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144 Hilarious Dad Jokes To Make Your Kids Groan

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Dad jokes are short, silly jokes that fathers use to make their kids laugh. Or, at least, they try to. Despite our dads’ best intentions, these funny one-liners often result in a hard facepalm and eyes rolling. Instead, if your sense of humor is broken like mine, you’ll find them utterly hilarious, to the point that I also use them despite me being female, in my 20s, and definitely not a dad.

Dad jokes were once considered a bad thing, but they’re now celebrated by millions. They’re a staple of social media and have even been studied by academics. While the exact origin of the term dad joke is unknown, a writer for the Gettysburg Times quoted it in June 1987, under the headline “Don’t ban the ‘Dad’ jokes; preserve and revere them.” What we know for sure is that good dad jokes usually involve puns and lame wordplay but can also include references from pop culture like movies or TV shows that few people under 30 would be able to understand. If you’re looking for some help to expand your repertoire of funny dad jokes, this article is made for you. Enjoy the best dad jokes, and have fun driving your kids up the wall!

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#1

dad joke for kids To the person who stole my place in line: "I’m after you now."

24points

#2

My dog is a genius. I asked him, "What's two minus two?" He said nothing.

21points

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#3

Why are balloons so expensive?

Inflation.

21points

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#4

What’s the easiest way to burn 1,000 calories?

Leave the pizza in the oven.

21points

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#5

dad joke for kids To the person who stole my depression medication: "I hope you're happy now."

21points

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#6

What's the difference between a "dad joke" and a "bad joke?"

The direction of the first letter.

20points

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#7

6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down.

19points

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#8

How do you cure a fear of a speed bump?

You slowly get over it.

18points

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#9

Mom asked me to put ketchup on the grocery list. Now I can't see anything.

17points

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#10

I was once a personal trainer until I gave a too-weak notice.

17points

#11

dad joke for kids I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex so I can have watch dogs.

17points

#12

To the person who stole my bed: "I won't rest until I find you."

17points

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#13

To the person who stole my case of energy drinks: "I bet you can't sleep at night."

17points

#14

dad joke for kids I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.

16points

#15

My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.

16points

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#16

What did one ocean say to the other?

Nothing. They just waved.

16points

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#17

dad joke for kids What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.

14points

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#18

Mom said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

13points

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#19

I'm reading an anti-gravity book, and I just can't put it down!

13points

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#20

My boss asked me why I only get sick on workdays. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

13points

#21

I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but geometry is where I draw the line.

13points

#22

dad joke for kids RIP, boiling water. You will be mist.

12points

#23

I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know what comes first.

12points

#24

I finally watched that documentary on clocks. It was about time.

12points

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#25

dad joke for kids How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the fresh prints.

12points

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#26

To the person who stole my glasses: "I will find you. I have contacts."

12points

#27

How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight?

Have you ever seen a bunny wearing glasses?

12points

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#28

I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed!

11points

#29

I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.

11points

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#30

dad joke for kids My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!

11points

#31

Why are peppers the best at archery?

Because they habanero.

11points

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#32

Why is it hard to understand volunteers?

Because they make no cents.

11points

#33

What concert costs just 45 cents?

50 Cent featuring Nickelback!

11points

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#34

What did the slow tomato say to the others?

Don't worry; I'll ketchup.

11points

#35

I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa.

10points

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#36

dad joke for kids Most people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.

10points

#37

The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

10points

#38

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese!

10points

#39

What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament?

Live stream it.

10points

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#40

dad joke for kids Why can’t you ever run through a campsite?

You can only ran — it’s always past tents.

10points

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#41

To the person who stole my laptop with my copy of Microsoft Office on it: "I will find you. You have my Word!"

10points

#42

dad joke for kids What did the fish say when he hit the wall?

Dam.

10points

#43

dad joke for kids Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Better not spread it.

10points

#44

How does a musician win a fight?

They call for Bach up.

10points

#45

Kid: Why are you talking to yourself, Dad??

Dad: I needed an expert's advice.

10points

#46

dad joke for kids Want to hear a long joke?

Jooooooooooooooke.

10points

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#47

Your mom and I let astrology get between us. It just Taurus apart.

9points

#48

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

9points

#49

I’m friends with almost all the letters of the alphabet. I just don’t know Y.

9points

#50

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

9points

#51

dad joke for kids A magician was walking down the street — then he turned into a store.

9points

#52

dad joke for kids It’s raining cats and dogs, so be careful not to step in a poodle.

9points

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#53

I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.

9points

#54

I decided to sell the vacuum cleaner — it was just gathering dust!

9points

#55

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

9points

#56

I just paid $100 for a belt that doesn’t fit — what a huge waist!

9points

#57

dad joke for kids Can anyone tell me what oblivious means, because I have no idea.

9points

#58

I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he even laughs.

9points

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#59

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands.

9points

#60

Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt?

It’s a big waist of space.

9points

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#61

dad joke for kids What did the photon say to the hotel bellhop?

No luggage, I’m traveling light.

9points

#62

What’s the difference between a badly dressed kid on a bicycle and a well dressed kid on a tricycle?

Attire!

9points

#63

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna One, Anna Two.

9points

#64

How does Darth Vader like his toast?

On the dark side.

9points

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#65

Kid: Dad, how do I look?

Dad: With your eyes.

9points

#66

Kid: Dad, can you put my shoes on?

Dad: No, I don't think they'll fit me.

9points

#67

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

9points

#68

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

They'd crack each other up.

9points

#69

Why do skeletons stay so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

9points

#70

dad joke for kids Why did the bicycle keep falling over?

It was two tired.

9points

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#71

dad joke for kids Did you ever notice ants don't get sick?

They're full of anty-bodies.

9points

#72

A guy walked into a bar, and lost the limbo contest.

8points

#73

Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.

8points

#74

dad joke for kids Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

8points

#75

dad joke for kids At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.

8points

#76

I'd avoid the sushi if I were you — it's a little fishy!

8points

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Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

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#77

I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate between them.

8points

#78

dad joke for kids Mom says I have no sense of direction, so I packed my bags and right.

8points

#79

Why did the computer get mad at the printer?

Because it didn’t like its toner voice.

8points

#80

What's ET short for?

Because he's only got tiny legs!

8points

#81

dad joke for kids What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?

He puts his PJ-Amazon.

8points

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“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

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#82

Kid: Dad, can you put the cat out?

Dad: I didn't know it was on fire.

8points

#83

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod.

8points

#84

My kid just asked me "Can I have this, apple?"

Guess he doesn’t know my name is Dad.

8points

#85

I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.

7points

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#86

Mom texted me from the grocery store to say they’re out of pasta, and we’re penneless.

7points

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French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

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#87

My toddler is refusing to nap. He’s guilty of resisting a rest.

7points

#88

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows — they're making headlines!

7points

#89

Why can’t you send a duck to space?

Because the bill would be astronomical.

7points

#90

dad joke for kids What happened when the world's tongue-twister champion got arrested?

They gave him a tough sentence.

7points

#91

Why did an old man fall in a well?

Because he couldn’t see that well!

7points

#92

What do you call a fish with no eye?

A fsh.

7points

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Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

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#93

What breed of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?

Any breed of dog. Skyscrapers can’t jump.

7points

#94

dad joke for kids What state is known for its tiny beverages?

Minnesota.

7points

#95

Did you hear about the square that got into a car accident?

Yeah, now he’s a rect-angle!

7points

#96

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?

It is either one or the utter.

7points

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#97

What’s red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

7points

#98

dad joke for kids Why did the coffee go to the police?

To report a mugging.

7points

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“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

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#99

Did you hear about the king who was exactly 12 inches tall?

He was a great ruler!

7points

#100

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter.

7points

#101

To the person who stole my diary and then died: "My thoughts are with your family."

7points

#102

dad joke for kids Kid: I’ll call you later.

Dad: No, call me Dad.

7points

#103

What does a house always wear to a party?

Address.

7points

#104

Why are elevator jokes so good?

They work on many levels.

6points

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Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

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#105

Why did the broom decide to go to bed?

It was very sweepy.

6points

#106

dad joke for kids What type of coordination was Whitney Houston most famous for?

“Hand eeeeyeeeeee!"

6points

#107

Kid: I’m cold.

Dad: Then go sit in the corner — it’s 90 degrees!

6points

#108

Why did the math problem look so sad?

Because of all its problems.

6points

#109

Why don't crabs give to charity?

Because they're shell-fish.

6points

#110

dad joke for kids Dad tells kids: Here’s a cautionary tale. Don’t sing in the shower!

Kids: What?? Why not?

Dad: If you get soap in your mouth, it will turn into a soap opera.

Kids: GROAN!!!!!

6points

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College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

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#111

What do you call someone with no nose and no body?

Nobody knows.

6points

#112

Kid to Dad: Why are there balloons in the bathroom?

Dad: I wanted to throw you a birthday potty.

6points

#113

How many apples are growing on that tree?

All of them.

6points

#114

dad joke for kids I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

5points

#115

Two peanuts went walking down the street. One was assaulted.

5points

#116

Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

5points

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#117

I wanted to eat a watch for lunch, but it was too time-consuming.

5points

#118

dad joke for kids We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.

5points

#119

Every night, I have a hard time remembering something, but then it dawns on me.

5points

#120

I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.

5points

#121

What side of a tree grows the most branches?

The outside!

5points

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#122

dad joke for kids What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon?

“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

5points

#123

Why are nurses always running out of red crayons?

Because they often have to draw blood.

5points

#124

What do you call an illegally parked frog?

Toad.

5points

#125

What did the police officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest.

5points

#126

dad joke for kids When did they find water on the moon?

When it was waning!

5points

#127

What do you call a hippie’s wife?

Mississippi.

5points

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#128

Why is the cow always smiling?

It’s in a good mooood I guess.

5points

#129

When does a regular joke become a “dad joke?”

When it becomes apparent.

5points

#130

dad joke for kids What’s Forrest Gump’s email password?

1Forrest1.

5points

#131

Kid: Dad, I’m hungry.

Dad: Hi Hungry, I’m Dad.

5points

#132

Kid: Dad, I hurt my foot!

Dad: Well, what’d you do that for?

5points

#133

Kid: What’s that?

Dad: It’s a henweigh.

Kid: What’s a henweigh?

Dad: About two pounds.

5points

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#134

dad joke for kids Why did the coach go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

5points

#135

Why do melons have weddings?

Because they cantaloupe.

5points

#136

Dad to kid: Where are French fries from?

Kid: France?

Dad to kid: Greece!

5points

#137

What do you call a 12-inch nose?

A foot.

5points

#138

dad joke for kids Why was the woman afraid for the calendar?

She said its days were numbered.

4points

#139

Dad: What’s this vegetable called?

Kid: An artichoke.

Dad: Well, it may have choked Artie, but it won’t choke Dad!

4points

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#140

How do celebrities stay cool?

They have lots of fans.

4points

#141

Kid: Dad, it hurts when I move my arm like this.

Dad: Then don’t move your arm like that.

4points

#142

dad joke for kids Did you hear about the dad who chugged 8 sodas?

He burped 7-Up.

4points

#143

What do you call a fish with four eyes?

Fiiiish!

4points

#144

Kid: Dad, can you make me a sandwich?

Dad: Poof! You’re a sandwich.

3points

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Aivaras Kaziukonis

Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football.

Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football.

Melanie Gervasoni

Writer on a quest to explore every corner of the world, one country at a time. Fueled by my love for Arcane, oversized hoodies, and weightlifting, I try my best to bring even more fun energy to Bored Panda. My cup of tea? Pop culture, funny content, sharing interesting facts about the world, and creating listicles for fellow Pandas. When I’m not crafting articles, my eyes are still glued to a screen — be it binge-watching my favorite shows, leveling up in video games, or learning Spanish with Duolingo. Always on the hunt for the ultimate playlist, I scour Deezer to find the right tunes to listen to while working on my creative projects.

Writer on a quest to explore every corner of the world, one country at a time. Fueled by my love for Arcane, oversized hoodies, and weightlifting, I try my best to bring even more fun energy to Bored Panda. My cup of tea? Pop culture, funny content, sharing interesting facts about the world, and creating listicles for fellow Pandas. When I’m not crafting articles, my eyes are still glued to a screen — be it binge-watching my favorite shows, leveling up in video games, or learning Spanish with Duolingo. Always on the hunt for the ultimate playlist, I scour Deezer to find the right tunes to listen to while working on my creative projects.

What do you think ?

Andrew Bridges 2 years ago

Why do the French only eat small omelets? They say one egg is an oeuf.

1point

Andrew Bridges 2 years ago

Why do the French only eat small omelets? They say one egg is an oeuf.

1point

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