“I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No”: 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals
InterviewBeing publicly proposed to is a lot like being asked to play an instrument in a family gathering. Your hands are shaking, everyone’s watching, and you know that saying no might not be an option at this point. Otherwise it might really hurt the person you love, whether it’s your partner or grandma who initiated it.
Reddit user u/Gilded_Violet turned to the members of the ‘Ask Women’ community to learn how they really feel about public proposals. After being asked how the lack of privacy impacted the experience and their response, the ladies didn’t hold back their opinions. We have collected some of the best answers depicting just how cringe a public proposal can be. Scroll down and enjoy.
Bored Panda has reached out to u/Gilded_Violet and they were kind enough to answer a few of our questions. You will find their thoughts below.
This post may include affiliate links.
I’d die of embarrassment, personally. Technically my husband did propose in a public place (a rooftop bar we like) but knew the whole “get down on one knee in public” thing is neither of our styles, so he just kind of discreetly slid the ring across the table and asked if I’d marry him. That was nice: It still felt private and personal.
The author of the post told Bored Panda that the reason they decided to ask such a question was witnessing a public proposal themselves. “I attended a New Year party, where one friend proposed to their girlfriend. The woman was clearly uncomfortable, asked if they could talk about it in private, but everybody just accepted it as a 'yes.'”
“This really bothered me,” said the redditor. “I felt like she'd been trapped into marrying him. It made me wonder about other women's experiences and perspectives regarding the topic.” They added that after the proposal, they reached out to the girl to show support; however, she did not reply.
Very much not fun. I got boo’d out of the restaurant after I said no. Don’t do it people
This!!! It shows it's nothing but manipulation, the proposee is socially coerced into saying 'yes'.
I’m not a fan. I was proposed to downtown, in the middle of our city, and there was a ton of people around watching. After my partner at the time proposed, he turned around and took a massive bow to the crowd. Fast forward and we are not together anymore lol
“Took a massive bow to the crowd.” How shocking and disgusting. What a hopeless, self-centered d**k!
The OP emphasized that no one should feel forced to answer in a certain way. “All healthy relationships are predicated on open communication and mutual consent. I'd like for everybody to know that they don't have to be coerced into a marriage. They aren't alone, and there's no shame in backing out.
“It takes time to feel ready for marriage,” they added. “One shouldn't be rushed into an immediate decision, simply because their partner has made theirs.”
When it comes to their own experience with marriage, Gilded_Violet shared with Bored Panda that their engagement wasn’t public. “Luckily, I've never had a public proposal. My partner and I have always had a private relationship. His proposal reflected that.” They also joked around saying that they wouldn’t want to have another proposal, but if they were to have one, they’d prefer it to be private as well.
My SO proposed in public but not by a crowd. We were the botanical gardens (where we had our first date) on a very dreary December day, we wandered outside to escape some of the crowds and he popped the question then. It was the best time and spot since he hid a bunch of rose petals in his pocket so he could toss them up when I said yes. After the hugs and kisses, a little train ride was going by for bringing kids to and from Santa and a woman shouted a congratulations. If there had been people around, I would have been very shy and self conscious during even though my answer wouldn't have changed. It was nice to have that more private moment as he popped the question.
Also to that woman who congratulated us, thank you ❤️
I did something like this It was a Botanical garden and if anyone saw it they were a ways off.
Hate it. My husband did this. He planned for my whole family to come down to his moms house and she asked me to come over one day to help fix her tile and I said sure… I walk in and my mom dad sister brother niblings his mom dad sister everyone staring at me and my DH on his knee and all he said was “will you marry me?” And I said yes bc I do love him and then he asked why I didn’t cry??!! Lol ummmm bc everyone is looking and you didn’t say anything sweet? He also didn’t make sure I was showered and dressed nicely.. like I thought I was doing house work dude lol
I did have a talk with him that while it was very sweet to invite everyone I do NOT like that. Marriage is for the couple not everyone else
My ex proposed to me in front of my entire family, including all of my extended family who was visiting for my cousin’s funeral. It was terrible timing. He sang a song (poorly) and asked in front of everyone. I had already previously told him no because he needed to get his shit together (get a job/have goals in life). He didn’t, but I felt obligated to say yes. We ended it a month and a half later when he still didn’t have anything together. Thank God we never got married!
It really puts you on the spot. I got stage fright and blacked out my spouse's entire proposal because we were being watched like a play. And the script said I had to say yes
Cut, cut, cut! We have to do it again! She didn't cry like she was supposed to after he asked. Take two aaaaand....
Load More Replies...The more I think about it, the more archaic it seems that a man has to propose to a woman. As if the woman is the passive party in all of this and it is the man’s decision ultimately. I feel as I’ve gotten older, it should be more of an agreement between both parties, that’s were they would like to take their relationship. Then, if you want the romantic proposal, agree to give whoever wants to surprise whom with that opportunity, but when you both know the answer already.
Same with a huge, budget-busting wedding. Yeesh - put that $$ down on a house.
Load More Replies...My stepdad proposed to my mom at her work in front of everyone, but he also CALLED THE LITTLE LOCAL NEWS STATION! She was so, so embarrassed. They have since divorced
I was proposed to in Disneyland. Definitely a high pressure situation. I ignored my gut and said yes. To no one's surprise the relationship didn't last.
I was also proposed to in Disneyland but thankfully my guy knew I wouldn't want a public scene. During the fireworks when no one was paying attention to the people he pulled me into a secluded spot in Ariel's grotto and got down on one knee.
Not me, but I had a teacher once who went to Vegas with her boyfriend. He proposed in the chapel with the officiant or whatever at the altar and her entire family, whom he'd flown in. Even as a teenage dork, that seemed like unacceptably high pressure
My bf at the time proposed at my bday party in front of everyone...I felt that I had no option but to say yes even though he was manipulative and not a nice person. We broke up shortly after but it was not pleasant when everyone thought we were happily getting married. Privately in a public place like at dinner or something could be very thoughtful but not public as in everyone is watching you
Not quite a proposal, but when I was a new student my senior year of high school, a guy who I'd known for a week asked me to homecoming at a pep rally in front of our school of ~1,200 students. After he sang the national anthem, he gave a speech about how he’d recently been lucky enough to meet the person he’d been looking for his whole life, how he’d fallen in love at first sight, and how he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life getting to know…ME. He asked me to stand up, and everyone's heads turned to face me. I did, and he proceeded to ask me if I wanted to go to homecoming with him (which was like two months away??) It was mortifying and so embarrassing, and I ABSOLUTELY said yes due to the pressure and everyone’s expectations.
Then he ran over to me and gave me two dozen roses (it was first period). All day everyone was coming up to me to talk about it and asking me how long we’d been dating. I kept telling people we barely knew each other. It was so awkward and embarrassing for me. I ended up saying no a week later
I was publicly proposed to in front of maybe 500 people during Christmas church service. I hate attention. We are divorced
My ex proposed to me after I got off a plane…. In the f****n airport. Then got mad I didn’t kiss him.
It was so embarrassing…
I think it’s important to know the type of person that you are proposing too and definitely have a discussion about dream proposal.
My ex proposed to me at Disneyland during the fireworks. I absolutely f*****g loved it and felt like an absolute f*****g princess. 10/10 would do it again
I'd honestly be wondering if this was a man I want to marry. If he knew so little about me that he'd make a public production out of an intimate moment...yeah, no. Just no.
Yep. My dad proposed on the side of a road in Massachusetts where they liked to walk. If I ever propose, I’m going to do it in private, probably somewhere pretty and botanical.
My husband proposed in public but no-one apart from our friends saw. It was the last night at a festival and we were watching a big firework show. I looked round at him and he was on one knee. It was honestly amazing. If loads of people had seen in a restaurant or something then I'd have died.
See, that’s not too bad, because even though it’s public, it’s not getting the attention of a lot of people. It also depends on the person getting proposed to.
It was awful. My ex was all about attention on himself. I had driven hours to watch him perform at a college basketball event. I almost didn't go, but I got a lot of pressure from his sister to go watch him. It was a big crowd, and his family was all there. When the performance took a shift and I realized what was happening, I was so ready to bolt. I knew I was being filmed and everyone was watching. It was one of the worst moments of stage fright in my life. In hindsight, I should’ve realized that my feelings were not important to him and took that as a sign as to how the future would be with him.
Later on, my family asked why I didn’t tell them how the proposal happened and I admitted it was because I was so embarrassed by the whole ordeal that I didn’t want to tell anyone. Anyway, he’s about to marry the woman he cheated on me with. And I have no doubt it’ll be just as much of a 'look at me' kind of event he loves. Oh, and the person who took and posted that awful public proposal video won’t take it down because it’s 'their most liked video ever.
Wow. Violating personal boundaries for likes is an absolutely s****y thing to do.
Public with a ton of people around is a big nope and would definitely make me have second thoughts. With that said, my now husband proposed downtown Milwaukee in a park when it was cold and raining. Not a soul around and it was beautiful 😃
Totally fine IF and only if:
1- the recipient has expressed they're okay with public proposals and would enjoy one,
AND
2- both people have discussed marriage before, and the asker knows the recipient would say yes to a proposal.
Anything other than that is a no-no.
Also don't propose at any other even of personal significance (graduation, finishing a sport event, etc).
look I've seen some videos where people propose at weddings like no its my day not urs
I don't like them. I think it's cringy and I feel bad for anyone that it happens to, unless they really wanted it that way.
I just don't understand why everything has to be videoed, and made a public event. Some things are ok to keep private.
Not for me. I was proposed to in front of the castle at Disney and soooo many people were around us. I’m introverted as [hell] and would have loved more privacy for such an intimate moment. I felt like I had to say yes and be all omg gleeful, which isn’t me. The whole thing wasn’t me. She’s my ex now
I was publicly proposed to — twice. I’m a massive extrovert and even then, it threw me off. I knew the proposals were likely to happen, but I had no clue it was going to happen in public. I can’t imagine how introverted people must feel when being proposed to in public
If it's a public proposal that's not wanted a) they don't know you well enough, b) don't care and want the public adoration or c) it's downright manipulation.
I always envisioned a private, intimate proposal to reflect my personality. I told my husband multiple times that I did not want a public proposal, especially not at a restaurant. However, he ended up proposing to me at a restaurant and invited our parents. It was hurtful because he completely disregarded everything I asked for, which wasn’t much to begin with. He said he didn’t think I would mind because he invited our families and because it was a restaurant we both enjoyed. It was several years ago, but I still get disappointed when I think about it
The only reason people propose publicly is cause they dont know the answer and want to use social pressure to force them to say yes to avoid a scene and humiliation.
If someone proposed to me in public. Ild refuse. Cause how f*****g dare they attempt to use social pressure to force me to say yes to avoid causing a scene and embarrassment.
And if they dont know me well enough to know my feelings on this, there is no way in hell ild marry them.
It depends. My husband proposed to me on a bench in the middle of the city center where we used to live. We were out with our son (then 2), and we went to sit down so he could eat an apple. I don't think anyone noticed that there was a proposal going on. After I said yes, we did ask some Italian tourists to take a picture with the polaroid camera that my husband secretly brought along.
Ours was in front of a ton of friends, after I'd been very clear about being ready to marry him if he ever felt ready himself. I loved and hated it. It felt like a special event, but I also was not excited to be photographed and be the center of attention. I knew based on his behavior that it was coming, but I still couldn't cope with that many eyes on me.
Very, very much not my thing. I’m an introvert and hate being the center of attention among people I don’t know well, let alone a crowd of literal strangers. Being put on the spot like that sounds like a nightmare.
If you are ready to propose marriage to someone, you either know them well enough to know if they are into public attention like that, or you dont know them well enough and shouldn't be proposing. If my partner were to propose infront of anyone but my kid, i might just drop dead. I hate having that kind of attention on me
This! Know your partner before you propose (or don't). My husband and I agreed on not proposing because we both think it's cringy and unnecessary. But hey, to each their own...
They're fine if the person proposing knows that the answer will be a yes and if the one being proposed to would be comfortable with it happening in a public settings.
My husband proposed in the restaurant bar where we first met, I found it sweet that he specifically chose that place, it being public didn't bother me.
Looks like it's majority "no thanks" from the ladies, good to know.
I'd think it a bit of a red flag to be honest if someone likes the big public proposals. It's such an intimate moment, don't you want to hear what your loved one is saying, look in the eyes without sixty cameras pointing at you..
Load More Replies...Someone I know from high school likes to do the knee drop to the women he’s dating as a prank. He’s still single.
not surprised. One of my brothers had this disability. It took him a decade to stop doing it.
Load More Replies...Been proposed to twice in my life. Public proposals are not good. Learn more about your partner and if you feel the person you're proposing to would say no...then don't propose. Simple. It's not romantic infront of a wagon load of strangers recording and photographing you. It's mortifying.
We really need to un-normalize proposing in front of crowds or at special events.
To me, public proposals obviously seem to be less about the relationship and more about the spectacle. If you need an audience of (mostly) strangers to make you feel special about an actual special occasion, maybe you need to work on you first.
My partner and I were sitting in my family’s hotel lobby, enjoying the sun setting over the ocean as is our routine, talking about (his love of) Star Wars and my ideology that the Empire or Order were less harmful & evil than the presumed heroes. He quietly injected “will you marry me?” into the discussion. Very public with people moving about, yet he recognized this was a valuable question & answer that belonged solely to us. A moment that we could covet and remember forever. Much more meaningful & endearing than had he made a public spectacle.
I deflected a proposal. We were in my living room and I remember we weren't facing each other. He randomly asked me what type of diamonds I like, I immediately knew why he was asking but played dumb. Without turning toward him, I said that I don't like diamonds because of the blood diamond trade. Some time later, I played dumb again when he confessed that he'd been looking at diamond rings when he'd asked the question.
I was proposed to in public, and I hated every moment of it. And it was kind of worse than just "in public". My best friend was coming in from out of town, she and I and some of my family were going out to a comedy/musical dinner theatre that kind of interactive. My now Ex lived also lived out of town and decided that he was going to come as well. I wasn't too happy about that because I'd been thinking about breaking it off for a while. Well not only did he propose at the dinner but he'd apparently arranged with the show to work it into the performance, so there was the cast singing a lovely song and a spotlight on me with him proposing. I was mortified. We'd had conversations about getting married and had agreed that we had some issues that had to be worked out before even considering taking that step and yet there he was, taking that step. In public. In a spotlight. With my best friend and family there. Where I couldn't say no. We did get married - and then divorced.
I liked how my husband proposed. it was in my favorite restaurant with my son and a friend of ours there the day before my birthday. i knew he was going to propose cause I helped pick out my ring, just didn't know when. he did it quietly so it didn't cause a big scene, which I loved. Going on 4 years now and i couldn't be happier.
There's a difference between making a public proposal and creating a public spectacle to force a decision. If you know your partner, know what they like and respect their preferences by tailoring your proposal to their liking, then whatever you do, in private or in public, small and intimate or huge and flashy, is an honest proposal. If you either ignore what you already know or don't care to get to know your partner well enough to do something they enjoy, it's trying to pressure them into doing your bidding, but not a proposal. And no amount of song and dance can mask that.
If you profess to love your SO, do not publicly pressure them to make a permanently life-changing decision.
I know a girl who saw a footballer propose at a game and would love that but she's a bit of an attention whore
I did it on St Mark's Square in Venice but it was night time (past 11 PM) so it was pretty much empty and I didn't have to bother exactly where since we had so much space to ourselves and we could have the illuminated buildings all around us for the "magical" touch. Otherwise I would have found a spot apart from the crowd for it to be just the two of us.
My husband didn't propose to me. I just brought it up that maybe we should get married, now that we had 2 kids, and to shut my mother up. LOL Been over 30 years now. If anyone ever tried a public proposal, I'd automatically say no and leave.
I never got a proposal. We just kind of fell into being engaged, even though I know that doesn't make sense. But we had our 21st wedding anniversary last month, and we are each other's best friend. So we did ok lol.
Posts like these make me glad I a) am not planning on getting married and b) have a partner who actually respects me.
The flip side is also a red flag. If the intended flips out because you didn't do some public grand romantic gesture type of proposal.
a friend of mine invited me last year to his proposal. The whole thing was a surprise for her, the theme was Back to the Future, he demanded everyone to be dressed like in the 50's, we waited like two hours for the girl to arrive and everything was like a big party their whole families and friends and coworkers. That was like last August or July. Flash forward to last week and I found out they already married in November or so but it was a very intimate ceremony, I wasn't invited. I don't feel offended or anything, but thought it was weird, 'cause to me the proposal should be the intimate event, and the wedding the one where you invite all your friends and family, but to each their own.
My husband knew me well enough to know that asking for a wedding in public would take a lot of arm twisting. I secretly hoped he would take me where we met. He actually planned to do so and told me so after we heard the building was torn down. So it wound up being a mutual "ok let's do this." It's the thought that counts!
We judge so hard and assume people are basically a vastness of nothing if they would appreciate certain things. As a somebody that has felt like a below average nobody most of her life, I'd be so impressed by such a proposal. Sadly, my guy misunderstood me when we talked about marriage being important or not. I don't find it to be priority but I would love a proposal, simple ring, and a little ceremony where we can actually have some pictures of our love photographed. It isn't about the paper but yea, I haven't had luck celebrating major milestones due to wrong information given and another, COVID. Some attention of being special would be nice. I'm a confident person and I don't think I'm a nobody but have had to work real hard on making myself feel like a somebody.
Husband proposed to me out in a public space, but it was midnight and in winter, so no one else was around. It was where we had our first date, first slow dance, so he recreated that. It was very special but in no way did it feel "publicized."
Proposing marriage in public seems like playing Russian Roulette. I wouldn't have done it and wouldn't recommend it in the unlikely event I'm consulted. Having said that, this post seems to be another example of B.P providing fodder to make men look stupid or idiotic. Give us a break. We don't need any help.
I had been dating one of my friends for about 6 weeks that I had known for a while. I had gone with her to a doctor's appointment and as we were walking through the parking lot I said, "We should just get married." She responded with, "Let me think about it." A week later we were at a walgreens and as we were in the parking lot leaving she said, "Ask me again." I did. Just passed 20 years together.
Why do so many of them feel like they have to say yes. If you ask me in public you don't know me so I'd say no. Hell I might run away before you ask
In this day and age, marriage itself is unnecessary and just basically a huge money waster
Have an upvote as thats the way you feel and shouldn't be downvoted for it. I also feel The same
Load More Replies...Looks like it's majority "no thanks" from the ladies, good to know.
I'd think it a bit of a red flag to be honest if someone likes the big public proposals. It's such an intimate moment, don't you want to hear what your loved one is saying, look in the eyes without sixty cameras pointing at you..
Load More Replies...Someone I know from high school likes to do the knee drop to the women he’s dating as a prank. He’s still single.
not surprised. One of my brothers had this disability. It took him a decade to stop doing it.
Load More Replies...Been proposed to twice in my life. Public proposals are not good. Learn more about your partner and if you feel the person you're proposing to would say no...then don't propose. Simple. It's not romantic infront of a wagon load of strangers recording and photographing you. It's mortifying.
We really need to un-normalize proposing in front of crowds or at special events.
To me, public proposals obviously seem to be less about the relationship and more about the spectacle. If you need an audience of (mostly) strangers to make you feel special about an actual special occasion, maybe you need to work on you first.
My partner and I were sitting in my family’s hotel lobby, enjoying the sun setting over the ocean as is our routine, talking about (his love of) Star Wars and my ideology that the Empire or Order were less harmful & evil than the presumed heroes. He quietly injected “will you marry me?” into the discussion. Very public with people moving about, yet he recognized this was a valuable question & answer that belonged solely to us. A moment that we could covet and remember forever. Much more meaningful & endearing than had he made a public spectacle.
I deflected a proposal. We were in my living room and I remember we weren't facing each other. He randomly asked me what type of diamonds I like, I immediately knew why he was asking but played dumb. Without turning toward him, I said that I don't like diamonds because of the blood diamond trade. Some time later, I played dumb again when he confessed that he'd been looking at diamond rings when he'd asked the question.
I was proposed to in public, and I hated every moment of it. And it was kind of worse than just "in public". My best friend was coming in from out of town, she and I and some of my family were going out to a comedy/musical dinner theatre that kind of interactive. My now Ex lived also lived out of town and decided that he was going to come as well. I wasn't too happy about that because I'd been thinking about breaking it off for a while. Well not only did he propose at the dinner but he'd apparently arranged with the show to work it into the performance, so there was the cast singing a lovely song and a spotlight on me with him proposing. I was mortified. We'd had conversations about getting married and had agreed that we had some issues that had to be worked out before even considering taking that step and yet there he was, taking that step. In public. In a spotlight. With my best friend and family there. Where I couldn't say no. We did get married - and then divorced.
I liked how my husband proposed. it was in my favorite restaurant with my son and a friend of ours there the day before my birthday. i knew he was going to propose cause I helped pick out my ring, just didn't know when. he did it quietly so it didn't cause a big scene, which I loved. Going on 4 years now and i couldn't be happier.
There's a difference between making a public proposal and creating a public spectacle to force a decision. If you know your partner, know what they like and respect their preferences by tailoring your proposal to their liking, then whatever you do, in private or in public, small and intimate or huge and flashy, is an honest proposal. If you either ignore what you already know or don't care to get to know your partner well enough to do something they enjoy, it's trying to pressure them into doing your bidding, but not a proposal. And no amount of song and dance can mask that.
If you profess to love your SO, do not publicly pressure them to make a permanently life-changing decision.
I know a girl who saw a footballer propose at a game and would love that but she's a bit of an attention whore
I did it on St Mark's Square in Venice but it was night time (past 11 PM) so it was pretty much empty and I didn't have to bother exactly where since we had so much space to ourselves and we could have the illuminated buildings all around us for the "magical" touch. Otherwise I would have found a spot apart from the crowd for it to be just the two of us.
My husband didn't propose to me. I just brought it up that maybe we should get married, now that we had 2 kids, and to shut my mother up. LOL Been over 30 years now. If anyone ever tried a public proposal, I'd automatically say no and leave.
I never got a proposal. We just kind of fell into being engaged, even though I know that doesn't make sense. But we had our 21st wedding anniversary last month, and we are each other's best friend. So we did ok lol.
Posts like these make me glad I a) am not planning on getting married and b) have a partner who actually respects me.
The flip side is also a red flag. If the intended flips out because you didn't do some public grand romantic gesture type of proposal.
a friend of mine invited me last year to his proposal. The whole thing was a surprise for her, the theme was Back to the Future, he demanded everyone to be dressed like in the 50's, we waited like two hours for the girl to arrive and everything was like a big party their whole families and friends and coworkers. That was like last August or July. Flash forward to last week and I found out they already married in November or so but it was a very intimate ceremony, I wasn't invited. I don't feel offended or anything, but thought it was weird, 'cause to me the proposal should be the intimate event, and the wedding the one where you invite all your friends and family, but to each their own.
My husband knew me well enough to know that asking for a wedding in public would take a lot of arm twisting. I secretly hoped he would take me where we met. He actually planned to do so and told me so after we heard the building was torn down. So it wound up being a mutual "ok let's do this." It's the thought that counts!
We judge so hard and assume people are basically a vastness of nothing if they would appreciate certain things. As a somebody that has felt like a below average nobody most of her life, I'd be so impressed by such a proposal. Sadly, my guy misunderstood me when we talked about marriage being important or not. I don't find it to be priority but I would love a proposal, simple ring, and a little ceremony where we can actually have some pictures of our love photographed. It isn't about the paper but yea, I haven't had luck celebrating major milestones due to wrong information given and another, COVID. Some attention of being special would be nice. I'm a confident person and I don't think I'm a nobody but have had to work real hard on making myself feel like a somebody.
Husband proposed to me out in a public space, but it was midnight and in winter, so no one else was around. It was where we had our first date, first slow dance, so he recreated that. It was very special but in no way did it feel "publicized."
Proposing marriage in public seems like playing Russian Roulette. I wouldn't have done it and wouldn't recommend it in the unlikely event I'm consulted. Having said that, this post seems to be another example of B.P providing fodder to make men look stupid or idiotic. Give us a break. We don't need any help.
I had been dating one of my friends for about 6 weeks that I had known for a while. I had gone with her to a doctor's appointment and as we were walking through the parking lot I said, "We should just get married." She responded with, "Let me think about it." A week later we were at a walgreens and as we were in the parking lot leaving she said, "Ask me again." I did. Just passed 20 years together.
Why do so many of them feel like they have to say yes. If you ask me in public you don't know me so I'd say no. Hell I might run away before you ask
In this day and age, marriage itself is unnecessary and just basically a huge money waster
Have an upvote as thats the way you feel and shouldn't be downvoted for it. I also feel The same
Load More Replies...