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Some things we just cannot forget. Like harsh words from the people we want to impress most—our parents.

On May 3rd, assistant professor at Stockton University Emily Van Duyne tweeted a question: "Does anyone else ever remember a cruel thing your parent said to you [and] it takes the wind out of you? Even if it was almost ten years ago?" Turns out, they do.

Emily's tweet has received over 200,000 likes and plenty of comments where people revealed their parents' mean phrases that will probably stick with them for life, and the thread has become like a giant online mental health session.

"I want you all to know I am sorting through and reading and thinking of and trying to respond individually to each of these stories," Van Duyne wrote as the responses kept pouring in. "I'm making pasta and reminding myself to be tender with my kids and tender with myself, as much as humanly possible, always. Please do the same."

Continue scrolling and check out some of our hand-picked confessions. Sometimes, seeing other people vulnerable is all you need to uncover and deal with your own crap.

#1

Cruel-Unforgettable-Things-Parent-Said

BrainRockets Report

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Dash Blue
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope that you shove your success in your fathers face, and never let him meet his grandchildren. Okay. A bit harsh.

LittleMissPanda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can use the same words once he gets old and will ask for your financial help...

Lex
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What would be the point, though, in holding a grudge for life? That would accomplish nothing, and OP achieved their goal. Might as well just move on from it.

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Deborah
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was accepted to a school over the phone and was really excited. When I told my parents, they said that I couldn't go. I asked why did they bother bringing me to see it. Answer: We didn't think you'd get in. And like you, I got my degree, over 7yrs, w/o their help

Persephone
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After struggling with ADHD for 30 years, and being told it wasn't real and "I just needed to be more like everyone else/ it was my own fault and I needed more discipline", I feel your pain; I FINALLY got adequate access to the health care I needed my entire life one year ago... My parents get it now, but it was a hard, unsupported battle I had to fight completely alone. It left me open to being taken advantage of by others, and facing inevitable burn out and failure for many years; thus confirming dismal expectations of being a F*** up, when all I ever needed was access to treatment.

Raine Soo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Congratulations! Your degree is something to celebrate. It's too bad that your father wasn't more supportive.

Ambar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you can grow without much help from others, it will take a while but hey, you were trying hard! and that's what matters most that you never gave up

Mazer
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The best revenge is to be successful, even if that success boils down to just not carrying around the crap they dished out

Womaninsky Kasinsky
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why be a parent if you cannot encourage your children no matter their age? His father disgusts me and I wish his son the best in life!!!

StrawberryParfait
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I graduated from university with my bachelor's degree, I was told I could have a present from my parents. I asked my mom for some diamond stud earrings, which my parents could well afford. Just small studs, nothing ridiculous, but something I could have to remember my accomplishment always. She said "Diamond earrings? It's only your bachelor degree!" I was so crushed by that comment, I burst into tears on the spot. My dad heard the commotion, came running into the room and asked what happened. I told him what my mom said, and he was PISSED. He gave me a check for 1000$ on the spot. I can't remember what I spent the money on, but I didn't get the earrings. I didn't feel the same way about them after what my mom said. I did buy myself a nice little pair, about 20 years later for my birthday.

Daphne Williams
Community Member
3 years ago

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Unless you were a child prodigy, you were graduating college as a grown adult. Maybe it's time to get over the fact that your mommy didn't get you the present you wanted, and appreciate all the other things they did for you, including apparently, giving you a $1000 check. Christ.

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Douglas Campbell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was wrong, but not understanding why you couldn't apply for student loans/aid. Also- many community colleges are just as good as many state unies, and about 80% cheaper with transferable credits to apply towards bachelors.

Rannveig Ess
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's OK to realize your dad isn't worth the investment. Don't waste your wonderfulness on people who don't deserve it.

Duchess Raven Waves
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When he is old. There will be an oppurtunity for you to withhold assistance from him. Remind him of this fact

Maria Rib
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dad is not worth your investment of time and emotions either. You can stay in touch, be polite, maybe even see him for Christmas and Easter if you feel guilt cutting him out completely. You don't owe him anything.

Tarryn Louise
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope your father apologized for that. What an awful thing to say!

Steve Wilson
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He better hope he never asks you for money, huh? I’m pretty sure I know what you’d say.

Auryn Shadowfaerie
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 19 or 20, I was with my mom & we were mowing grass. I struggled with it bc the grass was thick. She ended up doing it, but on the way back to the house we were walking & she was on the phone with my dad. She said I wasn't worth a s**t, and brief pause, she quickly said "at cutting grass". I'm 32 now & still remember that.

Silviu Leibovici
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, maybe it took you longer, and you had to try harder, but I bet it was worth it even more this way .

Hailey Hernandez
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

hi i know that is became my freind is in the foster home and not with her mom or dad and they other kids is in a foster home too

Craig Reynolds
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When dad is old, decrepit, and in need of your help, tell him he is not worth the investment, then walk out of his life and never return. Let social services deal with his sorry @ss.

Kristin Kearns
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would tell him if you have children when he asks to meet them that he isn't worth the investment.

Gayle Cambridge
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

be proud of you!! be sad that sick excuse of a human being is your dad...don't be like your dad!!

Diana Adams
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well done You , Brian. You shown Him you did not need his praise . Well done and CONGRATULATIONS. xx

Beth Gietl
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What an accomplishment! Don't ever let anyone take credit for that, you own that all by yourself.

Pam Mustain
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BRAVO to you!!! Keep this dad out of tour life--a parent should ALWAYS be supportive

Debra Hapke
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YOU DID IT!, yes you did! 10 yrs. DONE! That's perseverance. As Ms. Deb says, "Boom!"(her hand makes a big "boom" and so does her mouth)

Mark Hamilton
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Always a dunce at higher math, I struggled. My dad yelled at me, saying he could the problems in his head. He also called my young brother a moron. Dad flew off the handle and acted out.

Anna Salerno
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kudos to you for showing him and his insensitive cruel remark!

Veronica Vatter
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have told you to do a few years at a community college first. Saves bunches of money. Then go to a big uni later

Heather AllisonHames
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you. Some parents simply are assholes. You are a better person than he could ever be.

Joan Navin-Barker
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you , and keep going with your accomplishments.Made my day reading what you did.

Slune
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pure jealousy! I bet he hadn't the capacity to study!

diarykeeper
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, but getting the child was fine ? I sometimes wish there was a 'test' people'd have to take before being allowed child support or something, so they thing trice b4 just creating life w.o. second thought.

Lisa Wiseman
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I got that one too. My mom said she "resented" spending all that money on me for tuition. She always encouraged me to do my best and get into the best college possible. We didn't have money for me to go away for school, so I applied to an elite private college in town and was accepted. I had scholarship money and paid for half of my tuition by working, but she said it was a "waste" to spend money on a communications degree at a "fancy school" since I'll likely never make a living at writing and I should go to the cheaper in-state public school. She denies she ever said this.

Daphne Williams
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why did you need to go to an elite private college, though? God, a lot of these comments seem like they're from spoiled children.

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Isabel Frost
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Any chance she posted another tweet with advice on how? I'm facing a similar situation at the moment, and some help would be really useful.

Persephone
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are many resources available thru psychologytoday.com regarding ADHD as well as PTSD, which often go hand in hand; while ADHD is not really a mental illness, it's a form of neurodivergence, much like autism... It's a super power as well as a disability in many forms. While a parent is not beholden to support you academically, they Also Do not. Have a right to put you down for a neurological difference youdidnot ask to be born with.

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#3

Cruel-Unforgettable-Things-Parent-Said

Vivien_Jackson Report

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Raine Soo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How often have people said: You could be so pretty if you just lost the weight.

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According to Jessie-Anne Bird, a psychologist from Johannesburg, South Africa, we can be deeply wounded by the words of others. "If we are not careful, we can react in a way that may escalate things unnecessarily," Bird told Bored Panda.

Instead, the psychologist suggested we use the STOP technique, and it looks like this:

S: Stop. Wait before you react.

T: Take a step back - give yourself some time and space from the situation.

O: Observe what's going on inside and outside. Become aware of your thoughts and feelings, think about how they may be impacting your decision-making.

P: Proceed mindfully - once you have an understanding of what is happening, and have thought through your options - then you will be in a position to make a choice about how to respond or react.

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#4

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crazy_cat_notAlady
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yes. the opp happened to me though. dad was sick for years (cancer). did everything I could and I couldn't. dropped out of a Ph.D. program to get a stable job to support his treatment and family costs. waited for years to hear him say for once that he was proud of me. never said anything...now it's too late. sometimes I wonder if I would view my life and career choices differently had he been actually proud of me, or if he cared.

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#5

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crazy_cat_notAlady
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

hey. u r beautiful. words can b harsh, but they can never strip u off ur beauty. glad u have found a good therapist. hope u continue to see the beauty of life and ur beauty too

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Experts associate parent-child connectedness with a wide range of health indicators. Close, positive family relationships that feature open communication help young people stay healthy and avoid substance use and violent behavior.

"We tend to use the perceptions of others to inform our self-view, and we might place more importance on the feedback we receive from those we value," Bird said. "When we hear hurtful things from those we love or esteem - they may hurt more because we are more likely to believe them."

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Imi Lo, a psychotherapist, art therapist, and consultant for emotionally intense and highly sensitive people, thinks the relationship between a child and a parent is one of the most instinctively protective, loving, and nurturing things humans experience. So when such a connection is clouded with feelings of deep hurt and resentment, these negative emotions can follow people beyond childhood and adolescence into adulthood.

"At the end of the day, you want to be able to cross over the bridge of resentment and move to a place of peace," Lo wrote in Psychology Today. "But however cliche this sounds, you need first to love yourself, embracing both the good and the bad, your ability to love, and your rage towards others. You must forgive yourself for your inability to forgive. You are a survivor for being here today. You deserve to live without emotional baggage."

If what you do grows into a deep sense of love for your parents, then the journey would have been worth it. If not, at least you know that you tried, and you will have no regrets.

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#12

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K00KIED0UGH Report

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Raine Soo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have you noticed how parents will utter any stupidity because they can't manage their own stress and will take it out on their children because no one else is around to hear them rant?

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#14

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Prilsy
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's gaslighting and my father did it all the time to me. Still does and I'm almost 50.

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#15

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bookkakes Report

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Grumble O'Pug
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nothing like getting belittled to make you feel better, right? Ugh

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#18

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kenzie_connolly Report

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CatWoman312
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She’s 9 dad. She’s playing soccer which involves a lot of running (assuming she’s not the goalie) so back off!

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#19

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Raine Soo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People fail to realize that self-harming is a coping mechanism toward pain and anger. Mom made it worse by telling you should be ashamed of yourself. I hope that you were able to find the help you needed.

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#20

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Tami
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom is like this. She doesn't say she doesn't care, but she shows it by not showing interest and changing the subject. Meanwhile, she can blather on for 30-40 minutes about the toast she had for breakfast or how she sat out in the sun for awhile.

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#21

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Raine Soo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was growing up, and even into my teens, family friends would say how pretty I was. My mother would say, "Nah, she's not." And, then start to list all my faults. I'd either walk away or stand there, rolling my eyes. So, yeah, I feel you.

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#22

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Raine Soo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd need therapy if I had to go through that rubbish too. Of course, I had my own battles with my mother.

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#24

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CatWoman312
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thankfully we wear masks now so we don’t have to look at the faces of ugly trolls like your mom

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#25

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Jaime
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah, I do that too, because of my ADHD. I really hate it, sometimes I say things that make people uncomfortable because I didn’t think before I spoke.

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#27

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#28

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Alehfred Report

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Raine Soo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This isn't quite the same, but my mother told me that I had no patience for young children. She said this to me when I was 10 years old. I'm surprised that I turned out this well despite her negative attitude.

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#30

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#32

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kasa alex
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum had an emotionally abusive mother...so she went on to marry an emotionally abusive man who abused both her and us (myself and siblings)...now my older sister is emotionally abusive towards me...and possibly her step daughter... #intergenerationaltrauma

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#33

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H Edwards
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember one of the staff at the care home telling me not to cry when I realised that my mother really was dying. It certainly wasn't helpful.

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#34

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Raine Soo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My best friend is estranged from all her family members. And, in turn, they all seem to be estranged from one another. She said that growing up in her family, the environment was quite toxic, and she needed to get away from that. How bad was it? She said that she'd rather die than ask them for help.

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#35

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Raine Soo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't tell you how many times my mother told me I was stupid. "Not as stupid as you," I would retort. And, then we'd be fighting again.

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#36

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Martha Meyer
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay, I think this was well meant, if wrong, advice, perhaps also said in a bad tone. I think OP here is probably very sensitive and had low self esteem at the time, so this hit harder than it might have otherwise.

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#37

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ninjaraph
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents do say things like that. I discover later in life it's about them, not you. They have insecurities. Please find the strength and self worth you deserve. Fight on!

#39

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WildHoneyPie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shoot, that's just not fair. Birthday money is Yours. Spend it as you please.

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#40

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Jo Johannsen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of my step fathers told me during their divorce that I was the cause. I was 10.

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#43

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Carol Emory
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a co-worker that was a man hater. She'd constantly say how dumb and useless they were. Then my boss went to her and said "You have a son, right? He will eventually grow up to be a man. So every time you berate and belittle men in his presence, you're actually insulting him. Do you think he's going to resent you for that?" Our co-worker never bashed on men again.

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#44

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Evil Little Thing
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3 years ago

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I feel like there's more to this story than Naomi is telling. Parents have feelings too, and she clearly caught her mom at a terrible time.

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#47

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#48

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Stephanie IV
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That a dress isn’t flattering can be said in a much less harmful way.

#49

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Carol Emory
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did this with my mother. I called her after moving 3000 miles away to let her know her grandson was just diagnosed with Autism. She then proceeds to chew me out saying that she knew all along and that I had been to lazy to get him diagnosed before moving and that she had told me he was autistic (which she hadn't.) I tried to veer the conversation to what was being done for him to get him started on therapy. She kept going back to wanting me to admit that she'd already figured out his diagnosis before I left. I finally said "Look...I didn't call you to have an argument! If that's all you can do than sit there in your house alone and wonder what's going on. This is my son's life were talking about, not your Ego. Get over it or get lost!" And I hung up. Two months later, she called and apologized.

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#50

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Raine Soo
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother thought that I was an alien. I'm not joking. She kept telling me that I wasn't like any of her friends' children. My father was cool with me, though. I think he got a kick out of me being a wise ass.

#51

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Raven DeathShade
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been called "overdramatic" so much I can't even tell my parents how severely I have been impacted by them, and the fact I've quite literally been wishing that I could run far, far away from them or at least die. I'm scared they'll tell me I'm not actually depressed and I'm overreacting...

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#52

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TheReader19
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope you're not like your mother; you're too good to be her