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“I’m Now Worst Mum On The Planet”: Mom Stops 14YO From Talking To Controlling GF, Teen Gets Mad

“I’m Now Worst Mum On The Planet”: Mom Stops 14YO From Talking To Controlling GF, Teen Gets Mad

Interview With Expert “I’m Now Worst Mum On The Planet”: Mom Stops 14YO From Talking To Controlling GF, Teen Gets Mad14YO Gets Livid After Mom Tries To Stop Her Relationship With Another Toxic Teen, Drama Ensues14YO Thinks Her Mom Is The Worst For Asking Her To Cut Contact With Her Older, Controlling GFMom Worried About Teen's 14YO In A 14YO Kicks Mom Out Of Her Room After She Asks Her To Cut Contact With GF Whom She Finds ToxicMom Insists 14YO Stop Contact With Her Toxic 16YO GF, Teen Calls Her The Worst Mom“I’m Now Worst Mum On The Planet”: Mom Stops 14YO From Talking To Controlling GF, Teen Gets Mad“I’m Now Worst Mum On The Planet”: Mom Stops 14YO From Talking To Controlling GF, Teen Gets Mad“I’m Now Worst Mum On The Planet”: Mom Stops 14YO From Talking To Controlling GF, Teen Gets Mad
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Sometimes, people are not really in love, rather they are “in love with the idea of being in love” because many of these are just unhealthy attachments. Especially as teenagers, with raging hormones, it can be difficult to understand what is what. 

That’s what happened with this teenager who claims to be in love with her super controlling girlfriend of 3 months whom she has never met before. Her mom is extremely worried about this “phone relationship” and asked her to cut contact, but the teen didn’t take it well!

More info: Mumsnet

As teenagers, it’s difficult to understand the difference between love and an unhealthy attachment

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The poster found out that her 14-year-old daughter is in a relationship with a 16-year-old, but they’ve never met

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Image credits: jcsc

Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Her daughter’s girlfriend seemed very toxic and controlling – she instantly got mad if she didn’t do things as she wanted, which made her mom worried

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Image credits: jcsc

Image credits: Porapak Apichodilok / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Her girlfriend’s dad had also spoken to the poster’s daughter, but she found this a big red flag, so she asked her daughter to cut contact with her

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Image credits: jcsc

However, the daughter called her the worst mom in the world as she couldn’t understand that they were “in love”, so the mom wondered whether to take away her phone

In today’s story, the original poster (OP) narrated how she’s concerned about her 14-year-old daughter who has been in a relationship with a 16-year-old college student, but here’s the catch, they’ve never met! The mom is extremely worried about this 3-month-old “phone relationship”, and her daughter has even claimed to be in love with the other girl.

To get expert insights about the matter, Bored Panda interviewed Nimisha Katare, a psychologist at The Secret Ingredient, who said that it’s increasingly common for teens to form intense attachments in online relationships. She mentioned that during adolescence, the brain undergoes significant changes, particularly in areas related to emotion and social interaction. 

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“The developmental stage of adolescence is characterized by a search for identity and intimacy, which can lead teens to develop deep connections with people they may never meet in person. Teens are driven by a strong need for acceptance and belonging, which the anonymity and ease of online communication can provide,” she added.

Nimisha also explained how the lack of physical presence allows for idealization, where teens project their hopes and desires onto their online partners. The dopamine reward system, she narrated, in the brain is also heavily involved; receiving messages and attention online can trigger the release of dopamine, reinforcing the feeling of being “in love.”

Well, it’s natural for any parent to feel concerned about this, but what really bothered the poster was how controlling this girlfriend seems to be, demanding things from OP’s daughter and getting mad if she fails to do as asked. The daughter also has to apologize even when she’s done nothing wrong, and even the girlfriend’s father has spoken to her, which OP found to be a red flag.

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Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)

All these things led the poster to ask her daughter to cut contact with the girlfriend as it’s pretty clear that it’s a toxic thing going on between the two. The daughter, however, didn’t take this well, called OP the “worst mom”, kicked her out of the room, and even slammed the door in her face.

When we asked our expert about the impact of a controlling relationship, she spoke about how it can have severe consequences for a teenager’s mental health. “Psychologically, it can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Socially, the teen may become isolated from friends and family, which increases feelings of loneliness and helplessness.” 

“Behaviorally, signs of a controlling relationship impacting well-being might include noticeable changes in mood or behavior, such as irritability, withdrawal, or a decline in academic performance. The teen might also exhibit physical symptoms like sleep disturbances or changes in appetite. Cognitive-behavioral signs include constant worry about pleasing the partner and fear of conflict,” Nimisha narrated.

Since the whole incident when OP asked her to cut contact, her daughter has stopped acting like her old self, stopped messaging her friends, and hasn’t even come out of her room, much less focused on her homework. Sadly, the poster became the bad guy of her daughter’s story when she was just trying to protect her child.

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Nimisha noted how socially, distancing from friends and activities further increases feelings of loneliness and isolation, which can deepen mental health issues. Speaking about the difference between healthy attachment and potentially harmful emotional dependency, she mentioned that helping teens distinguish between the two involves education and self-awareness. 

“Start by explaining the basics—healthy attachment means mutual respect, trust, and independence, while harmful emotional dependency involves an over-reliance on the partner for emotional support. Encourage balance by suggesting that teens maintain their personal interests and friendships outside the relationship,” she suggested.

Well, after knowing the whole story, accompanied by the brilliant insights from our expert, what do you make of it? Let us know in the comments!

Folks online also advised the mom to take her phone as it seems strange that they’ve never met and it could also be a catfish

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Rutuja Dumbre

Rutuja Dumbre

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Hey, am Rutuja! A storyteller at heart and a writer at Bored Panda. I have a strange love for words, and I mostly survive on coffee which is the driving force behind my writing. I enjoy working on articles that purely entertain our readers. When am not writing or trekking, you can find me staying up late and watching all the matches of Football Club Barcelona!

Read less »
Rutuja Dumbre

Rutuja Dumbre

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Hey, am Rutuja! A storyteller at heart and a writer at Bored Panda. I have a strange love for words, and I mostly survive on coffee which is the driving force behind my writing. I enjoy working on articles that purely entertain our readers. When am not writing or trekking, you can find me staying up late and watching all the matches of Football Club Barcelona!

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

Read less »

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

How do you feel about the mom's decision to ask her daughter to cut contact with the controlling girlfriend?
Add photo comments
POST
KatSaidWhat
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like there is some catfish grooming going on here. Mum should agree to a supervised meeting between them with both parents present and also proving identity. I'd also document this as 14 is still underage and she is not mentally ready for how this is playing out. She is being isolated and only a couple of steps away from running away. Her phone time needs to be supervised now and not available at night. Get some counselling now before it's too late.

Becca not Becky
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If a person (no matter the age) thinks they're in love, then talking bad about the other person or banning them from seeing each other just makes them do it secretively. Such dynamics are very romanticized. Instead, teach her about safe dating, safe people, and safe behaviors.

AKA AKA
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THIS IS GROOMING! SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE AT THE BACK

Atom Bohr
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A two year age gap is hardly grooming. Grooming is real, and serious, but this isn't it. This is abusive and unhealthy, but in real terms this age gap is possible with only one school year difference, and didn't everyone date in the years either side of their own as a teen? Rather than distracting from the real problems in this relationship by shouting out sensationalist nonsense, can't we have meaningful conversation about what's happening?

Load More Replies...
V
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mum and daughter need to have serious conversations about catfishing, grooming and toxic and abusive relationships. Get some books about it to read together. Limit phone time- no phone over night. If they go to a good school, talk to the counselor/teacher/principal about making sure she doesn't have access to her phone during school hours (phone left at the office or something). Call the girl and her dad yourself and talk to them about how the other girl needs to chill(if it really is another young girl)

Michael MacKinnon
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This. Give the daughter enough information (even on the web, from reputable places) until the penny drops and she says, "hey, that kind of sounds like what I'm going through...."

Load More Replies...
arthbach
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mam needs to talk with her daughter, and help her navigate the situation. This might involve setting up a meeting, helping her daughter to establish boundaries. It could be deciding on rules, like no texting between 10pm and 7am. - - - This 14 year old needs to learn how to spot abusive and toxic relationship, and what good, healthy ones look like. She needs to be able to have open, honest conversations with her mam, and know beyond a doubt that her mam will have her back.

mandy the capibara
Community Member
2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreed. Feelings are big when you are a teen. Just forbidding them will not help the child learn why something might be harmful. Talk to each other, set boundaries such as phone use, supervised visits etc, and help her understand that this may be an unhealthy match, but accept that your child will not stop falling in love just because you don't like it. going the way the OP had chosen now, she will most likely make her child be very secretive about relationships, which will om the long run be much worse.

Load More Replies...
Binky Melnik
Community Member
2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have them meet IMMEDIATELY. In my vast experience (42 years online), less than ONE PERCENT of the online folks I’ve met in meatspace interested me at all, for all the same reasons as the people we meet in meatspace. That’s the fastest way there is to cool it off (in other words, kill It immediately). Ma should take her and girl’s folks should bring her. It’ll be dead in less than 30 seconds. She’s romanticizing this person she’s never seen, smelled, tasted, or had to listen to.

Weasel Wise
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"My child keeps using a piece of technology that is putting her in harms way. I also make sure she has paid, unrestricted access to this technology. I don't know what to do!" 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

Sunny Day
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ask daughter why she feels she deserves such treatment. Then get her into therapy

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They need to meet under your supervision - nothing cools an online romance faster than actually meeting the other person. I would be very surprised if the gf is who she says she is or there might not be any attraction. If the daughter wants to continue the relationship after meeting, then allow it but no access to the phone at night, at school or until homework is done.

Roberta Surprenant
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Catfishing for sure! Especially with her "whole family" "loving the girl".

Cyd Cherise
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mother needs to contact the police. The situation is definitely suspicious and needs to be investigated before something bad happens.

DC
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She feels like she loves her. Now, I've been 14 for about a year, and while that's sure some time ago, it's not that I forgot. Don't expect her to be most reasonable, especially in this regard. She won't, cos she can't. Dating, GF and all that is still sort of new to her, and as they're both referred to as "She", it also may be not too long ago she even found out she's into girls. Seems this isn't an issue? Was it ever, regardless of intention? I mean, it can come as a surprise to parents, and a lot of drama, misunderstanding etc can happen. Them NEVER having met would make me cautious - is the girlfriend a real girl, after all, or is it the supposed-to-be-her-Dad, who's setting up fulfilling his pervertisms? I'm sure pretending to be a girl by text isn't that hard, if you never see each other, or talk on the phone, but only write and read. Not that I'm sure it's so, but it can be, and protection from such is part of parents' obligation.

marcelo D.
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"she apparently has come out of a toxic relationship", yet for what I can see, we know who the toxic one was in the relationship. Though in all likeliness, the "father" is the "gf", and it's 100% a groomer.

Beak Hookage
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sounds like the opening part of a true crime story. People have been manipulated into MURDER by controlling strangers posing as something they weren't. I do not for one second believe the "girlfriend" actually exists and if I were the mother I'd be terrified and contacting police.

Alexandra Prytkova
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My first online relationship was when I was 14. We met in a Sailor Moon chatroom of all things and he said he was a 15 y.o from Moldova. He might have been any age and from anywhere, as far as I'm aware tbh. But I was 14, naive and deeply infatuated. We exchanged e-mails and chated in ICQ and then, one day it ended. He said he had met someone else. It was devastating, but it was a teen-crush and I got over it and into another relationship. Just to say, you can fall for someone you've never met. But teen crushes are fast lived and it would have probably fizzled out on its own soon enough.

SillyPandaBunny
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is likely a human trafficking team. The woman lures the kid and then they kidnap her. Major red flags. Mom needs to hire a detective and get to the truth

Andrewsarchus42
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA for wanting to stop it, but trying to force it will just push the daughter further into her gf’s arms. the mom has to try to get her to come to the conclusion that the gf is abusive on her own or she won’t leave her. But that’s so much easier said than done…

KatSaidWhat
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like there is some catfish grooming going on here. Mum should agree to a supervised meeting between them with both parents present and also proving identity. I'd also document this as 14 is still underage and she is not mentally ready for how this is playing out. She is being isolated and only a couple of steps away from running away. Her phone time needs to be supervised now and not available at night. Get some counselling now before it's too late.

Becca not Becky
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If a person (no matter the age) thinks they're in love, then talking bad about the other person or banning them from seeing each other just makes them do it secretively. Such dynamics are very romanticized. Instead, teach her about safe dating, safe people, and safe behaviors.

AKA AKA
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THIS IS GROOMING! SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE AT THE BACK

Atom Bohr
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A two year age gap is hardly grooming. Grooming is real, and serious, but this isn't it. This is abusive and unhealthy, but in real terms this age gap is possible with only one school year difference, and didn't everyone date in the years either side of their own as a teen? Rather than distracting from the real problems in this relationship by shouting out sensationalist nonsense, can't we have meaningful conversation about what's happening?

Load More Replies...
V
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mum and daughter need to have serious conversations about catfishing, grooming and toxic and abusive relationships. Get some books about it to read together. Limit phone time- no phone over night. If they go to a good school, talk to the counselor/teacher/principal about making sure she doesn't have access to her phone during school hours (phone left at the office or something). Call the girl and her dad yourself and talk to them about how the other girl needs to chill(if it really is another young girl)

Michael MacKinnon
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This. Give the daughter enough information (even on the web, from reputable places) until the penny drops and she says, "hey, that kind of sounds like what I'm going through...."

Load More Replies...
arthbach
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mam needs to talk with her daughter, and help her navigate the situation. This might involve setting up a meeting, helping her daughter to establish boundaries. It could be deciding on rules, like no texting between 10pm and 7am. - - - This 14 year old needs to learn how to spot abusive and toxic relationship, and what good, healthy ones look like. She needs to be able to have open, honest conversations with her mam, and know beyond a doubt that her mam will have her back.

mandy the capibara
Community Member
2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreed. Feelings are big when you are a teen. Just forbidding them will not help the child learn why something might be harmful. Talk to each other, set boundaries such as phone use, supervised visits etc, and help her understand that this may be an unhealthy match, but accept that your child will not stop falling in love just because you don't like it. going the way the OP had chosen now, she will most likely make her child be very secretive about relationships, which will om the long run be much worse.

Load More Replies...
Binky Melnik
Community Member
2 weeks ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have them meet IMMEDIATELY. In my vast experience (42 years online), less than ONE PERCENT of the online folks I’ve met in meatspace interested me at all, for all the same reasons as the people we meet in meatspace. That’s the fastest way there is to cool it off (in other words, kill It immediately). Ma should take her and girl’s folks should bring her. It’ll be dead in less than 30 seconds. She’s romanticizing this person she’s never seen, smelled, tasted, or had to listen to.

Weasel Wise
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"My child keeps using a piece of technology that is putting her in harms way. I also make sure she has paid, unrestricted access to this technology. I don't know what to do!" 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

Sunny Day
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ask daughter why she feels she deserves such treatment. Then get her into therapy

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They need to meet under your supervision - nothing cools an online romance faster than actually meeting the other person. I would be very surprised if the gf is who she says she is or there might not be any attraction. If the daughter wants to continue the relationship after meeting, then allow it but no access to the phone at night, at school or until homework is done.

Roberta Surprenant
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Catfishing for sure! Especially with her "whole family" "loving the girl".

Cyd Cherise
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mother needs to contact the police. The situation is definitely suspicious and needs to be investigated before something bad happens.

DC
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She feels like she loves her. Now, I've been 14 for about a year, and while that's sure some time ago, it's not that I forgot. Don't expect her to be most reasonable, especially in this regard. She won't, cos she can't. Dating, GF and all that is still sort of new to her, and as they're both referred to as "She", it also may be not too long ago she even found out she's into girls. Seems this isn't an issue? Was it ever, regardless of intention? I mean, it can come as a surprise to parents, and a lot of drama, misunderstanding etc can happen. Them NEVER having met would make me cautious - is the girlfriend a real girl, after all, or is it the supposed-to-be-her-Dad, who's setting up fulfilling his pervertisms? I'm sure pretending to be a girl by text isn't that hard, if you never see each other, or talk on the phone, but only write and read. Not that I'm sure it's so, but it can be, and protection from such is part of parents' obligation.

marcelo D.
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"she apparently has come out of a toxic relationship", yet for what I can see, we know who the toxic one was in the relationship. Though in all likeliness, the "father" is the "gf", and it's 100% a groomer.

Beak Hookage
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sounds like the opening part of a true crime story. People have been manipulated into MURDER by controlling strangers posing as something they weren't. I do not for one second believe the "girlfriend" actually exists and if I were the mother I'd be terrified and contacting police.

Alexandra Prytkova
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My first online relationship was when I was 14. We met in a Sailor Moon chatroom of all things and he said he was a 15 y.o from Moldova. He might have been any age and from anywhere, as far as I'm aware tbh. But I was 14, naive and deeply infatuated. We exchanged e-mails and chated in ICQ and then, one day it ended. He said he had met someone else. It was devastating, but it was a teen-crush and I got over it and into another relationship. Just to say, you can fall for someone you've never met. But teen crushes are fast lived and it would have probably fizzled out on its own soon enough.

SillyPandaBunny
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is likely a human trafficking team. The woman lures the kid and then they kidnap her. Major red flags. Mom needs to hire a detective and get to the truth

Andrewsarchus42
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA for wanting to stop it, but trying to force it will just push the daughter further into her gf’s arms. the mom has to try to get her to come to the conclusion that the gf is abusive on her own or she won’t leave her. But that’s so much easier said than done…

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