might make all the difference in her life. Her Mom should not have called. I would have been hurt for her, but would have invited the others left out to do something really special.

was allowed to invite so many to my first boy-girl party. Some of the boys said they wouldn't come if so-and-so and so-and -so weren't invited. I was 12. I invited the girls I didn't like so the boys would come. All but one of those girls didn't show. I lost a few friends that didn't get invited

Not you and especially not your child is responsible for others' wellbeing. If Lily feel left out, she has a mom and mom should teach her that yeah, life goes like this, not everyone likes you and sometimes they leave you out from some events. Lily definitely has a problem and the cause is her family. Mom and Lily should go to therapy, either individually or as family. Being the class clown means she has struggles at home and she tries to solve them with humor and/or distraction. Lily has way more bigger problems than being left out from a party, and her mom has to deal with them.

As long as she is quiet should the class clown girl have a party of her own and not invite her daughter, then so be it. I agree with the comment that mentioned that even if the girl was invited, she likely wouldn’t have a good time because no one would interact with her. I hope she forms her own friend group so she won't be alone. This is really sad.