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This Online Thread Has Folks Highlighting Times They Realized They Were Dating An Idiot (42 Tales)
Being smart isn’t the most important thing, sure. However, when you’re in a relationship, hearing your loved one ask where spaghetti grows might not only raise an eyebrow but make you ponder if you yourself are dating a noodle.
“When did you realize that you’re dating an idiot?” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most thought-provoking communities, inviting its members to share the moment they realized they’d coupled up with a nincompoop. The thread managed to garner nearly 28K upvotes as well as 16.2K comments.
More info: Reddit
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#1
I asked my ex-girlfriend to marry me. She said “yes.” That was when I knew. Married 25 years now. What a beautiful dope she is.
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#2
1990. We live in central Alabama. She told me that her and her best friend were going to Birmingham for the weekend. Didn't think anything of it, there's lots of shopping and things to do in Birmingham. Came over Sunday night to tell me how disappointed she was in the trip. They had driven through all of the wealthier neighborhoods in Birmingham, Alabama for two days trying to find a house that matched the gates to Ozzy Osborne's house and never found it. He lives in Birmingham, England.
#3
She refused to pay taxes, have a bank account, or pay for public transit.
she told me "i change my name every few years so they cant find me".
like, shed go to the *government* and change her name. legally. so the *government* couldn't find her.
we broke up for other reasons, but this was the first red flag.
Thegoodboi 1 year ago
I love meeting people like this. Hearing what they have to say is so fascinating!
#4
We were having an argument, although I can’t remember what about, when I very calmly asked him to explain what made him think that, and he said “I hate arguing with you because you always make me realise I’m wrong!”
#5
The night I said that I thought I smelled gas, and they grabbed a lighter and struck it without hesitation.
#7
He’s a Catholic, so I asked him where he thought heaven was. I’m also Catholic.
He said there was the “sky, then heaven, and then space”. I asked him did NASA go through heaven on their way to space and he said “probably.”
He also thought that if you were pregnant, that you still had to use contraception, or you could get pregnant again, and again, and again.
For example, you fall pregnant in February, and then again in March, and again in May, and you just deliver them 9 months from conception.
He’s an attorney with a 3.6 GPA law degree, and masters in law, is French, and bilingual, practising law in Ireland. Somewhat academically smart but otherwise, questionable.
ETA: I asked him to feed my fish once. He put the food on top of the lid of the tank and couldn’t figure out why they couldn’t access it.
Headless Roach 1 year ago
This pregnancy thing reminds me of a saying about Project Managers, who think that 9 people can deliver a baby in 1 month. Always makes me laugh. And then cry. Then laugh again.
#8
When I asked her to hand me a kitchen knife and she threw it at me… and that’s not even the stupidest part.
When I tried to explain the basics of handing someone a knife, or pair of scissors, she refused to accept that what she did was wrong or unsafe… it was suddenly apparent that she couldn’t possibly ever admit to being wrong.
Edit: it was an underhand throw
#9
She didn't know that yogurt and pudding were not the same thing. She thought it was like how the British call fries "chips". She had been eating pudding and granola for breakfast for months and congratulating herself for being so healthy.
She also baked baby Jesus a birthday cake on Christmas, lit a candle and took it outside. When the wind blew the candle out, she was convinced it Jesus that blew it out.
#10
Pre-heats the microwave
Headless Roach 1 year ago
How can one even preheat an empty microwave? I'm actually impressed!
#11
When she said she loved nothing in the world more than Greek mythology, even got a degree related to Greek mythology from University of Arkansas but had no idea who Prometheus and Achilles were.
#12
One night he turned to me and said "You're a bit of a scientist" (I was taking biology in high school, he was in college for music). "Can you explain how I can take frozen yogurt from the freezer, put it in the fridge, and it melts?" and I, already concerned, replied "well the fridge is warmer it's not cold enough to keep it frozen" and he the asked "but it's still cold?" and I had to explain that there are different levels of cold? Somewhere along the way I said "cold is the absence of heat like darkness is the absence of light" and he was so mind.blown by that.
#13
We were talking about dinosaurs and he was shocked to hear they were real. Then he proceeded to ask me if they really breathed fire. He thought dinosaurs and dragons were the same thing.
#14
My wife would bring stuff home that said “refrigerate after opening,” open it, and put it in the refrigerator.
❤️
that sapio planet (he/him) 1 year ago
Probably the one that makes the most sense on this list though lmao
#15
She didn’t understand that you actually have to pay what you spent on credit cards. Like the credit amount she had was supposed to be her monthly limit that just ✨resets✨ each month
#16
When he suggested that we should have a 'shared banking account' after only dating less than a month.
#17
She walked into a computer lab on campus and simply picked up a computer and walked home with it. She was living with me at the time, so I get home to find a very familiar looking computer sitting on the kitchen table. She literally thought the computers were free for students. It took a bit of explaining to convince her that she stole the computer. I made her return the computer to the lab that night, she left it at the door step.
#18
When she asked me "Have you ever had your hair set on fire"? and then lit my hair on fire. We done
#19
My ex wanted to start a business making supplies for baby showers. Her business plan was to sell everything below cost to to increase sales. After I had explained numerous times that you cannot profit from a business that will inevitably lose money her reply was that I was the idiot because if she sold them cheap it would drum up more business and she would sell more that way.
#20
When kids egged his car and he thought the best way to get the egg off was to use steel wool.
#21
"Where does the sun go at night?"
I was dumbfounded.
EDIT: She was in her early 20's at the time...
#22
He thought you absorb a gallon of water when you shower 😂 so he didn’t need to drink water
Thegoodboi 1 year ago
I was told the same thing, "that's why our fingers wrinkle". They wrinkle so we can grip wet things better, it's a cool evolutionary trick
#23
She told me Apple Music was “b******t” because it only had covers of Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata”, and not the original.
#25
When she told me “she doesn’t believe in so-called ‘professionals’. They’re just normal everyday people like me. What more could they know.”
She was the “my daddy’s a heart surgeon so I’m basically one also” type chicks. Every few months or so I reflect on how grateful I am that she never got pregnant.
EDIT: Just to clarify, her dad DEFINITELY WAS NOT a heart surgeon. Not even close lmao. But if he was you wouldn’t hear the end of it with that chick.
Nikki Sevven 1 year ago
Ah, like military spouses expect to be thanked for their service and given discounts and free stuff.
#26
Doing a “fun fact about me” icebreaker in a group and his was I’ve never read a book.
#27
When I overheard her complaining I was “too worried about money” after she financed a 30k car with an insane interest rate while making $15 an hour.
#28
She kept stating the big revelation of her story with “lord and behold” instead of “lo and behold”. I told her she was using the wrong word, but I was the idiot because you behold the lord. Anyways, lord and behold - she f****d five other dudes, so we’re on a more than temporary break.
#29
One day they looked at me and said "we should make a trip to New York!" I said I think that would be fun but we really don't have the money to fly there right now.
"It's not that far."
... We lived in Portland Oregon at the time...
"New York is next to Canada, and Canada is just past Washington, it can't be that far away!"
...
#30
When she was choosing random pills from the blister of a "21 active + 7 placebo" contraceptive, instead of following the arrows on the package.
#31
The fool would bang on my dashboard and scream the name of a certain restaurant whenever I drove past it. After almost getting into a wreck twice, I asked him why he was trying to kill us. He said he did it because "it was his thing." He never rode in my car again.
#32
She would end almost every sentence with "you know what I mean", not as a question, but as a description for something missing. There were sentences like "He's not an a*****e, but he's a... you know what I mean", "Can you get me the thing, the, uh, you know what I mean", "Yes I get it, but I don't get the, uh, you know what I mean" and so on.
No. I didn't know what she meant, as most of the time there was hardly any context.
Maybe she didn't either.
Benita Valdez 1 year ago
I knew someone who would end like every other sentence with 'you know what I mean". For example: that chicken was cooked good. You know what I mean". At first I though it was like a little skit he was doing because he would say that after every 2nd or 3rd sentence, but no, that was just how he talked. It was really difficult having conversations with him because I got so irritated and just wanted to shake him and yell "yes we all known what you mean now stop saying that.
#33
She got thrown out from a bar and nearly arrested because another woman complimented my shirt and she was convinced that meant she wanted to bang me.
karen Young 1 year ago
Run. I used to be a waitress in the club back in the day. The waitresses are working. I got paid to be there. To talk to you. All I want is a tip. Not your man.
#34
My ex-wife. The doctor said her test came back positive & she said "does that mean I'm not pregnant?"
I knew at that moment I was in for a long ride.
#35
He could not find our country on Europe's map. The countries were written in bold, and the capitals too.
#36
Calls me at work because her crumpets dont fit in the crumpet tray under the toaster... crumpet tray ?!?
Had a look when i got home, clearly labelled "CRUMB TRAY"
#37
The day I told my girlfriend I think I broke my toe and her solution was to yank on it with all her might.
It was gout.
#38
My ex was scared of hedgehogs and convinced himself they could jump over a six foot fence like a cat
Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
We once heard a strange noise in the garden which turned out to be hedgehogs. My wife was concerned that it might have been a werewolf, I kid you not.
#39
She didn’t want to watch the original avatar movie (blue people) until her uncle told her that it was based on a true story. I asked her if she meant that it was a futuristic version of Pocahontas… but no, she thought that it was somehow based on a true story. Then asked if I was calling her uncle a liar. Follow up questions, like asking if she really thought we waged war against an alien society, went equally poorly.
We were 18 years old fyi
#40
Stacking cups... In the dishwasher
BluEyedSeoulite 1 year ago
I've had sooo many cleaners wash the dishes then nest, when you stack them together, them all to "dry" 🤦♀️so fun to put dishes away the next day or grab a bowl from the cabinet and get wet. I don't hire cleaners anymore...
#41
After her third "business opportunity" turned out to be another pyramid scheme.
We didn't date long but knew each other for a while before that. I liked her for her "work hard, get paid" attitude. Turns out the hard work she was doing was costing her waaay more than she made, and didn't realize it.
#42
I gave my girlfriend a gift, a box with something in it, and after she opened it and saw what it was, I told her to check it again, because it's gone. I don't know why I said that, I think I was joking to confuse her or be silly or something.
But without opening the box (the gift was still in there), she started screaming and ran to the other side of the room, believing that I had just performed dark magic or something.
She later told me that she believed I was a witch or a demon when I told her that I made it disappear.
David 1 year ago
sometimes if you catch a person in an off moment. Navy - me + really smart shipmate I liked. Me: Watch this - (inserts comb into right pocket, magically pulls the comb out of my left pocket). Him: "How did you DO that!?" Me: (shows him I was just at the ship's store and purchased two combs. We had a good laugh. Like I said - the guy was smart and I respected him. But I did it on a whim and managed to catch him in a moment.
What do you think ?
Zelda Fitzgerald 1 year ago
He was super cute but a total idiot. When we were arguing and he told me that he wasn't my "escape goat," I couldn't do it anymore.
Moosy Girl 1 year ago
I can’t stop giggling at this, just imagining an angry person yelling „find another escape goat!!!” (and then riding off on a confused goat).
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Solidhog 1 year ago
My first two rules of life. 1) Always be nice to people. Some just can't help it. You don't know if others where dropped multiple times as a baby. 2) Always assume that 99% of people are stupid. 3) Never think you have met the most stupid person in the world. There is always someone else who will come along and prove you wrong.
Did I say that out loud? 1 year ago
Very wise words. If I may add a fourth, though? 4) Depending on the situation, you may well be the dumbest person someone else has ever met.
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wowbagger 1 year ago
My ex thought that images of the Milky Way were photographs taken from outside the galaxy. He also would not stop calling the Pythagorean theorem "Pythagorean's Theorem." He was a math and science teacher.
Did I say that out loud? 1 year ago
Could have been worse. He could have thought all the images were advertising for a chocolate bar.
Load More Replies...
Did I say that out loud? 1 year ago
I love it when the Pandas come together like this.
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Michael Largey 1 year ago
I knew I was dating an idiot by the simple fact that they agreed to go out with me.
Did I say that out loud? 1 year ago
To be fair, pretty much every bloke can say that if they're honest.
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Wicked Moon216 1 year ago
I will be the first person to admit that I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, but reading some of these was just...wow.
SnackbarKaat 1 year ago
Ex-bf celebrated Christmas, but didn't know it was about the birth of jesus Christ
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
must be confusing on independence day. Like thinks it's a fireworks day and hasn't figured out what the word "independence" refers to.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 1 year ago
Mine lets youtube or netflix run all night on autoplay because "she likes the background noise" and then asks me why her data has run out.
Bob Broadley 1 year ago
An ex-girlfriend of mine didn't know that potatoes were a vegetable. Her reasoning: "I just thought they were potatoes."
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
Sorry, potatoes aren't vegetables. They're in the grain family.
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Zelda Fitzgerald 1 year ago
He was super cute but a total idiot. When we were arguing and he told me that he wasn't my "escape goat," I couldn't do it anymore.
Moosy Girl 1 year ago
I can’t stop giggling at this, just imagining an angry person yelling „find another escape goat!!!” (and then riding off on a confused goat).
Load More Replies... Solidhog 1 year ago
My first two rules of life. 1) Always be nice to people. Some just can't help it. You don't know if others where dropped multiple times as a baby. 2) Always assume that 99% of people are stupid. 3) Never think you have met the most stupid person in the world. There is always someone else who will come along and prove you wrong.
Did I say that out loud? 1 year ago
Very wise words. If I may add a fourth, though? 4) Depending on the situation, you may well be the dumbest person someone else has ever met.
Load More Replies... wowbagger 1 year ago
My ex thought that images of the Milky Way were photographs taken from outside the galaxy. He also would not stop calling the Pythagorean theorem "Pythagorean's Theorem." He was a math and science teacher.
Did I say that out loud? 1 year ago
Could have been worse. He could have thought all the images were advertising for a chocolate bar.
Load More Replies... Did I say that out loud? 1 year ago
I love it when the Pandas come together like this.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago
I knew I was dating an idiot by the simple fact that they agreed to go out with me.
Did I say that out loud? 1 year ago
To be fair, pretty much every bloke can say that if they're honest.
Load More Replies... Wicked Moon216 1 year ago
I will be the first person to admit that I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, but reading some of these was just...wow.
SnackbarKaat 1 year ago
Ex-bf celebrated Christmas, but didn't know it was about the birth of jesus Christ
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
must be confusing on independence day. Like thinks it's a fireworks day and hasn't figured out what the word "independence" refers to.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 1 year ago
Mine lets youtube or netflix run all night on autoplay because "she likes the background noise" and then asks me why her data has run out.
Bob Broadley 1 year ago
An ex-girlfriend of mine didn't know that potatoes were a vegetable. Her reasoning: "I just thought they were potatoes."
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
Sorry, potatoes aren't vegetables. They're in the grain family.
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