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What does it mean to be a "real" man? Well, masculinity is one of those topics everyone has an opinion on, as gender norms remain a delicate subject that tends to spark heated debates online. And even though public attitudes are becoming more accepting in many ways, stereotypical patterns of masculine behavior are still deeply rooted in our society — according to the age-old cliché of the masculine guy, men are expected to be strong, brave, and dominant.

But in reality, when people are telling everyone that a macho man doesn't cry, takes risks, makes money, fears nothing, and — heaven forbid! — never shows any signs of emotional vulnerability, it can spark some pretty warped ideas about manhood.

Thanks to one illuminating corner of Twitter called 'Hot Masculinity Takes,' we get to see a galore of absurd cases when this happens online. "Welcome to the Alpha Zone," says the account’s description, and you already know it’s gonna be a wild ride. So continue scrolling to check out the absolutely ridiculous opinions about men on the Internet, and don’t miss the chat we had about masculinity with licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jesse Matthews right below.

Psst! After you’re done with this list, more madness awaits in Part 1 of this feature right here.

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Raccoon panda
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wanna punch the idiot who wrote this put down. And I’m an oh-so-estrogenic woman. My crushing lack of testosterone must be making me so irrational to say something like this. Isn’t it?🙄😤😡 Who is this misogynistic weirdo, to think he can be rude to the ladies and gentlemen like that? Bet he’s an insecure neckbeard.

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It’s hard to avoid encountering the term toxic masculinity these days. But as the person behind the account, who preferred to stay anonymous, told my colleague Rokas in a previous interview, this social media project is not purely about that. The philosophy of the page is to post the takes and let people make their own conclusions. "I do draw a lot from the manosphere but a lot of the takes are from women speaking about men, and I include left-wing hot takes too," the creator added.

A brief scroll through the list proves that harmful stereotypes about what it means to be a man are abundant in today’s society. But what exactly urges people to share their absurd statements without any second thought? And how can these ideas affect men seeking out their masculine identity?

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To gain more insight on the topic from an expert, we reached out to Dr. Jesse Matthews, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist based in Chester Springs, PA. According to him, ideas about masculinity have become quite polarized in our society.

"As masculinity has moved away from the 'manly man' or 'tough guy' definitions, many people have not only clung to these stereotypes, but they have made them more extreme," Dr. Matthews told Bored Panda. This usually stems from people rejecting the changing views, and "social media in particular creates echo chambers for this, with various influencers carrying the flags for those who identify with their views."

While we all bear different perspectives on the world around us, masculinity especially can be a very deep rabbit hole with a variety of different viewpoints. But Dr. Matthews raised an important question: why do these ideas matter so much to people?

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"Obviously, it’s part of life for any guy or anyone who identifies with masculinity, but the obsession with being a 'real man' is more based in insecurity. The person essentially needs to ensure that they present a masculine enough identity to avoid judgment or being called out as not masculine by other guys," the psychologist explained.

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Men who are insecure about their manliness exhibit behavior that is often exaggerated and even caricature-like. But Dr. Matthews says there’s also irony at play here. "Many of these individuals would tell you that being a real man means just doing your thing and not caring about what anyone thinks about it. However, one can’t simultaneously obsess over portraying an ultramasculine image, yet claim to be unconcerned about judgment. It just doesn’t compute."

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Hypermasculinity — or toxic masculinity as it’s usually called — is also based on the false belief that masculinity needs to be saved, Dr. Matthews argued. "In the same way that some people seem to be afraid that racism or homophobia might one day die out. So they embrace stereotypes, or how they think things 'should' be or were in 'the good old days.'"

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Helena
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, so a man drinking a fruity drink sounds like a great way to filter out super shallow people. Drink up men, the fruity drinks are the best.

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Tiki Stanford
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How dare this ignorant fool have a picture of MLK anywhere near his profile!

Michael Largey
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doctor King made a speech about having a dream. But everything coming out of this guy's mouth is a nightmanre.

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Tessa Fontaine
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’M SORRY DID HE JUST SAY THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A MARRIED MAN OR WOMEN IS AN EQUIVALENT TO A TERRORIST AND A HOSTAGE?? Somebody should probably check his basement—

Amused panda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please tell me I didn't just read this post advocating spousal abuse.

K W
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Alright this is where I get off this crazy train. Now I remember why I quit social media.

hello Wendy
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See, this is when I love social media. Before Twitter etc. you wouldn't have found out that he feels that way until you've spent enough time with him that he relaxes and lets his guard down enough to unleash this little chestnut. But now, he's gone on Twitter and told the entire world exactly who he is, and you get to find out before you even go on the first date!!

keighterz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell me you’re an incel without telling me you’re an incel.

LongCoolWomanInABlackDress
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That guy needs to change his profile pic. MLK would be embarrassed to hear BS like that

Dominique Na
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He definitely just saved himself from marriage. Phew bullet dodged for....everyone

adam craker
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This guy is going through a divorce that is 100% his fault for sure

Detroit Citizen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I started reading these thinking "women are going to be bashing the sh1t out of us men." I am dumbfounded that the majority of these are from men ( im using that term loosely, very very loosely)

Adam S
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean, historically that is what marriage was sort of meant to be - a business transaction where the man took ownership of the woman. But noone should still be thinking that way!

VM37
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is the sadest part. He doesn't know what M L King was standing for bc I he knew dr. King represented equalitty in all humans he would have uses a diferent profile pic

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Sassy Feminist
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So this guy agrees that men actually want slaves in the name of a wife. What a r****d!

Gypsy Lee
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And men wonder why women are soooo tired of the game. A hostage, really? THAT is how you see women? .. at least you have the terrorist part right, so I'm not sure why you think terrorists need saving.

SirWriteALot
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So is the terrorist the man? Or is the man the hostage and the wife is the terrorist? Any way you twist this there can be no good outcome. What is he even saying?

Wondering Alice
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Horrific as it feels, men like this do often manage to have wives - as much as we would all rather believe he is single. It can be tricky to spot the signs of girls raised in these house holds, but the boys are also getting an abusive childhood and it's painful to see. As it is likely the wife has minimal contact with friends or family, we all need to watch out for our neighbours. Few years back, a neighbour asked me if I'd ever seen lady down the street out of the house and over the next few days we got worried. Bit scared to confront him, services were phoned. Turns out poor woman had MS, but both husband and wife were grateful for the concern of neighbours and it helped the man ask for a little help. But we all know that some women (some husbands too) live like hostages, so let's all try and look out for each other.

Something
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Marriage sounds really dangerous. He should avoid it at all costs, which won't be difficult.

Robert Rosenthal
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Now there's somebody who will be single for life, have the county record for most divorces ever, or be in jail for spousal abuse, possibly murder.

Ka Se
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What the bloody hell? ... This person seems to be deeply mentally distributed. Call him some help!

Susie Elle
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Soooooo you're saying you're a marital terrorist and I should stay far, FAR away from you? Gotcha.

T.M.P Janssen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

HOW do these people find partners?! WHY is that person using MLKs picture?

Bob
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would look in his basement for a woman who was bossy and talked too much

SobyKay
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow someone needs therapy before they terrorize some poor unsuspecting hostage

Frank Miller
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not reading any more of these. Does anybody here know what a real man is?

Sandy D
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That "guy" should probably go play in traffic or take a long walk off a short pier (into human eating monsters of some kind)

Cathy Hinz
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

JFC, what the hell did I just read? Someone needs to drag this low life back to the pond he crawled out of so he can float around like the scum he is and not dirty the gene pool.

Tom Drummer
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ralph Kramden? Is that you? No, it doesn't end with "Baby, you're the greatest."

Bi-Polar Express
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell me your an incel without telling me you are an incel. Just kidding. You are saying it right there.

Sweetpotato314
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think most of these men have to worry about how the women in their lives act.

PinkFloofyUnicorns
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what a d**k, poor women whose husbands read this and actually believe in it.

Moezzzz
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell me you've never been in a relationship (or touched a woman) without telling me you've never been in a relationship. Loser

Christoph
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I promise...PROMISE this guy is on the down-low all the time.

Maritza Palacio Romeiras
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And the king is which one? Terrorist? Hostage? Or is this a third party in the marriage? I'm so confused.

Sandra
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would guess last of his friends not to be married so has to tell himself he escaped.

Shelby Minchew
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And you have a picture of MLK, Jr on your pic? That quintessential man who fought for f*****g equality!?!

J
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sad. They normalized their own abusive experience and assumed all marriage is like that by definition.

Luna Crow
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, this person sounds sane and healthy /s. I pray for the sake of all women he is, and remains unmarried.

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But putting men (half of the world’s population!) in a box can seriously harm their well-being. "It’s limiting at best, and at worst it leads people to play into these stereotypes." For example, hypermasculinity often makes people act in ways "that are sexist or homophobic, or at least not challenging others on this kind of behavior."

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"It also has the power to create toxic environments, uncomfortable for women or men viewed as not masculine, and of course to lead to situations involving sexual assault," Dr. Matthews continued. "As well, if these men carry on these thoughts and behaviors through adulthood, they may pass them down to their children or other young people they come into contact with, like kids they are teaching, coaching, and so on."

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), instilling elements of traditional masculinity into men and boys can be psychologically harmful, as it has been shown to limit their development, constrain their behavior, and result in gender role conflict. What’s more, it can negatively influence their mental and physical health.

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Raccoon panda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This screams red flag all over. Anyone under that height is usually underage (with the exception of naturally petite women).

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Kelli Pike
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And men wonder why we women have a tendency to come off as cold, closed-off, and wary with men we dont know. Obviously, even the men we DO think we know can be a danger to us.

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For men who try to seek out their identity and find a healthy relationship with their inner guy, these societal pressures and expectations can be especially burdensome. "It can be hard for people to stand out or to be seen as going against those around them. For example, a male raised in a family or in a community with traditional masculine stereotypes may find it hard to explore or adopt a less stereotyped identity," Dr. Matthews said, adding the person is likely to be criticized, punished, or excluded for it.

Unfortunately, most people who are raised in stereotyped environments tend to internalize those behavior patterns. Psychologist Matthews explained this happens because they don’t know anything else and it feels right to them, or they feel pressure to fit in.

"This can mean demonstrating extreme or toxic masculinity, as not only could one fit in that way, but he could be praised or more highly valued in the group for it." And, alarmingly, "in places like prisons where this applies, it could actually help you to survive."

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Helena
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Only the most insecure men use words like alpha and beta males. Do they not realize how it makes them sound?

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Extreme views like the painfully ridiculous ones featured on 'Hot Masculinity Takes' are rarely a positive thing. But as the modern world now teaches us, the subject matter is much less black-and-white.

"Masculinity is not simply the opposite of femininity, just as it is not synonymous with heterosexuality," Dr. Matthews noted. "Many people today see being masculine as being calm and controlled vs angry and reactive, being a good problem solver rather than one who relies on brute force to solve everything, or standing up for other people or what’s right vs trying to control or overpower others."

What people see as healthy masculinity may differ, but generally, we can all foster it by not judging other people. "This means not being worried about what other men are doing and giving people the space to be themselves," Dr. Matthews added. "We can all do what we want to do and believe what we want to believe. Masculinity isn’t going anywhere, so people don’t need to try to be the protectors of it or to act in stereotyped ways to let people know they exist."

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Jen Hart
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mmm, yes, let's never stop living with perpetual brutality, chaos, and death.

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Emanual Henry
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

High blood pressure, obesity, high blood sugar, malnutrition, but I can't think of any real reasons.

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Many men in Dr. Matthews’s practice have never gone to therapy before, and some wouldn't even be expected to be found in a psychologist’s office at first glance. But they are sure glad they did. "This idea of what it really means to be a man and the positive and negative ways in which they have lived this is a frequent topic of conversation."

"I would encourage anyone concerned with issues of identity, including ideas about masculinity, to start reflecting on it in some kind of organized way. Don’t just watch videos by your favorite IG or Tik Tok influencers, but start journaling, reading books, or going and seeing a therapist. It really can change your life," Dr. Matthews concluded.

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Helena
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Picturing this guy putting together flat-pack furniture without instructions ('cause those are for girls) and when his shelf turns into a table, he just throws it through the wall. Because bro

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Kelli Pike
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BREAKING NEWS: WORK COLLEAGUES OFTEN ENGAGE AS FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER. MORE ON THIS AT 11.

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Amber.exe (She/They)
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Say you're insecure about your masculinity without saying you're insecure about your masculinity

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Jen Hart
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

James Butler is a septic tank guy on TikTok and YouTube who has a 'manly' job, but also decent general advice about being a boss of a company. It's not all dancing and "challenges" on TikTok.

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Helena
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone else think that the whole alpha, beta, sigma whatever is just dude bro astrology?

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hot_noodle_soup
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is a man. He says men are child molestors. I don’t like where this is going.

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setsuriseikou
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Chechnya? As in the Chechen Republic, one of Russian republics? One of the most dangerous places in Russia for LGBTQ+ people? Seriously?

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hot_noodle_soup
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

why do think you have to be powerful to have worth? Could it be, idk, the patriarchy?

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yoshi
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God, I wish people would seriously take five minutes out of their day to even learn what GMOs ARE.

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Gustav Gallifrey
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let me do the experiment. (Crosses legs. Uncrosses legs. Checks inside pants. Yep, balls still there.) You don't really understand male anatomy, do you, dear?

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Jen Hart
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or more likely to develop prostate cancer later in life; but you do you bruh 😑

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Kelli Pike
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Probably the most offensive, inaccurate thread of opinions I have ever seen in my life. Underneath the endless, unbridled rage, I'm kind of impressed by their complete lack of recognition for their privilege.

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James016
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

American Football players wear padding. Those wusses should try rugby. 😛

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Lakota Wolf
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah. REAL men don't have disabilities, congenital illnesses or defects, or prior conditions or accidents that could make them vulnerable to Covid if they're under 65!!! Obviously!!! (/s in case it wasn't clear XD )

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Jen Hart
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My "father" was toxic like that, and I was delighted to take my husband's name to help distance from it. It's not always 'weak' or 'submissive' reasons a woman will take a husband's name.

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Kelli Pike
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my experience, if you give a man a smartphone, he will find funny tiktoks to show you, a handful of fun games, and so much porn.

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Geetha s
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cannot wait for all these Alpha Male to become extinct and for Mentally healthy stable men and women to rule the world.

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Missy Missy
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What makes him think he's even worthy? Men that won't date single mums are terrified of being seen as weak and useless because single mums are independent and strong.

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too indesicive to choose name
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No man deserves that? No man deserves that?!! So all men are just s**t, and must be punished by having to be a breadwinner?

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Lakota Wolf
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah!! REAL men don't need to bond with their newborn babies or help care for them directly in ANY way!!! /s

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