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Dad Doesn’t Want His 6-Year-Old Daughter To Go To Beauty Pageants, His Ex-Fiancée Disagrees
There she is, Miss America– Well, little Miss America. She’s still in diapers, but isn’t she gorgeous?
Did you know that children can start entering beauty pageants before they’re even a year old? I think most infants look pretty much the same, with their adorable chubby cheeks and wide-eyed expressions, but apparently they can be judged on their appearance, their outfits, their talent and… How long they can go without needing to be changed?
Child beauty pageants have been controversial for quite some time, with the TLC show Toddlers & Tiaraslaunching them into the mainstream media over the past decade or two. But how would you feel if your child was planning on entering one?
One father recently posted on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit asking for advice because his ex plans to enter their daughter in a beauty pageant, and he is not on board. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as responses from invested readers, and you can decide for yourself whether or not you’d allow your child to get all glammed up for a pageant. Then, if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing beauty pageants, look no further than right here!
RELATED:
This father refuses to get on board with his ex’s idea that their young daughter will start competing in beauty pageants
Image credits: fxquadro (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThROwRAabcdef1235
Pageants, in general, are a bit controversial, as they have been known to promote unrealistic beauty standards, place more emphasis on physical traits than internal qualities and have a negative impact on participants’ self-esteem. But when a woman is an adult, she can make an informed decision for herself whether or not entering a pageant is a good idea. When it comes to children, on the other hand, they likely have no idea what they’re getting themselves into. And do we really want to be teaching our young girls that the way to become valuable is to be pretty, answer questions diplomatically and walk across a stage smiling despite how uncomfortable their outfit and shoes are?
According to Dr. Allan Schwartz, LCSW, “Psychologists and psychiatrists largely agree that pageants, such as Toddlers and Tiaras, reinforce negative female body image issues that result in eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. As evidence of this, mental health experts point out the trend towards the onset of eating disorders at much younger ages than ever before. For example, beauty competitions emphasize the ‘Barbie doll’ image of what a beauty queen should look like. The trouble is that there is no way for a human being to look that way because it is so exaggerated.”
Young girls in pageants (yes, even 6-year-olds) are expected to be spray-tanned, wearing full faces of makeup, wearing wigs, wearing fake teeth and participating in rigorous beauty regimens that most adult women can’t afford (and wouldn’t be able to maintain regularly even if they could). Children should be allowed to run around and enjoy their childhood without feeling any pressure to look a certain way and be judged for how they look. Sadly, girls will hear plenty of opinions about their appearances once they grow up; there’s no need to subject them to that scrutiny from a young age.
Child beauty pageants are also notorious for sexualizing children. “The stereotyped thinking that females are sexual objects is detrimental to these kids,” Dr. Schwartz writes. “Their make up, clothes and types of dances all focus on being sexy. If you have any doubt about this, just watch [Toddlers & Tiaras] to see for yourself.”
When it comes to the father in this particular story, he has every right to be concerned about his daughter being entered in a pageant at such a young age, when it’s really not even up to her. It’s up to her parents to decide. Not to mention the fact that participating in pageants is an extremely expensive hobby. One mother of a Toddlers & Tiaras participant told Today in 2011 that entry fees for a pageant can be around $400, and the glamorous dresses can cost a whopping $4,000. “Costumes, they’re around $300 to $500. Coaching lessons are $50 a session, which is like an hour,” the mother told Today. “If you get into headshots, that’s super expensive. So it gets pretty expensive, not including your [hotel] stay and your gas and everything.”
Especially if he is going to be the one financially responsible for this new pageant hobby, this father is justified in wanting to have a say in whether or not his daughter participates. Perhaps, if the mother can afford to pay for it all on her own, the daughter can be allowed to enter pageants when she’s a bit older and can actually make the decision for herself. We would love to hear your thoughts on this topic in the comments below, pandas. Would you ever let your daughter enter a pageant?
Many readers agreed that the father has every right to voice his opinion and that he isn’t obligated to fund his daughter’s participation in pageants
However, other readers weren’t sure what to think, nothing that the issue may be more complicated than we know
What do you think ?
Premislaus de Colo 2 years ago
I can't really understand people saying "ask your kid, maybe she wants to take part in it". Well if something is so wrong and creepy would you still let a 6yo kid do this because that's what she wants? That's not how parenting works...
Undercover 2 years ago
Exact my thoughts! I had a lot of wishes and ideas as a kid and in hindsight I'm happy they decided against a lot of them. That's parenting. As an adult you have to make the final decisions, because children lack the experience to navigate through the world.
Load More Replies...
Caro Caro 2 years ago (edited)
NTA. I understand that a little girl may want to prance around in a beautiful *princess dress* and wear makeup and such. I get it. But as a parent I would never let a daughter participate in a pagent bc it sexualises girls and I think it's an unhealthy environment for kids in general. We want to raise our children to be confident and love themselves and this doesn't help...
Tamra 2 years ago
I couldn't agree more! At that age, I have a feeling the girl is more excited simply to wear a fancy dress or play dress-up. A better idea would be to let her gather some friends for a fun little party where they could all play dress-up, maybe make their own little crowns with flowers and sparkles, and eat cupcakes. Hell...I kind of want a party like that! 😂
Load More Replies...
Alexia 2 years ago (edited)
The worst thing about these child beauty pageants is the twisted beliefs that they instill in a 6 y.o. little girl. Children (especially at such young age) think in black & white. Since they get appreciation and praise due to their appearance, they'll start to believe that this is what they need to showcase, in order to get the same appreciation later in life. I had such a classmate in highschool (and she was 15, not 6). She had won several beauty pageants (her parents encouraged her because of the money.) She was displaying sexy outfits and heavy make-up as these gave her "validation" and made her the center of attention; everything else (school, friends, family) was secondary. Do you really want that for your daughter?
Eileen Ayers 2 years ago
I agree with you. Plus he should see a lawyer and find out what his rights are. I don't believe he has no say in this. I definitely would not tell him to stop the support payments. That's entirely wrong.
Load More Replies...
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
Back when I worked in childcare I caught two six year olds playing a game involving tying string around their necks and trying to attach the other end to an overhead water downpipe, and they didn't get it when I screamed "NO!" and sprinted over to put a stop to it. In other words, six year olds think a lot of things are a good idea which really REALLY aren't. So even if this one said yes to one of those disgusting pageants the adults involved should have the sense to say no.
Casey McAlister 2 years ago (edited)
NTA, the idea of kids' beauty pageants is disgusting. I don't doubt that a 6 yo girl might be on board with it, she's 6. she sees a bright sparkly picture and she likes it. She comprehends neither the amount of pressure and objectification those kids are going through, nor creepy connotations we can sense as adults. She doesn't know better. But her parents should.
Ches Yamada 2 years ago
I hate the idea of "beauty" pageants at all, especially for young people. Another thing - if the mother thinks the child is going to "earn money" doing this she's ill advised. People come out of these in the negatives, money wise, with trophies and tiaras, maybe, but the "earnings" are low. They're not going to get you rich, especially with what you have to put into them.
Magpie 2 years ago
Well if mom forces dad to pay for everything, she'd get to pocket all the prize.
Load More Replies... Bad Alchemy 2 years ago
Child beauty pageants are legal substitutes for child porn; they sexualize young children and attract the interest of child predators. They enforce rigid "norms" about female beauty and reinforce negative body images that lead to eating disorders. They place undue stress on children, and on parents, who may become abusive and controlling in order to get what they want out of their child's participation. France has banned child beauty pageants for children under the age of 16. They should be banned everywhere.
ginny weasley 2 years ago
Which is weird given France hasn't yet established a minimum age of consent for sex and which has rape laws that demand women must fight back for it to be considered rape and a long cultural tradition of older literary figures preying on young girls and being socially accepted.
Load More Replies...
eydeekay 2 years ago
NTA BUT: Dad needs to jump-start his self-confidence (to make decisions in his child's life), WHICH IS NOT BASED ON THE AMOUNT OF CHILD SUPPORT HE PAYS. Also: Even if daughter desperately wanted to take part, she couldn't, if only one parent disagrees. Joint custody, so there. She's 6! And pageants, hello? Disgusting sick predators that dress up children as prostitutes.
Magpie 2 years ago
Dad needs to talk to a lawyer so he understands what his rights are under joint custody. He seems to think that he doesn't have any decision-making authority, but joint legal means both parents have equal decision-making ability. The parent the child lives with primarily usually makes most of the day to day decisions because it's logistically easier on everyone, but big decisions should absolutely be discussed and agreed on. If he doesn't start exercising his rights, a future court may decide that he essentially forfeited those rights.
Load More Replies... Premislaus de Colo 2 years ago
I can't really understand people saying "ask your kid, maybe she wants to take part in it". Well if something is so wrong and creepy would you still let a 6yo kid do this because that's what she wants? That's not how parenting works...
Undercover 2 years ago
Exact my thoughts! I had a lot of wishes and ideas as a kid and in hindsight I'm happy they decided against a lot of them. That's parenting. As an adult you have to make the final decisions, because children lack the experience to navigate through the world.
Load More Replies... Caro Caro 2 years ago (edited)
NTA. I understand that a little girl may want to prance around in a beautiful *princess dress* and wear makeup and such. I get it. But as a parent I would never let a daughter participate in a pagent bc it sexualises girls and I think it's an unhealthy environment for kids in general. We want to raise our children to be confident and love themselves and this doesn't help...
Tamra 2 years ago
I couldn't agree more! At that age, I have a feeling the girl is more excited simply to wear a fancy dress or play dress-up. A better idea would be to let her gather some friends for a fun little party where they could all play dress-up, maybe make their own little crowns with flowers and sparkles, and eat cupcakes. Hell...I kind of want a party like that! 😂
Load More Replies... Alexia 2 years ago (edited)
The worst thing about these child beauty pageants is the twisted beliefs that they instill in a 6 y.o. little girl. Children (especially at such young age) think in black & white. Since they get appreciation and praise due to their appearance, they'll start to believe that this is what they need to showcase, in order to get the same appreciation later in life. I had such a classmate in highschool (and she was 15, not 6). She had won several beauty pageants (her parents encouraged her because of the money.) She was displaying sexy outfits and heavy make-up as these gave her "validation" and made her the center of attention; everything else (school, friends, family) was secondary. Do you really want that for your daughter?
Eileen Ayers 2 years ago
I agree with you. Plus he should see a lawyer and find out what his rights are. I don't believe he has no say in this. I definitely would not tell him to stop the support payments. That's entirely wrong.
Load More Replies... Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
Back when I worked in childcare I caught two six year olds playing a game involving tying string around their necks and trying to attach the other end to an overhead water downpipe, and they didn't get it when I screamed "NO!" and sprinted over to put a stop to it. In other words, six year olds think a lot of things are a good idea which really REALLY aren't. So even if this one said yes to one of those disgusting pageants the adults involved should have the sense to say no.
Casey McAlister 2 years ago (edited)
NTA, the idea of kids' beauty pageants is disgusting. I don't doubt that a 6 yo girl might be on board with it, she's 6. she sees a bright sparkly picture and she likes it. She comprehends neither the amount of pressure and objectification those kids are going through, nor creepy connotations we can sense as adults. She doesn't know better. But her parents should.
Ches Yamada 2 years ago
I hate the idea of "beauty" pageants at all, especially for young people. Another thing - if the mother thinks the child is going to "earn money" doing this she's ill advised. People come out of these in the negatives, money wise, with trophies and tiaras, maybe, but the "earnings" are low. They're not going to get you rich, especially with what you have to put into them.
Magpie 2 years ago
Well if mom forces dad to pay for everything, she'd get to pocket all the prize.
Load More Replies... Bad Alchemy 2 years ago
Child beauty pageants are legal substitutes for child porn; they sexualize young children and attract the interest of child predators. They enforce rigid "norms" about female beauty and reinforce negative body images that lead to eating disorders. They place undue stress on children, and on parents, who may become abusive and controlling in order to get what they want out of their child's participation. France has banned child beauty pageants for children under the age of 16. They should be banned everywhere.
ginny weasley 2 years ago
Which is weird given France hasn't yet established a minimum age of consent for sex and which has rape laws that demand women must fight back for it to be considered rape and a long cultural tradition of older literary figures preying on young girls and being socially accepted.
Load More Replies... eydeekay 2 years ago
NTA BUT: Dad needs to jump-start his self-confidence (to make decisions in his child's life), WHICH IS NOT BASED ON THE AMOUNT OF CHILD SUPPORT HE PAYS. Also: Even if daughter desperately wanted to take part, she couldn't, if only one parent disagrees. Joint custody, so there. She's 6! And pageants, hello? Disgusting sick predators that dress up children as prostitutes.
Magpie 2 years ago
Dad needs to talk to a lawyer so he understands what his rights are under joint custody. He seems to think that he doesn't have any decision-making authority, but joint legal means both parents have equal decision-making ability. The parent the child lives with primarily usually makes most of the day to day decisions because it's logistically easier on everyone, but big decisions should absolutely be discussed and agreed on. If he doesn't start exercising his rights, a future court may decide that he essentially forfeited those rights.
Load More Replies...
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