Dad jokes have a unique charm that never fails to grab us. Whether we’re laughing at how incredibly cheesy they are or trying to suppress a groan, there’s no denying the genius behind these seemingly foolish jokes.

We compiled some of the best dad jokes of 2024 — from the dumbest quips to the best smart-ass one-liners. Dads want us to laugh a little at the end of the day, so why not indulge in the bottomless list of hilarious hitters?

Best Dad Jokes for 2024

Dads are known for some of the corniest jokes known to humans. But admit it: You’ll probably still laugh your butt off reading them anyway. The following best dad jokes for 2024 will have you both rolling your eyes and stifling the giggles. If your dad can skilfully deliver any of these jokes, he deserves the title of the favorite dad of all time.

1. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”
2. “What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.”
3. “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
4. “Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”
5. “What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.”
6. “Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.”
7. “How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.”
8. “Why don’t some social couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.”
9. “What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.”
10. “Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.”
11. “Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.”
12. “How do you organize an expert space party? You planet.”
13. “Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.”
14. “Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.”
15. “What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.”
16. “What did the grape do when he got stepped on? Nothing, but he let out a little wine.”
17. “Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bay-gulls.”
18. “Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.”
19. “How does a dog stop a video? He presses the paws button.”
20. “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.”
21. “Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.”
22. “What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.”
23. “Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.”
24. “Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.”
25. “What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.”

Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

We love how quick dads are with their one-liner quips. We think it stems from years of experience and creative reasoning. The following list has some of the best one-liners with “Dad” written all over them. Hide this list from your pa if you don’t want to hear encores at the dinner table.

1. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
2. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”
3. “I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.”
4. “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
5. “Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.”
6. “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”
7. “Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint!”
8. “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.”
9. “I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.”
10. “I told my wife she was buying too much spaghetti. She told me to pasta sauce.”
11. “I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”
12. “I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.”
13. “I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.”
14. “I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got fired for taking a couple of days off.”
15. “I once told a joke about a broken pencil, but there was no point.”
16. “I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.”
17. “I’m reading a book about glue. I can’t seem to put it down.”
18. “I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts.”
19. “I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit Kats.”
20. “I didn’t want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home all the signs were there.”
21. “I gave all my dead batteries away today… free of charge.”
22. “I told my wife she should really take up space in the closet. She said, ‘That’s my vacuum.’”
23. “I started a band called Blanket. It’s a cover band.”
24. “I just bought a thesaurus, but when I opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no words.”
25. “I’ve got a great joke about airplanes, but it’ll probably fly over your head.”

Bad Dad Jokes

Image credits: Riker’s Beard

We’ve all been there — hearing those classic dad jokes that make us question where we inherited our sense of humor. It’s a wonder how our dads can be so hilariously bad at delivering those punchlines. But, as corny as these bad jokes are, they are still awfully hilarious.

1. “I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which will come first.”
2. “I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.”
3. “I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.”
4. “I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.”
5. “I told my wife I’d stop making jokes about time travel. She says it’s about time.”
6. “I got hit in the head with a can of soda. It was a soft drink.”
7. “I tried to start a boat company, but it went under.”
8. “I used to be a shoe salesman, but it was sole-destroying.”
9. “I thought about going on a vegetable diet, but it wasn’t for me. I found it too hard to turnip.”
10. “I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.”
11. “I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.”
12. “I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough bread. Now I loaf around.”
13. “I don’t trust people who do acupuncture. They’re backstabbers.”
14. “I wanted to be a magician, but I found out the job had too many tricks up its sleeve.”
15. “I tried to learn to dance, but I didn’t have the rhythm for it. Guess I’ll just have to foot it.”
16. “I used to be a blackjack dealer, but I couldn’t deal with it.”
17. “I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.”
18. “I didn’t want to believe my dad was stealing from the kitchen, but the signs were there when I saw the missing bread.”
19. “I’m reading a book about teleportation. It’s bound to take me places.”
20. “I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.”
21. “I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.”
22. “I told my wife she should start writing with a pencil instead of a pen. She’s quite dull; she didn’t get the point.”
23. “I told my wife she was losing her mind. She said, ‘I hope it’s in a good place.’”
24. “I told my wife she should clean out the garage. She told me, ‘That’s your space.’”
25. “I used to work at an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate.”

Stupid Dad Jokes

Image credits: ppkpk

Sometimes, it’s hard to tell if dads are genuinely foolish or intentionally trying to seem stupid. Either way, the silly dad jokes are meant for anyone who wants to question their sense of humor.

1. “Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.”
2. “How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience.”
3. “Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.”
4. “How does a cow stay up to date? It watches moo-vies.”
5. “Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.”
6. “Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.”
7. “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.”
8. “How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.”
9. “What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!”
10. “Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.”
11. “Why was the broom late? It swept in.”
12. “What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.”
13. “Why did the golfer bring extra pants? In case he got a hole in one.”
14. “What did the tree say to the wind? Leaf me alone.”
15. “Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.”
16. “How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”
17. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.”
18. “How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.”
19. “Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.”
20. “Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.”
21. “How do you organize a space party? You planet.”
22. “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
23. “Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.”
24. “Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crumby.”
25. “How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.”

Corny Dad Jokes

Image credits: OkBlueComics

When it comes to jokes, dads have a talent for delivering some of the corniest. Nevertheless, we still appreciate them for it. No family gathering is complete without Dad’s goofy reasoning and “puntastic” lines. Sure, we can pretend not to laugh, but deep inside, the corny comedy kills us.

1. “What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.”
2. “Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.”
3. “What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.”
4. “Why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants.”
5. “What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.”
6. “Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.”
7. “What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.”
8. “Why did the golfer bring two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one.”
9. “What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.”
10. “What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.”
11. “Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice.”
12. “What did the janitor say when he popped out of the closet? Supplies!”
13. “Why don’t eggs tell each other secrets? Because they might crack up.”
14. “Why did the smartphone need glasses? Because it lost all its contacts.”
15. “Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.”
16. “What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.”
17. “Why did the baker go to therapy? He was feeling crumby.”
18. “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.”
19. “Why was the math book always stressed? It had too many problems.”
20. “What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.”
21. “Why did the barber win the race? He took a short cut.”
22. “What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.”
23. “Why don’t vampires have any friends? Because they’re a pain in the neck.”
24. “What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner.”
25. “Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the ketchup bottle coming.”

Dumb Dad Jokes

The following dumb dad jokes are so good they’ll make you nostalgic for your old man. You’ll be tempted to call him to hear his wacky jokes and goofy delivery.

1. “Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans.”
2. “Why did the scarecrow become a successful musician? Because he knew how to pick up the beat.”
3. “What did the big flower say to the little flower? ‘Hey, bud!’”
4. “Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.”
5. “Why did the football team go to the bank? To get their quarterback.”
6. “What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite.”
7. “Why was the calendar so good at keeping secrets? Because it had too many dates.”
8. “How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.”
9. “Why was the sand wet? Because the seaweed.”
10. “What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.”
11. “Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt-quacks.”
12. “What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? ‘Where’s popcorn?’”
13. “Why did the banana go to the party? Because it was a-peeling.”
14. “Why did the bicycle stand by itself? It was two-tired.”
15. “What did one hat say to the other? ‘Stay here, I’m going on ahead.’”
16. “Why was the tomato in trouble? Because it got caught up in a ketchup.”
17. “Why did the golfer bring a spare pencil? In case he got a stroke of genius.”
18. “What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.”
19. “How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prints.”
20. “Why did the music teacher go to jail? Because she got caught with too many notes.”
21. “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
22. “Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.”
23. “What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.”
24. “How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.”
25. “Why was the broom late? It swept right past the alarm.”

Best Dad Jokes for Kids

Image credits: reddit.com

Admit it: Dad’s corny jokes worked amazingly when we were little. We were Dad’s most engaged audience for every pun and gag. Here, we round up some of our favorite dad jokes, which are made especially for kids. They’re cringe and cute and will have kids and adults giggling red.

1. “Why did the teddy bear say ‘no’ to dessert? Because it was already stuffed.”
2. “What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.”
3. “Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumby.”
4. “What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!”
5. “Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go!”
6. “What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.”
7. “Why was the baby strawberry crying? Because her mom was in a jam.”
8. “Why did the kid bring a ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.”
9. “What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells.”
10. “Why don’t bananas snore? Because they don’t want to wake up the bunch.”
11. “What do you call a dinosaur that’s sleeping? A dino-snore.”
12. “Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.”
13. “How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.”
14. “Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.”
15. “What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop.”
16. “Why do fish live in saltwater? Because pepper makes them sneeze.”
17. “What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument? A moosician.”
18. “What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.”
19. “Why did the spider go on the computer? To check his webmail.”
20. “What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.”
21. “Why did the frog take the bus to work? Because his car got toad.”
22. “What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear.”
23. “Why did the cow go to outer space? To see the mooooon.”
24. “What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.”
25. “Why did the tomato go to school? Because it wanted to catch up.”

Best Dad Jokes for Adults

Okay, you’re finally an adult. However, we bet your father can still leave you in stitches with his funny dad jokes. The best part is that his flavor of pop humor now goes beyond the dinner table — it has invaded your mobile inbox, too. The following list of dad jokes for adults is hardly a clue to gauge the maturity of conversations because they’re still as dumb as ever.

1. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”
2. “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”
3. “Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.”
4. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
5. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.”
6. “What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.”
7. “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
8. “I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.”
9. “Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.”
10. “What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.”
11. “Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.”
12. “Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.”
13. “I would tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.”
14. “Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.”
15. “I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.”
16. “Why do chickens sit on eggs? Because they don’t have chairs.”
17. “What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.”
18. “I gave all my dead batteries away today… free of charge.”
19. “What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.”
20. “Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.”
21. “Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.”
22. “I wanted to learn how to juggle, but I didn’t have the balls.”
23. “Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.”
24. “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
25. “I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.”

Best Dad Jokes About Sports

Image credits: the_obamos

Sports seem to put Dad’s humor on overdrive. Almost certainly, most dads would make a hilarious sports commentator with his jokes about sports. If you’re a sports fan and hang with your old man for game day, you’ll need superb skill to evade these jokes and their athletic aim.

1. “Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of socks? In case he got a hole in one.”
2. “Why did the baseball team go to the bakery over everywhere else? They needed a good batter.”
3. “Why was the basketball court always so wet? Because the players kept dribbling on it.”
4. “Why can’t you play soccer with pigs? They hog the ball.”
5. “Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.”
6. “Why are football stadiums always cool? Because they’re full of fans.”
7. “Why don’t tennis players ever get married? Because love means nothing to them.”
8. “What’s a golfer’s favorite type of music? Swing.”
9. “Why was the baseball player a bad sport? He stole third base and then went home.”
10. “Why don’t hockey players like to listen to music before games? Because they’re afraid of the penalty box.”
11. “Why was the soccer player’s kitchen always so clean? Because he was a keeper.”
12. “What do you call a race with no legs? A snail race.”
13. “Why do golfers always carry a spare pencil? Just in case they get into a rough sketch.”
14. “Why did the bicycle fall over during the race? It was two-tired.”
15. “Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out.”
16. “What do you call a football player with no jersey? Shirtless.”
17. “Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.”
18. “Why did the bowler bring an extra pair of shoes? In case he had to split.”
19. “What’s a runner’s least favorite type of music? Slow jams.”
20. “Why did the baseball player bring string to the game? In case he needed to tie the score.”
21. “Why was the track coach always calm? Because he knew how to keep his cool under pressure.”
22. “Why did the tennis player bring an extra racquet? Because he was afraid he might break point.”
23. “Why don’t boxers ever get lost? Because they always know the ropes.”
24. “Why was the golfer so good at math? He always knew how to subtract strokes.”
25. “Why do baseball players make terrible bowlers? Because they throw too many strikes.”

Best Dad Jokes about Animals

The animal kingdom provides too many chances for a chuckle, and Dad’s willing to bring the zoo. The following animal dad jokes are so corny we think they’re cute. Get ready to howl with laughter.

1. “Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.”
2. “What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.”
3. “Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.”
4. “What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie? A python.”
5. “Why did the cow go to outer space? To see the moooon.”
6. “What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.”
7. “Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.”
8. “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.”
9. “Why don’t fish play basketball? Because they’re afraid of the net.”
10. “Why did the horse go behind the tree? To change his jockeys.”
11. “What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purrrple.”
12. “Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station.”
13. “What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.”
14. “Why don’t owls date in the dark? Because they don’t give a hoot about candlelight dinners.”
15. “Why are frogs so happy? Because they eat whatever bugs them.”
16. “What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.”
17. “Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.”
18. “Why did the cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse.”
19. “What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo? A woolly jumper.”
20. “Why don’t dogs dance? Because they have two left feet.”
21. “What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra.”
22. “Why did the duck go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little quackers.”
23. “What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.”
24. “Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies.”
25. “Why was the deer a great singer? Because he had the best ant-lers.”

Poll Question

Thanks! Check out the results:

Newsletter

Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls

Subscribe

By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.

Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!

Games

View all games

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

Follow Bored Panda on Google News!

Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda!