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While there’s no arguing that every dad is different in their own very unique way, there’s also no debate that all fathers have common similarities, too. In fact, those are not even similarities - those are interchangeable attributes that make one a father. And no, we’re not talking about the unconditional love they have for their kids - that would be too obvious - we’re talking about other smaller yet very important details. Yup, it’s the New Balance sneaker and white tennis sock combination, the unexplainable love they have for various bolts and little metal thingies, the dad jokes, and the very, very specific dad phrases. Thankfully, there are Redditors who have documented all the dad quotes they’ve heard in this glorious Reddit thread - if anything, it’s a treasure trove of wooden jokes and that mythical father wisdom. 

Now, once you dig deeper into these funny dad phrases, you might notice one thing that unifies them - lame puns. No one knows why, but it’s evident that once you become a father, you instantly unlock a hidden chest of stupid pun knowledge, and they just appear in your brain as if by a snap of your fingers. Gosh, we’d love to know that many silly puns, too! Another common denominator for these classic dad phrases is the deeply coded love that seeps through even the lamest joke or seemingly harsh remark. As much as we understand, dads aren’t ones to talk about their feelings loud and clear, so we’d also choose a silly joke to express our feelings if we were in their place. Humor is the glue of society, after all!

So, ready to check out some of the best dad phrases these brave people shared on this awesome AskReddit thread? If so, you know what to do here - scroll on down below, check out the submissions, and call to consult your dad on which of them truly captures the essence of being a father. 

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#1

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "I don't care. Ask your mother."

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#2

"After obviously falling asleep on the couch:

'I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting my eyes!'"

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Julia H
Julia H
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are your shoes in the middle of the livingroom. They're resting Mom joke

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#3

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "My dad never says 'k'. He just says 'potassium'"

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#4

Mom said, "Did you know chicken noodle soup is scientifically proven to shorten the life of a cold?"

Dad responded, "Did you know chicken noodle soup is scientifically proven to shorten the life of chickens?"

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#5

"If you say 'Oh my god,' he replies, 'No need for formalities, you can call me Dad.'"

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#6

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "In response to anyone whining about something hurting. His response: 'So chop it off.'"

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#7

"Be alert, the world needs more lerts."

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#8

"'Come downstairs and die with the rest of the family.'

Bellowed during a tornado warning."

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#9

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "Every time we see a horse, that man yells 'Hey buddy, why the long face' dammit dad..."

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#10

"What's up?"

"Up is a preposition, utilized to connote direction."

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#11

"'He won't sell many Ice creams going at that speed' every time an ambulance drives by."

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#12

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "Hi hungry, I'm Bob."

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#13

"Every single time I trip over something or stumble on a stone or something: 'Watch out for that'."

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#14

"Asking dad to do something, he always says 'Ah I can't! I have a bone in my leg!'

When I was younger, he would tell me the same thing so until I learned that you need bones to do things, I thought having a bone in your leg was just the worst thing that could happen to a person."

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#15

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you."

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#16

"You can always make more money, there are more important things in life."

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Crybabyartist
Crybabyartist
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Turns out they frikken ask for money every time I try to take some food!

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#17

"My father is a silent mover. He often pops out of the shadows and scares the s**t out of people. Every time he does and I or someone else gets startled or says 'You scared me!' He always responds with a calm monotone... 'I have that effect on people.'"

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GhostlySnail (she/her)
GhostlySnail (she/her)
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad is oblivious to anyone and everyone nearby because he lives in his own tiny bubble. (Not hearing loss, just not at all observant) so I always try to make extra noise when walking around so as not to startle him. He always jumps out of his skin regardless of my efforts.

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#18

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose."

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#19

"I'm proud of you son."

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#20

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "What are you doing sitting there standing around?"

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#21

"When driving you can only control two things: speed and direction. And sometimes not even that"

"You don't choose how you feel, but you choose your reaction. Choose it carefully"

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#22

"On my brother's 10th birthday.

'Double digits is a big deal because most of us never make triple digits.'"

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#23

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "People who don't have time to do things right, have to make time to do things twice."

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#24

"'Stop complaining. Don't find a problem, find a solution.'

He may not be a blast at parties, but those words have taken me far."

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#25

"'I'll have some of that.' as he steals food from your plate. He does this any time someone eats near him. Never fails."

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#26

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "So... back when the earth was cooling... (insert awesome story here)"

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#27

"I think I'm funny, and I think you secretly think I'm funny."

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#28

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "Son if you get bullied you punch him first second third and fourth, then kick him while he's down. They don't learn otherwise."

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#29

"I don't hate everyone in the world, just everyone I've come in contact with."

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#30

"There are no losers in strip poker."

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#31

"I hear my brother tell his kids when they go out in public.

'If you not back by (Whatever time he wants to leave) I'm leaving without you. Your mother and I only wanted one kid anyway.'"

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#32

"Whenever I or one of my siblings would ask 'Where's mom?' He would respond with 'Things weren't working out so I had to fire her.'

I use it too now because it's so engrained into my brain."

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#33

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "Too bad, so sad. Go and tell your dad."

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#34

"He points to his eye and says 'Listen to me!'"

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Scarlet23
Scarlet23
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I read that I thought of someones dad wearing a idol outfit doing the pose where you point at one of your eyes

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#35

"'It's not what you deserve, it's what you negotiate.' That has helped a lot in life.

Another favorite is 'Never get yourself in a situation you can't get out of.' which is applicable to a lot of things."

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#36

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "When I was a teenager and asked for $20:
'Now, this is enough money to get into trouble, but it's not enough to get out.'"

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#37

"'God Bless America!!' instead of profanity when he was coaching my high school hockey team."

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#38

Me: "This sucks"

Dad: "So it's like a vacuum?"

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#39

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "Whenever it gets cloudy and even looks like it's going to rain, my father will say 'Looks like rain, dear.'"

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#40

"After I get out of the shower, no matter how long I was in there, he says 'What took you so long? You know you can't wash the ugly off right?'"

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#41

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "He gets drunk and does the 'SSSSomebody stop me' from the MASK."

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#42

"'Know what I mean, gelatinous bean?'

It meant jelly bean. This whole time. Why didn't he just say jelly bean."

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#43

"Asking where something is:

'If it was up your a**, you'd know.'"

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#44

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "Whenever he finished a task of any sort, he'd say 'Another job well done by me!'"

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#45

"When asked how many of something, his answer is always '72.'"

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#46

"When asked 'Is that hot?' after dropping a pot lid back on a pot of boiling water and yanking his hand away, he calmly said:

'No. It just doesn't take me long to look at a pot lid.'"

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#47

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "'I wish I wasn't so handsome, just richer.' plus a cackle of a laugh afterward."

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#48

"Storms never last."

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#49

"Must be jelly 'cause jam doesn't shake like that."

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Mary Beheler
Mary Beheler
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I heard my Mom say that every time someone did a belly laugh. It is among my earliest memories, and I am in my upper 70s. I have a feeling she heard a radio comic say it.

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#50

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "If it (med school) doesn't work out, don't jump over a bridge, life is beautiful."

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#51

"'It sucks when someone likes your stuff better than you...' Referring to when someone steals something you should have locked/put away."

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#52

"Always be more than you seem to be."

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#53

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "The only difference between men and boys is the size and price of their toys."

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#54

"You shouldn't try to catch a falling knife".

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#55

"My only fault is my modesty."

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#56

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "Anything he joked about was in Daffy Duck's voice, and it slayed me every time. Miss him."

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#57

"Move with a sense of purpose."

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#58

"When describing something without use or value he says 'It's not worth a rat's ring-piece.'"

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#59

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "My sister said when we were watching football, 'Imagine being married to a footballer, how cool.' My dad after a short silence 'Imagine if anyone would marry you, that would be cool.'"

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#60

"'Life is hard... and if you're stupid it's a lot harder.' I also like his particular Southern sayings stuff like, 'When that cable gave it like to cut him half in two.' yeah awesomeness."

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#61

"Anyone who thinks science and religion don't get along clearly doesn't understand either well enough."

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Jack Harris
Jack Harris
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't believe this is true. Science, at its heart, is an attempt at learning and understanding how the universe works. Religion, at its heart, is either an archaic remnant of when there was no science and people had to make up explanations, or someone's justification of their bigotry and foolishness.

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#62

"'What's the plan Stan?'

My name is Adam."

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#63

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "'Are you dissin' me?' He's a 60-year-old white hippy."

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#64

"You are what I was, and I am what you will be."

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#65

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "Let's go see a man about a dog."

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#66

"It's my full-time job making sure you don't do a half-a*s job."

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#67

"Anything from Caddyshack that he could make relevant, mostly 'Now I know why tigers eat their young.' and 'You'll get nothing and like it.'"

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#68

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "Looks aren't everything; but, you can't ignore them."

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#69

"I'm just saying."

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#70

"Liking what you have is not a good enough reason to not want something better."

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#71

71 Classic Dad Phrases These People Documented Over Time "I'm not drunk, do you want me to count the alphabet!?"

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pjs782
pjs782
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every time I'd say a sentence beginning with: "I thought…" Dad would say: "Well, you know what thought did .." and walk away. To this day I never found out.

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