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This one is for you if you're one with an odd sense of humor and don't mind an occasional funny dark joke. Once again, the internet has proved that it's a hella confusing place where one can find literally anything. Panicking about what to do if there's a deer in your car? Well, Google has an answer prepared for you. Ever wondered what to do if a dolphin wanted to mate with you? There's an entire thread dedicated to it. Looking for creepy, weird jokes for whoever-knows-what reasons? You know what? Keep the reasons to yourself, there you go; there's plenty.

We Pandas were today years old when we realized that the subgenre of bizarre and creepy jokes exists. Uncomfortable, making one's skin crawl-kinda creepy. Similar to dark humor jokes, not everyone will find them funny. And those who do perhaps have some unresolved childhood trauma, a bizarre sense of humor, or thick skin. Either of the three (preferably not the first one). Either way, a sense of humor is like taste in music - everyone has their own preference, and it's not our place to judge. So if you're one with a crippling sense of humor and enjoy funny dark jokes, let us assure you that you will also love the ones we've prepared for you.

Below, we've collected and assembled in one place some of the most unconventional yet funny creepy jokes that the internet has to offer. Dark, eerie, unsettling, and what did I just read-kinda humor is hot and ready to be served. Read a creepy dark joke that made you let out an unintentional giggle or crack a smile? Let us know which one it was!

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#1

I used to love building sandcastles with my granny... But my parents thought it was creepy so they glued the urn shut.

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#2

My parents raised me as an only child, which really irritated my brother.

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#3

A father and his young son are walking deep in the woods at night with a lantern and a shovel.
The son says, "Dad it's creepy out here, I'm scared".
The father replies, "You're scared? I'm the one who has to walk back alone!".

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#4

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

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#5

What does a creepy Pokemon do while you're in the shower?
Pikachu.

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#6

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

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#7

A creepy guy walks up to another man in a park. Creepy guy leans close to the man and whispers "Do you have any naked photos of your wife?". The man angrily says "Certainly not!". Creepy guy says "Would you like to buy some?"

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#8

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

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#9

What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.

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#10

What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 miles per hour?
Its butt.

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#11

My girlfriend thinks I'm creepy. Well, she's not my girlfriend yet.

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#12

If at first you don’t succeed… Then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

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ianbtaggart avatar
Anonymous
Anonymous
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If your parachute doesn't open, don't worry. You've got the rest of your life to fix it.

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#13

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.

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#14

I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.

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#15

Dance like no one's watching!
Just be careful of the creepy guy in the corner with the video camera who hasn't moved all night.

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#16

Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”
Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

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#17

I told my girlfriend to stop pretending to be thirteen because it's creepy and pointless.
She'll be thirteen next month anyways.

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#18

"Barely legal".
Because "almost underage" sounds a bit creepy.

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#19

Guess what I found in the creepy old professors closet?
Narnia business.

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#20

I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.

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#21

Man this rorschach guy is really creepy. He keeps drawing pictures of my parents arguing.

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#22

What do you get if you cross a sea monster with a duck?
A quacken.

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#23

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.

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lailamorgan149 avatar
What_the_actual_sloth?
What_the_actual_sloth?
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

they should really try wearing edible or flavoured makeup, would make it a lot tastier /s

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#24

“Siri, why am I still single?!”
*Siri activates front camera.*

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#25

You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.

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#26

You’re not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example.

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#27

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

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#28

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

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#29

What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral?
Nothing.

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#30

Patient: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”
Doctor: “To the morgue.”
Patient: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”
Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”

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#31

What do you call a big, prejudiced, scary clown?
A big It.

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#32

The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.

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#33

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died:
“Are you still holding the ladder?”

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#34

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.”
The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?”
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”

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#35

I worked in one of those creepy ice cream vans over Memorial Day weekend, and I must say, they really do work. I raked in the Benjamins. Also got a couple Jacobs and Timothys as well.

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#36

What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip-off.

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#37

"Just say NO to drugs!"
Well, if I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.

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#38

What's scarier than a scary movie?
Math homework.

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#39

Why was the fart scary?
Because the sound came from the morgue.

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#40

Why did the ghost enter the wine shop on Halloween?
For the boos.

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#41

I was watching my daughter at the park, and a woman turned to me and asked, “Which one’s yours?”
For fun, I said, “I’m still choosing.” She looked terrified.

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#42

What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.

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#43

An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

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#44

My mommy used to warn me that there could be creepy people on the internet. But I'm not afraid anymore... Now that I'm on reddit I'm one of those people.

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lptrujillo avatar
Happy Blue Panda
Happy Blue Panda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I met my husband online. A co- worker asked but aren't there weirdos on the Internet? I said yes! Just ask my husband, he met me.

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#45

What’s the problem with twin witches?
You never know which witch is which!

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#46

Where do mummies like to go for a swim?
To the Dead Sea.

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#47

The cemetery is so overcrowded. People are just dying to get in.

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jamesheinle avatar
James Heinle
James Heinle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone living in my town can't be buried in the local cemetery.

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#48

My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

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#49

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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#50

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

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#51

My buddy died when we couldn’t remember his blood type.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

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#52

I miss Halloween. I can no longer take free candy from creepy strangers.

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#53

Did you hear about the giant monster who ate too many houses?
He was homesick!

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#54

What music was the mummy listening to on Halloween?
Wrap music.

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#55

“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.

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#56

I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

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#57

My dog has a creepy obsession with trees. All he ever does is talk about their skin.

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#58

My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?”
I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”

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#59

Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.

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James Heinle
James Heinle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My friends are like Christmas lights. Half of them work and the rest are burnt out.

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#60

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

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#61

What's a ghost's favourite game?
Hide and shriek!

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#62

Do you find birds to be scary?
Imagine Dragons!

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#63

Where do ghosts mostly trick-or-treat?
At dead ends.

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#64

What happened to the ghost who got lost in the fog?
He was mist...

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#65

Never break someone’s heart. They only have one.
Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.

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#66

Nine years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a first date.
Today I finally asked her to marry me. She said “no, you creepy weirdo” both times.

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#67

What did the skeleton say to the waiter?
"Can I have an orange juice and a mop, please?"

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#68

What starts with T and ends in X and adults are the most scared of it?
Tax.

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#69

What would you call the spiders who married on Halloween?
Newly webbed!

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#70

My grief counselor died the other day.
He was so good that I didn’t even care.

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#71

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried — I think she’s jokindkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf

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#72

Why did the creepy hipster get arrested?
Because he was following people before Instagram.

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#73

Why are forests so creepy?
Because the trees are all shady.

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#74

Xi's like the creepy stalker ex to every Chinese. When you make comments on him, cross your fingers not to be found.

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#75

If I'm as good at lip reading as I think I am... Then my neighbours are calling the police about some creepy guy staring at them through the window next door.

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#76

I walked into a Victoria's Secret a man and came out a knight.
From this day forward I shall be known as "Sir please leave, you're being creepy."

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Nathaniel Winston
Nathaniel Winston
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't like the implication that you can't go into such a place. How would they sell anything?

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#77

How can you tell if a vampire has a cold?
He's always coffin!

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#78

Why was Tom scared of making friends?
Because of the fear of getting ghosted.

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#79

What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Spooketti.

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#80

What's the similarity between Santa Claus and a creepy stalker?
He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake.

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#81

What kind of music are balloons scared of?
Pop music!

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#82

Man: “I work with animals.”
Woman: “That’s so sweet. I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?”
Man: “I work in the butcher shop up the street.”

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#83

What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi, Mom!”

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#84

What do you call creepy wind chimes?
Stranger Tings.

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#85

I got a buddy who’s a serial killer. He’s one of those that likes to kill folks and use their skin as clothes. Obviously a real creepy guy, but he’s also exhausting to be around. So, I stopped hanging out with him once he started to wear me out.

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#86

How do the fastest witches in the world get around?
On vroomsticks!

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#87

What classes do witches love in school?
Spelling!

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#88

Where do ghosts buy their essentials from?
Ghost-ery store.

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#89

Why can't mummies make friends?
Because they are too wrapped up in themselves.

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#90

What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
Spare ribs.

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#91

Where do rich, fashionable ghosts shop?
Boo-tiques!

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#92

What rhymes with “boo” and stinks?
You.

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#93

French people are very creepy. They give me the crepe's.

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#94

Did you hear the urban legend about the creepy ghost that appears when you use artificial sweetener?
He's called Splendaman.

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#95

How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Tickle its funny bone!

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#96

What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?
Necktarines!

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#97

When was the turkey scary?
When it was goblin!

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#98

If there was a scary Halloween dessert that kept coming back, what would you call it?
A boo-meringue.

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#99

Where do ghosts mostly go on vacations?
Boohamas!

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#100

What do ghosts clean their hair with?
Shamboo!

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#101

What's fruits do ghosts love the most?
Boo-berries.

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#102

Whom did the vampire take to the prom?
His ghoul friend!

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#103

Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.

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#104

How do creepy songwriters get paid?
Per verse.

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#105

What is it about tall creepy Louisiana swamp dwellers that makes them naturally glow?
Their bayou loomin' essence.

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#106

Why don't they play music in a skeleton church?
Because there are no organs!

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#107

What monster fits on the end of your finger?
A bogeyman!

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#108

What kind of keys do ghosts use for unlocking scary doors?
Spoo-key!

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#109

How do ghosts tell their future?
By reading their horrorscope.

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#110

Why can't ghosts ever be good at lying?
Because one can see through them.

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#111

What toppings do ghouls love on their ice cream?
Lemon and slime.

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#112

What was the baby ghost wearing on Halloween?
A pillowcover!

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#113

What do you do if you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler.

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#114

How did the skeleton know there was going to be a rain storm?
They could feel it in their bones!

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#115

Why did the ghost keep coming back to the library?
He went through his books too quickly!

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#116

What's do you call a cross between the Abominable Snowman and pasta?
Spag-yeti!

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#117

I went to a Halloween party dressed as deodorant... But everyone kept asking me if I was sure.

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#118

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a shark... The novelty is wearing a little fin.

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#119

What is hot and scary at the same time?
Ghost pepper!

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#120

What's the best dessert you can have alone after watching a scary movie?
Eye scream!

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#121

What's empty-headed and orange and always tries to be scary?
Jack o'lantern.

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#122

Do you like punchlines about scary cows?
I find them to be terror bull.

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#123

What happened when the lady didn't pay her exorcist on Halloween?
Her house was repossessed.

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#124

What do you call witches living together?
Broom-mates!

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#125

"This macaroni keeps sliding around my kitchen counter by itself, and I keep finding it at the foot of my bed at night", my brother told me.
"Man, this is some creepy pasta" I replied.

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#126

Are there any Halloween monsters who are good at maths?
Nope, unless you count Dracula!

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#127

Do you want to know the scariest mathematics joke?
I can't tell you. I'm 22 to say it.

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#128

Why are Halloween French pastries so scary?
Because they give you crepes.

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#129

Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
In the blood bank.

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#130

Why don't ghosts take the stairs but use elevators instead?
Because it raises their spirits.

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#131

Why are mummies scared to go on vacations?
Because they are scared that they'll relax and unwind.

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#132

Did you hear my rubbish mummy joke?
It Sphinx!

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#133

How do ghosts like their eggs?
Terrifried!

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#134

What’s big, furry and has eight wheels?
A monster on roller skates!

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#135

How can you tell that vampires love baseball?
They turn into bats every night!

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#136

What would you call an insect version of a furry?
Creepy.

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#137

What makes cheese Frankenstein so scary?
Because he's a Muenster!

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