What exactly does he have to offer? He’s too fat to do anything, too lazy to work, and doesn’t have anything to offer as far as a job, car, or his own place. He doesn’t even offer the bare minimum as far as a partner is concerned. What the heck was she thinking? I hope that she wises up and gives the baby up for adoption. That honestly would be for the best sad to say.

You must protect you wife and young children from being exploited by these two deadbeats.

NTA. He (1) warned her about the difficulty of raising children (2) encouraged birth control (3) told her he doesn't want to raise others' children and (4) offered to pay her first month's rent & security deposit. He should rescind that last offer if she isn't grateful for his help! He has a wife & children he needs to protect.

I made some very poor decisions and very rash decisions when I was around 20, so I can feel for the daughter a bit. I jumped into a relationship with a guy I barely knew and got pregnant. My family let me struggle a bit and that's how I became a strong woman and a good mother, now happily with the right man and a mother of three awesome kids. I hope falling on her a*s a little will toughen her up too and teach her important lessons. Sometimes that's what it takes. Naivete doesn't make you a lost cause.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I'm going to speculate and say the daughter met her man on some mmorpg game and spent hours on discord. So he might not be a stranger in a traditional sense as they could have spent hours knowing each other online, but the irl person is always the model you go with, not the elven warrior lvl 76 mod. Some relationships start this way, but not the get knocked up on purpose bc it's romantic way. And if she thinks getting pregnant is the way to keep a man, she's in for a whole world of hurt.

Like mother, like daughter.

Sometimes the people who are most intent on having children are the least deserving to have them. I feel sorry for that baby. Most likely she will think of the baby like it's a toy, and then when reality hits dump the kid on her parents. Just like with the cat.

NTA! your daughter chose to be an idiot....let her face the consequences of being an idiot. Stand your ground and don't budge

I only would take care of the baby, if needed.

If daughter was already living with Dad then baby should be welcomed. If she is intent trying to have new family with baby daddy she should move in with him and his grandma. I think op shouldn't have wasted his $ on a rental deposit. Doubt she is going to be able to make rent and is going to get kicked out anyway.

Why don't they just live at his grandma's since she went there to visit him anyway.

Oh boy, what a pickle. It hurts me when people glamorize having a baby (they like the idea of it before and during pregnancy, but afterward, they see what parenthood really means). It's not fair to the baby. Also, it's never a good plan to just jump into a relationship and get pregnant immediately....I know it happens, and sometimes it works out great, but with the daughter's track record of "losing interest in things" I doubt this is gonna work out well. It's not the dad's job to take on extra responsibility, and I say if her mother wants to complain, she either needs to put up or shut up at this point. I feel horrible for the poor baby, because they didn't ask for any of this.

I hope the baby will get the love and care it needs in life. That whole story was just f*cked.

As dad said, old enough to play house, old enough to pay for it your own dang self

How is a 400 lb guy even able to get her pregnant?

I don’t blame him at all. That’s a problem that’s not of his own making and he wants no part of it. None of us would. But that’s easy to say when its not your child. His daughter, however, has got some serious problems. She clearly needy and desperate for anything resembling love - imagine getting pregnant to a guy you just met who’s unemployed, morbidly obese and lives in a different state. She also lacks critical reasoning skills. This is a shitshow.

This is not a good situation for anyone. Daughter will struggle to get her feet on the floor and manage a baby and bf who I very much doubt will pull himself together (sounds like his issues are everyone else's problems) . Dad is right, don't let them move in. I'm concerned about the baby but with luck his daughter will sort herself out and be a goid parent. I suggest dad gives his daughter contact details for support groups etc to help learn how to be a good parent , then step back and become an awesome granddad

My daughter ended up having to stay at her boyfriends apartment during her winter break since my son age 1 at the time had covid. She goes to college in a different state. But the same state of her boyfriend. My family use to abuse my daughter when I was in the hospital having surgeries are traveling with my church to do spiritual guidance. Plus she was raped by a family member. She is on the deans list as well. In that time she was his place she got pregnant. I was upset because she knew better and watched me struggle with her. I raised so many of my family members kids that I am over it. Plus my now 2 year old son still nurse and barely let's me to myself. I like my daughter's boyfriend now fiance. He's Chinese we are black Hispanic and Delaware Indian. His parents hates my daughter cause she's black. But he stands up to them about her. She helped him get his grades up. They try to tell him she's going to make him fail. They didn't want him to work but thought $100 would be enough

Nope NTA at ALL!!! She actively chose to be a baby mama so let her learn what single motherhood is. She chose to get pregnant by a man who she met online who has no job, so again, she made the choice to be a baby mama. Be there only if absolutely necessary, bc if not, your grand kid will suffer.

Yeah, my older brother used my dad as free childcare for years, and my dad let him. Once you start bailing them out, you never stop.

OP is leaving out some important information -who has an attraction to an unemployed obese man but someone who has some serious issues themselves. I wouldn't have beat around the bush with her, and let her know that having a baby with someone doesn't make them love you or the baby, and I wouldn't be financing any of it. I wouldn't even agree to pay the initial rent because if they don't have the money to pay for it now, when will they be able? Nah, sounds like some BS to me.

How about she move in with the boyfriend at his grandma's house? He's already living there; what's two more? Maybe Grandma might enjoy a baby in the house, but by no means is this writer responsible for his adult daughter. Sure sounds like she got pregnant deliberately. She needs to take responsibility and grow up. I agree with others - she would never leave.

Even before helping with deposit, and rent to get them started I think the father should insist on them taking a parenting class, as a couple, at least they could be sitting around doing something constructive while waiting on the baby. IJS! 🤷‍♀️

Her dad and her mom are not responsible for her if she made the grown up decisions to get it on and make a baby. Her dad is being so generous by offering to help with rent. But I wouldn't let some stranger move in and be around kids...his grown daughter and her new family are moochers. If her own mother cares so much she can take them in or they can all get a place together. But boundaries would be soooo important and yeah her dad is definitely NTA. His daughter and the stranger are TAs. I feel bad for the baby the most. Hopefully her dad will at least make sure the newborn is safe and healthy.

I will admit this sounds a lot like what this girl I met online wants to do. We've yet to meet irl and she keeps saying she wants to get pregnant. We live across town from each other I'm 30yo and live with parents and I don't have a very reliable income. I scrap metal but have been doing good as of late. Idk if she just wants child support or what? I've always wanted a child and I feel like this might be my best chance of having one but I don't know if it would be best for the child

You need to protect your current wife and young children. It's clear you'll offer some help if she and the father of her child will just step up and act like adults. You should really feel guilt free about this situation, as should your current wife. She has enough to deal with and appears to be doing a great job.

I wouldn't even offer the deposit and first months rent unless she made a different choice. If that fetus were to be born, it WILL suffer or end up being raised by OP. That is a guarantee. Giving rent would be enabling that suffering. I have nothing against helping her out to learn to be an adult and help the couple learn if they are compatible with each other, but enabling this choice just to end up raising the kid, or the kid ends up raised by them/suffering, I would never do. The only way the OP can be also TA is if he is PL and forcing her to give birth.

OP IS TA for blaming his ex for deliberately getting pregnant by stopping her birth control! Why tf wasn't he using a condom if he didn't want kids?! Why is it ALWAYS the woman's responsibility to use birth control? A lot of women are TA when they pull c**p like that on purpose but men must also take responsibility for their own inaction ffs! As far as the daughter is concerned, she and bf should go live with bf's grandma since she was enabling her lazy grandson and that's where he knocked her up.

Photos on how she got "heavy-with-child"!

The daughter with BF and small kids in the home, no. The daughter alone, id say yes because she is fsmily and it is your gandchild.. you raised her , dont forget. You lose me at your allusion to her chosing adoption. Are you that unfeeling? It should concern you what happens to your grandchild and you should be helping out to keep the baby in the family. I get it, this daughter failed your expectations. But if you glory in succesful children you should accept her as the product of your parenting. Help her and the baby in some manner. The BF can fend for himself. I raised a sister's 4 kids who I had not seen in 20 years, along with my 2 daughters. 6 kids as a single mom. I am so glad I did, too.

If you suck raising kids, you get to raise your grandkids. Teach your kids important stuff. Ignore first world entitlement problems.

Worst case scenario, allow only the daughter and can’t to move in until the baby is born. Require she get herself situated before baby comes so she’ll be able to move out upon birth. If she doesn’t abide by the rules, I’d file for custody of the baby so they’ll have a good loving home life with y’all. That eliminates the “obligation” to step in and take care of the baby. Draw up a legal contract to force her hand into taking care of herself and the unborn baby or y’all will assume legal custody of this baby.

The future of America, fat lazy adhd bi polar WHITE mans disease never works but a master of video games. Why do white parents play this bs adha add bi polar bs? My white race is so weak it's pathetic.

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I can't imagine dumping my grandchild into the adoption or foster care system or just unprotected like that. I guess the reason this daughter can't act like a grownup is because the dad can't either. American boomers and two generations on down seem to believe that when their youngest turns 18, they get to be fancy-free teens again. Boomers don't give a damn about the following generations so I guess that's ingrained in our culture now. I can see why Dad is bummed but I would never let a baby from my own flesh and blood go through this. So no, I don't feel sorry for him.