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Not really gone and never to be forgotten is the Covid-19 pandemic that we’ve been living through for the past three years. Yes, dang it, three years already! Like the coronavirus itself - not really gone and not really forgotten - the silly jokes dedicated to the topic still hold their ground. And, not to be the harbinger of bad news, we think they might still come in handy during the next cold season. Anyhoo, shouldn’t we skip to a bit more cheerful topic? Oh, wait, here it is - a list dedicated to covid jokes, and covid jokes only!
Some of these coronavirus jokes, that went so viral just a few years back, have now gained a whole new meaning. Remember what they say about each joke having a grain of truth? Well, it turns out that jokes about returning back to the office or taking up new healthy habits are now completely true! And still funny! A rare thing, indeed. These funny covid jokes are also still quite unique even though the topic has been talked and talked about. And what’s better than original jokes about a hackneyed topic? Well, loads of things, but considering the silly nature of the question, let’s just agree that nothing is more fun!
So, are you ready to revisit the topic of covid jokes once again? If so, check out our list of the best covid jokes the pandemic has spawned - they are just a bit further down! And, once you are there, do not forget to give your vote for the most hilarious joke on this list.
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#1
After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.
#2
The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
Henry Russell 2 years ago
who who who who? who let the dogs out who who who who who let the dogs out who who who who who let the dogs out well the party was nice and pumpin yippe yi yo
#3
This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog — we laughed a lot.
Jan Eivroc 2 years ago
I'm back to work and now I'm currently in LDR with my dog. We video chat on weekends. He whines a lot but I just tell him that I am working for the two of us and that I'm currently job hunting in my hometown so I can spend more time with him in the future....This ain't a joke, by the way lol
#4
OK, so apparently my chance of survival is directly reliant upon how much common sense the rest of the world has?
You have to be joking me.
#5
Never in my wildest of wild dreams did I ever think I would go up to a bank teller and request money with a mask on.
DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago
I know right lol. The bank filled with masked people and it's not a hold up.
#6
Chuck Norris has been exposed to coronavirus. The virus is now in quarantine for 14 days.
#7
What do you call someone whose life didn’t change after quarantine?
An introvert.
Jasper Cool 2 years ago
Haha I got stuck in quarantine with my hyperactive extrovert child. It's much more peaceful for me now that he can go out and socialize. Better for him too after being stuck with his introvert mom.
#8
Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
#9
The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors.
DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago
Yessssssssssss. My goodness, the amount of times I've head friends say "I had to give my parents a stern talking too for going out".
#10
If you use your stimulus check to buy baby chicks, then you got the money for nothing and the chicks for free.
#12
In nine months time there is going to be a baby boom and 12 years later we will witness the arrival of the quaranteens.
#13
My mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in bed all day. But look at me now, ma! I’m saving the world!
#14
Having trouble staying at home?
Shave your eyebrows off.
#15
Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.
#16
Going to ask my mom if the offer to slap me into next year still stands.
Crewposter 2 years ago
say that she is so fat that when she goes swimming in the ocean the whales sing "we are family, even though your fatter than me"
#17
What do you call grabbing your packages from the front porch?
The day’s outdoor activities.
#18
Hang on, you are telling me that they don't have a cure for a disease that can be killed with soap?
#19
They said you had to wear a mask at the grocery store. They should have mentioned clothes, too.
#20
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received from the staff in the last 10 years.
#21
Being quarantined with a talkative child is like having an insane parrot glued to your shoulder.
#23
Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.
#24
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
#25
Pollen still coming out during a global pandemic?
Read the room!
over it already 2 years ago
Yeah, it's been a real awkward time to be a serious seasonal allergy sufferer...
#26
The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.
#27
I stood on my talking scales today and they said "please practice social distancing, only one person at a time."
#28
I think it is great that people are finally starting to drink water, wipe their butt and wash their hands.
#29
What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet?
One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
#31
If I keep stress-eating at this level, the buttons on my shirt will start socially distancing from each other.
Crewposter 2 years ago
yo mama so fat that when she swam in the ocean the whales sang "we are family even though your fatter than me"
#33
What’s the difference between the Alpha and Delta variant?
I don’t know; it’s all Greek to me.
#34
Day 3 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she is my wife. She seems nice.
#35
2020 is a unique leap year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 10 years in April.
#36
If you are in the group of people that thinks that if we just reopen everything and go back to life as per normal, please raise your hand. Now give yourself a damn good slap with that hand.
#37
Social distancing rule: If you can smell their fart, move further apart.
Crewposter 2 years ago
and if you smell a death fart, run out of the building and call poison control
#38
Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.”
#40
What does eating raw garlic have to do with preventing COVID-19?
It helps keep everyone at a safe distance.
#42
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible"
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago"
#43
Do you remember when you were a little kid and your undies were printed with the different days of the week?
How useful would they be right now?
#44
My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.
#45
I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch them with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
#46
Day 121 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
#47
What’s the best part of teaching your children at home?
You can’t be fired for drinking on the job.
#48
What’s the best way to avoid touching your face?
A glass of wine in each hand.
#51
I washed my hands so much because of COVID-19 that my exam notes from 1995 resurfaced.
#52
Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
#53
Never in my life would I imagine that my hands would someday consume more alcohol than my mouth.
#54
Happy hour is starting earlier and earlier. If this keeps up, I'll be pouring wine in my cereal.
#56
Back in the day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled "last call."
#57
To those who are complaining about the quarantine period and curfews, just remember that your grandparents were called to war, you are being called to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. You can do this.
#58
The Coronavirus has achieved what no female has every been able to achieve. It has cancelled sports, closed all bars and kept all guys at home!
#60
If you bought 144 rolls of toilet paper in preparation for a 14-day quarantine, you probably should have been seeing a doctor long before coronavirus.
#61
How did the health experts lie?
They said a mask and gloves was enough to go to the grocery store. When I got there, everyone else had clothes on.
#62
I’ve gained so much weight during lockdown my bathroom scale is telling me that it can only weigh one person at a time.
Crewposter 2 years ago
yo mama so fat that when she stepped on the scale it called my phone number
#63
How do you socially distance while around family?
A high-fiber diet.
#64
Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.
#66
What are some unexpected consequences of over-the-counter efforts to treat COVID-19?
Dirty fish tanks.
#67
Why did the cannibal die of COVID-19?
Too many handshakes.
#68
I just landed a small supporting role in an upcoming movie about the COVID-19 pandemic. I guess you could say I'm going to be a Corona Extra.
#69
Day 31 of social isolation and it's looking like Las Vegas in my house: We're losing money by the minute. Cocktails are acceptable at any hour. And nobody knows what time it is.
#70
Since everybody has now started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.
#72
My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, now when I pee I clean the toilet.
#73
When this whole Covid saga is done and dusted, I still want many of you to stay away from me.
#74
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly.
#75
Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent. Then it Dawned on me.
#77
I thought you had to wear a mask when entering businesses. They kept yelling at me to put on some pants.
#78
What did the single guy say to the single woman during lockdown?
“If COVID doesn’t take you out, can I?”
#80
You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
#81
Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.
#82
I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
#84
If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033?
There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.
#87
30 days hath September, April, June, and November, all the rest have 31, except for March which was infinite.
#88
What did the astronauts say to NASA when they notified them that their mission was complete and they could return to earth?
Thanks, but no thanks.
#90
Did you hear that vaccinations are controversial in some communities?
It’s a real sticking point.
#91
What did the virologist say to the public?
Probably the opposite of what he’ll tell them next week.
#93
There's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music. It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
#94
If I get quarantined for two weeks with my wife and I die. I can assure you it was not the virus that killed me.
#95
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitizer which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled "Just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
#96
Thinking a mask is going to stop Covid-19 is the same as thinking that your underpants will protect everyone from a fart.
#97
There is a new Covid strain that is causing people to gain massive amounts of weight. The om-nom-nom-nom-icron variant
#98
Do you remember on all those Sundays when you just wanted the weekend to go on forever?
Well, wish granted.
#99
To the people who bought 20 bottles of soap leaving none of the shelves for others, you do realise that to stop getting Coronavirus, you need other people washing their hands too.
#100
Chinese doctors have confirmed the name of the first person to contract Coronavirus. His name is Ah-Chu.
#101
How come the liquor stores don't have empty shelves?
Don't people understand that they will be quarantined with their spouses and kids?
#102
I don't know why my fishing buddy is worried about Coronavirus, he never catches anything.
#103
Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands?
Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake.
#113
Airlines have been sending me a lot of "We're in this together" emails. But when my suitcase weighed 52 pounds, I was on my own.
#119
What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever?
Self, I so late.
#124
Joe Rogan caught COVID but made a near-complete recovery. Unfortunately, he’s still not able to smell jiu-jitsu.
#125
As a result of the World Health Organization recommending lockdowns, people around the U.S. began adopting shelter dogs. WHO let the dogs out.
#126
People have been spending more time at home reading short books.
Apparently it's all because of the novella coronavirus.
#128
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "What kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner."
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
#129
Did you hear about the guy speculating on hand sanitizer?
He was rubbing his hands together.
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