Being a teenager is tough; all those overbearing emotions and unwanted anxieties. It feels like only yesterday you were running around unbothered, without a single negative thought clouding your mind – yet suddenly, it began to feel like the entire world had turned its back on you.

Parents are told to beware of all the sleepless nights their newborns will bring upon them, but the most tiring time comes when your kid enters that adolescent stage. Temper tantrums, heated arguments and constant misunderstandings might be frequent guests in your household, and it’s in your best interest to find a way to strengthen that slowly escaping bond.

More info: Reddit

Understanding teenage phases is never easy, but sometimes your offspring does something truly baffling

Image credits: HarshLight

This online user took it to one of Reddit’s well-known communities to reveal a story about his teenage daughter’s emotional outburst concerning their long-awaited family trip to Disney World. The post received over 6.8K upvotes, as well as 762 comments discussing this rather challenging situation.

Father wonders if he was wrong for letting his teen skip their family trip after she emotionally lashed out at him for not convincing her to go

Image credits: u/Fun_Talk3027

Naturally, you want all the best for your kid. You want to be the best parent that supports and guides them no matter what, you want to give them a life with no worries and troubles – but you’ve also got to be prepared for the emotional rollercoaster that parenthood has in store for you. Bored Panda has managed to contact a certified relationship systems coach who has been working with families for over 15 years “so they hear and see each other rather than project pain and perpetuate destructive patterns of disconnection,” hoping to understand this situation from a more professional view.

Image credits: u/Fun_Talk3027

Before we jump into the story, BP asked the parenting coach to describe how one should handle an outburst: “emotional outbursts are common for teens because of the adolescent brain development. They’re more emotionally reactive and often in a mild state of fear, fight or flight. What teens need most during an outburst is empathy and validation for what they’re feeling and experiencing, which helps their brain to regulate and calm i.e. ‘I hear you’re upset, I’m sorry that didn’t go the way you wanted it to, That must’ve been really hard’. Empathy isn’t about agreement and their feelings aren’t up for judgement. When you stay regulated without taking it personally (because it’s not!) you also help your teen’s brain to come back down. Telling your teen to go away and calm down first before they share is shaming and teaches them their messy emotions are bad and wrong, and they learn to suppress them. Holding boundaries around physical safety may be necessary depending on your teen.”

Image credits: u/Fun_Talk3027

Now, the author began his story by introducing his family. He is a lucky father of three kids: 8-month-old Tyler, 13-year-old Anna and, last but not least, 17-year-old Sarah. The man mentioned that together with his wife, they’d managed to save up some money to surprise the kids with a one-week Disney World vacation. Sarah is currently in her teenage phase, and according to the author, has been acting like a “soldier being sent out to war” whenever she has to go out with the family. The 17-year-old absolutely refused to leave for Disney World, saying that it’s a “stupid” place while also backing it up with the fact that she didn’t want to be away from her friends. The author and his wife tried their best to convince her to go; they showed her those magical Disney pics, told her everything about it and promised that it would be fun. The teen was extremely stubborn, so the folks had no other choice than to let her stay at her aunt’s house.

Image credits: u/Fun_Talk3027

The family came back from their exciting getaway and Sarah’s sister decided to show her a couple of pictures. Nobody expected to face this kind of reaction, but the teenager practically caused a scene. She became incredibly angry with her parents and said she felt betrayed, as they willingly let her miss out on this valuable family time. Telling her parents that they should’ve “fought harder” to persuade her to go is an unpleasant, but a necessary reaction. This was a lesson to Sarah that, hopefully, taught her about the consequences of her own actions. Moreover, it’s an excellent example of what a healthy boundary should look like; her parents respected her request and handled it beautifully.

Image credits: u/Fun_Talk3027

We asked Aly to give us a tip on what a should parent do if their teen is angry with them for no reason, to which she said: “there’s always a reason. All behaviour is communication and again, empathy means ‘believing them as THEY experienced it, not as YOU believe their experience to be’ – Brené Brown. Your job isn’t to be judge or jury and decide right/wrong or label their feelings as dramatic, oversensitive, attention seeking, etc., which is shaming just to shut your teen down so YOU feel more comfortable. Let them know you’re available to listen (that means NOT talking or interrupting) without judgement, holding a respectful boundary of no name calling, etc. The key phrase is ‘What do you need from me right now?’ Most teens will say it right then, as you help them to learn healthy expression and self advocacy. And if they don’t know, that’s ok too.”

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Image credits: John McGuire

Lastly, the parenting specialist kindly offered advice to help folks deal with their emotional teenagers: “teen brains are going through differentiation, a necessary process for them to figure out who they are without you. Rather than be resentful of them wanting little to no time around you, be patient and get curious about who they’re becoming so your relationship can shift and flourish into adulthood rather than get stuck because they’re not being who you want them to be or who you knew them to be. They key is not taking it personally so you help your teen learn to regulate in big emotions, then develop words to express and self-advocate.”

Fellow Redditors supported the author and collectively agreed that he did nothing wrong

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