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Let’s be honest: dark humor jokes are not for everyone. Not for every place, either. You have to be able to read the room almost perfectly in order to get the best reaction to these twisted jokes. Don’t go around strangers cracking dark jokes. You never know the backstory of the person and how they will react to your dark humor jokes with no limits. But if you’re in a circle of close friends whom you know are open to this kind of humor, crack away!
This type of humor can really make your stomach hurt. A dark joke can consist of many things, and you can flavor it to fit any occasion. Some of them are straight-up offensive jokes, others can involve a gut-bending plot twist. There are even some dark-humored dad jokes! But, as we mentioned, it takes two to tango, so the recipient of the joke is just as important as the corny joke itself.
What Are Some of the Best Dark Humor Jokes?
If you are looking for the very best dark jokes to tell your friends, we’ve got you covered. Bored Panda community voted for and picked the very best ones. Hence, we’re confident that the first ten entries on this list can be dubbed the top 10 dark humor jokes on the internet.This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
#2
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
#3
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
#4
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
#5
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
#6
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
#7
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
#8
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
#9
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
Candia Lee 3 years ago
This is the first LOL of the bunch for me. Hope others read down this far.
#10
I'd like to have kids one day. I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
Funny Dark Humor Jokes
These pocket-sized punchlines pack a wallop of clever and edgy humor in just a few words. You might be unable to suppress your laugh at these short dark humor jokes with no limits. They challenge the convention and dare you to chuckle at life’s darkest absurdities.
However, if you are looking for even more macabre humor, we’ve got plenty more prepared for you. So go ahead, and laugh at these morbid jokes. Promise we won’t tell anyone!
#11
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Candia Lee 3 years ago
Why do I appreciate the horrible logic in this? Truth be told, he'll get treatment as a prisoner.
#12
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
#13
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared." The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."
Dark Dad Jokes
Universally, dads seem to have nailed a joke formula that can both delight and embarrass family members simultaneously. But sometimes they dangle at the edge of darkness that may make you go, “Whoa, that was savage!” These dark-humored dad jokes take a deliciously dark turn!
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
- A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a tree. “Don’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man says, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
- Why did Grandma miss the funeral? She wasn’t a mourning person.
#14
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
#15
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
#16
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
Dark Humor Knock Knock Jokes
These dark humor knock-knock jokes delve into the macabre, the absurd, and the taboo with a devilish sense of humor. These knock-knock jokes may make you chuckle and squirm at the same time. Guessing what lurks behind that imaginary door? Let us tell you.
- Knock! Knock! “Who’s there?” Lettuce. “Lettuce who?” Please let us out of the basement.
- Knock! Knock! “Who’s there?” Dwayne. “Dwayne, who?” Dwayne the bathtub, I’m drowning.
- Knock! Knock! “Who’s there?” Howie. “Howie, who?” Howie gonna hide this body?!
- Knock! Knock! “Who’s there?” Control Freak. Okay, now you say, "Control Freak, who?"
#17
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
#18
Turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
#19
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.
#20
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thanks Dad," the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
#21
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
#22
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
#23
My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
#24
I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.
#25
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste."
#26
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!
#27
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
#28
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning. Being a sniper is awesome.
#29
My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
#30
My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die. "Usually an overdose, son," I told him.
#31
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Valentina Randi 3 years ago
reading these while half asleep will make you fully wake up....in an interesting way
#32
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
#33
Siri, why am I still single?! *Siri activates front camera*
#34
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
#35
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
#37
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
#38
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie? A family photo.
#39
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days."
#40
Since the pandemic started, my wife just stands there sadly looking through the window. I should probably go let her in.
#41
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
#42
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Ryan Deschanel 3 years ago
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life" sir Terrence Pratchett.
#43
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
#44
I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.
#45
What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
#46
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.
#47
I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
#48
Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
#49
"Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!"
#50
Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.
What do you think ?
Jess Ovo 3 years ago
What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? .. .. Both like to crack open a cold one! (:
Carol Emory 3 years ago (edited)
Old man is flying down the freeway in his new corvette. He soon sees a state patrolman behind him with lights on. He takes off driving nearly 100 mph. When the siren sounds, he comes to his senses and pulls over. Before the cop reaches the window, the man apologizes for running. The cop says "I've heard every excuse there is, but if you tell me something original, I'll let you go." The man says "Well you see officer, a few years back, my wife ran off with a state patrolman...so when I saw your lights in the rearview mirror...I thought you were trying to bring her back!" Cop tips his hat "Have a nice day!"
Kanuli 3 years ago
Missing my favorite: How many babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw. Also good: Whats worse than 9 babies in a garbage bin? 1 baby in 9 garbage bins.
BasedWang 3 years ago
then theres, whats the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a corvette in my garage
Load More Replies...
JeannevB 3 years ago
If you are wondering if the mushrooms I served you are edible, know this: all mushrooms are edible. But some of them.only once.
juice 3 years ago
one of my favorites (stolen from Whose Line): a convicted hitman confessed that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field, using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit that this may be the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack
Serbob 3 years ago
It was not stolen from Whose Line. It's been around a lot longer than that show.
Load More Replies...
BasedWang 3 years ago
Woman walking along the beach - Sees a man laying there with no arms and no legs crying... She asks "why are you crying" He responds "Nobody loves me and all I ever wanted to do in my life was get f****d". So she lifted him up, threw him in the ocean and said "There, now you're f****d!"
albernistuff 4sale 3 years ago
Worse than one dead baby?.... a pile of dead babies.... Worse than that?... one in the middle still alive.... Worse than that?.... its eating its way out.... Worse than that?... Makes it.... Worse than that?... Goes back for seconds....
Tatertot 3 years ago
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender. I still remember my dad's last words to my mother before he died. "This would make a great Facebook picture!"
Freya the Wanderer 3 years ago
What's black and brown and looks good on a Trump supporter? A Doberman pinscher.
Load More Replies...
cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
I was washing my hands in the bathroom when my wife called up to me, "Have you just taken a sh*t?" I replied "Yes, Why?" and she called back "Well the neighbours are here and want you to stop rummaging in their toilet"... Some people are like a Slinky. They are only fun when you push them down the stairs... Light is definitely faster than sound. A point proven when someone who looks bright decides to open their mouth
Arthur Waite 3 years ago
Just after #50, if you look carefully, you'll see a line in grey letters that says something about how many entries there are, and were. If you click on the number, it'll bring in all the 137 entries. Enjoy!
Load More Replies...
PoppyFlower 1 year ago
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.(father) Screenshot...bf344d.jpg 
Christian Botteri 2 years ago
i burned down an orphanage. sadly the staff couldnt call their parents.
Ta Zhiah White 2 years ago
SO I went to my depressed friends' house to see if they wanted to hang out...I guess I was too late :)
Andrea Careless 3 years ago
An elderly lady who was afraid of flying got on a float plane with a very young pilot. He looked like he was about 16, if that. She said, “Young man, how long have you been flying?” He replied, “You mean, counting today?”
GoddessOdd 3 years ago
Yeah... I'll never forget my grandad's last words... "Dammit, Goddess, I said quit shaking the ladder!" ba dum dum.
Myriesha Tika 1 month ago
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked.....
Ayden Overstreet 1 year ago
Why do orphans go to church? So they can finally call someone their father.
PoppyFlower 1 year ago
Whats black white black white and green? Two skunks fighting over a pickle. How do you stop an elephant from charging? You unplug it. (Not dark humor but funny)
Ta Zhiah White 2 years ago
*Laughs Melancholy* We're all mentally unstable *Cries* Emotional Damage...
Joshua HJN 3 years ago
Now THESE are REAL jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHJHFDSL;JFHJDFHASD;LFHASD;LFHASD;FKHASD;LFKHASD;KFAHSDLF;KAHSDFL;ASDHFLK;ASDFHNAS;LKDFHASDLKF
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago (edited)
You type like those girls I know. Can't stand them either. (Tis a joke)
Load More Replies... Ta Zhiah White 2 years ago
I tried to teach my emo friend to play a game...but our team lost. They just weren't cut out for it
Russian Otaku 3 years ago
These are all old and one simple google away for black humor jokes and they ain't even the best ones
Jess Ovo 3 years ago
What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? .. .. Both like to crack open a cold one! (:
Carol Emory 3 years ago (edited)
Old man is flying down the freeway in his new corvette. He soon sees a state patrolman behind him with lights on. He takes off driving nearly 100 mph. When the siren sounds, he comes to his senses and pulls over. Before the cop reaches the window, the man apologizes for running. The cop says "I've heard every excuse there is, but if you tell me something original, I'll let you go." The man says "Well you see officer, a few years back, my wife ran off with a state patrolman...so when I saw your lights in the rearview mirror...I thought you were trying to bring her back!" Cop tips his hat "Have a nice day!"
Kanuli 3 years ago
Missing my favorite: How many babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw. Also good: Whats worse than 9 babies in a garbage bin? 1 baby in 9 garbage bins.
BasedWang 3 years ago
then theres, whats the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a corvette in my garage
Load More Replies... JeannevB 3 years ago
If you are wondering if the mushrooms I served you are edible, know this: all mushrooms are edible. But some of them.only once.
juice 3 years ago
one of my favorites (stolen from Whose Line): a convicted hitman confessed that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field, using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit that this may be the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack
Serbob 3 years ago
It was not stolen from Whose Line. It's been around a lot longer than that show.
Load More Replies... BasedWang 3 years ago
Woman walking along the beach - Sees a man laying there with no arms and no legs crying... She asks "why are you crying" He responds "Nobody loves me and all I ever wanted to do in my life was get f****d". So she lifted him up, threw him in the ocean and said "There, now you're f****d!"
albernistuff 4sale 3 years ago
Worse than one dead baby?.... a pile of dead babies.... Worse than that?... one in the middle still alive.... Worse than that?.... its eating its way out.... Worse than that?... Makes it.... Worse than that?... Goes back for seconds....
Tatertot 3 years ago
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender. I still remember my dad's last words to my mother before he died. "This would make a great Facebook picture!"
Freya the Wanderer 3 years ago
What's black and brown and looks good on a Trump supporter? A Doberman pinscher.
Load More Replies... cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
I was washing my hands in the bathroom when my wife called up to me, "Have you just taken a sh*t?" I replied "Yes, Why?" and she called back "Well the neighbours are here and want you to stop rummaging in their toilet"... Some people are like a Slinky. They are only fun when you push them down the stairs... Light is definitely faster than sound. A point proven when someone who looks bright decides to open their mouth
Arthur Waite 3 years ago
Just after #50, if you look carefully, you'll see a line in grey letters that says something about how many entries there are, and were. If you click on the number, it'll bring in all the 137 entries. Enjoy!
Load More Replies... PoppyFlower 1 year ago
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.(father) Screenshot...bf344d.jpg
Christian Botteri 2 years ago
i burned down an orphanage. sadly the staff couldnt call their parents.
Ta Zhiah White 2 years ago
SO I went to my depressed friends' house to see if they wanted to hang out...I guess I was too late :)
Andrea Careless 3 years ago
An elderly lady who was afraid of flying got on a float plane with a very young pilot. He looked like he was about 16, if that. She said, “Young man, how long have you been flying?” He replied, “You mean, counting today?”
GoddessOdd 3 years ago
Yeah... I'll never forget my grandad's last words... "Dammit, Goddess, I said quit shaking the ladder!" ba dum dum.
Myriesha Tika 1 month ago
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked.....
Ayden Overstreet 1 year ago
Why do orphans go to church? So they can finally call someone their father.
PoppyFlower 1 year ago
Whats black white black white and green? Two skunks fighting over a pickle. How do you stop an elephant from charging? You unplug it. (Not dark humor but funny)
Ta Zhiah White 2 years ago
*Laughs Melancholy* We're all mentally unstable *Cries* Emotional Damage...
Joshua HJN 3 years ago
Now THESE are REAL jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHJHFDSL;JFHJDFHASD;LFHASD;LFHASD;FKHASD;LFKHASD;KFAHSDLF;KAHSDFL;ASDHFLK;ASDFHNAS;LKDFHASDLKF
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago (edited)
You type like those girls I know. Can't stand them either. (Tis a joke)
Load More Replies... Ta Zhiah White 2 years ago
I tried to teach my emo friend to play a game...but our team lost. They just weren't cut out for it
Russian Otaku 3 years ago
These are all old and one simple google away for black humor jokes and they ain't even the best ones
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