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Man Accused Of Going Too Far By Disowning Adopted Daughter As She Preferred Mom’s Affair Partner
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Man Accused Of Going Too Far By Disowning Adopted Daughter As She Preferred Mom’s Affair Partner

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Betrayal is the worst thing to face, and it’s even more heartbreaking when it’s done by someone you love. When you put your trust in someone else, it’s shocking if the other person takes it for granted or stomps on your heart. It’s even worse when the betrayer is your own kid who is purposely trying to hurt your feelings.

A man on Reddit found out that his stepdaughter had known about his wife’s affair all along and chose to keep the secret because the other man was buying her stuff.

More info: Reddit 

RELATED:

    Man is left heartbroken after he finds out wife is cheating on him, is shocked when he realizes stepdaughter knew all along and didn’t tell him 

    Image credits: Vidal Balielo Jr. (not the actual photo)

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    35YO man married a woman who already had a child and decided to adopt her daughter Lisa, they also had a kid of their own named Marc

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    Image credits: Armin Rimoldi (not the actual photo)

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    He became suspicious of his wife after catching her texting and exiting the room to take calls, one day he found her on the phone while Marc lay crying on the floor in soiled diapers

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    Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)

    His wife said she’d been sleeping with her ex-boss, Daniel, for 6 months, but what hurt him more was his stepdaughter kept the secret from him because Daniel used to buy her stuff

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    Image credits: u/BraveExplanation2530

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    He left them both and took his son to his parents’ house, he decided to divorce his wife and disown Lisa because he felt she should have known better as a 13YO

    The Original Poster (OP) is a 35-year-old man, and he met his wife, a 33-year-old woman, at university 12 years back. Three months into dating her, he found out that she had a daughter named Lisa. She had the kid when she was a teen. At first, he was shocked and wanted to dump the woman, but he stayed and began caring for her kid as if she were his own. The couple then decided to get married in 2019, and two years later, he adopted Lisa. 

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    The man shared that he had worked hard to give his wife and daughter luxuries that he only dreamed of as a kid. He even cared a lot for Lisa and did not make her feel like she wasn’t his daughter. Studies have shown that positive stepchild and stepparent relationships can reduce children’s stress, academic problems, and negative internalization. This shows that the poster’s love and care for the child must have had a positive impact on her life.

    A year after adopting Lisa, his wife gave birth to their son, Marc. She decided to become a stay-at-home mom, and he was fine with her decision. But he began to realize that she was spending a lot of time with her friends. She also seemed to constantly be texting and even exited the room when she was on call. It seemed like she only did that for one specific “friend.”

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    One day when the OP returned home, he was shocked to find Marc lying on the floor all along, crying. The baby’s diaper was soiled, and it seemed like he hadn’t been cleaned since morning, while his wife was outside on her phone talking to someone. When he confronted her, he got to know that she had been sleeping with her ex-boss, Daniel, for 6 months.

    Research on betrayal has found that infidelity and dishonesty can be traumatic and cause considerable distress to the individual. It can cause the person to feel angry, doubt themselves, grieve, have lower self-esteem, and be preoccupied with morbid things. The OP was angered by his wife’s infidelity and could not believe that she would put her son at risk as well.

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    Image credits: Phil Nguyen (not the actual photo)

    When his stepdaughter heard the argument, she came downstairs and casually asked him if he knew about Daniel. The man broke down in tears when he realized that his stepdaughter knew about his wife’s affair. When he questioned her about why she had kept the information from him, she replied, “because unlike YOU, Daniel buys me the things I want without having to beg.” She even went so far as to say he wasn’t her real dad. 

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    The trauma of betrayal can have long-lasting effects on a person. Studies have shown that the way a person processes a highly stressful event depends on the nature of the relationship between the victim and perpetrator. If the victim cares about or trusts the perpetrator a lot, it can lead to high betrayal trauma. In this case, the man shared that he broke down when he learned that even his daughter was part of his wife’s lies. It must have hurt him severely to be betrayed by two people whom he trusted so much.

    When commenters asked the poster how he felt about Lisa, he shared: “she isnt 9 yrs old. She fully understood what she said. i want to be in her life. i love her to death. but please explain to me how I can i excuse whatever bs she told me. she needs to learn that this isnt how you talk to your father. She watched me go to work every single f**king day knowing damn well that during that time some mf was smashing her mom in our bed. Even if she was biologically mine, she needs to see consequences.”

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    After the incident, the man left and took Marc with him. He stayed at his parents’ house and began drinking himself to sleep every day. He decided to cancel his stepdaughter’s private tuition and her extracurricular activities. He contacted a divorce lawyer and blocked his wife after telling her, “get a lawyer and tell that ungrateful thing of yours to start calling Daniel her dad. Im disowning her.”

    Survivors of betrayal trauma often don’t seek support from people and struggle with regulating their emotions. In this case, the man dove deep into drinking and refused to listen to his friends who were trying to get him to see clearly. Luckily for him, his parents were willing to look after him and his son.

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    Being cheated on is painful, but to experience another crushing blow on top of that is extremely difficult. The poster’s entire life came crashing down on him because of his wife and stepdaughter’s actions. Netizens shared supportive comments and advice with the poster, especially telling him to stop drinking because it will only make things worse. Do you think the man was right to cut off his wife and adopted daughter? Tell us what you think in the comments.

    Netizens advised the poster to do a DNA test on Marc and to quit drinking for his own health and safety

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    Ic_polls

    Poll Question

    How do you view Lisa's actions of keeping the affair secret because she was receiving gifts?

    Understandable but wrong

    Completely unjustifiable

    She was manipulated and shouldn't be blamed

    She's just a child influenced by material things

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    Beverly Noronha

    Beverly Noronha

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    You can call me Bev! I'm a world-class reader, a quirky writer, and a gardener who paints. If you’re looking for information about tattoos, Bulbasaur, and books, then I'm the NPC you must approach.

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    Beverly Noronha

    Beverly Noronha

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    You can call me Bev! I'm a world-class reader, a quirky writer, and a gardener who paints. If you’re looking for information about tattoos, Bulbasaur, and books, then I'm the NPC you must approach.

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

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    I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

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    Monika Pašukonytė

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

    What do you think ?
    Add photo comments
    POST
    ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Both of these women are appalling excuses for people. Divorce, disown, destroy in court and never lose resolve. Their apologies are just manipulations that will increase when they realize that their old life is gone because of their own behavior.

    D W
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She is a child, but at 13 she knew full well what she was doing. Not telling him about the affair is bad enough but then goading her father like that is spiteful and intended to hurt

    Giraffy Window
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is NEVER a child's responsibility to sort out their parent's personal affairs, no matter how much information they're aware of. None of this is on Lisa.

    DC
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe, but Lisa won't lose her livelihood, she'll just lose luxuries. That, she can deserve at 13 years!

    Manana Man
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree. He's putting way too much on a 13 year old. I've read that it's age 25 when the brain is fully mature, which certainly jives with my personal experience. Also, you have no idea what kind of pressure her mother was putting on her. These 'you're not my real dad' things come out of kids mouths in these situations. You've almost got to expect it. Their children. They lack self control and they lash out in whatever immature way they know how. Her reasons for doing so are equally immature and probably the best explanation she can come up with for her emotions which she doesn't even really understand. Give the kid a break. The mom on the other hand, you should probably be done with her, lots of issues there.

    Alexandra
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The 13-year old is just as materialistic as her mother and sees people in terms of what they can give her. That has nothing to do with brain but with morals.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All the more reason only dad she has ever known to keep in contact with her and try to teach better morals.

    h to da izzle
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    despite it not being a childs responsibility, today we're trying to teach our children values, letting them participate and have control over their lives from young age and at least a little bit of a moral way to be a decent human being, she should/could have thought about it. I am not saying that the kid had to tell it to him, but to say something to her mom. at least that she would not be comfortable with lying to him. But as we see, luxuries are a more valuable thing than honesty. But i think the story went downhill from the point when he first met her and her daughter and she "forgot" to mention her in the first place. When you have to beg for someone to stay its kinda fishy to me.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a teenager luxuries will win over a at least 8 out of 10x after the hug they still want the luxuries. Source my 15yr grandchild .

    v
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're only considering one edge of the sword she wielded. What about her justification basically amounted to her telling him that she likes what's his name better for nothing other than materialistic reasons.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Which also hold the possibility that she still loves dad.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Giraffy Window - You may be right that it wasn't her responsibility to sort out anything, however, if she had any loyalty to her father, the man who raised her, she would have let him know what was going on and not said to him what she did. She's old enough to know right from wrong. She chose the wrong side in this fight.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Therapist told me at that age they still think parents should be able to see what's going on. Makes no sense to an adult brain. I asked at 13 she said yes even at 13 it usually becomes completely apparent to in a couple years depending on the kid.

    Aelin Wildfire
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless her mom told her that if she told her dad, she'd be responsible for the marriage ending.... There's any number of things the mom could have said that would have kept the girl's mouth shut, even if she did know that what her mom was doing was wrong.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aelin Wildfire - Okay, that may be the case, however, what she said to the man who raised her and provided all kinds of extras is totally wrong. Keeping quiet while it is ongoing is one thing (still wrong), but trashing her father to his face is not right. She chose the side she wanted, now she has to live with it.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes old enough to understand but not to do anything about it.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lawpanda - Wrong! She could have told her father what was going on, which would have been doing something. She just chose not to, which is on her. Her loyalties and morals are screwed up!

    Louise Clarke
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There are tons of studies that show that children, under the age of around 20, haven't fully developed the part of the brain that processes consequences of actions. She acted out of anger to protect her mom. Yes what she did/said was awful. But it's important to keep what I said in mind when dealing with those who are under 20 or so years old.

    v
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Acting out of what anger? He didn't cheat on her mother. If the anger you're speaking of is because what's his name buys her what she wants then her response in the situation was fully formed by her. Granted, people have to learn about actions/consequences. Some people simply start learning earlier than others.

    Louise Clarke
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The anger was from seeing her mom crying. Even though the mom was definitely in the wrong. Seeing her mom made her jump to defend her. Also it's not about learning actions/consequences it's about the ability to comprehend and process them.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Louise Clark - And what about the pain her father was feeling. She came in the middle of the discussion and asked if he knew about the boyfriend. This shows a large lack of morals and common sense. She gave herself away big time.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Louise Clark - I've said it several times here, but it bears repeating. No matter how old she is, at 13 she knows right from wrong. If she thinks what her mother did was right, she has no morals or loyalty. She's getting what she deserves.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Come on at 13 she knows right and wrong but hasn't learned how to apply them correctly. She has a poor example of a mom probably telling her daddy is going to take you away and your baby brother too. We teach kids why things wrong or right. Condemning a 13yr for acting rashly is like expecting a 2yr old to be potty trained when they turn 2. Not because you taught them just because they can hold it longer.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lawanda - No, you come on. She knows how to apply right and wrong, she just chose not to. I don't care what the mother was telling her, she grew up with the man who always treated her right, so she should have had his back. Thirteen year olds are not dumb, in fact, they are smarter today than they've ever been. She did not act rashly, she chose which side she wanted to be on. She deserves whatever comes her way as does her mother.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Svenne O'Lotta - You're correct, she's a child. However, she's old enough to know right from wrong. If she had any loyalty to the man who raised her and provided for her needs, she would have told him what was going on from the beginning. Also, she said right out that he wasn't her father and that she liked the other man better. She deserves no consideration from her father.

    Sunny Day
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think the girl was reacting to her mom crying, and trying to shut down OPs questions. Not that she wasn't being a b***h, but she felt compelled to stick up for mom. On the plus side, OP can get custody of his son, girl stays with mom, and that makes child support a wash.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sunny Day - And who was sticking up for her dad? Why didn't he have any of her support after raising her all those years? So the mother was crying, it was only what she brought on herself. If the daughter had any morals, she wouldn't have chosen the side she did.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he adopted her he can see her it might mitigate some of damage moms doing.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lawpanda - She was very clear that she didn't want to see him. Pushing himself on her will just cause him more problems. Who knows what her next steps would be, maybe accuse him of something he didn't do. If the mother has that much influence over her, as vindictive as she is, things will not go well for him. No, he's right to cut the strings with her and her mother.

    Captain McSmoot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP did everything flawlessly and how I would have done them. Bravo, good sir! Bravo! Stay strong and get them out of your lives. I don't care if you think your son is a "mini me"; get a DNA test done by a doctor and find out. Your son may have doubts later on in life; you'll be able to smash those doubts head on.

    SheamusFanFrom1987
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP, for the love of Marc and your own sanity, DROP 'EM!!! Far be it from me to call women the B-word but it looks like we have us a pair here instead. Divorce, disown and drop them faster than the speed of light. Let them go and kiss up to Daniel instead and see if he is as willing to have them full-time with baggage included rather than a fast tryst. SMH!!! >:-(

    C.O. Shea
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Women like this disgust me. And I'm a woman. Gaslighting, gold-digging not one, but two men? World-class ássholes! Lay off the alcohol, set a good example for your son, and teach him well.

    Giraffy Window
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    The daughter is a 13 year old child. She bears Zero fault in her parent's irresponsible choices.

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    Melissa Harris
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The mother has used her minor daughter to help cover up an affair and taught her to view her dad as an ATM.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Giraffy Window - Please tell us what irresponsible choice her father made? As far as being a 13 year old child, I agree that she's 13, but not that she's a child. If she's such a child, how is it that she not only knew about the affair, but approved it as well. Kids today are much more mature than in the past. They grow up much quicker.

    dayngerkat
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would've done the same thing and also kick them out of the house and get a DNA test

    Sahil Islam
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He did nothing wrong. They did EVERYTHING wrong. They deserve the suffering coming for them. I hope there's an update.

    Chez2202
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where does OP live that he can lose his house, most of his savings and anything else his wife wants in a divorce where she cheated and destroyed the marriage and he has screenshots of it as proof?

    Ali
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    His wife is SAHM, she may be more entitled than average in a divorce because the argument could be made that she sacrificed her career for the family.

    Melissa Harris
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh boy. The apple didn't fall far from that tree. The OPs Ex is a pretty awful person and mother. She neglected her infant son and whatever parenting she's been doing with her daughter has turned the girl into an ungrateful brat. I have a step dad. He raised me longer then my actual father and I would never think, let alone say, anything like that. Where the hell did she even get the idea into her head the the OP isn't her 'real' dad. She hasn't had any other dads. Her biological father skipped out. This isn't the same as a step parent coming in when the child is older or having the bio parent also in the picture. This isn't a complex blended family situation. The cheater had her own teenager cover for her and made her complicit in the affair. She and her affair partner bribed and manipulated the girl with money and gifts and her mom taught ger this was an acceptable way to treat people. He needs a pit bull of a divorce lawyer and to sue for custody of his son. Also to STOP drinking and get his s**t together to prove she's an unfit parent. Getting a minor involved in the cover up off an affair like this is a form of emotional abuse. Unfortunately, the girl has learned the very hard lesson that there are some things once said that can't be taken back. Words, just as much as actions, have consequences. Some things once broken cannot be fixed. I hope she learns from this and her mother's example and grows up a better person then her mother.

    ADZ
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Get a grip many of you, she's 13 not 5. She knew what she was saying and doing. At best she hoped to make adoptive dad buy here more stuff buy abusing him when his life was falling apart. Also both mum and 13yo left a baby on the floor for hours in filth. Mums raised a little sociopath.

    Deanna Crichley
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He says right in the text that he changed his son's diaper. He attended to the baby before confronting his wife. He probably sent the son upstairs because the wife had already hit him, while he was holding the baby. Maybe didn't want to give her another opportunity. Maybe had concerns that the discussion would get heated, and didn't want to cause the baby distress.

    Marinasongs1432
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Okay- to those protecting these women- 13 is much old enough to understand right from wrong. And, she isn’t even his child. He has every right to protect himself. AND she said he wasn’t her dad, clearly she doesn’t respect him as a dad, he doesn’t need to be her daughter.

    Svenne O'Lotta
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He adopted her. She is his child. Are you saying that biological children are more real than adopted ones?

    Load More Replies...
    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Svenne O'Lotta - Actually, no one is saying that. We're saying that the girl made her feelings clear. SHE said he wasn't her father. She likes the boyfriend more than the man who adopted and raised her all those years.

    DC
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. Disown them, sue them, but never talk to them again in person. That might hurt, maybe even you, but ... they deserve it.

    Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know if there is any coming back from that... People screw up, maybe his marriage can be saved if they both want it to be. But that kind of prolonged betrayal is insanely hard to get over.. sadly I know from experience. The stuff from the daughter.. yeah thatll never be undone.

    Papa
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am by no means making excuses for her, but a 13-year old shouldn't face life long consequences because of something she said, which being cut off by her adopted father would be. People grow up. I'm not saying this girl will or won't, but she very well might learn to regret saying what she did.

    Deanna Crichley
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She even said so herself, he's not her 'real' dad. Perhaps she should look her 'real' dad up

    Load More Replies...
    ADZ
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What life long consequences? Not being a spoilt privileged brat and having to earn her own way and be a decent human? She's not homeless and has her mother. Might teach her how to act, she's 13 not 5.

    Papa
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The lifelong consequences of her adoptive father cutting her out of his life over something she did when she was 13.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Papa - What she said and did was hateful and hurtful. She knew what she was saying, but said it anyway. Anything coming her way is totally deserved. She chose her side and now has to live with it. I don't know why people are saying that 13 year olds shouldn't be expected to be responsible for the things they say and do. Today, children grow up much faster than in the past. The fact that she knew about the affair and approved of it shows she's more in the know that you all are saying.

    Marinasongs1432
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Update: he talked to his daughter. She was manipulated with getting a new phone for silence. She got used to him, and she originally wanted to tell him. The man stopped drinking, the wife stopped cheating, and they’re both together for now, trying to figure everything out.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry this happened to you. I know it sucks. You will come better. Your daughter clearly has a money oriented mom. Children can be easily manipulated. As a young teen monetary things play a huge role. The advice a therapist gave me was even at 13 the engage magical thinking you should know more because you are the parent. After mr.charming. Turns charming downit would be good to be there for her. You do both probably need therapy. Hoping for the best OP.

    Carlos Pinho
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never forgive a cheating person and revert if possible the adoption, she clearly knew what she was doing, IT IS UNFORGIVABLE. She needs to be taught a lesson, choices have consequences , the other guy can adopt her.

    Ali
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gee, I wonder why Lisa's baby daddy was never involved in her life? I'm willing to bet that Mommy Dearest doesn't know which guy knocked her up. I'm 100% on OPs side, divorce and disown. I'd also try to argue for full custody of the son, since his useless excuse of a soon to be ex couldn't even change the poor baby's diaper.

    Fable Weaver
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This man is being an @** plain and simple. What the heck? I'm shocked at the NTAs here. What an appalling way to show your adopted daughter that your love for her is reliant on your relationship with her mother. Did you ever love her or was being a "provider" all that matters to you? Was loving the kid just an act to win points with the mom? 13 is so young! Yeah. It's old enough to be mean on purpose, but it's not old enough to have a good grasp on when to be mean. If you want to talk about kicking someone while they're down, you're doing the same to her and your a full grown man. Yes, cheating is serious and you are in your rights to seek a divorce. But to disown a child? On the spot? For not following the bro code and repeating what she's likely heard from someone else?? 13 year olds have strong opinions, but they are famously very easy to manipulate. There's such a thing as an ex-wife, but there's no such thing as an ex-daughter. Agreeing to be a parent to someone is forever.

    Nitka Tsar
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He has been in the girls life for 12 of her 13 years. I‘m sure she loves him like a Dad. He IS her Dad. ….. even if the mother and her other man poisoned her towards him. My father wasn‘t a good husband, but at least he tried to be a good Dad. All my mothers family only talked bad about him. And he really was a s**t person. But he still was the only one who came to my graduation. As an adult now, I can appreciate that.

    Becca not Becky
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Idk about fully disowning the daughter but definitely no more funding the private school or extra curriculars. She's not responsible for her mom's affair but saying cruel things like that is something even a tween knows is wrong. I wonder if the mom or even the affair partner swayed her to resent her adoptive dad to keep her from ratting out the affair. I would be willing to consider a relationship when things settle and she matures a bit, but that's just me.

    nancy
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He adopted her. I don't know where these people live, but isn't child abandonment illegal? He will be required to pay child support.

    Melissa Harris
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He didn't abandon her on the side of the road. He left the girl with her mother. In a house. Taking the baby is actually the problematic bit as that could be construed as a parental abduction.

    Karina
    Community Member
    10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Soo impressed by this newly single guy, taking up dringing and passing his kid on his mother - while complaining about a 13 year olds immaturity.. i think his actions speaks for his quality as a man and a father, wich brings light to how his kid may have felt neglected.

    weatherwitch
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You have a 13 year old here caught in the middle. A teenager who's already lost one dad and then another one loved her enough (finally given his initial reaction) to adopt her. Phenomenonal ❤️ He treats this Child shockingly,his “daughter" as he puts it and blames a child. We are NOT seeing the full picture here. He's immediately drinking himself to sleep every night, the actions of someone who clearly over uses alcohol and without a Doubt will have been doing so before. As the loving parent of his baby son he's too f*****g pissed every night and his own mother is looking after his baby. And her adult baby. I'm not going into the affair aspect but the treatment of his own daughter is Despicable. I'm seriously concerned about the many comments abusing the young girl, the Child. I also very much doubt the same s****y comments would be given if the 13 year old was a boy. A 13 Girl is being called a woman, a term for Adults. They wouldn't be calling a 13 year old Boy a Man here would they?

    Svenne O'Lotta
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone in here is just cool with him canceling his daughter's school tuition? I mean what she said was unforgivable, but she's barely a teenager and he's taking away her education.

    H Wiley
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He is taking away her private school tuition. Public school is free and she can go there. Thats like saying" he is taking away her ability to drink" if he says "no more champaigne".

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    Asia Doyle
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly, he just wanted to be rid of the daughter. He wanted to dump his wife when they were dating, just because she didn't tell him about her daughter in the 3 months they were dating. 3 MONTHS! Dude, most people would feel that was still too soon to introduce a child to a partner, especially a female child. I know I never did, not that damn soon. True, the wife totally screwed up here, but I have to wonder if there isn't more to this. He went kinda nuclear, taking to baby and leaving, only to have his mom take care of the baby while he gets drunk off his a*s every day and night since the blowup. While divorce my be his only option right now, I'm wondering why she cheated and how many cracks her daughter saw in their marriage to comment the way she did. Not giving them a pass, but I really would like to hear the other side of this.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Asia Doyle - Interesting take on this situation. He wanted to be rid of them so bad that he married the mother and adopted the daughter. He provided for them over the years and apparently only expected loyalty in return. However, neither of them gave him what he needed. He took the baby because he was being neglected. As far as the drinking, he said he drinks himself to sleep each night, not that he drinks during the day, when I presume he goes to work. You seem to be on the side of the nasty wife and ungrateful daughter. Is there a reason for that? Maybe there's another side to YOUR story.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    AH for punishing his daughter. She's a kid, she's HIS kid and even if he's upset at her, that doesn't mean he's not her Dad! You can't have an ex daughter. But if he didn't love her in the first place, maybe that's why she's sides with her mom.

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's not her actual father by blood. Which she made clear when she told him she was keeping her mom's cheating secret because the other guy bought her stuff. She obviously has no remorse. I don't blame him for ditching her.

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    FluffyDreg
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Disowning? Yes. Punishing in general? No. How severe that punishment is? Also yes. He's acting on a lot of emotions right now so it's hard to know exactly what he's going to do. But she DOES need to know what she said was absolutely f**ked up and not okay.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    FreeTheUnicorn - He showed his love by adopting her and taking care of her over the years. If that's not enough for her, she has some screwed up ideas. And, HE didn't say he wasn't her dad, SHE did and in the most hurtful way ever. What, exactly, did she expect would happen?

    Min
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Agreed. You divorce spouses, not children.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Min - He didn't divorce her, SHE kicked him to the curb. And, 13 years old is more than old enough to learn that actions/words have consequences. Neither his wife nor his daughter showed any concern for him or his feelings.

    Jess
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly! If she was a daughter "by blood" he wouldn't have ditched her so quickly

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jess - In this case, blood has nothing to do with anything. He showed his love for her by adopting her and taking care of her all these years. She showed her lack of love by her words and actions. She deserves whatever is coming her way.

    ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Both of these women are appalling excuses for people. Divorce, disown, destroy in court and never lose resolve. Their apologies are just manipulations that will increase when they realize that their old life is gone because of their own behavior.

    D W
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She is a child, but at 13 she knew full well what she was doing. Not telling him about the affair is bad enough but then goading her father like that is spiteful and intended to hurt

    Giraffy Window
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is NEVER a child's responsibility to sort out their parent's personal affairs, no matter how much information they're aware of. None of this is on Lisa.

    DC
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe, but Lisa won't lose her livelihood, she'll just lose luxuries. That, she can deserve at 13 years!

    Manana Man
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree. He's putting way too much on a 13 year old. I've read that it's age 25 when the brain is fully mature, which certainly jives with my personal experience. Also, you have no idea what kind of pressure her mother was putting on her. These 'you're not my real dad' things come out of kids mouths in these situations. You've almost got to expect it. Their children. They lack self control and they lash out in whatever immature way they know how. Her reasons for doing so are equally immature and probably the best explanation she can come up with for her emotions which she doesn't even really understand. Give the kid a break. The mom on the other hand, you should probably be done with her, lots of issues there.

    Alexandra
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The 13-year old is just as materialistic as her mother and sees people in terms of what they can give her. That has nothing to do with brain but with morals.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All the more reason only dad she has ever known to keep in contact with her and try to teach better morals.

    h to da izzle
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    despite it not being a childs responsibility, today we're trying to teach our children values, letting them participate and have control over their lives from young age and at least a little bit of a moral way to be a decent human being, she should/could have thought about it. I am not saying that the kid had to tell it to him, but to say something to her mom. at least that she would not be comfortable with lying to him. But as we see, luxuries are a more valuable thing than honesty. But i think the story went downhill from the point when he first met her and her daughter and she "forgot" to mention her in the first place. When you have to beg for someone to stay its kinda fishy to me.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a teenager luxuries will win over a at least 8 out of 10x after the hug they still want the luxuries. Source my 15yr grandchild .

    v
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're only considering one edge of the sword she wielded. What about her justification basically amounted to her telling him that she likes what's his name better for nothing other than materialistic reasons.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Which also hold the possibility that she still loves dad.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Giraffy Window - You may be right that it wasn't her responsibility to sort out anything, however, if she had any loyalty to her father, the man who raised her, she would have let him know what was going on and not said to him what she did. She's old enough to know right from wrong. She chose the wrong side in this fight.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Therapist told me at that age they still think parents should be able to see what's going on. Makes no sense to an adult brain. I asked at 13 she said yes even at 13 it usually becomes completely apparent to in a couple years depending on the kid.

    Aelin Wildfire
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless her mom told her that if she told her dad, she'd be responsible for the marriage ending.... There's any number of things the mom could have said that would have kept the girl's mouth shut, even if she did know that what her mom was doing was wrong.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aelin Wildfire - Okay, that may be the case, however, what she said to the man who raised her and provided all kinds of extras is totally wrong. Keeping quiet while it is ongoing is one thing (still wrong), but trashing her father to his face is not right. She chose the side she wanted, now she has to live with it.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes old enough to understand but not to do anything about it.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lawpanda - Wrong! She could have told her father what was going on, which would have been doing something. She just chose not to, which is on her. Her loyalties and morals are screwed up!

    Louise Clarke
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There are tons of studies that show that children, under the age of around 20, haven't fully developed the part of the brain that processes consequences of actions. She acted out of anger to protect her mom. Yes what she did/said was awful. But it's important to keep what I said in mind when dealing with those who are under 20 or so years old.

    v
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Acting out of what anger? He didn't cheat on her mother. If the anger you're speaking of is because what's his name buys her what she wants then her response in the situation was fully formed by her. Granted, people have to learn about actions/consequences. Some people simply start learning earlier than others.

    Louise Clarke
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The anger was from seeing her mom crying. Even though the mom was definitely in the wrong. Seeing her mom made her jump to defend her. Also it's not about learning actions/consequences it's about the ability to comprehend and process them.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Louise Clark - And what about the pain her father was feeling. She came in the middle of the discussion and asked if he knew about the boyfriend. This shows a large lack of morals and common sense. She gave herself away big time.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Louise Clark - I've said it several times here, but it bears repeating. No matter how old she is, at 13 she knows right from wrong. If she thinks what her mother did was right, she has no morals or loyalty. She's getting what she deserves.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Come on at 13 she knows right and wrong but hasn't learned how to apply them correctly. She has a poor example of a mom probably telling her daddy is going to take you away and your baby brother too. We teach kids why things wrong or right. Condemning a 13yr for acting rashly is like expecting a 2yr old to be potty trained when they turn 2. Not because you taught them just because they can hold it longer.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lawanda - No, you come on. She knows how to apply right and wrong, she just chose not to. I don't care what the mother was telling her, she grew up with the man who always treated her right, so she should have had his back. Thirteen year olds are not dumb, in fact, they are smarter today than they've ever been. She did not act rashly, she chose which side she wanted to be on. She deserves whatever comes her way as does her mother.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Svenne O'Lotta - You're correct, she's a child. However, she's old enough to know right from wrong. If she had any loyalty to the man who raised her and provided for her needs, she would have told him what was going on from the beginning. Also, she said right out that he wasn't her father and that she liked the other man better. She deserves no consideration from her father.

    Sunny Day
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think the girl was reacting to her mom crying, and trying to shut down OPs questions. Not that she wasn't being a b***h, but she felt compelled to stick up for mom. On the plus side, OP can get custody of his son, girl stays with mom, and that makes child support a wash.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sunny Day - And who was sticking up for her dad? Why didn't he have any of her support after raising her all those years? So the mother was crying, it was only what she brought on herself. If the daughter had any morals, she wouldn't have chosen the side she did.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he adopted her he can see her it might mitigate some of damage moms doing.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lawpanda - She was very clear that she didn't want to see him. Pushing himself on her will just cause him more problems. Who knows what her next steps would be, maybe accuse him of something he didn't do. If the mother has that much influence over her, as vindictive as she is, things will not go well for him. No, he's right to cut the strings with her and her mother.

    Captain McSmoot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP did everything flawlessly and how I would have done them. Bravo, good sir! Bravo! Stay strong and get them out of your lives. I don't care if you think your son is a "mini me"; get a DNA test done by a doctor and find out. Your son may have doubts later on in life; you'll be able to smash those doubts head on.

    SheamusFanFrom1987
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP, for the love of Marc and your own sanity, DROP 'EM!!! Far be it from me to call women the B-word but it looks like we have us a pair here instead. Divorce, disown and drop them faster than the speed of light. Let them go and kiss up to Daniel instead and see if he is as willing to have them full-time with baggage included rather than a fast tryst. SMH!!! >:-(

    C.O. Shea
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Women like this disgust me. And I'm a woman. Gaslighting, gold-digging not one, but two men? World-class ássholes! Lay off the alcohol, set a good example for your son, and teach him well.

    Giraffy Window
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    The daughter is a 13 year old child. She bears Zero fault in her parent's irresponsible choices.

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    Melissa Harris
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The mother has used her minor daughter to help cover up an affair and taught her to view her dad as an ATM.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Giraffy Window - Please tell us what irresponsible choice her father made? As far as being a 13 year old child, I agree that she's 13, but not that she's a child. If she's such a child, how is it that she not only knew about the affair, but approved it as well. Kids today are much more mature than in the past. They grow up much quicker.

    dayngerkat
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would've done the same thing and also kick them out of the house and get a DNA test

    Sahil Islam
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He did nothing wrong. They did EVERYTHING wrong. They deserve the suffering coming for them. I hope there's an update.

    Chez2202
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where does OP live that he can lose his house, most of his savings and anything else his wife wants in a divorce where she cheated and destroyed the marriage and he has screenshots of it as proof?

    Ali
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    His wife is SAHM, she may be more entitled than average in a divorce because the argument could be made that she sacrificed her career for the family.

    Melissa Harris
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh boy. The apple didn't fall far from that tree. The OPs Ex is a pretty awful person and mother. She neglected her infant son and whatever parenting she's been doing with her daughter has turned the girl into an ungrateful brat. I have a step dad. He raised me longer then my actual father and I would never think, let alone say, anything like that. Where the hell did she even get the idea into her head the the OP isn't her 'real' dad. She hasn't had any other dads. Her biological father skipped out. This isn't the same as a step parent coming in when the child is older or having the bio parent also in the picture. This isn't a complex blended family situation. The cheater had her own teenager cover for her and made her complicit in the affair. She and her affair partner bribed and manipulated the girl with money and gifts and her mom taught ger this was an acceptable way to treat people. He needs a pit bull of a divorce lawyer and to sue for custody of his son. Also to STOP drinking and get his s**t together to prove she's an unfit parent. Getting a minor involved in the cover up off an affair like this is a form of emotional abuse. Unfortunately, the girl has learned the very hard lesson that there are some things once said that can't be taken back. Words, just as much as actions, have consequences. Some things once broken cannot be fixed. I hope she learns from this and her mother's example and grows up a better person then her mother.

    ADZ
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Get a grip many of you, she's 13 not 5. She knew what she was saying and doing. At best she hoped to make adoptive dad buy here more stuff buy abusing him when his life was falling apart. Also both mum and 13yo left a baby on the floor for hours in filth. Mums raised a little sociopath.

    Deanna Crichley
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He says right in the text that he changed his son's diaper. He attended to the baby before confronting his wife. He probably sent the son upstairs because the wife had already hit him, while he was holding the baby. Maybe didn't want to give her another opportunity. Maybe had concerns that the discussion would get heated, and didn't want to cause the baby distress.

    Marinasongs1432
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Okay- to those protecting these women- 13 is much old enough to understand right from wrong. And, she isn’t even his child. He has every right to protect himself. AND she said he wasn’t her dad, clearly she doesn’t respect him as a dad, he doesn’t need to be her daughter.

    Svenne O'Lotta
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He adopted her. She is his child. Are you saying that biological children are more real than adopted ones?

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    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Svenne O'Lotta - Actually, no one is saying that. We're saying that the girl made her feelings clear. SHE said he wasn't her father. She likes the boyfriend more than the man who adopted and raised her all those years.

    DC
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA. Disown them, sue them, but never talk to them again in person. That might hurt, maybe even you, but ... they deserve it.

    Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know if there is any coming back from that... People screw up, maybe his marriage can be saved if they both want it to be. But that kind of prolonged betrayal is insanely hard to get over.. sadly I know from experience. The stuff from the daughter.. yeah thatll never be undone.

    Papa
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am by no means making excuses for her, but a 13-year old shouldn't face life long consequences because of something she said, which being cut off by her adopted father would be. People grow up. I'm not saying this girl will or won't, but she very well might learn to regret saying what she did.

    Deanna Crichley
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She even said so herself, he's not her 'real' dad. Perhaps she should look her 'real' dad up

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    ADZ
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What life long consequences? Not being a spoilt privileged brat and having to earn her own way and be a decent human? She's not homeless and has her mother. Might teach her how to act, she's 13 not 5.

    Papa
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The lifelong consequences of her adoptive father cutting her out of his life over something she did when she was 13.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Papa - What she said and did was hateful and hurtful. She knew what she was saying, but said it anyway. Anything coming her way is totally deserved. She chose her side and now has to live with it. I don't know why people are saying that 13 year olds shouldn't be expected to be responsible for the things they say and do. Today, children grow up much faster than in the past. The fact that she knew about the affair and approved of it shows she's more in the know that you all are saying.

    Marinasongs1432
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Update: he talked to his daughter. She was manipulated with getting a new phone for silence. She got used to him, and she originally wanted to tell him. The man stopped drinking, the wife stopped cheating, and they’re both together for now, trying to figure everything out.

    Lawpanda
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry this happened to you. I know it sucks. You will come better. Your daughter clearly has a money oriented mom. Children can be easily manipulated. As a young teen monetary things play a huge role. The advice a therapist gave me was even at 13 the engage magical thinking you should know more because you are the parent. After mr.charming. Turns charming downit would be good to be there for her. You do both probably need therapy. Hoping for the best OP.

    Carlos Pinho
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never forgive a cheating person and revert if possible the adoption, she clearly knew what she was doing, IT IS UNFORGIVABLE. She needs to be taught a lesson, choices have consequences , the other guy can adopt her.

    Ali
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gee, I wonder why Lisa's baby daddy was never involved in her life? I'm willing to bet that Mommy Dearest doesn't know which guy knocked her up. I'm 100% on OPs side, divorce and disown. I'd also try to argue for full custody of the son, since his useless excuse of a soon to be ex couldn't even change the poor baby's diaper.

    Fable Weaver
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This man is being an @** plain and simple. What the heck? I'm shocked at the NTAs here. What an appalling way to show your adopted daughter that your love for her is reliant on your relationship with her mother. Did you ever love her or was being a "provider" all that matters to you? Was loving the kid just an act to win points with the mom? 13 is so young! Yeah. It's old enough to be mean on purpose, but it's not old enough to have a good grasp on when to be mean. If you want to talk about kicking someone while they're down, you're doing the same to her and your a full grown man. Yes, cheating is serious and you are in your rights to seek a divorce. But to disown a child? On the spot? For not following the bro code and repeating what she's likely heard from someone else?? 13 year olds have strong opinions, but they are famously very easy to manipulate. There's such a thing as an ex-wife, but there's no such thing as an ex-daughter. Agreeing to be a parent to someone is forever.

    Nitka Tsar
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He has been in the girls life for 12 of her 13 years. I‘m sure she loves him like a Dad. He IS her Dad. ….. even if the mother and her other man poisoned her towards him. My father wasn‘t a good husband, but at least he tried to be a good Dad. All my mothers family only talked bad about him. And he really was a s**t person. But he still was the only one who came to my graduation. As an adult now, I can appreciate that.

    Becca not Becky
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Idk about fully disowning the daughter but definitely no more funding the private school or extra curriculars. She's not responsible for her mom's affair but saying cruel things like that is something even a tween knows is wrong. I wonder if the mom or even the affair partner swayed her to resent her adoptive dad to keep her from ratting out the affair. I would be willing to consider a relationship when things settle and she matures a bit, but that's just me.

    nancy
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He adopted her. I don't know where these people live, but isn't child abandonment illegal? He will be required to pay child support.

    Melissa Harris
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He didn't abandon her on the side of the road. He left the girl with her mother. In a house. Taking the baby is actually the problematic bit as that could be construed as a parental abduction.

    Karina
    Community Member
    10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Soo impressed by this newly single guy, taking up dringing and passing his kid on his mother - while complaining about a 13 year olds immaturity.. i think his actions speaks for his quality as a man and a father, wich brings light to how his kid may have felt neglected.

    weatherwitch
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You have a 13 year old here caught in the middle. A teenager who's already lost one dad and then another one loved her enough (finally given his initial reaction) to adopt her. Phenomenonal ❤️ He treats this Child shockingly,his “daughter" as he puts it and blames a child. We are NOT seeing the full picture here. He's immediately drinking himself to sleep every night, the actions of someone who clearly over uses alcohol and without a Doubt will have been doing so before. As the loving parent of his baby son he's too f*****g pissed every night and his own mother is looking after his baby. And her adult baby. I'm not going into the affair aspect but the treatment of his own daughter is Despicable. I'm seriously concerned about the many comments abusing the young girl, the Child. I also very much doubt the same s****y comments would be given if the 13 year old was a boy. A 13 Girl is being called a woman, a term for Adults. They wouldn't be calling a 13 year old Boy a Man here would they?

    Svenne O'Lotta
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone in here is just cool with him canceling his daughter's school tuition? I mean what she said was unforgivable, but she's barely a teenager and he's taking away her education.

    H Wiley
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He is taking away her private school tuition. Public school is free and she can go there. Thats like saying" he is taking away her ability to drink" if he says "no more champaigne".

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    Asia Doyle
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly, he just wanted to be rid of the daughter. He wanted to dump his wife when they were dating, just because she didn't tell him about her daughter in the 3 months they were dating. 3 MONTHS! Dude, most people would feel that was still too soon to introduce a child to a partner, especially a female child. I know I never did, not that damn soon. True, the wife totally screwed up here, but I have to wonder if there isn't more to this. He went kinda nuclear, taking to baby and leaving, only to have his mom take care of the baby while he gets drunk off his a*s every day and night since the blowup. While divorce my be his only option right now, I'm wondering why she cheated and how many cracks her daughter saw in their marriage to comment the way she did. Not giving them a pass, but I really would like to hear the other side of this.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Asia Doyle - Interesting take on this situation. He wanted to be rid of them so bad that he married the mother and adopted the daughter. He provided for them over the years and apparently only expected loyalty in return. However, neither of them gave him what he needed. He took the baby because he was being neglected. As far as the drinking, he said he drinks himself to sleep each night, not that he drinks during the day, when I presume he goes to work. You seem to be on the side of the nasty wife and ungrateful daughter. Is there a reason for that? Maybe there's another side to YOUR story.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    AH for punishing his daughter. She's a kid, she's HIS kid and even if he's upset at her, that doesn't mean he's not her Dad! You can't have an ex daughter. But if he didn't love her in the first place, maybe that's why she's sides with her mom.

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's not her actual father by blood. Which she made clear when she told him she was keeping her mom's cheating secret because the other guy bought her stuff. She obviously has no remorse. I don't blame him for ditching her.

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    FluffyDreg
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Disowning? Yes. Punishing in general? No. How severe that punishment is? Also yes. He's acting on a lot of emotions right now so it's hard to know exactly what he's going to do. But she DOES need to know what she said was absolutely f**ked up and not okay.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    FreeTheUnicorn - He showed his love by adopting her and taking care of her over the years. If that's not enough for her, she has some screwed up ideas. And, HE didn't say he wasn't her dad, SHE did and in the most hurtful way ever. What, exactly, did she expect would happen?

    Min
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Agreed. You divorce spouses, not children.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Min - He didn't divorce her, SHE kicked him to the curb. And, 13 years old is more than old enough to learn that actions/words have consequences. Neither his wife nor his daughter showed any concern for him or his feelings.

    Jess
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly! If she was a daughter "by blood" he wouldn't have ditched her so quickly

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jess - In this case, blood has nothing to do with anything. He showed his love for her by adopting her and taking care of her all these years. She showed her lack of love by her words and actions. She deserves whatever is coming her way.

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