Four legs, cleft hooves, a nose that takes up half its face, a toothless grin, a couple of horns, and an udder - see how aplenty is the material for jokes with a cow? It’s like Pandora’s box and a cornucopia mashed up for generating quips, wisecracks, and puns, all of which are hilarity itself, indeed. Whether you think of cows as these timid ruminants forever living in slow motion unbothered by worldly problems or if you think of them as the four-legged creatures happily frolicking in the Swiss Alps, you have to agree that in either of these pictures you can find something funny about its main hero, the cow. It might be its oddly shaped neckless body, it might be the sounds it makes (a ‘moo’? How on Earth is that not funny?), or the relentless flatulence that you might observe when overlooking a herd of these slowly-moving giants. Thus, we can make an equation stating that a ‘cow’ equals ‘funny,’ and these hilarious jokes perfectly prove this case. In fact, you’ll be convinced of it right after reading the very first of these corny jokes, and after you are done with the whole entirety of a hundred and twenty-six cow jokes, you might feel the need to lie down to digest the amusement that you’ve just read.
But let the cool animal jokes do the convincing here themselves. As you definitely know by now, our picks of the best jokes talking about bovines are just a cow’s eyelash below. And although it might take some time to ruminate on these awesome jokes, do not forget to vote for the best ones nevertheless. Of course, share this article with anyone who has an interest in cows or jokes. Basically, everyone!
What do you call a cow jumping on a trampoline?
A milkshake.
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Where would you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it.
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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, silly, cows go moo!
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What would you get if you cross an angry sheep and a grumpy cow?
An animal that’s totally in a baaaaaad moooood.
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What do you call a sad cow?
Moo-dy.
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How do you make a cow be quiet?
Press the moo-te button.
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Why did the cow jump over the moon?
To get to the Milky Way.
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What do you call a rude cow?
Beef jerky.
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What would you call a cow wearing armor?
Sir Loin.
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Why don’t cows have money?
Because the farmers keep draining them dry.
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Why did the farmer stop making cow jokes?
He kept butchering every one.
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Why was the cow so afraid of messing up?
Because the steaks were high.
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How do you count cows?
With a cowculator!
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Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side!
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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow-a-bunga, dude!
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What would feed a bratty cow?
Spoiled milk.
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How would you address the queen of cows?
Your Moojesty.
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Where do cows go on their days off?
To a moo-seum.
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What is a cow’s favorite movie series?
Steer Wars.
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What is as big as a cow but weighs nothing?
His shadow.
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What did the cow say when the farmer pulled its tail?
How diary!
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Why did the cow look so confused?
He was having deja moo.
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What do you call a cow with only two legs?
Lean Beef.
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Two cows are grazing in the field. One cow says to the other, "Hey Dorris, you worried about this Mad-Cow Disease epidemic?" The other cow turns and says, "Why would I be? I'm a chicken."
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What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
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How did the cow get to the moon?
It went to udder space.
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What has the lone cow been up to lately?
Nobody’s herd.
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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow much longer will you put up with all this knocking?
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What happens when you try talking to a cow?
Everything just goes in one ear and out the udder.
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What do cows read in the morning?
The moos-paper!
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How do you know which cow is the best dancer?
See which one has the best moo-ves.
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What kind of shows do cows like best?
Moosicals.
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What happens when a cow laughs?
Milk comes out of its nose.
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How do dairy farmers do their taxes?
They go to an accountant.
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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh-?
MOO!
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Where would you find a cow who’s having a really bad day?
At McDonalds.
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What is a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
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What do you call a momma cow who’s just given birth?
Decalfinated.
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What do you call a group of cows with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.
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Where did the cow spend all its money?
At the cow-sino.
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Why did the cow jump over the moon?
He thought the mooooon was calling to him.
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What do you call a cow that blends in with its surroundings?
Cow-moo-flauged.
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What is a cow’s favorite magazine?
Moogue.
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When one cow said “Mooo!” to the other, what was the second cow’s reply?
“I was going to say that!”.
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What did the cow say to its therapist?
“I feel seen, but not herd.”
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Where do cow farts come from?
Their dairy-ère.
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Who’s in charge of the dairy operations?
The cow-ptain.
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What did the cow say when the bull broke up with her?
"Without you, I’ll never be whole milk again!"
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What animal goes “oom, oom”?
A cow walking backwards.
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What do cows say when they hear a bad joke?
I am not amoosed.
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Why do cows want to see Times Square?
Because it’s in Moo York City.
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What do you call a cruel cow?
A de-moooon.
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What do you call a cow on a diet?
Lean beef.
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Where do Russian cows come from?
Mos-cow.
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Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farm-acy.
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What happens when a cow has PMS?
It gets moo-dy.
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What math problems do cows like to solve?
Moo-tiplication problems.
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What do you call a cow that eats grass?
A lawn-mooer.
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How do you make Swiss cheese?
Using milk from a holey cow.
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What did the cow shout when it did a cannonball into the swimming pool?
“Cow-abunga!”
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What do cows say when they apologize to one another?
"Sorry, I made a mis-steak."
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When is milk the freshest?
When it’s still in the cow!
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What did the cow say when someone told her a lie?
Sounds like a lot of bull to me.
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What type of camera do cows use?
Cow-non.
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When you cross a smurf with a cow, what do you get?
Blue cheese.
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When you cross two ducks and a cow, what do you get?
Quackers and milk.
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What did Donald Trump tell the cow?
"That’s fake moos!"
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Why did the cow win the Nobel Prize?
She was outstanding in her field!
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Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin?
It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
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The secret service surrounded the president with dozens of cows—they were trying to beef up security.
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What’s a cow’s favourite holiday?
Moo Year’s Eve!
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What’s a cow’s favourite moosical note?
Beef-flat!
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What do you call a cow that can’t make milk?
A milk dud.
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What does the cow band play?
Moo-sic!
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What is a cow’s favorite color?
Marooooooon.
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What did the cows do after someone broke into the barn?
They beefed up their security.
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What did the cow say about the farmer’s bad outfit?
"That outfit is so bad it’s laugha-bull."
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Why do cows like to go to the spa?
To get some re-hoove-ination.
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What did the farmer say to lazy the cow?
"Just give me 2% milk."
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Why are cows always broke?
Someone’s always milking them dry.
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What subjects are a cow's favorite?
Moosic, psycowlogy and cowculus.
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What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
"It’s pasture bedtime!"
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Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calfeteria.
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What did one dairy cow say to the other?
"Got milk?"
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How did the farmer find the missing cow?
He tractor down.
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What does the farmer talk about while milking a cow?
Udder nonsense.
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Where do cows get all their medicine?
The farmacy!
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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
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What do you get if you cross a cow and rooster?
Roost beef.
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What did the cow tell the butcher?
"Please stop, or else we’re gonna have some beef."
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Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Their horns don’t work.
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What would you get if you milked a really forgetful cow?
Milk of Amnesia.
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Why won’t cows join the police force?
They refuse to participate in steak-outs.
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What do you call a scared cow?
A cow-ard.
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How do cows introduce their wives?
"Hey guys! Meat Patty."
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Where do cows usually go on a Saturday night?
To the moovies!
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What do you call a magic cow?
Moo-dini.
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What do cows put on french toast?
Mooooolasses.
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How does lady gaga usually like her steak?
Raw, raw, raw, raw, raw!
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Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk!
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What would happen if you tried talking to a cow?
Everything would just go in one ear and out the udder.
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Why did the artist love painting cows?
He said they were his moos.
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Can you make money owning cows?
"Yes, I’ve herd it’s really profitable."
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What did the cow say before making a risky poker bet?
The steaks have never been higher.
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What song do cows love to sing?
"I’ve got the mooooves like Jagger."
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Where do young cows eat lunch?
At the calf-eteria.
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What did the police cow say to the bad guy he caught?
Don’t mooooooove a moo-scle.
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Why is it so hard to hurt a cow’s feelings?
Their hides are so thick.
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Why do cows work?
To make mooooney.
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What happens when cows stop shaving?
They grow moostaches.
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Did you hear about the cow that tried to jump over the barb wire fence?
It was an udder disaster.
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What do you call a grass-fed cow?
A lawn moo-er!
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What’s it called when a cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
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Why did the two cows not like each other?
They had beef.
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What kind of lunch meat do cows like best?
A bull-ogna.
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