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“AITA For Telling My Father And His GF That The Gift She Got Me Was Creepy And Invasive?”
Pregnancy is a deeply personal experience and everyone has their own vision of how they want it to unfold. For one mom-to-be, the excitement of her first child has been met with a mix of joy and unexpected challenges.
With her due date approaching, Reddit user BirthVidThrow received a videographer’s services as a Christmas present to film the childbirth. But the problem was that she didn’t want it. In fact, the woman had repeatedly expressed that she found the idea repulsive.
However, her refusal of the gift made her dad’s girlfriend—the one who had arranged the surprise—emotional, and the lady quickly became defensive, further escalating the tension.
RELATED:
Childbirth is often accompanied by a mix of physical, emotional, and psychological challenges
Image credits: Leah Newhouse/Pexels (not the actual photo)
And this woman’s dad and his girlfriend wanted to record hers
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BirthVidThrow
Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum says the woman shouldn’t (be forced to) accommodate others
Image credits: Honest Mum
Our parenting expert Vicki Broadbent, who runs the acclaimed family and lifestyle blog Honest Mum, has a teen, tween and a toddler, and she believes that when it comes to pregnant women, their needs and decisions are what matter.
“Try not to assert unsolicited opinions onto others, however well-meaning you might be,” the author of Mumboss (UK) and The Working Mom (US and Canada) told Bored Panda. “By all means, give advice when asked but try not to be judgmental or didactic.”
The author of the post was absolutely right in highlighting the vulnerable nature of delivery. Severe injuries can occur during childbirth and subsequently impact her mental or physical health. Up to 45% of mothers report experiencing birth trauma, and up to 33% of them develop symptoms of PTSD.
Common causes of birth trauma include:
- Emergency C-section;
- Provider mistreatment, lack of respect, or obstetric violence;
- NICU transfer;
- Poor pain relief;
- Injury;
- A very long labor;
- Precipitous labor.
Symptoms of PTSD from birth trauma include:
- Flashbacks or intrusive thoughts about your birth experience;
- Nightmares;
- Difficulty sleeping;
- Anxiety;
- Extreme fear of another pregnancy or birth;
- Difficulty bonding with your baby.
When the stakes are this high, everyone deserves to feel safe, respected and heard.
Having a baby is one of the biggest events in a person’s life, and since it comes with a lot of physical and emotional challenges, supporting them can make a huge difference. Instead of forcing your definition of a perfect delivery on them, you can cook healthy meals, be active together, and stay positive and hopeful about what’s to come. The lady who is so determined to bring a camera into the delivery room should understand that no two pregnancies are alike and try to minimize stress—not add to it.
“Pregnancy is a challenging time emotionally and physically with research showing it is as demanding as running a 40-week marathon,” Vicki Broadbent added.
“It’s also highly personal. Offering a videographer to film the birth is not appropriate unless this was requested by the woman giving birth.”
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
As her story went viral, the woman replied to some of the comments
Pretty much all of the people who read the story said the woman hasn’t done anything wrong
But there’s always one person
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What do you think ?
Chich the witch 3 days ago
Give the card back and tell her to use it to create a "beautiful memento" on her next trip to the gynecologist.
Yu Pan 3 days ago
To YTA: yeah, I'm totally judging someone who is wrapped up in the influencer culture.
Dusty's mom 3 days ago
Ask your dad if he would allow a video of him getting a colonoscopy or prostate exam. Yes it's totally creepy, and I would have shut the gate on them the moment they got mad. The utter nerve of them!
Abner_Mality 2 days ago
Better yet, I hear a gift certificate for a high colonic would make an excellent birthday or father's day gift !!
Load More Replies...
Shark Lady 3 days ago
I wonder if Lena has children, if not she could be trying to live vicariously through OP. Dad should know that his daughter wouldn't like this sort of gift, it's bad enough if he doesn't, as it shows that he hasn't been paying attention; if he does know then he should be defending his daughter, since she is the one giving birth, and not Lena.
Nitka Tsar 3 days ago
Even if she has children, it is true, because the influencers probably weren‘t around when she gave birth, so she couldn‘t experiance this particular … „joy“
Load More Replies...
CalamityOne 3 days ago
If decades of sitcom-watching has taught me anything, it's that the only time a birthing video is seen is when someone has inadvertently recorded over it with something that everyone actually wants to watch, only to have the new recording cut out at an inopportune time....
Janelle Collard 3 days ago (edited)
Or OP could have said something like, "Well, since we didn't need to have a videographer when we were f**king to *make* this baby, we don't feel the need to have one when I give birth." (said with a straight face, without blinking, + intense stare)
Farnzy 3 days ago (edited)
Giving birth is such a personal thing! My friend and I talked about being at her youngest birth and I was all jazzed to witness and be there for her. But when it came time, she just didn't feel like having more people there. She felt so guilty and I just told her I couldn't be happier her and her son were healthy and safe. It wasn't for me to decide how that day went, even if I wanted to be there, and I completely understand. Her first sons birth was extremely traumatizing and I'm so glad that didn't happen the next time!
Captain Grump 3 days ago
An opportunity to create a "beautiful memento"? Doesn't the baby count as a memento of the event? Also, for those suggesting a compromise where the videographer can come visit later and film the baby a bit: Go f**k yourselves - not everybody wants a stranger filming their lives, and it's not a parent's job to let their kid be used to satisfy someone else's wishes.
Kristen Woehlke 3 days ago
Way too cringe! To dads wife, f*** off with your POS influencer c**p!
Beth Wheeler 3 days ago
I said from the day we told both sides that I was pregnant with our first baby that it would only be us in the room. My mother was saying she wanted to be in the room or she wanted to be called so she could be at the hospital and see the baby after he was born. I told my husband was NOT to call her until after the baby was born. I didn't want her there because she would have driven us both crazy and he knew it. I went into labor in the afternoon and ended up having a C-section that night. She was a 3rd shift nurse at another hospital so he had to call her at work after I got out of the OR. She came the next morning and would have been kicked out of she wasn't in her nurses uniform at 8:30, way before visiting hours. You tell the L&D staff who is allowed in the room, anybody else will be kicked out even if they have to call security. Don't tell anybody when you go into labor, wait until the baby is born.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 3 days ago (edited)
My IMMEDIATE response upon opening the gift would have been "f**k that! What the hell is wrong with you?!" and Daddy Dearest would have been told to "f**k off" as I went total NC with him if he even tried to defend such an inappropriate and inconsiderate "gift".
Abraxas59 3 days ago
God god alive wtf did I just read 😳your kinda stepmother wants a total stranger to film you giving birth wtf JUST NO the only person as filming the birth should you so desire is your husband NO ONE ELSE IM 60 got two kids 23-20 n the only person as was in my delivery was my then husband and midwife like hell would I have wanted anyone else in there let alone filming it what planet is your sm n father living on that’s disgusting n im in uk and here no one is allowed in unless specifically asked for end off NTA OP
FreeTheUnicorn 2 days ago (edited)
Just hire him for different event, or see if the same company will do family photoshoot when the wee one is old enough to be cute. But definitely caution tr hospital that there may be unwanted visitors and they should be on the lookout.
Lady Vader 3 days ago
The expression on my face while reading this was better than any comment I could write!
Jack Butler 2 days ago
well hey step-mom, funny story, I've just hired a trio of crack addicted bikers who have been specifically instructed to do violence to anyone who comes in to my room with filming equipment of any kind, this could go viral!
KatSaidWhat 2 days ago
Dear YTA - gf can film herself in some weird medical environment rather than encroaching on someone else's pregnancy. She was polite at the time, they had lunch the next day and dad - who should really know better and have his daughter's back (and crotch) should be telling his gf to stop making her uncomfortable and being creepy and invasive. He's going to end up not seeing his grandchild for a while.
Shannon Donnelly 2 days ago
What in the actual F**K?!? Most women only want their significant others and/or their closet relative/best friend with them in the delivery room, and the father’s GF thinks it’s totally okay to invite not just a complete stranger to be there, but to RECORD the whole thing? And she has the audacity to be offended even after the OP has told her numerous times that she’s not okay with this?? Clearly the GF was dropped on her head by the OB/GYN that delivered her…
Becca not Becky 3 days ago
Does "Lena" have kids? It sounds to me like she's trying to live vicariously through OP
Reta Murphy 3 days ago
Tell her to have videographer to film her changing her mensi pad and taking a s**t. That way she can pretend like she gave birth with just the messy parts on video. F**k that b******t.
m6nbtfpx7q 3 days ago
So I’m on kind of the other side, not that she should feel bad about saying no, she should be as clear and rude about it as necessary until they understand the boundary. But I had like, six people in my delivery room. My best friend had her baby six months before me and I watched it and it was genuinely the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I could not be prepared for miracle I had witnessed, it was so amazing I wanted everyone to be able to see it. BUT, someone was recording for a video for me. It was my father in laws camera and I didn’t realize he was an absolute madman and way too cheap to buy new tapes for it. So he would record over parts of it and save the others. I’m sure most of you can see where I’m going with this. Long after we divorced I heard about my daughter’s delivery randomly popping up while my ex in-laws watched old family videos with their extended families. Still get the creeps every time I think about it.
Chich the witch 3 days ago
Give the card back and tell her to use it to create a "beautiful memento" on her next trip to the gynecologist.
Yu Pan 3 days ago
To YTA: yeah, I'm totally judging someone who is wrapped up in the influencer culture.
Dusty's mom 3 days ago
Ask your dad if he would allow a video of him getting a colonoscopy or prostate exam. Yes it's totally creepy, and I would have shut the gate on them the moment they got mad. The utter nerve of them!
Abner_Mality 2 days ago
Better yet, I hear a gift certificate for a high colonic would make an excellent birthday or father's day gift !!
Load More Replies... Shark Lady 3 days ago
I wonder if Lena has children, if not she could be trying to live vicariously through OP. Dad should know that his daughter wouldn't like this sort of gift, it's bad enough if he doesn't, as it shows that he hasn't been paying attention; if he does know then he should be defending his daughter, since she is the one giving birth, and not Lena.
Nitka Tsar 3 days ago
Even if she has children, it is true, because the influencers probably weren‘t around when she gave birth, so she couldn‘t experiance this particular … „joy“
Load More Replies... CalamityOne 3 days ago
If decades of sitcom-watching has taught me anything, it's that the only time a birthing video is seen is when someone has inadvertently recorded over it with something that everyone actually wants to watch, only to have the new recording cut out at an inopportune time....
Janelle Collard 3 days ago (edited)
Or OP could have said something like, "Well, since we didn't need to have a videographer when we were f**king to *make* this baby, we don't feel the need to have one when I give birth." (said with a straight face, without blinking, + intense stare)
Farnzy 3 days ago (edited)
Giving birth is such a personal thing! My friend and I talked about being at her youngest birth and I was all jazzed to witness and be there for her. But when it came time, she just didn't feel like having more people there. She felt so guilty and I just told her I couldn't be happier her and her son were healthy and safe. It wasn't for me to decide how that day went, even if I wanted to be there, and I completely understand. Her first sons birth was extremely traumatizing and I'm so glad that didn't happen the next time!
Captain Grump 3 days ago
An opportunity to create a "beautiful memento"? Doesn't the baby count as a memento of the event? Also, for those suggesting a compromise where the videographer can come visit later and film the baby a bit: Go f**k yourselves - not everybody wants a stranger filming their lives, and it's not a parent's job to let their kid be used to satisfy someone else's wishes.
Kristen Woehlke 3 days ago
Way too cringe! To dads wife, f*** off with your POS influencer c**p!
Beth Wheeler 3 days ago
I said from the day we told both sides that I was pregnant with our first baby that it would only be us in the room. My mother was saying she wanted to be in the room or she wanted to be called so she could be at the hospital and see the baby after he was born. I told my husband was NOT to call her until after the baby was born. I didn't want her there because she would have driven us both crazy and he knew it. I went into labor in the afternoon and ended up having a C-section that night. She was a 3rd shift nurse at another hospital so he had to call her at work after I got out of the OR. She came the next morning and would have been kicked out of she wasn't in her nurses uniform at 8:30, way before visiting hours. You tell the L&D staff who is allowed in the room, anybody else will be kicked out even if they have to call security. Don't tell anybody when you go into labor, wait until the baby is born.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 3 days ago (edited)
My IMMEDIATE response upon opening the gift would have been "f**k that! What the hell is wrong with you?!" and Daddy Dearest would have been told to "f**k off" as I went total NC with him if he even tried to defend such an inappropriate and inconsiderate "gift".
Abraxas59 3 days ago
God god alive wtf did I just read 😳your kinda stepmother wants a total stranger to film you giving birth wtf JUST NO the only person as filming the birth should you so desire is your husband NO ONE ELSE IM 60 got two kids 23-20 n the only person as was in my delivery was my then husband and midwife like hell would I have wanted anyone else in there let alone filming it what planet is your sm n father living on that’s disgusting n im in uk and here no one is allowed in unless specifically asked for end off NTA OP
FreeTheUnicorn 2 days ago (edited)
Just hire him for different event, or see if the same company will do family photoshoot when the wee one is old enough to be cute. But definitely caution tr hospital that there may be unwanted visitors and they should be on the lookout.
Lady Vader 3 days ago
The expression on my face while reading this was better than any comment I could write!
Jack Butler 2 days ago
well hey step-mom, funny story, I've just hired a trio of crack addicted bikers who have been specifically instructed to do violence to anyone who comes in to my room with filming equipment of any kind, this could go viral!
KatSaidWhat 2 days ago
Dear YTA - gf can film herself in some weird medical environment rather than encroaching on someone else's pregnancy. She was polite at the time, they had lunch the next day and dad - who should really know better and have his daughter's back (and crotch) should be telling his gf to stop making her uncomfortable and being creepy and invasive. He's going to end up not seeing his grandchild for a while.
Shannon Donnelly 2 days ago
What in the actual F**K?!? Most women only want their significant others and/or their closet relative/best friend with them in the delivery room, and the father’s GF thinks it’s totally okay to invite not just a complete stranger to be there, but to RECORD the whole thing? And she has the audacity to be offended even after the OP has told her numerous times that she’s not okay with this?? Clearly the GF was dropped on her head by the OB/GYN that delivered her…
Becca not Becky 3 days ago
Does "Lena" have kids? It sounds to me like she's trying to live vicariously through OP
Reta Murphy 3 days ago
Tell her to have videographer to film her changing her mensi pad and taking a s**t. That way she can pretend like she gave birth with just the messy parts on video. F**k that b******t.
m6nbtfpx7q 3 days ago
So I’m on kind of the other side, not that she should feel bad about saying no, she should be as clear and rude about it as necessary until they understand the boundary. But I had like, six people in my delivery room. My best friend had her baby six months before me and I watched it and it was genuinely the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I could not be prepared for miracle I had witnessed, it was so amazing I wanted everyone to be able to see it. BUT, someone was recording for a video for me. It was my father in laws camera and I didn’t realize he was an absolute madman and way too cheap to buy new tapes for it. So he would record over parts of it and save the others. I’m sure most of you can see where I’m going with this. Long after we divorced I heard about my daughter’s delivery randomly popping up while my ex in-laws watched old family videos with their extended families. Still get the creeps every time I think about it.
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