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What does it mean to be a "real" man? Well, masculinity is one of those topics everyone has an opinion on, as gender norms remain a delicate subject that tends to spark heated debates online. And even though public attitudes are becoming more accepting in many ways, stereotypical patterns of masculine behavior are still deeply rooted in our society — according to the age-old cliché of the masculine guy, men are expected to be strong, brave, and dominant.

But in reality, when people are telling everyone that a macho man doesn't cry, takes risks, makes money, fears nothing, and — heaven forbid! — never shows any signs of emotional vulnerability, it can spark some pretty warped ideas about manhood.

Thanks to one illuminating corner of Twitter called 'Hot Masculinity Takes,' we get to see a galore of absurd cases when this happens online. "Welcome to the Alpha Zone," says the account’s description, and you already know it’s gonna be a wild ride. So continue scrolling to check out the absolutely ridiculous opinions about men on the Internet, and don’t miss the chat we had about masculinity with licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jesse Matthews right below.

Psst! After you’re done with this list, more madness awaits in Part 1 of this feature right here.

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Raccoon panda
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wanna punch the idiot who wrote this put down. And I’m an oh-so-estrogenic woman. My crushing lack of testosterone must be making me so irrational to say something like this. Isn’t it?🙄😤😡 Who is this misogynistic weirdo, to think he can be rude to the ladies and gentlemen like that? Bet he’s an insecure neckbeard.

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It’s hard to avoid encountering the term toxic masculinity these days. But as the person behind the account, who preferred to stay anonymous, told my colleague Rokas in a previous interview, this social media project is not purely about that. The philosophy of the page is to post the takes and let people make their own conclusions. "I do draw a lot from the manosphere but a lot of the takes are from women speaking about men, and I include left-wing hot takes too," the creator added.

A brief scroll through the list proves that harmful stereotypes about what it means to be a man are abundant in today’s society. But what exactly urges people to share their absurd statements without any second thought? And how can these ideas affect men seeking out their masculine identity?

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To gain more insight on the topic from an expert, we reached out to Dr. Jesse Matthews, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist based in Chester Springs, PA. According to him, ideas about masculinity have become quite polarized in our society.

"As masculinity has moved away from the 'manly man' or 'tough guy' definitions, many people have not only clung to these stereotypes, but they have made them more extreme," Dr. Matthews told Bored Panda. This usually stems from people rejecting the changing views, and "social media in particular creates echo chambers for this, with various influencers carrying the flags for those who identify with their views."

While we all bear different perspectives on the world around us, masculinity especially can be a very deep rabbit hole with a variety of different viewpoints. But Dr. Matthews raised an important question: why do these ideas matter so much to people?

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"Obviously, it’s part of life for any guy or anyone who identifies with masculinity, but the obsession with being a 'real man' is more based in insecurity. The person essentially needs to ensure that they present a masculine enough identity to avoid judgment or being called out as not masculine by other guys," the psychologist explained.

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Men who are insecure about their manliness exhibit behavior that is often exaggerated and even caricature-like. But Dr. Matthews says there’s also irony at play here. "Many of these individuals would tell you that being a real man means just doing your thing and not caring about what anyone thinks about it. However, one can’t simultaneously obsess over portraying an ultramasculine image, yet claim to be unconcerned about judgment. It just doesn’t compute."

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Hypermasculinity — or toxic masculinity as it’s usually called — is also based on the false belief that masculinity needs to be saved, Dr. Matthews argued. "In the same way that some people seem to be afraid that racism or homophobia might one day die out. So they embrace stereotypes, or how they think things 'should' be or were in 'the good old days.'"

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Helena
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, so a man drinking a fruity drink sounds like a great way to filter out super shallow people. Drink up men, the fruity drinks are the best.

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But putting men (half of the world’s population!) in a box can seriously harm their well-being. "It’s limiting at best, and at worst it leads people to play into these stereotypes." For example, hypermasculinity often makes people act in ways "that are sexist or homophobic, or at least not challenging others on this kind of behavior."

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"It also has the power to create toxic environments, uncomfortable for women or men viewed as not masculine, and of course to lead to situations involving sexual assault," Dr. Matthews continued. "As well, if these men carry on these thoughts and behaviors through adulthood, they may pass them down to their children or other young people they come into contact with, like kids they are teaching, coaching, and so on."

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), instilling elements of traditional masculinity into men and boys can be psychologically harmful, as it has been shown to limit their development, constrain their behavior, and result in gender role conflict. What’s more, it can negatively influence their mental and physical health.

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Brenda Spagnola-Wilson
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I kept my name AND took his (hyphenated) so our kids could carry on my family name. And slavery was outlawed years ago, so nobody OWNS anyone else. Ever!

and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Now I want to find where this d¡ckhead lives so I can hit him over the head with a hardcover copy of the emancipation proclamation.

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JRM 3
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Owned"? Really? How about protected and respected.

Mr.Kris
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His wife lets him believe this while she boinks the pool boy every Tuesday afternoon.

Gardener of Weeden
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I recently met a woman who 's ( soon to be ex's) husband is EXACTLY like these posts. He is now trying to "pown"... change o to a... really bp? her off on someone else because " she is too difficult" she had the nerve to say no to him. I might be wrong ... but I told her she is not their plaything. They want the "perfect China doll" subservient and with no opinion... but beautiful arm candy. I also mentioned that slavery was outlawed in the usa ( for now, although her x - is part of the ((quiet) pro-slavery crowd).

Phil Green
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's probably still a virgin. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin, but he will always be one. No one wants him.

Florence O'Grady
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are no maiden names. There might have been at one time; when we had matriarchal societies. All last names now come from men. Whether you keep your last name, which you were given at birth or take your husband's last name. They are now all last names that come from the male population.

Judes
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought you were going to say that there were no maiden names because almost everyone has sex before marriage.

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Fluffy mommy panda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ive been married for like twelve years didn't change my last name yet we where young and haven't got around to it. So gusse what 🖕. Mind your mouth and ya business. I think you have problems of owning yourself. And you are a freak.

Ruth Harper
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't want to be owned by anyone, thank you very much. Except my cat.

Mary Kelly
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

hmmm...didn't realize the 13th amendment doesn't apply to women...

Emie N.
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NO woman has ever wanted to be owned. What a gross prick. We are human beings. Not objects.

Lyone Fein
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, his last sentence he got right. Noone wants to be owned by anyone.

Michelle C
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have known men to take their wives’ names to symbolize cutting ties with abusive family members or because they prefer their wives’ names to their own for other reasons.

Dutchman Callypso
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Women want to be owned" - Guy from whom even a blowup doll ran away...

Gijs van Gaans
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

.... Those modern women, wanting equality, freedom and all that... Some people seem to want to travel back in time in their own heads; 1950's here we come! Oh well, at least your ill-conceived concept of masculinity remains unharmed.

Deidre Lippnik
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WHY THE F**K DO MEN LISTEN TO OTHER MEN ON HOW TO GET WOMEN, WHEN THEY ARENT IN A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMEN?? This clown is and all the other Beta-Bros out there make men think that being a d**k is what we want.... SO WRONG

Dan St John
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where do these clowns come from, the republican terrorist cult of religious nuttery and hate?

Shelby Minchew
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Owned? Remember we discovered long ago owning another human being is inhumane, sick, sadist and narcissistic on the "owner's" part, you sick f**k.

Leekier
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Use whatever name suits you. My son took his wife’s name, after they parted he took my maiden name, his sister uses her stepfather’s name.

Gypsy Lee
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Newsflash; women DON'T like to be owned, married or not. Bigger newsflash; much like intellect, women can't be owned just because you have a name, but ignorance can be all yours and for free. - You don't even have to buy a ring.

JP Purves
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm assuming children who take a man's name are also owned by that man. Is LifeTipsForMen's using the same last name as his father? If so he is owned by his father.

BasedWang12.7
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tis why it's messed up to me that there is Ms. and Mrs., but not the equivalent for a dude... Since a shorty I always thought that was kinda lopsided. It's like proof of purchase.

Gozer LeGozerian
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does he even realise how he got to the point correctly? No, women don't want to be owned, dipsh*t

DEW
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry that your wife didn't take your name. Is she the only one who has a job?

Kitty Jordan
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How DARE women not want to be owned? That's just such a weird concept! Why on earth would - oh wait.

Robert Rosenthal
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Owning people is stupid and highly illegal, it's called slavery, and no same person wants to be a slave. Taking a spouse's name or not has nothing at all to do with respect. Besides, it's a pointless tradition not shared by many cultures. So suck it up buttercup, marrying somebody doesn't give you their pinkslip.

Mia D
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Owning people ended on December 6, 1865, the 13th amendment abolished slavery in the United States. So go f yourself "LifeTipsForMen"!

Mario Strada
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTF? Who are these people? Why do they feel the need to broadcast their bronze age beliefs on social media?

xolitaire
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of corse she doesn't want to be "owned" by you. She's not a slave you uncultured swine

Christopher Harris
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Probably a proud boy or QAnon… obviously not sane regardless. The fact that he thinks this is terrifying

Audra Sisler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Owned huh??? Must have missed that somewhere🤔🤔 no... No I didn't!!! Idiot

Ladytron
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And this is exactly why i didnt take his name when we married. Because it feels like ownership if you are expected to take someone elses name. Its not lack of respect not to, it is respect for yourself.

Anna Stephenson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love that he tries to say that women WANT to be owned............but when they DON'T want to be owned, it's disrespectful- like, you can't have it both ways mate- either we want to be owned or we don't (spoiler: we DON'T!)

adam craker
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Look at my last name..... It's constantly mispronounced as cracked.... Totally understood why my wife kept her last name..... I get it.

Moezzzz
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one wants to be owned, you a*****e. I took my ex husbands name because I wanted to. When we split, I kept his name because it was my children's last name as well. When I met my now husband, I took his name, because I wanted to. My maiden name does not mean anything to me. Had I grown up in a different environment and a good childhood or relationship with the people in my family, then I would have kept my name. But essentially, for me, my last name was not important enough to want keep. Or remember.

Christoph
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Big open mouthed, muscly shoulder, bare-chested avatar...mmmhmm...I see you.

Robert B
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wanted to pick a new last name for us. For multiple reasons, some legal. I’m being sought. By ninja governmental agents. I need my add meds.

Natalie Kelsey
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have my husband's last name. He doesn't own me, we're partners. I just didn't want to spell my maiden name anymore

Sarah Murphy
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omg imagine being so clueless as to post women don't want to be with you.

Robert Beveridge
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's it! I demand that all my exes change their names to Robert immediately!

ί𝔫CίŦᵃт𝐔𝐬
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My family are still the only women I know who have kept their maiden names. Literally I know no one else.

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Raccoon panda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This screams red flag all over. Anyone under that height is usually underage (with the exception of naturally petite women).

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Kelli Pike
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And men wonder why we women have a tendency to come off as cold, closed-off, and wary with men we dont know. Obviously, even the men we DO think we know can be a danger to us.

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For men who try to seek out their identity and find a healthy relationship with their inner guy, these societal pressures and expectations can be especially burdensome. "It can be hard for people to stand out or to be seen as going against those around them. For example, a male raised in a family or in a community with traditional masculine stereotypes may find it hard to explore or adopt a less stereotyped identity," Dr. Matthews said, adding the person is likely to be criticized, punished, or excluded for it.

Unfortunately, most people who are raised in stereotyped environments tend to internalize those behavior patterns. Psychologist Matthews explained this happens because they don’t know anything else and it feels right to them, or they feel pressure to fit in.

"This can mean demonstrating extreme or toxic masculinity, as not only could one fit in that way, but he could be praised or more highly valued in the group for it." And, alarmingly, "in places like prisons where this applies, it could actually help you to survive."

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Helena
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Only the most insecure men use words like alpha and beta males. Do they not realize how it makes them sound?

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Extreme views like the painfully ridiculous ones featured on 'Hot Masculinity Takes' are rarely a positive thing. But as the modern world now teaches us, the subject matter is much less black-and-white.

"Masculinity is not simply the opposite of femininity, just as it is not synonymous with heterosexuality," Dr. Matthews noted. "Many people today see being masculine as being calm and controlled vs angry and reactive, being a good problem solver rather than one who relies on brute force to solve everything, or standing up for other people or what’s right vs trying to control or overpower others."

What people see as healthy masculinity may differ, but generally, we can all foster it by not judging other people. "This means not being worried about what other men are doing and giving people the space to be themselves," Dr. Matthews added. "We can all do what we want to do and believe what we want to believe. Masculinity isn’t going anywhere, so people don’t need to try to be the protectors of it or to act in stereotyped ways to let people know they exist."

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Jen Hart
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mmm, yes, let's never stop living with perpetual brutality, chaos, and death.

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Emanual Henry
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

High blood pressure, obesity, high blood sugar, malnutrition, but I can't think of any real reasons.

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Many men in Dr. Matthews’s practice have never gone to therapy before, and some wouldn't even be expected to be found in a psychologist’s office at first glance. But they are sure glad they did. "This idea of what it really means to be a man and the positive and negative ways in which they have lived this is a frequent topic of conversation."

"I would encourage anyone concerned with issues of identity, including ideas about masculinity, to start reflecting on it in some kind of organized way. Don’t just watch videos by your favorite IG or Tik Tok influencers, but start journaling, reading books, or going and seeing a therapist. It really can change your life," Dr. Matthews concluded.

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Helena
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Picturing this guy putting together flat-pack furniture without instructions ('cause those are for girls) and when his shelf turns into a table, he just throws it through the wall. Because bro

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Kelli Pike
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BREAKING NEWS: WORK COLLEAGUES OFTEN ENGAGE AS FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER. MORE ON THIS AT 11.

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Amber.exe (She/They)
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Say you're insecure about your masculinity without saying you're insecure about your masculinity

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Jen Hart
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

James Butler is a septic tank guy on TikTok and YouTube who has a 'manly' job, but also decent general advice about being a boss of a company. It's not all dancing and "challenges" on TikTok.

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Helena
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone else think that the whole alpha, beta, sigma whatever is just dude bro astrology?

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hot_noodle_soup
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is a man. He says men are child molestors. I don’t like where this is going.

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setsuriseikou
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Chechnya? As in the Chechen Republic, one of Russian republics? One of the most dangerous places in Russia for LGBTQ+ people? Seriously?

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hot_noodle_soup
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

why do think you have to be powerful to have worth? Could it be, idk, the patriarchy?

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yoshi
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God, I wish people would seriously take five minutes out of their day to even learn what GMOs ARE.

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Gustav Gallifrey
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let me do the experiment. (Crosses legs. Uncrosses legs. Checks inside pants. Yep, balls still there.) You don't really understand male anatomy, do you, dear?

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Jen Hart
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or more likely to develop prostate cancer later in life; but you do you bruh 😑

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Kelli Pike
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Probably the most offensive, inaccurate thread of opinions I have ever seen in my life. Underneath the endless, unbridled rage, I'm kind of impressed by their complete lack of recognition for their privilege.

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James016
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

American Football players wear padding. Those wusses should try rugby. 😛

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Lakota Wolf
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah. REAL men don't have disabilities, congenital illnesses or defects, or prior conditions or accidents that could make them vulnerable to Covid if they're under 65!!! Obviously!!! (/s in case it wasn't clear XD )

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Jen Hart
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My "father" was toxic like that, and I was delighted to take my husband's name to help distance from it. It's not always 'weak' or 'submissive' reasons a woman will take a husband's name.

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Kelli Pike
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my experience, if you give a man a smartphone, he will find funny tiktoks to show you, a handful of fun games, and so much porn.

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Geetha s
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cannot wait for all these Alpha Male to become extinct and for Mentally healthy stable men and women to rule the world.

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Missy Missy
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What makes him think he's even worthy? Men that won't date single mums are terrified of being seen as weak and useless because single mums are independent and strong.

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too indesicive to choose name
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No man deserves that? No man deserves that?!! So all men are just s**t, and must be punished by having to be a breadwinner?

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Lakota Wolf
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah!! REAL men don't need to bond with their newborn babies or help care for them directly in ANY way!!! /s

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