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“What’s The Darkest Secret You Found Out About A Family Member?”: 35 People Share Heavy Stories
The average person is hiding about 13 secrets at any given time, half of which they’ve never told to anyone. But sometimes secrets find their way into the light, especially when they affect an entire family.
One curious reddit user posed the question, “What's the darkest secret you found out about a family member/relative?” And many people responded with dark, disturbing and upsetting discoveries that have been made about their families. We’ve gathered some of the most interesting responses down below that might inspire you to start digging around your own family for secrets, but proceed with caution: you never know what you’re going to uncover.
Be sure to upvote the dark family secrets that you find most surprising, and feel free to share any juicy stories from your own family in the comments below. Then, if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article on the same topic, you can find even more family secrets that would feel right at home in a soap opera script right here.
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#1
My great uncle is a rapist that prefers underage family members. I don’t know how many people actually know, but my grandparents certainly do along with his victims (my mom, aunt, and I know at least a few or their cousins but I’m not sure which).
But then he found Jesus again so we all have to forgive him and pretend nothing happened? It was before I was born but that’s the basic run around I’ve gotten from my grandparents, they don’t ever actually acknowledge it just that “Tony did bad things but he found God”. I eventually put two and two together about my mom’s history or sexual assault and her making sure that me and my female cousins were never left alone with him. And now that I’m in my 20s that duty has been passed down to me at every family gathering. It’s like an unspoken rule that you can’t say **why**, just the warning. Don’t leave your daughters alone with him.
I’m tired of it though. Tired of shooing little girls away and having to pretend like it’s normal. Scoping toddlers out of a predators arms and acting like everything’s fine and I’m just baby crazy. When this is all over, I’m not going to stay quite anymore. The next time I have to around him I’m taking children right back to their parents with the full f*****g story of why it’s dangerous. I’m tired of having to protect a rapist to keep peace.
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#2
My uncle tells the story that when he was a kid, his older brother wanted him to go out hunting with him in the woods near their house. They woke up really early, and started walking much deeper into the woods than they usually did, and way off the normal trails they used. My uncle realized his brother was letting him get further and further ahead. He stopped and turned around to see his brother starting to bring the shotgun up in his direction. He asked him what the hell was he doing, his brother said "Oh, I thought I saw something." My uncle decided to go back at that point. Later that week he went back and found a pit that someone had dug a bit further off the trail.
He never went anywhere with his brother alone again.
#3
Here goes: My two remaining grandparents, my father's father and my mother's mother, married each other when they were 75. This made my mother and father step-brother and step-sister. Since the son of my father's sister (my aunt) is my cousin, and the son of my mother's brother (my uncle) is also my cousin, I became both cousins. I am, therefore, my own cousin. I'll never be alone...
#4
Not necessarily a family secret but a weird story nonetheless.
This happened around 2013 - Instagram wasn’t totally new but it was still a much smaller platform centered a lot around visual artists. Through Instagram - a friend of mine found a profile that was my goddamn doppelgänger. Like, this guy looked so much like me that I sent multiple photos of him to my mom and she was convinced it was me even after I told her.
Now, for the purpose of the story I’ll just say I am incredibly unique looking. Dark brown hair, firey red beard, almost a full bodysuit of tattoos. Same for this guy. The brands of clothes I wore, even down to the gold and black RayBan Clubmasters. I am a professional Tattooer and he is a painter who owns an art gallery.
So - keeping with how the internet worked back then - we said hey and joked about meeting and occasionally would call or FaceTime the other to prove a drunken point.
Then, I got an opportunity to travel to NYC for work. This guy lived in NYC as well so we made plans to meet up! Bought plane tickets, made arrangements and even talked about how funny it would be to get a photo together.
Then we started talking about how funny it would be if we were long lost brothers and he goes “that’s entirely possible! My Dad was never in the picture - he was a traveling biker that hooked up with my mom one night.” Which was weird because my dad was a tattooer and notorious biker who traveled in the area he lived when he was growing up. I thought it was a long shot but I said “hey! Ask your mom if his name is James Jobin! Wouldn’t that be crazy if we are brothers?!”
He loled and agreed that would be funny - said he’d ask his mom the next morning before I got into town.
Then he blocked me on everything. Instagram, Facebook, Text. Absolute radio silence.
I’ve made other accounts to check up on him and see how he’s doing but I’ve never reached back out. The thought that I could have a brother is bittersweet for me - I wanna respect his right to have contact with me or not but it does break my heart a little every time I think about him.
#5
A few years before he passed, my dad and I had a long heart to heart, at the end of which, he told me he wasn’t the one to first sleep with my mom on their honeymoon.
He caught her in bed with her cousin, with which she was had been in love for a long time.
He spoke with their pastor, who told him to forgive and forget.
That worked, until 6 years later, when he caught her again, with the same cousin. He told me he wanted to leave with me but ultimately decided to stay, because he wanted me to have a family.
With all that happened in my childhood, and to him (workaholic, diabetes, heart attack), I wish he’d left and be happy instead.
OhnoI’vebeencensored 2 years ago
I wonder if he was really the dad... the OP might have a few duplicate genes :-/
#6
I found out that my grandfather’s first wife (before my grandma) died of botulism from eating some tomatoes she had canned at home. She could have been saved, but he refused to take her to the doctor because the botulism was her “fault.” He let her die to teach her a lesson.
#7
My step-grandfather had a completely hidden life in Australia before he met my grandmother. He had a family and kids in Australia, and faked his death by driving his car off a cliff then moving to America. His kids thought he was dead until my grandmother found out about them and reached out years later. His son actually became a famous comedian over there, and from what I know has a joke he does at his shows about his father faking his death to disconnect from them.
#8
My father used to secretly go to parks and highway rest stops to meet other men for anonymous sex.
Just in case you're wondering, he really hated gay people.
wifeofweasley 2 years ago
I don't think he hated gay people. He hated himself and projected his own self hatred onto other people.
#9
My biological grandfather threatened to kill my grandmother while she was very young and pregnant with my uncle. (Long story short, he was engaged to someone else).
My grandmother became a nervous wreck while pregnant and wouldn’t leave the house and he used to throw bricks through the window. Eventually she told some of her friends about what he’d threatened to do to her. Shortly after that he went missing, never to be seen or heard from again.
We always kind of laughed and joked that one of her friends must have threatened him or ‘ran him out of town’. We would even go as far to say someone might have killed him for her.
It wasn’t until we were going through her boxes of photos and ‘love letters’ we realised she was actually friends with the Kray twins...
Jessica Cifelli 2 years ago
For those too lazy to google, Ronald Kray (24 October 1933 – 17 March 1995) and Reginald Kray (24 October 1933 – 1 October 2000), were identical twin brothers, gangsters and convicted criminals. They were the foremost perpetrators of organised crime in the East End of London, England, from the late 1950s to 1967. With their gang, known as the Firm, the Kray twins were involved in murder, armed robbery, arson, protection rackets, gambling and assaults
#10
Found out the hard way that my grandfather was a sexual predator. Turns out my grandmother had been in denial despite both my aunts, their friends, and young girls in their small town claiming he raped/molested them (one 16 year-old even got pregnant and *he paid for the abortion*). Grandma lied about his whereabouts/activities for years to protect him because if he went to jail she'd be unable to afford their house. So, long story short, me and my then 10 year old cousin were his latest and final victims.
Thanks, Grandma.
#11
My father tried to kill my mother while she was pregnant with me
#12
Not really dark at all, but surprising. My mild mannered Buddhist lawyer uncle was International Mr. Leather's "Leather Daddy's Boy of the Year" some time in the late 80s.
#13
Step father was cheating on mother. Didnt find out because he was caught cheating; found out because he and his mistress were drunk, got in a fight, and he punched her so hard that she fell over and died. Found out about the whole thing during the investigation, the trial, and the conviction. Was weird to have a lawyer want to call 12 year old me to a stand to defend the character of a man I already had very little interaction and a fear of, and that was before the manslaughter charge.
#14
That my grandfather murdered his own brother to inherit his money
#15
Two years ago I found out that my Dad had a wife before my Mom and she died in a freak accident on their wedding night.
#16
My great uncle told his wife that their son died right after being born and gave him up to the state because he had Down's Syndrome. They had twins, a boy and a girl, and he somehow hid it from the whole family for about 40 years. It was only found out when the family lawyer was dying and contacted the sister to tell her she has a living brother who lives in a home run by the state. I guess he had helped my great uncle with the whole thing and still felt terrible about it.
Also, for some added context, my great uncle was extremely wealthy. He could have easily paid for multiple caregivers to help his son and it wouldn't have effected his life at all.
BetterBitterButter 2 years ago
Imagine the mother (if alive) and siblings learning about him. The shock and betrayal!
#17
Found out my birth father was still alive and living in California after being told for years he had died in the Navy before I was born. Fast forward a couple of years and a Sister whome I was told had died at birth contacted me saying she had been adopted. Put all the pieces together and found out that my Grandparents, mother then 16 and uncle then 14 were stealing cars in Southern California and running them down to Tijuana. When the Feds started snooping the whole family ran for the border and made it as far as central America where my mother discovered she was pregnant with me. They then turned noth and made it to Zapata Texas where I was born. She gave me the name of her last boyfriend and told me he died in the Navy. Less than a year after I was born she gave birth to my half sister and gave her up fo adoption telling the family she was still born. My mother was a pathological lier all her life and I didn't find out until I joined the Navy at 17 and found my birth father was still alive.
Also found out my Grandmother was a prostatute, madam, and arsonist as well but that is another story.
#18
I recently found out that my grandmother committed suicide as a result of the sexual abuse she received from her grandfather as a child (aged 8-14). Apparently her mother and many of her relatives were compliant with it and would even send her to his house for week long visits where she would sleep in his bed.
#19
when i was a kid we went to my grandma’s house every sunday and all of my uncles and aunts would be there. one day i noticed that one of my uncles didn’t show up anymore so i asked my family where he is. they told me that he wouldn’t be able to visit anymore because he moved away.
years later i found out that he raped and killed two women and they locked him up.
#20
My parents had a nasty divorce which was often accompanied by a lot of s**t-talking about each other. There was a lot of “well your mother blah blah blah” and “your dad is such and such”, most of which I would just ignore because it was incredibly immature and embarrassing, until one day my mom broke out the big guns. My siblings and I were just watching t.v in the living room one day and the conversation moved to my dad coming to town to visit, at which point my mom overheard. The mere mention of dad prompted this woman to stop whatever she was doing, come into the living room, and say something along the lines of: “talking about your dad again, huh? Did you know that he was *molested*”?
My dad had never mentioned anything about it in the 18 years that I lived with him, which is understandable. To this day, I have no idea why my mom felt the need to blurt that out to the three of us, or why it is she thought that being the victim of sexual abuse was a stain on someone’s character, but it was a really weird way to find out something so deeply personal about my dad.
TL;DR: My mom told my siblings and I that my dad was molested when he was little as a way to spite him.
Inga Paškevičiūtė 2 years ago
Imagine thinking that it's something to make your kids turn against their father. Still...both suck.
#21
My mom and dad decided to take in my 3 cousins because their mom got into a horrible car accident. Two girls and one boy. The girls were 6 and 10, the boy 12. Fast forward to when the 6 yr old girl is 14 years old and is asked about birth control. She starts sobbing saying her brother (the then 12 yr old) took her virginity when she was 6 and that it continued until she was about 13. We had no clue.
#22
My grandmother used to kidnap and sell young girls in Mexico back in the 50's and 60's. She would sell them to ranchers to presumably be wives and/or sex slaves. She was not a good person at all.
#23
Both of my mother's parent's had affairs without the others knowledge. My grandmother had Parkinson's and in one of her confused states she told my grandfather that she had an affair.
Suffice to say my grandfather was not happy and put her in a home. He then started talking to my mother trying to figure out when it could have happened. He speculated that it happened around the same time he was having his affair, which was around 1966. My mother was shocked, she was born in 1967.
So my mother may or may not be related to the man she believed to be her father.
#24
A relative tried to poison one of their guests. Once I learned about it, it finally sealed the deal for me and forever changed my view on them. They were bonkers anyway but good lord that's too much.
#25
In doing ancestry research, I found a prison record for my great-grandfather. Felony assault at age 18 in 1901. My mom was shocked and never knew.
#26
Growing up I never understood why my dad could sometimes be so cold to my mom. When I was 13 he passed away and I had to start dealing with my learned relationship habits. My aunts began telling me the story of his first wife.. My father and her got pregnant and he was called to the hospital and excitedly ran into the room to find her and her lesbian lover standing there with the baby. They told him "we are done with you and she wants a divorce." It was a years long plot to have a baby with him and he never even suspected anything. My grandmother said he was crushed for years. I probably hurt women along they way in my navigating relationships as well. Please don't make selfish choices that hurts others, it hurts more people than you think...
#27
I found out 2 years ago that my mother had a baby she gave up for adoption 18 months before she had me and then had another baby when I was 3 and she also gave that baby up for adoption. All 3 of us have different fathers and I think the only reason she kept me was because my father married her but that marriage only lasted a year. My mother remarried when I was 5 and my (half) brother was born when I was 7. As far as I knew for 59 years he and I were our mother's only children.
I never saw her pregnant with the 2nd baby because she sent me to live with my great-grandparents across the country during her pregnancy. My mother and grandmother were the only people who knew about this and they both took the secret to their graves.
The only reason any of it was found out is because of all of the DNA testing people now do. This discovery really impacted my sense of identity for a while, my view of my mother, and our relationship.
I've met my half-siblings, an older sister and younger brother. I like them and I'm glad I've been able to answer some of their questions but the initial discovery really messed with me for a bit.
witchling 2 years ago
I just found out something similar. I've always been an only child and desperately wanted a sibling. Recently found out thru moms confessions that I have a sister that's a few years older then me. Mom doesn't have any of the adoption info and I have no way of looking for her.
#28
When I was growing up my grandfather hated anything Russian.
If there were any news about them he turned of the TV. if they played against any other team in hockey or so he didn't watch it (even tho he loved ice hockey and it was a world cup final).
I was a kid I didn't understand why, to me he was a retired carpenter and grandfather.
When he passed away my uncle told me everything. How he served as a foreign volunteer for Finland in the winter war against Soviet (my great grandfather was from Finland). How he's friend were taken as a POW and executed. He then want back to Finland for the continuation war where he was wounded and almost died in the battle of Ilomansti, the last big battle.
Jessica Wood 2 years ago
Actually understandable. Lots of Finns outright despise Russians, even now.
#29
My Uncle didn’t have an ~~aneurism~~ stroke spontaneously. (Sorry, I’m not a Doctor)
He deliberately stopped taking his blood thinners.
Dude was 63 with a wife, four kids and 15 grandkids, the oldest of which was 13 and the youngest was not even a year.
He was just done. His wife doesn’t know, his kids don’t know. I only know cause I overheard the family doctor telling my dad. As far as I know, only myself. The Doctor, and my dad know.
Emerald Joanna 2 years ago (edited)
As someone who works in the medical field, a lot of people self-discontinue their medication for a multitude of reasons - not always because they are "done." I would be interested to know if he stopped the meds knowing it would kill him or if he just believed he didn't need them anymore & was done taking them.
#30
This will probably get lost, but here's my story.
Had some family move to Vegas with a local churches money (close to a million dollars) to open a new church for them in sin city.
They gambled it all away.
Came back church told them to f**k off basically.
They started their own church that allowed them to buy multi million dollar houses, brand new cars for them and their kids, basically a luxury lifestyle.
They sell merch at the front door to the church, members are required to provide bank info and they tithe 10% monthly income from all families. If you don't pay up, they kick you out. They tell you how to eat and exercise. If you don't follow they kick you out. They put it in an old movie theater so they have multiple stages. Full lighting and av crews. They do love offerings when they need extra cash. God tells them to take trips (like told their congregation God told them to ride motorcycles through the grand canyon) he even claimed he had healing powers for a short amount of time and got SAINT tattooed down his arm. The whole 9 yards.
At the beginning of the pandemic when they were shutting everything down, they pressured their congregation to pay the 10% for the WHOLE YEAR UPFRONT*
They've cut contact with all our family because we won't be part of their church.
Also their church is well know in our city and local area, but no one has stepped in. Cuz, ya know, Bible belt.
My cousin started a cult.
#31
My uncle’s family claimed he had polio instead of a hereditary crippling disease. His wife figured it out when she went to their family reunion. She already had one child and was pregnant with another.
#32
I found out that my great-grandpa got away with murder. He thought that my great-grandma was cheating on him with her dentist so he went into his office and shot him. He got away with it too and they didn't find out that he did it until he told everybody before he died.
#33
I found out my dad killed someone in a drunk driving accident. My mum randomly told me a few years ago, it shook me for a while. I think it still very low-key affects him.
#34
I found out that my great grandpa wasn't actually my great grandpa because my great grandma had my grandma (her daughter) with a famous boxer who was extremely abusive. She divorced him after having kids with him and met my great grandpa while she was supervising the manufacturing of B-25 bombers during WW2. My mom and I are the only ones (besides my grandparents) that know the true story.
#35
My mother "supposedly" has a fraternal twin. My grandmother couldn't handle the thought of two kids so she gave the male child away to someone she knew that was moving away.
In a drug induced rage one night my grandmother screamed at my mom that she kept the wrong child; it was never mentioned before or after that moment. My mom was roughly 12 at the time. She asked my great grandmother about it and she knew the boy's name but not where they moved to or who he was living with. My mom actually had met him once but didn't know who he actually was. My grandmother denies it ever happened and my grandfather felt that "surely they'd have had to tell me". I doubt they would have though.
When she was pregnant with me, my mom asked my great-grandmother what my middle name should be: my middle name is actually his middle name.
What do you think ?
Mokayokok 2 years ago
For those who don't know, I had to look it up because I've never heard of it, but "Botulism is a rare but serious illness caused by a toxin that attacks the body's nerves. Symptoms of botulism usually start with weakness of the muscles that control the eyes, face, mouth, and throat. This weakness may spread to the neck, arms, torso, and legs."
I'mNotARoboat 2 years ago
The history of it is quite interesting especially being the basis of Botox injections. It's one of the most deadly poisons/toxins per unit and it's very expensive.
Load More Replies...
deanna woods 2 years ago
There's a really strange thing in my family involving sexual assault and sexual abuse. My mom was raped by her sister's father and a church deacon when she was fourteen. My aunt on my dad's side was raped by my dad's father when she was fifteen and my father saw it happen. He was five. My aunt was sexually abused by one of her cousins. I was repeatedly felt up by a guy at school until I went and sat between two guys and then he left me alone. My sister has been stalked twice. So basically, the women in my family have been sexually assaulted, sexually abused, and stalked.
Erin Fish 2 years ago
By no means am I belittling your family's experiences but I think this is also just the consequences of being a woman. 81% of women report experiencing sexual assault or harassment. My own family has a similar pattern, some of us even sharing abusers.
Load More Replies...
Bill Allen 2 years ago
I know what it’s like to be the one who ushers small children away from a certain uncle in my in-laws family. Everybody knew but they would always make sure he was able to be at family gatherings right up till he died. I never understood that. Found it weird that they would have him around their young children and not even watch out for them. My wife and I didn’t have kids. If we did, we wouldn’t have been to many family functions. When he died my wife’s sister cleaned out his apartment. She found a lot of pictures of very young girls that he had cut out of magazines and stuff. Yuk.
Mokayokok 2 years ago
For those who don't know, I had to look it up because I've never heard of it, but "Botulism is a rare but serious illness caused by a toxin that attacks the body's nerves. Symptoms of botulism usually start with weakness of the muscles that control the eyes, face, mouth, and throat. This weakness may spread to the neck, arms, torso, and legs."
I'mNotARoboat 2 years ago
The history of it is quite interesting especially being the basis of Botox injections. It's one of the most deadly poisons/toxins per unit and it's very expensive.
Load More Replies... deanna woods 2 years ago
There's a really strange thing in my family involving sexual assault and sexual abuse. My mom was raped by her sister's father and a church deacon when she was fourteen. My aunt on my dad's side was raped by my dad's father when she was fifteen and my father saw it happen. He was five. My aunt was sexually abused by one of her cousins. I was repeatedly felt up by a guy at school until I went and sat between two guys and then he left me alone. My sister has been stalked twice. So basically, the women in my family have been sexually assaulted, sexually abused, and stalked.
Erin Fish 2 years ago
By no means am I belittling your family's experiences but I think this is also just the consequences of being a woman. 81% of women report experiencing sexual assault or harassment. My own family has a similar pattern, some of us even sharing abusers.
Load More Replies... Bill Allen 2 years ago
I know what it’s like to be the one who ushers small children away from a certain uncle in my in-laws family. Everybody knew but they would always make sure he was able to be at family gatherings right up till he died. I never understood that. Found it weird that they would have him around their young children and not even watch out for them. My wife and I didn’t have kids. If we did, we wouldn’t have been to many family functions. When he died my wife’s sister cleaned out his apartment. She found a lot of pictures of very young girls that he had cut out of magazines and stuff. Yuk.
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