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Woman Can’t Figure Out What To Do After Friend’s Ex Says He Wants To Date Her, Seeks Advice
It’s not really in our hands who we start developing feelings for, is it? Because loving, or liking, someone is completely natural, and it takes over your heart when you least expect it. And this person can be anyone: your best friend, a stranger you met at a concert, or even your friend’s ex!
Just like the original poster (OP) who reconnected with a friend, but at the same time, she had a secret fling with that friend’s ex. However, when things started to get serious between them, she wondered whether dating him was the right thing to do.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
The poster of this story got divorced, after which she started going out happily and enjoyed her new life
Image credits: boryanam (not the actual picture)
Recently, she also reconnected with an old friend who turned into a good acquaintance for her
Image credits: denpark
Image credits: prostooleh (not the actual picture)
The friend broke up with her ex about a year ago, and now she is happily dating someone else, meanwhile, the poster met her ex and had a secret fling with him
Image credits: denpark
Image credits: teksomolika (not the actual picture)
After a while things got serious and he said that he wanted to take the poster out on proper dates, and she also started liking him
Image credits: denpark
He also made her laugh and she felt they clicked and were intensely attracted to each other, so she sought advice online whether dating him would be the right thing to do
In today’s story, the poster tells us that she got divorced and started going out and enjoying her new life. She even reconnected with an old friend who became a good acquaintance. Now, she gives us a little background about the friend.
She was in an on-and-off relationship with her ex-boyfriend and broke up a year ago. However, now she seems to be serious with another person she started seeing 7 months ago and also, pretty happy. And this is where things take a different turn for OP.
One day, she was at a pub and started chatting with her friend’s ex, and this slowly developed into a fling, which they kept a secret. But after a while, things started getting pretty serious between them and the guy wanted to take her out on proper dates where people they knew would see them.
OP also informed us that even she had started really liking him. He’s a fun person who makes her laugh. Plus, she feels that they just connected and share a very intense attraction towards each other. Probably feeling confused, she went online and asked netizens whether it would be appropriate to date him.
After reading her story, the folks online were divided in their opinions. Some said that she should definitely go for it as she shouldn’t have to stop her happiness for someone else’s opinion. They also said that if she was a good friend, she would surely understand the poster’s situation and that she didn’t do it on purpose.
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual picture)
However, some said that the fact that she was asking other people’s opinions about it showed that she knew it was wrong and shouldn’t go ahead with it.
As per Marriage.com, “Dating a friend’s ex may lead to trust issues, prompting questions about the integrity of relationships. The prospect of betrayal may emerge, stirring uncertainties about loyalty and friendship. When contemplating such connections, it’s vital to address trust concerns openly and honestly, fostering transparent communication.”
While people understood what a difficult position she was in, they also tried to look at things from the friend’s perspective. They felt that she might feel betrayed by OP if she found out about this, causing her distress. When they asked if the ex had broken up with the friend, OP clarified that it was actually the other way around.
Psychology Today states, “People have expectations of friendship, including support, respect, loyalty, reciprocity, or connection. A sense of betrayal exists if the expectations of friendship are violated. When a friend betrays us, it can cause a range of negative emotions, including shock, loss, and grief.”
Looks like what the netizens said might be true. They advised the poster that she should have a transparent conversation with her friend before jumping into anything. She would feel better if she found out about it from the poster rather than a third person. They also told OP to handle this carefully as it’s such a delicate matter and might have an adverse impact on her friend.
And even though people had divided opinions, they all agreed about one thing: that having this conversation with her friend is crucial. Do you agree with their verdict? Also, what would you do if you were in OP’s shoes? Just scroll down and feel free to jot down your thoughts in the comments below!
Netizens were divided as some told her to go for it while some said that it might ruin their friendship
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What do you think ?
Sunny Day 4 months ago
First off - tell the friend before she hears it from someone else. What comes then is entirely dependent on your friend's maturity level. An adult would figure "I've moved on. No surprise that he did as well. Maybe they'll be a better fit together." and everyone is happy. Or she could be a childish, dog-in-the-manger b***h about it. Either way, you have no control over it, and if the friendship ends it will be because of HER behavior, not yours.
FreeTheUnicorn 4 months ago
Friend has moved on so it's fine, but talk to her. Also a good chance to double check there's no violence etc that you need to know about. But speak to your friend and brace for odd looks, but that won't last.
K C 4 months ago
She doesn’t get to decide what’s “fine” or how said friend “moved on” and feels about things. That’s crazy.
Load More Replies... Becca not Becky 4 months ago
I personally didn't like dating exes of my close friends, but after the couple splits, they're people who can do what they want. No one owns their ex. As long as there was no abuse involved, and a fair amount of time has passed, I see nothing wrong with it
Sunny Day 4 months ago
First off - tell the friend before she hears it from someone else. What comes then is entirely dependent on your friend's maturity level. An adult would figure "I've moved on. No surprise that he did as well. Maybe they'll be a better fit together." and everyone is happy. Or she could be a childish, dog-in-the-manger b***h about it. Either way, you have no control over it, and if the friendship ends it will be because of HER behavior, not yours.
FreeTheUnicorn 4 months ago
Friend has moved on so it's fine, but talk to her. Also a good chance to double check there's no violence etc that you need to know about. But speak to your friend and brace for odd looks, but that won't last.
K C 4 months ago
She doesn’t get to decide what’s “fine” or how said friend “moved on” and feels about things. That’s crazy.
Load More Replies... Becca not Becky 4 months ago
I personally didn't like dating exes of my close friends, but after the couple splits, they're people who can do what they want. No one owns their ex. As long as there was no abuse involved, and a fair amount of time has passed, I see nothing wrong with it
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