Hand Solo is not better

The cat is like.... I will end you if you ever forget my treats again!

I have to say that might just work

😐

unless you are in a public transport...

Thank Science, not gods

Hero

Tuna. Use a can opener. Lol

Research projects. How weird is too weird.

Dear god, don't read these at work. Boss will not like if you laugh loudly in your cubicle

Omg! I love the comment

I shouldn't be laughing, but funny if funny, no matter how insensitive it might be

MURICA

When you look closely

Dude...we need to talk

Simba, I am your father!!!!

Sorry, I was just waxing off....

Logic...

On point.

Fins tried to warn the rest of the world that Santa clan are sketchy dudes... No one listened 🤦‍♀️

Got sent to work at a furniture store as a loader with the British Heart Foundation by the DWP. I have DCM and LBBB. The Manager took one look at me when I staggered through the door (yes it's that bad) and asked if I was OK. I told him my conditions, and he got me look at the security camera and sign and date a piece of letter headed paper and got me a drink of water. 'Sacked' me on the spot and said "Go home and get some rest when you're ready. I will call the DWP and have a word with them. If they try to say you failed to attend then get in touch and let me know. I will send them the video and a copy of the paper you signed" He gave me his card and shortly after I heard him in the back office tearing the DWP a new one over the phone about being heartless murdering pricks. That's the cleanest sentence he said. Didn't even make it to clock in. Total time in the job, 3 minutes!

So true

😅😅😅 That's too funny.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Alabama-Man!

The commenter is right...

It's a nice reminder about how it once looked. This is not 'bad news' in any way.

When I'm old and decrepit and near death in a hospital bed, you promise to unplug my life support? I'll marry you!

in seriousness, thats f****d up as hell

This escalated quickly 😬

Or the cancellation department

No, you guys don't get it... The dad is Richy Hardy (older dude posting from his account). He is saying happy brithday to his daughter and son, who are twins, and it's signed from him (dad) and his wife (mom). He just did not add any punctuation, that's why it's confusing. So the two people in the picture are siblings, not married to one another. It should be like "Happy birthday ! from Mom and Dad (heart heart to show love)." With a picture of the birthday girl and boy.

The US pulled that sh*t on it's own children.

"It's a bit cold, but it feels good"

“Won’t be home for dinner”

my last text was " What time should I be there?"

"I'll kill u" (after joking around with a friend and it got annoying)

What is this from?

I see Lizzie Borden is at it again.

"My day was chill, thanks for asking. How was yours?"

"✨ therapy ✨"

"What is with that Cheshire cat grin"

So we are getting this for his birthday?

Mine was "That's so cool!"

LMFAO MINE IS "grandma?"

What Danny really did while screaming "F**K YEAH!" in The Overlook Hotel when the twins asked Danny Torrence to play with them

Mine is literally just the “🤨” emoji 💀

"If you want I can call her but I don't think that's a good idea-"

"Would Oct 29. From 1 to sometime after 1 work"

My last text was (other than a video,) "TIME TO CAUSE SENANAGIANS"

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww💓🥰💖😍

“Okay”

One of them "I'm so happy that I saved a lot of trees!" Oh noooo

"Keep spamming me and I'm going to hurt you"

Sounds good